🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[Festivus]

I like to imagine that when he finally passes and they throw him in a communal grave that many days later a cornfield shall grow upon the site of his burial. And it shall be good, thank you Corn Gods.

 

[Null]

I think there are a lot of people like me who are pretty surprised it hasn't happened these past couple years. A small part of me holds out hope that it's because Ralph is meant for something greater, like an Odd Couple arc with Dax after he gets pinched with a bunch of dope and flees the country his daddy gave him as well.

he's still relatively young. it's shocking he's under 50, nevermind 40. he's basically burned all his youth on the pyre for a few more drinks and it's obvious he's running out of rope.

 

[C. G. B. Spender]

Like I've said before, Ralph's got the heart of a gunt, the liver of an alcoholic, the brain of swiss cheese, and now the arm of a cripple.

Memphis micro is broken too actually

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

Now we know who the mysterious "stranger" is that Ralph hooked up with on that airplane

 

[Festivus]

he's still relatively young. it's shocking he's under 50, nevermind 40. he's basically burned all his youth on the pyre for a few more drinks and it's obvious he's running out of rope.

There's not a massive age difference between us but in person he looks like he could be my older relative. Without powerleveling the gap is ~7 years and I got carded at a bar he just waddled right up to a few years back. Nowadays he looks closer in age to my youngest uncle (47) than he does to me in all honesty and that's in no way a flex, that's just a statement on his sad state of affairs. Couldn't be me Ralphamale, 5 bar days!

 

[UCantCCPMe]

There's not a massive age difference between us but in person he looks like he could be my older relative. Without powerleveling the gap is ~7 years and I got carded at a bar he just waddled right up to a few years back. Nowadays he looks closer in age to my youngest uncle (47) than he does to me in all honesty and that's in no way a flex, that's just a statement on his sad state of affairs. Couldn't be me Ralphamale, 5 bar days!

Speaking of 7 years, Ralph looks like in that amount of time he has aged 30. I guess that's what happens when you spend every day drinking til you're stupid, drugging til you're retarded and stressing til you're hollarin. Fuck man, Ralph is 2 years my junior and has more grey hair on his head than I do in my beard.

 

[Festivus]

Speaking of 7 years, Ralph looks like in that amount of time he has aged 30. I guess that's what happens when you spend every day drinking til you're stupid, drugging til you're retarded and stressing til you're hollarin. Fuck man, Ralph is 2 years my junior and has more grey hair on his head than I do in my beard.

That's what I'm saying, I was mid to late 20's when I met him in person and he was 34ish..? Back then he looked maybe 5-10 years older than me (which is fair enough) but nowadays he could pass for 20 years older than me.
The only good thing Ralph ever did was inspire me to never drink again

 

[Die For Me!]

Ethan fell asleep at the airport and gave himself compressive radial neuropathy

Ralph would rather buy a hat for his hat and chop is left arm off than see his son.

 

[Nick Obre]

A small part of me holds out hope that it's because Ralph is meant for something greater,

The highest purpose Ralph can aspire to is dying before Jim, proving beyond any doubt that being a gunt is more harmful than having canceraids.

 

[AncientPhosphur]

one day soon ralph is just going to fall asleep and not wake up

The prospect of Ralph dying in an airport and no one noticing for weeks, nay months is funny. However I’d prefer he died on stream and we get to see his body decay in real time. It would be a beautiful artistic and poetic touch ending to The Killstream.

 

[GamerGateSurvivor]

The prospect of Ralph dying in an airport and no one noticing for weeks, nay months is funny. However I’d prefer he died on stream and we get to see his body decay in real time. It would be a beautiful artistic and poetic touch ending to The Killstream.

The owners of the crack shack he rents are going to look out back one day and notice there are more flies buzzing around it than usual.

 

[Rage Pig]

Nice to see that he finally stopped pretending to be a successful Internet Talkshow Host and embraced the Bum Life.
It's Adam Green's couch or the airport chair now instead of a nice hotel.
It's riding the bus instead of cruising around with the superchat mobile.
It's buying sex once a month from a cheap Tijuana hooker instead of sleeping with your wife and mother of your daughter every night.
It's a 3 days holiday in an ugly hotel in Cancun in the off season instead of Italy or Portugal.
It's the cheap Motorola instead of the newest iPhone.
It's tortas, small slices of water melon and rancid looking gas station sushi instead of tomahawk steaks.
The only thing he didn't have to downgrade is the tasteless way he dresses, cheap polyester shit with a fucking camouflage pattern.
Is Juju going to big league him again? Will Adam Green's wife allow the greasy pig to roll around on their couch again? Will he disappoint his son again by bringing his smell of sweat and cheap cigarettes as the only present? Tune in to the next episode of Bum Life to find the answers.

 

[GaryGray]

Renowned high roller, Ethan Ralph, has got a budget smartphone that is so poorcoded that they have a fucking watermark on the camera.

Thought Ralph made a big hollarin during one of his pilgrimages to the US that he would never use CDMX again because they were xenophobic to hog-human hybrids. Funny how he went back on his word and then managed to somehow again injure himself during mundane travel. I have never seen someone who struggles with public transport like Ralph.
Short list of foibles and accidents Ralph has had traveling inside of the last 6 months:

• Lost passport
• Lost phone (more than once)
• Car accident (as a passenger resulting in a hip injury)
• Radial nerve damage from sleeping in an airport
• Missed flights
• Misread flight times
• Verbal arguments with airline staff

Ralph really should start streaming his travel adventures. It would be some Mr.Bean type slap stick to watch Ralph attempt to cross a road in the Mexican desert only to be cut off by a car that would drive through a puddle.

 

[Die For Me!]

Trolls have absconded underneath their bridges to make fun of Dax's right-handed man


Ralph gets a diagnosis from a verified twitter account, it will heal in 6 weeks

Ralphamale considering a Ralphacast

Just how long are these Ralphanaps anyway? Was Ralphs hand suffocated from a short nap underneath an incredibly obese man, or a depression-fueled 15 hour slumber underneath a modestly overweight elderly person? Your hand wouldn't be in such bad shape if you weren't a fat ass Ralph!

 

[des Pudels Kern]

I had a friend in Berlin a long time ago who had a really big puffy arm that he couldn't move because he collapsed to the floor flipping a table onto his arm after injecting heroin. He was like that for almost a whole day, and his arm was toast.

Perhaps now Ralph will just take a piss break in the bathroom now that he can't unscrew the top off of a bottle.

 

[AncientPhosphur]

Trolls have absconded underneath their bridges to make fun of Dax's right-handed man

So much for the Outlaw arc. He has to pay because not paying is against the law! What a cuck!

 

[Tiger Jack]

I would never count Ralph out completely, not while he still has one card left to play.
The ace up his sleeve will be him snaking Juju the Cow. Once that cards in play we'll know we're truly at the end.

Shower me in as many as you want, I know I'm right. It'll happen eventually. Hide and watch him.

 

[Agent of Misinformation]

Trolls have absconded underneath their bridges to make fun of Dax's right-handed man
View attachment 6567102
View attachment 6567124
Ralph gets a diagnosis from a verified twitter account, it will heal in 6 weeks
View attachment 6567135
Ralphamale considering a Ralphacast
View attachment 6567125
Just how long are these Ralphanaps anyway? Was Ralphs hand suffocated from a short nap underneath an incredibly obese man, or a depression-fueled 15 hour slumber underneath a modestly overweight elderly person? Your hand wouldn't be in such bad shape if you weren't a fat ass Ralph!

As Null has stated, the 15-hour slumbers can become a cold, cold eternity. It's a matter of time who'll be first to get his autopsy record.

 

[Festivus]

As Null has stated, the 15-hour slumbers can become a cold, cold eternity. It's a matter of time who'll be first to get his autopsy record.

On the bright side his cats will finally get revenge on him for all the bs. They're snacking on torta-fed pig the second he keels over.

 

[Drama Fan]

It wouldn't be a real trip to California without Ethan finding some new way to seriously injure himself. This time, Ethan fell asleep at the airport and gave himself compressive radial neuropathy, colloquially known as 'Saturday night palsy':
View attachment 6565836
https://archive.ph/HB8wA

By far the most common cause of this specific injury is being too drunk to correct your posture while asleep:
View attachment 6565799
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12188953/

The absolute irony of losing the ability to stick out his thumb, out of literally any possible injury, while halfway through a trip to see Faith Vickers is quite profound:
View attachment 6565800
View attachment 6565801
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK557520/

Luckily for him, the compressive form of radial neuropathy almost always fully heals with supportive treatment and time (generally only the humeral fracture form is permanent) so he'll be back to sniffing awful things again in only a few months.

This same injury happened to Dave Mustaine of Megadeth in the early 2000s. I'm surprised Ralph isn't playing this up as getting injured like a Rockstar, bich!

https://blabbermouth.net/news/megadeth-s-dave-mustaine-how-i-injured-my-arm