Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
My one's friend's sister does that except she makes up shit about her having cancer all the time and keeps saying she gets it removed and it keeps coming back or some shit.
 
I still can't believe this girl exists. Like as I live and breathe she is probably sitting at her computer creating a facebook page for her new "boyfriend". That's so fucking CREEPY.
 
Lily sounds like she's destined to have her story told on an ID Discovery show.
 
revengeofphil said:
My one's friend's sister does that except she makes up shit about her having cancer all the time and keeps saying she gets it removed and it keeps coming back or some shit.
Click to expand...
Is your friend's sister Yuethedragon?
 
pickleniggo said:
I'm in a real talkative mood this evening, so I'm going to share with you my ultimate personal lolcow: Lily.

Lily is related to my friend via an unfortunate union (she's not actually a blood relative is what I'm saying here). The first time I'd heard of her was a few years ago on a trip to Target with said friend, who was buying a gift for Lily's newborn "baby". Keep those quotes in mind. That same night my friend texts Lily asking when is a good time to visit her and the baby, but doesn't get an answer. The next day she reads a post on Lily's myspace stating, "If you recently purchased anything for [kid's name, whatever it was doesn't matter and you'll see why], please return it as they passed away last night from SIDS."
My friend told me this and that she confirmed via relatives that this baby never existed. This girl was posting someone else's baby pictures online, claiming them to be hers. There were no pictures of her and the baby. Just a random baby. I'm never going to forget when we went back to Target to return the baby clothes and the woman at the guest services counter goes, "Oh who had a baby?!" and my friend looked at her and said so bluntly, "NO ONE." I almost died.

This is where the story of Lily would end....if it HAD an ending.

Since that incident we've come to the realization that this girl is a textbook compulsive liar. She's our personal case study. Every few months, she becomes "pregnant" by some random dude that she's "dating" until they get "engaged" and then she has a "miscarriage". This isn't a one-off thing. She does this at least twice a year. If she isn't creating fake babies, then it's the fake facebook profiles for her "boyfriends" and "besties". She had the balls to make up a guy who had kids, only to say that one of his kids was tragically hit by a car and died. Two weeks later she was seeing someone else who coincidentally also had a private profile who's timeline began the month before.
I should probably mention that Lily is a giant bulldog of a woman. I got the honor of meeting her when she was in town at a rando's house party one night. She's built like a linebacker and has the deepest voice I've ever heard come from an alleged female. To the normal person she's incredibly intimidating to be around because of her size and because she has a really shitty attitude, but I must've been super nice to her when I met her (drunk pickleniggo is always a blast to be around - especially around awkward people she may have dirt on) because she found me on facebook hours later.

BUT WAIT IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER, Y'ALL.

One time, Lily posted a sonogram stating it was hers. But something about the sonogram just didn't add up. In fact the font on some of it - such as her name and the date - didn't match the font or even the pixellation of other parts. Then I noticed a really strange blotch in the corner. For shits and giggles, I popped it in photoshop and matched the blotch to a similar part of the sonogram and figured out that she took a piece of the original image, copied it and squished it over what must've been the original text on the sonogram. This is how insane she is.

I could go on about other things she's done, but it's all pretty much of the same. She eventually un-friended me, probably because it became obvious that I would only comment things like, "OH HOW EXCITING WHEN'S THE BABY DUE." ( :tomgirl: )
Click to expand...
You know Rose3212?
 
bungholio said:
Lily sounds like she's destined to have her story told on an ID Discovery show.
Click to expand...

I really wouldn't be shocked. My friend and I joke about her a lot but then sometimes we have moments of realization where it's like, this is a real person and she's probably going to harm someone one day if they try to break her false reality.
 
The hyperactive fans of Power Rangers Megaforce. This season is mediocre, even by Power Rangers standards, and these guys go on like it's opening the gates of Heaven. They also hate a fan-favorite season, RPM, and rant about it constantly. Recently, these guys are going "You guys yell at us every time we raise shit about RPM, yet when someone bashes Megaforce you let them. You guys are so hypocritical."

Since these guys never justify why it is good, recently I'm asking them to defend their position. It goes about as well as you expect.
 
Arround my school, there were propbly a lot of people who would be considerable lolcow material, but there is one note-worthy, as I encountered it all first-hand. Let's call that guy "W".

"W" was for most parts as I met him pretty normal. The usual anime-fan you meet all the time(DBZ, Pokemon, etc). We hung out as I was something like a closet-weeaboo myself back then(I tend to favour western comics nowadays). As a metalhead I introduced him to his first bands, pretty normal stuff, right?

Some time later, he began to grow a mild obsession with everything horror(Especially the chiiler/gothic-horror and vampire genres). It wasn't that alarming, although it was kinda ridicoulous when he started to dress this part. Think of a 2 meters tall, obese and autistic Coffin Joe.

One day in the evening, I received a phone-call of him, he sounded kinda shaken. It went something like this(dunno the exact wording, though)

Me: What's up?
W: I th-th-th-think I-I-I-I've been followed.(He had a speech-impediment and allways stuttered)
Me:...What?
W:Someebody stalks me, dude!

He then began to tell me a story about how a clan of Vampires were trrying to make him one of them and as he refused, they swore to "hunt him down and hurt him and his family n friends".

So one day during lunch-break, he sees this goth-chick and gets all pale(even paler than he allready was) and shaking. He musters all the courage up, shambles to her and stutters "A-a-a-are you a V-V-V-Vampire?"
As she was an Aspie herself, she happily stated "Yes I am". BAM!

He suddenly starts to loose his shit, kicks her in the stomach and draws this huge-ass, made-in-china novelty dragon-dagger and shouts on top of his lungs "I will purge your existence from this earth, mudblood!!!!" As he starts to use his knife-skills(read: wave the knife back and forth in her general direction) 2 friends and I tackled him down, as some teachers came. He wasn't kicked out of school, but had to go to some mental institution.

During that time, I left school and started to work. When I got in touch with him again, as my brother and sister-in-law are practically his neighbours, I found out that it didn't really work out for him. The hospital stay, I mean. He started to live with a likewise obese and weird girl who had more or less the same interest(And B.O.).

They never admitted it to me, but my brother told me stories that they claim they are half-vampire/half-angel beings, who are hunting werewolfs for the malkavian kingdome. I won't delve sooo much into details, as it was your run-down-the-mill wish-fullfilment fantasy every unemploied basement dweller has.

I have no idea what they are doing nowadays, since I moved to bulgaria a while later and my brother and I have a silent agreement of better not talking about them. Just like the elephant in your room.
 
the_rhino said:
One day in the evening, I received a phone-call of him, he sounded kinda shaken. It went something like this(dunno the exact wording, though)

Me: What's up?
W: I th-th-th-think I-I-I-I've been followed.(He had a speech-impediment and allways stuttered)
Me:...What?
W:Someebody stalks me, dude!

He then began to tell me a story about how a clan of Vampires were trrying to make him one of them and as he refused, they swore to "hunt him down and hurt him and his family n friends".

So one day during lunch-break, he sees this goth-chick and gets all pale(even paler than he allready was) and shaking. He musters all the courage up, shambles to her and stutters "A-a-a-are you a V-V-V-Vampire?"
As she was an Aspie herself, she happily stated "Yes I am". BAM!

He suddenly starts to loose his shit, kicks her in the stomach and draws this huge-ass, made-in-china novelty dragon-dagger and shouts on top of his lungs "I will purge your existence from this earth, mudblood!!!!" As he starts to use his knife-skills(read: wave the knife back and forth in her general direction) 2 friends and I tackled him down, as some teachers came. He wasn't kicked out of school, but had to go to some mental institution.
Click to expand...

Alright, Rhino wins everybody. Personal lolcows is over. Good game everybody.
 
exball said:
Alright, Rhino wins everybody. Personal lolcows is over. Good game everybody.
Click to expand...

Bullshit.

Okay, so there's this girl named Rebecca. Her last name has a Mc in it and she was fat. Really fucking fat. We'll get to that in a minute.

So Rebecca was kind of... off. She just didn't know when to shut up. She just couldn't stop. One time she couldn't stop talking about how she was never going to get boyfriends and how nobody liked her even though she had a great personality. This was in the middle of group (I was in what you could call a "special class" due to my violent behavior so I have a bunch of these stories) and she just decided to make it all about her, and how nobody liked her for no reason. I had had enough and screamed, "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FAT BITCH." Then she ran down the hallway. It was so fucking gross the way she jiggled. It was like staring into the asshole of Satan.

This other time my friend Brier, who's like me, except he can't control what he says, so he just says what's on his mind. Rebecca kept trying to come over and talk to us and she just wouldn't leave us alone. Finally Brier said these exact words, "I wish you were aborted."

Later we found out Rebecca didn't even know what an abortion was, but she obviously knew it was something bad because she bit Brier. She bit him. Not like a quick bite and release, no, she held on and gnawed a couple of times. Brier was genuinely scared that she was going to eat him so he punched her in the face (she bit off some of his flesh for Christsakes). When she ran off Brier looked at his fist and and it was just covered in sticky skin flakes and sweat.

This other time Rebecca started screaming that she was going to shoot everybody. So they called the school resource officer. She resisted and she ran. She got tazed. Electricity makes fat jiggle.

This was probably my crowning moment of awesome. I had almost beaten the shit out of this guy for coming into the gay straight alliance meeting I was going to and screaming "FAGGOTS" at the top of his lungs. I had knocked him down and was pulled away from him and I was crying because if I don't cry then I just punch everybody. So I was talking to one of the counselors and Rebecca said, "Nobody cares about your problems Richard."

I told her that she cared more about food than people, that she was never going to graduate high school unless they started requiring her to do do Baby Einstein shit and that the only time she would ever have sex is if she committed female rape.
 
This was in the middle of group (I was in what you could call a "special class" due to my violent behavior so I have a bunch of these stories) and she just decided to make it all about her, and how nobody liked her for no reason. I had had enough and screamed, "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FAT BITCH.
Click to expand...

Oh wow, you are a class act.
 
PvtRichardCranium said:
exball said:
Alright, Rhino wins everybody. Personal lolcows is over. Good game everybody.
Click to expand...

Bullshit.

Okay, so there's this girl named Rebecca. Her last name has a Mc in it and she was fat. Really fucking fat. We'll get to that in a minute.

So Rebecca was kind of... off. She just didn't know when to shut up. She just couldn't stop. One time she couldn't stop talking about how she was never going to get boyfriends and how nobody liked her even though she had a great personality. This was in the middle of group (I was in what you could call a "special class" due to my violent behavior so I have a bunch of these stories) and she just decided to make it all about her, and how nobody liked her for no reason. I had had enough and screamed, "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FAT BITCH." Then she ran down the hallway. It was so fucking gross the way she jiggled. It was like staring into the asshole of Satan.

This other time my friend Brier, who's like me, except he can't control what he says, so he just says what's on his mind. Rebecca kept trying to come over and talk to us and she just wouldn't leave us alone. Finally Brier said these exact words, "I wish you were aborted."

Later we found out Rebecca didn't even know what an abortion was, but she obviously knew it was something bad because she bit Brier. She bit him. Not like a quick bite and release, no, she held on and gnawed a couple of times. Brier was genuinely scared that she was going to eat him so he punched her in the face (she bit off some of his flesh for Christsakes). When she ran off Brier looked at his fist and and it was just covered in sticky skin flakes and sweat.

This other time Rebecca started screaming that she was going to shoot everybody. So they called the school resource officer. She resisted and she ran. She got tazed. Electricity makes fat jiggle.

This was probably my crowning moment of awesome. I had almost beaten the shit out of this guy for coming into the gay straight alliance meeting I was going to and screaming "FAGGOTS" at the top of his lungs. I had knocked him down and was pulled away from him and I was crying because if I don't cry then I just punch everybody. So I was talking to one of the counselors and Rebecca said, "Nobody cares about your problems Richard."

I told her that she cared more about food than people, that she was never going to graduate high school unless they started requiring her to do do Baby Einstein shit and that the only time she would ever have sex is if she committed female rape.
Click to expand...

Rebecca never tried to kill someone with a novelty dragon dagger.
 
exball said:
Rebecca never tried to kill someone with a novelty dragon dagger.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't put it past her.

If she wasn't afraid of knives.

sparklemilhouse said:
Oh wow, you are a class act.
Click to expand...

I didn't really care that she was fat. The problem was that she was one of those people that's in the "Fat Acceptance Movement". That and she was a bitch.

There was this one time where she pretended to be some hot girl on facebook just so she could talk to one of my other friends, Jeremiah, who wasn't too skinny himself (if he sits on you, you die). She was manipulating him for literally no reason whatsoever because she didn't even have any attraction towards him, as she only liked Anorexic skinny guys. She would have gotten away with it too if she hadn't of said "I''m pregnant with your child."
 
oh geez this old lady in this vid:

[youtube]Shj1fjUA13Q[/youtube]

DON'T TOUCH HIM.
 
I become obsessed with Chris Bores lately lol, What a bunch of cowabunga shiiit.

AFLwI.png
 
Picklepower said:
I become obsessed with Chris Bores lately lol, What a bunch of cowabunga shiiit.

AFLwI.png
Click to expand...
Is he legit an adult baby or is that just a photoshop job?
If so then wow he just became a whole lot more hilarious
 
My favourite personal lolcow is a really, really weird 'friend' of mine who flips out whenever somebody says clopping (if you don't know what it is, don't Google it) is weird and/or disgusting and attempts to, erm, convert everyone to the MLP fandom.
 
I about flipped out when I was looking through my photobucket today and ran across this gem from last year:

breathe-nobilitytumblrcom2012-12-215210_zps8544fdaa.png

There is this community on tumblr for girls who have crushes on their teachers. There was this one crazy bitch on there who claimed that she was in a relationship with her female teacher, and that she came over all the time, and when her parents were gone on business trips she'd spend the night (away from her family, wtf, she had kids).

Well, the girl had a crush on two women teachers actually. She gave that HUGE Christmas box to the other teacher--and then claimed that the teacher began a relationship with her too. She even took pictures of "lingerie" the teacher bought for her -- that clearly looked used and was put through the wash cycle a few times. Sometime near valentines day, her ruse fell apart, and she said that the story was all lies, and in reality either one or both of the teachers, I forget pretty much told her to scram months ago. Everybody in the community (except for a few dumb girls) was like, "YEAH WE FIGURED THAT."

There was actually a tumblr that analyzed all her lies, I found it an amusing read: http://weeheeheeeee.tumblr.com/page/2
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom