Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Not sure if he really counts as an "lolcow", but on this game called NationStates I play, there is this user named herdgergy. Like, he's not really an "lolcow" yet, but he's close enough. Like, the kid (who's apparently 13) is a homophobic and racist idiot who barely can use proper English spelling and grammar. And when anyone calls him out on his bullshit beliefs (like how he thinks that trans* people should just suck it up and live as the gender they were born as because "GOD DID NOT WANT MEN TO BECOME WOMEN AND WOMEN TO BECOME MEN" and that Christianity should be the ONLY religion allowed in the USA and anyone else should have to go to conversion camps), he begins to scream about how "WE ARE OPPRESSING HIS FREEDOM OF RELIGION!!!" and that "HIS BELIEFS HAM NOBODY".

Sadly, he stopped posting in the general board on the forum and now just posts in RP relating forums, so all I can do is chuckle at his hilarious way his nation works.
 
Aiko Heiwa said:
Not sure if he really counts as an "lolcow", but on this game called NationStates I play, there is this user named herdgergy. Like, he's not really an "lolcow" yet, but he's close enough. Like, the kid (who's apparently 13) is a homophobic and racist idiot who barely can use proper English spelling and grammar. And when anyone calls him out on his bullshit beliefs (like how he thinks that trans* people should just suck it up and live as the gender they were born as because "GOD DID NOT WANT MEN TO BECOME WOMEN AND WOMEN TO BECOME MEN" and that Christianity should be the ONLY religion allowed in the USA and anyone else should have to go to conversion camps), he begins to scream about how "WE ARE OPPRESSING HIS FREEDOM OF RELIGION!!!" and that "HIS BELIEFS HAM NOBODY".

Sadly, he stopped posting in the general board on the forum and now just posts in RP relating forums, so all I can do is chuckle at his hilarious way his nation works.
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Clearly his beliefs HAM somebody if he wants to put people in conversion camps
 
Ironically this guy is the one that told me about CWC, who at first I did not believe. Now he was not a bad guy or anything, I knew him for a short time. I won't name names, he clearly had Asperger's, as do I. He wore Hawaiian T shirts and was into ICP, he showed me an Elfen Lied/ Icp Amv he made. When we were at the mall I told him a girl looked hot (this was high school) and he asked me if I wanted him to fix me up with her, I said nah politely.

Another guy I knew in middle school, was short and extremely ADHD, and never took meds. He would just sleep through class and the teacher did nothing about it. He made me laugh my ass off though and was fun to hang with. Once he tried to say a teacher hit him or something, when she clearly never did, the class had to write like a vote of whether they saw her hit him or not and the only ones who said yes, where his 2 friends who I'm sure are meth heads now.
 
^ heh that's just reminded me of a kid in primary school I knew.

We were about 8-9ish and there was this guy called Adam in my class. He had ADHD to the extreme. Fucking bouncing off the walls everywhere. He had a shit tonne of dr who merch so I hung around with him ocassionally. Went round his house once.

I didnt get how he had so much stuff, because he kept breaking it. Like he'd throw his stuff around and be RANDUMB. He was the only person I know who had more shit than me (I was a very spoilt child) and I really didnt get it.

He used to have tantrums a lot and would throw a pissy whenever he didnt get his way. He asked me out and I was like "fuck yeah free shit! I'm a child, going out with someone just means you've got someone to go to the park with and they have to buy you valentines shit, plus I can't be fucked to deal with him throwing a paddy"

It was around this time I went round his house. Was cool. He had so much cool shit I was amazed. Then his mums came in. Mums. As an eight year old this was the most confusing thing ever. He was a sperm donor child. I was like "ookay this is weird."

The way they treated him too was really weird. Like almost how Seymour's mum in the Simpsons treats Seymour. Kinda like a kid but not really (treating him like a kid would've been normal. They were treating him like a manchild).

Just continued as normal, went off to play or do whatever it is 8 year olds do.

After a bit of whatever we were doing, he turned to me and went "brb, going to the loo.. Ill leave the door open for you :tomgirl:"

What the fuck. It was the creepiest sexual advance I'd ever had, and at the time I was just thinking "what the fuck?" I mean we were eight years old FFS, it took me like a couple minutes to even realise he was trying to be sexual.

Yeah I went home after that :shock:
 
Melchett said:
^ heh that's just reminded me of a kid in primary school I knew.



The way they treated him too was really weird. Like almost how Seymour's mum in the Simpsons treats Seymour. Kinda like a kid but not really (treating him like a kid would've been normal. They were treating him like a manchild)
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Whenever I think of skinner and Agnes, I just think of "bath pillow" :

http://vampirecircus.tumblr.com/post/53 ... -principal
 
Melchett said:
After a bit of whatever we were doing, he turned to me and went "brb, going to the loo.. Ill leave the door open for you :tomgirl:"

What the fuck. It was the creepiest sexual advance I'd ever had, and at the time I was just thinking "what the fuck?" I mean we were eight years old FFS, it took me like a couple minutes to even realise he was trying to be sexual.

Yeah I went home after that :shock:
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The fuck kind of 8 year old does something like that? I didn't even know what sex was when I was old, I thought the most intimate thing you could do with a person is kiss them.
 
I've been debating whether or not I want to put this up, but here it is: the story of how one relatively normal friend evolved into my own pet lolcow.

We met through the 9 fandom (all twenty something that it seemed like there was of us online) and bonded quickly through RPing on AIM. We moved to Skype and onto other fandoms, and started having our whole group talk in the general chat while we RPed in private messages, and that's when she started talking more about herself and her life. Her mom was verbally and psychologically abusive. Her family was Southern Baptist and therefore very repressive, and had this weird fixation about people not moving further than a hundred miles away. After a year of knowing her she came out as a lesbian and her mom got more crazy. And bless my stupid little heart, I believed it all. So I wanted to help out.

So about this time last year, we encouraged her to move out and to the state I live in, which is fourteen hours away from her family. She raised the money through her Tumblr followers and drove out here with her cats. And within a year, she's managed to get to her fifth job (quit one retail, and then through the temp agency she signed up with she was fired once for poor performance, screwed out of two contracts, and then finally got hired full-time on the fourth contract that I helped her get), and she's pissed off her roommate with her shitty cleaning habits to the point where as of today she has a week to clean up the room she occupies or she'll be kicked out of the house. She still is begging for money on her Tumblr to afford her rent because she won't set a budget for herself, and won't take responsibility for her actions or faults or make herself actually do adult things like take out the trash, do the dishes, or actually do the pictures she's commissioned to do.

It's also worth noting that she's 31.
 
revengeofphil said:
Melchett said:
After a bit of whatever we were doing, he turned to me and went "brb, going to the loo.. Ill leave the door open for you :tomgirl:"

What the fuck. It was the creepiest sexual advance I'd ever had, and at the time I was just thinking "what the fuck?" I mean we were eight years old FFS, it took me like a couple minutes to even realise he was trying to be sexual.

Yeah I went home after that :shock:
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The fuck kind of 8 year old does something like that? I didn't even know what sex was when I was old, I thought the most intimate thing you could do with a person is kiss them.
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I know dude. Sex was just a weird abstract concept you gossiped about, I was barely aware of it.

Huh. I've just realised there are a lot of spazes around me. I get a surprising amount of drama in my life.

I mean that story about Lady Houligan's friend kinda reminded me about my friend Tim, except he doesn't try to get money off the internet for rent, he just doesn't eat and sits in the dark. He's not worked in 5 years and he moved down to get away from his Dad (a major hard-ass, apparently he's the CEO of Marshall UK).

He now spends his time sitting in his filthy flat getting high, waiting for people to come and give him company. He had a girlfriend who kept the flat clean ran away to Cornwall with him "for a better life! Away from the corruption of London", but she left after he fucked a 17 year old (he's 30 in december). He cooks crack cocaine and drew all the younger generations into chemical usage. Severe aspie too. He nearly got kicked out of his flat because it was so horrible, he now gets inspections once a week (the usual is once every 6 months for the agency).

The Story of Tim and the Teenage Girl
Last week, a 17 year old girl called K (codename obv, protect the innocent 'n all) went over for a party. Got very very drunk. Went home at about 10pm cuz she was just plastered. When she left, one of my friends had gone off to get more drugs (the night wasn't over for us!). We were waiting for him to get back, gummed the remains of last nights drugs, everyone was just chilling and zoned into the music.

I saw through the gap between the door and the hinge a shadow lurking. It really tripped me out. The shadow was there long enough for me to think "is that the drugs? Are my friends back? Why are they hanging by the door? ... Oh that's not them is it.."

K's Dad came in. He brought in a draft when he entered the room. A tall guy, lanky and grey-haired. Looked like he would've been a pretty boy when he was younger. He turned to Tim. Tim was sat in a chair, staring forward at me. K's Dad walked into his vision towering over him, slurred something along the lines of "what the fuck have you given K? She's passed out in the bathroom. What the fuck have you done?!"
Silence. Tim made no movement, no noise, nothing. Didn't even look at him. I have never felt a room so silent with trance music blaring. It all became very surreal very quickly.
K's Dad continued "if this happens again I'll fucking come for you. I'll be back." and he quickly left.

This exchange was about 30 seconds long, at most. And it left us in total confusion. We all were just like "did that really just happen?!"

Tim just grinned and sat there.

Anyway the day after life was back to normal, Monday morning, everyone to work. Tim sits alone in his house, waiting for the party to start again. He has no money, no drugs, nothing but hours of time to waste and a fucking horrible comedown.

I get round there later in the evening. Still no party. We're all sat around, looking at steam stuff IIRC. We hear the door open and Tim's eyes flicker towards the stairway.

We then hear a shrill woman's voice from the stairs saying "hello there Tim, I'm not sketching you out am I?"

It was K's Mum. She plodded into the room we were in and really got in Tims face. She's a big lady and she's kinda got the aura of a strict primary school teacher or something. A major ballbreaker, but not threatening in any way.

"I've come to talk to you about what happened last night."
Silence from Tim. At least he's acknowledged her existence. It's very quiet, not too bad. She's obviously come in with the intention of sorting things out.
"I know my husband was in the wrong but there's a major issue with what's happening here..."
"Yeah like not fucking knocking."
"what?" A genuine squeal of surprise came from her lips, I don't think she expected any retaliation (shes a foster mum, very used to talking down to people. Tim is a grown man.)
"People just fucking walking into my house without knocking."
This is when things get funny :lol:. There was a lot of interrupting on both sides from this point on. The room exploded with energy and you could tell they were both SPOILING FOR A RUMBLE.
"fuck off! I'm on about you having teenage girls getting ridiculously wasted on god knows what in your flat!"
"At least I don't barge into peoples house"
"I COULD CALL THE POLICE TIM. WHAT WOULD THEY FIND HERE? THERE ARE THREE BONGS IN THIS ROOM, AND I KNOW YOU'VE GOT COCAINE IN THE HOUSE (NB: he didn't have cocaine in the house. When Monday morning rolls round there's no drugs in the Tim household). WHAT WOULD YOU DO THEN TIM?"
"They wouldn't get in. Get out of my flat."
"FINE. I'M CALLING THE POLICE TIM. I'M GONNA GET YOU CLEANED UP YOU DRUG TAKING TURD. I'M GONNA GET YOU CLEANED UP AND OUT OF CORNWALL."
A fully grown woman calling a fully grown man a turd is fucking hilarious.
A Romanian (illegal) immigrant threatening to get a British citizen kicked out of a county is fucking hilarious.

They were obviously false words said just to scare him, so we sat there, giggled, rolled up a J. Tim joined in with all of it, but you could tell from the tone in his voice the incident shit him up.

Then I saw Tim go down the stairs towards the front door and lock it. Since this incident he has had the doors locked at all times. Every time you hear a door-knock around there he suddenly acquires the demeanour of a ferret. I always try and knock more officially when I go over there, because even just imagining the look of panic in his eyes makes me smile.

There's also a place called Doubletrees nearby, one of my friends used to live near there. There's a spaz hostel there, and it can be quite terrifying at some times. Quite often when I was around there, I've been awoken by random retard screaming. Every once in a while they give them all drums and triangles and they do a "carnival" around the school.

This thread has started to become an eye opener. I mean, these people are just normal people to me. I didn't quite realise how surreal my life is.
 
Himawari said:
Jessica Sideways, that chick who is trying to raise twenty grand to make a CWC documentary, is quickly becoming a personal lolcow of mine.

She and Chris are a match made in heaven, even!
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I mentioned something about chris & cole on my twitter, and she bugged me with:

So, why does @colesmithey hate his mother so much? I'd love to explore that in my @CWCSonichu documentary.
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uh, you know why don't you read the cwcki to find out why cole hates Barb so much? RESEARCH.
 
^ that crazy lady is intreging.. Anyone know what the fuck was stolen of her to make her so whiny? Or just general crap about her?
 
I like to imagine that the old lady was just being nice enough to pick up something Jessica dropped, and Jess went apeshit over her trying to touch her stuff.

I mean, I have no reason to believe that's the case, but I enjoy imagining the possibility.
 
Wait - what?! (Ignore the silly typo "sodeways").
ikJQBpj.png

That site is hers, I checked..

Very intreging indeed.

EDIT: assuming the YouTube channel that came up below is hers, the. She is definitely a tranny. Dat voice, man.

Also what the fuck? Her only video is of her getting slapped by a fat black lady inexplicably in a wheelchair. The black lady uses her legs to power the wheelchair. Surely she doesn't need it?! Completely out of context weird fight.

EDIT2: what, the, fuck?!
5021017505_36b505526f.jpg

... So little context for all these things, but so much potential. She's so intreging but so illusive! That or it's 4am and my investigative skills are lacking right now.
 
According to her Facebook, she's divorced, so...

Also apparently she's been permanently banned from Amazon for some reason.

Maybe a mod should split these posts into a new thread. I had no idea there was so much waiting to be dug up on her!
 
How do you get banned from amazon?!?!

That chicks name sounds so familiar...it's driving me batty on where I've heard it before.
 
sparklemilhouse said:
How do you get banned from amazon?!?!
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I don't know any of Amazon's rules but if you can sell things on Amazon then I guess one can get banned for ripping people off.
 
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