post embarrassing things about yourself

[A Grey Cat]

I have a small attention span

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

When I was a teenager, my dad took me hunting and set me down alone in the woods. I was so bored that I masturbated on a tree.

 

[Broseph]

I'm in my 30's and I can't grow a full beard.

Also whenever I yawn I sound like Chewbacca.

 

[Broseph]

When I was in middle school, there was one occasion where the girls in my class were passing around a sheet of paper with the names of all the boys on it. The girls would then mark a tally for every boy they would kiss, and three tallies for every boy they'd consider marrying (keep in mind this was middle school in the early-mid aughts, things were still pretty innocuous back then),

My buddy managed to get ahold of the sheet and showed it to all of us. Of the thirty-something names on that list, only two lacked even a single tally. One was my own.

When I was in the 6th grade these two girls were chasing my friend around at recess and when I started running around they would say "Why are you running Broseph? No one was chasing you".

One of the of girls kept friend requesting me on Facebook years and years later but I never added her because fuck that stupid cunt.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

Walking straight into a glass door.

I once walked into a screen door.

 

[Xanen]

I’m a short, gay libertarian who has been told I talk/sound like William F Buckley.

Have fun

At least two of those things can be fixed.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

A couple of years ago I got drunk and tried to pick up a fat bitch at this party. One of the most embarrassing things I've done so far.

Oh man, did you need a chiropractor or worse? Lift with a forklift, not your back or knees dood

 

[DwayneTheSockJohnson]

Whenever I gotta shit real bad, but I’m nowhere near bathroom I start quoting Gandal from the third Rings movie, from the siege, in my head in order to stop myself from browning my trousers.
“You are soldiers of Gondor, whatever passes through that gate you will stand your ground!”
Been doing it since the movie came out and English isn’t even my first language. Weirdest part is it works

 

[thegooddoctor]

I locked myself outside of my house recently in nothing my underwear and shirt without my keys or phone for several hours a few days ago, I had to ask my next door neighbours family to borrow some shorts from their dad so I wasn’t so uncovered .They were really chill about the whole thing but man I felt awkward.

 

[Xanen]

My only real response to any extreme emotion is to cry.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

One time I got in a very heated argument with someone about how many days of the week there were. The Beatles have a song called 8 Days a Week and I know for a fact the Beatles wouldn't lie to us, so I was adamant that there were 8 days in a week. This was 4th grade. I was usually a smart kid but the second numbers get involved my IQ drops like, 30 points.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

When I'm at home I sit down to pee.

I often sit down and pee when I'm on the phone. I also answer the phone when taking a shit but that is for a very, very good reason: it often annoys me when people call and open with variants of "hey, so... what are you doing?" I'm taking a shit, it burns and sounds like a slot machine dumping out coins into the bowl.

Don't ask and I won't tell you.

 

[Deluxe]

Went outside with long johns on instead of real pants by accident multiple times.

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Like I said, my unproudest and most desperate faps. Not representative at all of the ordinary calibre of my wank bank. But I have to be honest - times have been tough.

I do draw the line though at Hila Klein, so there is that.

Then use
Your
Imagination

 

[IKOL]

Had ate a toothpaste back in a kid days. But hey, my breath was always fresh and bitches be wet from it for how icey and mint it was.

 

[Santa Fe Swag]

Years ago at one point I had 10+ pee bottles in my room.

I still do fam. Its a long trip to the bathroom at 3am.

 

[Amphotericin B]

I still listen to Linkin Park occasionally while driving. Only my dog knows.

 

[Xanen]

I would probably date a femcel.

 

[TurdFondler]

I'm deathly afraid/embarrassed to shit in public and try not to. If it's unavoidable I'll do a "catch and release" where I wrap my hand, making a kind of tp glove and catch the turd before it hits the water so there's no splash. I'll then gently lower the turd + glove into the water.

 

[Stanley the Gay Wizard]

Back when I was a teen, My parents caught me pants down with my then boyfriend of 2 years (they didn't know I was a faggot at that point), we broke up a few weeks later. Sad and embarrassing time.