Orbiter Phil’s Weird Body... - Like, WTF? I’ve never seen anything like it.

[TheGoutburglar]

According to Phil hos mom is/was a chain smoker and smoked when she was pregnant with him.

This is Phil we are talking about though and you should take these stories with a grain of salt, this is the same guy who claims his parents routinely cheated on each other yet never moved to file for divorce.

If his stories are true for all we know Dave and Phil aren't father and son at all.

This is one of those things where, yet again, my close proximity to his age makes it difficult for me to believe his story. We both grew up in a time where divorce had stopped being an unheard of thing. Combining these claims of repeated infidelity with the story of how his dad disagreed with the way Linda wanted to raise him, and walked out of the room without a word the day he bullshitted his way into getting money from her, I seriously doubt that Dave and Linda are the type to not see the forest for the trees. Meaning, if Phil is telling the whole truth, they would've likely divorced long ago.

The disagreements, I can believe, but "routinely cheating" on top of that? Pushing it. Really pushing it. And I'm sure Dave is his father, because he makes his dad sound like a pussy, and clearly without realizing it. Phil got it from somewhere.

 

[actually]

This is one of those things where, yet again, my close proximity to his age makes it difficult for me to believe his story. We both grew up in a time where divorce had stopped being an unheard of thing. Combining these claims of repeated infidelity with the story of how his dad disagreed with the way Linda wanted to raise him, and walked out of the room without a word the day he bullshitted his way into getting money from her, I seriously doubt that Dave and Linda are the type to not see the forest for the trees. Meaning, if Phil is telling the whole truth, they would've likely divorced long ago.

The disagreements, I can believe, but "routinely cheating" on top of that? Pushing it. Really pushing it. And I'm sure Dave is his father, because he makes his dad sound like a pussy, and clearly without realizing it. Phil got it from somewhere.

I know Catholic couples like this that are Phil's age or younger. Some of the really devout ones still go with the whole "no divorce even if you're openly unhappy" bullshit.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

I know Catholic couples like this that are Phil's age or younger. Some of the really devout ones still go with the whole "no divorce even if you're openly unhappy" bullshit.

Yeah, but most folks have to actually BE Catholic to act that way. I don't know about you, but I don't see enough evidence in Phil's stories to indicate, even unintentionally, that Dave and Linda are religious enough for that to be a factor. You know how amoral he is, I would expect a genuine Catholic upbringing to be something he bitches about, not use as a means of bullshitting his way out of admitting he's a devious piece of shit. Same dude holds a grudge over not getting a toy or a part in a school play, as well as refuses to use his legit health problems for pitybux.

 

[Corpun]

Yeah, but most folks have to actually BE Catholic to act that way. I don't know about you, but I don't see enough evidence in Phil's stories to indicate, even unintentionally, that Dave and Linda are religious enough for that to be a factor. You know how amoral he is, I would expect a genuine Catholic upbringing to be something he bitches about, not use as a means of bullshitting his way out of admitting he's a devious piece of shit. Same dude holds a grudge over not getting a toy or a part in a school play, as well as refuses to use his legit health problems for pitybux.

I wouldn't be shocked if Phil only flexes his Catholic background to make his Italian heritage look better because everyone know to be a true Italian you need to be Catholic and eat pizza, nothing else.

Incidentally Italians put a huge emphasize on family yet Phil hates family.

 

[Yung Dalph]

According to Phil hos mom is/was a chain smoker and smoked when she was pregnant with him.

I believe this theory to be true. From most of what he's mentioned to us, she smokes enough so everything in the entire house smells like cigarettes and it really bothers Phil. I'm 100% on board with smoking while she was pregnant.

Also there's absolutely some underlying condition that makes his head look the way it does. It's very unnatural and looks borderline inbred, like the dude before you said

 

[Third_World_Detractor]

Also there's absolutely some underlying condition that makes his head look the way it does.

The oddly shaped head probably is flat head syndrome. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/positional-plagiocephaly.html
Mama burnell was a careless mother.

 

[rubynutmeg]

If he's this fucked up I'm starting to think Momma & Poppa Burnell might be related. The shape of his head is the ultimate inbred vibe.

Do we know what his parents look like? I'm wondering if the complete lack of chin/jaw is hereditary.

 

[Mask_de_SMITH]

Incidentally Italians put a huge emphasize on family yet Phil hates family.

Well that's because he isn't Italian lol no matter how much he says he is.

 

[Corpun]

Do we know what his parents look like? I'm wondering if the complete lack of chin/jaw is hereditary.

There is only like five seconds of footage of his dad I am aware of and it is some old vlog where he was filming in his parents house. I'll see if I can find it.

EDIT: Ok it's his mom.


Also some deeplore but 11 year old Phil named a rabbit Bunny. ELEVEN YEAR OLD Phil named a rabbit Bunny. What a great name Phil, a six year old could pick better names for a rabbit.

 

[UncleTusky]

There is only like five seconds of footage of his dad I am aware of and it is some old vlog where he was filming in his parents house. I'll see if I can find it.

We have a photo from his father's LinkedIn too:


But it is not clear when it was taken. All I can tell you is that it was taken no later than mid 2016 when the main thread found David's account.

 

[Corpun]

We have a photo from his father's LinkedIn too:

View attachment 3227480
But it is not clear when it was taken. All I can tell you is that it was taken no later than mid 2016 when the main thread found David's account.

Forgot that. Phil looks nothing like his dead, maybe he takes after his polack mother.

 

[UncleTusky]

Well that's because he isn't Italian lol no matter how much he says he is.

Forgot that. Phil looks nothing like his dead, maybe he takes after his pollack mother.

His mother is the allegedly Italian one: When I doxed Phil's parents I found the family burial plot for his mother's family, the Salvagnos:



Note that Joyce Salvagno was Phil's gout aunt and almost 20 years older than her sister/Phil's mother because a normal family is too boring. But that's just the funny part, not the important part. The important part is that his maternal grandfather's name was Archimede Salvagno. That's a very Italian name so I imagine he thought of himself as 100% Italian whether or not that was true and passed that on to Linda (who passed it on to Phil) even if he was only 1/4 or 1/8 Italian himself. Regardless, Phil's dad has no Italian ancestry and his maternal grandmother was named Nellie so Archimede is probably the only Italian ancestry Phil has. The claim to have Italian ancestry on both sides only came up once or twice and is complete fabrication: Burnell is an English name and up until Phil "magically" discovered his secret Italian ancestors, he admitted his dad's side was almost all British and Polish.

For non-Americans in the thread: For reasons I simply don't understand, Italian Americans and Irish Americans are the only ones to get this fucking obsessed over a probably made-up ancestry. I've met real Italians (as in, actually from Italy) who didn't get as worked up about it.

 

[Iron Father]

Thanks for reminding me of Lady Di from the Opie & Anthony Radio days.
I always say Phil looks like her, but that photo of his mother might as well actually be Lady Di lmao.

 

[Mask_de_SMITH]

The important part is that his maternal grandfather's name was Archimede Salvagno. That's a very Italian name so I imagine he thought of himself as 100% Italian whether or not that was true and passed that on to Linda (who passed it on to Phil) even if he was only 1/4 or 1/8 Italian himself.

That's like those Instagram whores who gets braids and tans and call themselves black chicks lmao

 

[Iron Father]

That's like those Instagram whores who gets braids and tans and call themselves black chicks lmao

Cue a classic Tevin drop:

 

[Samael Yoshitsuna]

His mother is the allegedly Italian one: When I doxed Phil's parents I found the family burial plot for his mother's family, the Salvagnos:

So that's where the "Salvagno's thumb" thing came from.

Does he actually think that there's a medical condition named after his family? Or does he just assume that we all know he is a Salvagno and that Salvagnos have deformed thumbs that can't work a PS5 controller properly.

 

[Corpun]

So that's where the "Salvagno's thumb" thing came from.

Does he actually think that there's a medical condition named after his family? Or does he just assume that we all know he is a Salvagno and that Salvagnos have deformed thumbs that can't work a PS5 controller properly.

Someone in the old DSP main thread once suggested his mom said it when he was a kid and Phil took it as a real medical condition and not something to do with cooking or something, but yes, that is where it comes from.

 

[豚蜚蠊]

There's also this new picture of Dave from his boomerbook uploaded April 1, 2021:


Also, watching that vlog Linda has a very obvious and disgusting smoker voice. Seems like Phil was telling the truth about that.

 

[Preferred Penne]

Amazing how Dave, who must be at least pushing 70, looks ten years younger than his fat retarded son.

 

[Corpun]

There's also this new picture of Dave from his boomerbook uploaded April 1, 2021:
View attachment 3228131

Also, watching that vlog Linda has a very obvious and disgusting smoker voice. Seems like Phil was telling the truth about that.

If you put Dave and Phil side by side I wouldn't know they were father and son, and not just because Phil looks five years younger than Dave is.