How To Kill Your Parents And Get All Theys Property And Shit: Part II - Your Father
On the night of December 15h, 2025, Ralph would come back home from getting 30 additional veterinarian opinions for his taxidermied cat and remember he has to do the one thing he hates more than anything else in the world: The #Killstream.
Since it was a Sunday night, there was nothing to really report on except for the developing news of Rob Reiner and his wife being murdered by their own son. This story shook Ralph to his core, so much so that Ralph decided to share his own experience with familicide, and provide the gaylogs with admittance of guilt towards letting his father die:
Ralph alerts all the gaylogs that what he's about to say is pure "A-log bait" and then proceeds to give two middle fingers to whoever is about to clip this (0:20), Ralph foreshadows what he's about to talk about by stating Rob Reiners son should've obviously been committed (0:40), "My father, I've said this it's not a secret for those who hate me, my father uh, and it becomes apparent later on in life, more apparent, uhh
had schizophrenia." (1:20), "
I was about 19 years old, and.. I shouldn't share this but I'm going to,
my Uncle had it set up for him to be... committed." (1:40), "
...But they needed my signature. And I originally said I would do that. But... When I got time to do that, I couldn't because... I should have still but in my mind I thought he would never forgive me for doing this to him." (2:00), Ralph admits this topic came up when he was with his Uncle last month (2:25), "Do I wish I had the courage to do that [sign a piece of paper and save his father's life]? Yes. Looking back, yes." (3:00), Ralph was told repeatedly over the phone by his Uncle that he's making the wrong move by pussying out on signing a piece of paper he already stated he would sign, and Ralph still refused to do it (3:35), Ralph shrugs off any blame by ending his story with a reference to a
Bojack Horseman quote about times arrow only moving forward (4:20)
Ralph dates this call where he pussied out on saving his fathers life to be around 2004, where he was in the midst of going to his college classes everyday drunk out of his mind and partying every chance he got.
The likelihood that Ralph did not sign this paper solely because it would interfere with his plans to party with darkies is INCREDIBLY high. It makes even more sense if we had any eba
daance that Ralph originally promised to sign this paper when he was still in High School and stuck watching soap operas at home while high on cocaine. When talks like these arise, it is almost never something that comes up naturally, but instead a decision that is forced upon the family after a traumatic event that puts said person's life and other lives at risk. But what event, if any, would have made the family agree to commit Ralphs father?
10/5/1998 - Man Found Lying On Train Tracks; Claims Christ Made Him In Order To "Hit The Gold"
According to Ronnie's OP, Ronnie somehow got arrested for trespassing on a Railroad. It's one of those things you get for attempting suicide after fucking up 3 marriages and having sudden urges to rip out all the parasites hiding under your skin. Admittedly, the OP has no source for this, and the violation was deep in California, so it is a stretch to say that this is what happened. Nevertheless, the timing here is almost perfect, as Ralph would've been around 17 and still in High School, and would've been more impressionable to signing a piece of paper since Professional Wrestlers also sign pieces of paper too if you want to know the truth about it.
Results That Speak For Themselves!
After being denied life-saving healthcare from his son, Ronnie would be forced to live in his own Merida-esque tin shack, wherein he would live a life of horror that not even Hollywood could ever hope to replicate:
Back in 2023 when these photos were released, this pictorial ebadaance of this wheel chair always intrigued me. Initially I had no answers for it, and later assumed it was perhaps Evan Ralphs? Today however I believe it to be the only way Ronnie Ralph got around his home, and the day he was literally unable to transfer himself from his recliner to this wheelchair was the day he began his slow and painful transformation into a half-man, half-recliner type SCP (Thanks son!):
And, if you want to know the truth about it, once your father is unable to wheel himself to the sink in attempts to flick water into his mouth, you basically won at this point, all of his
illustrious boxed fans and
jars of ranch dressing are now
yours forever*!
*Unless of course you take the property and almost immediately donate it out of spite so your baby mommas dad cannot claim the property, then it was basically all for not (uh-
mayzin!)
Ralph goes on a tirade about how selling the only hope Ralph had to live in West Memphis, or as he coins it, the "Hog Bog" was solely done to spite Vickers so he could not claim the property (2:55), "Boy, us Ralphs have been around for a long time, and we come from Memphis, Tennessee** and not California, faggot" (3:35), "And you know, you can look up the Bog Hog, the Hog Bog, the Bog Bog Dog Gog Dog, and you can see, that that's not mine anymore." (5:00), "You already know, that debt means nothing, like all this shit means nothing. Some shit Jews came up with y'know like it doesn't matter" (9:45)
Bonus Pig:
Ralph hollers at a viewer who said that Rob Reiner dying was based because he was a jew, and argues that the current extremist political climate is incredibly deranged despite making an entire career promoting said deranged ideas:
Ralph calls the chatter "fucking stupid" for thinking murdering people is cool despite being a west-memphis nigga who wants all of his enemies to die the most gruesome and painful deaths imaginable (1:00), Ralph
gheds up in his incredibly unusual way of bending his entire body all the way down and showing off his hunchback (1:30), Ralph equips the
over sized drinking jug of fail (1:35), "I'm not scared, mother fucker, I didn't think I'd see 40, and here I am" (1:50), "No you sound like the scared coward! MY NAME IS ATTACHED TO THIS FUCKING SHIT! MY NAME IS ATTACHED TO EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE ONLINE, FUCKER!
EVERYTHING! YOU SOUND LIKE THE SCARED FUCKING PUSSY! WHY DON'T YOU CALL-IN IF YOU GOT A FUCKING MOUTH ON YOU, AND YOU THINK YOU CAN HANG WITH ME, ONE OF THE TOP ALL-TIME TALKERS, IN INTERNET FUCKING HISTORY? WHY DONTCHU FUCKING CALL-INTO THIS FUCKING SHOW? BIG MOUTH." (2:15)
