Questions for the female autists here - Sneed

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

Hey, why don’t you BTFO?

 

[Stan]

View attachment 5028961

That is not an answer to my question.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

That is not an answer to my question.

Post some of your SonicxPokemon crossover porn first

 

[NoReturn]

"Debate whether autism is being overdiagnosed, especially in women"

Honestly, I'd say yes.
"Mental differences" exist, no question, but I think the "spectrum" thing isn't very helpful. It just increases the rates of diagnosis.
When it comes to daily life, "treatments", and accommodation needs are so different that a large definition and loose diagnostic criteria become unhelpful.
A "autist" like most of the women iit isn't going to need a communication tablet because they're nonverbal. The most they'd have in common with someone who is would be an understanding of shared sensory experiences.

Spoiler: Minor personal aside

Once upon a time I had an experience with a nonverbal person that kind of stuck with me. We were both in public and there was a weird quiet noise that wigged me out and caused the person in the wheelchair to have a meltdown. The weirdest part about it was that no one else seemed to ever hear the noise at all. The caretaker kept asking what was wrong and telling wheels to use their communication-tool, but just couldn't hear the noise or didn't know it was "bad". It felt strange that no one else seemed to even notice the thing that was setting us both off so strongly, but it was obvious to me. So even though our reactions were completely different, it genuinely, truly just felt like I was handling my shit better.

It reminds me of being compared to a certain boy in my 4th grade class year who had more severe autism. That other autistic kid used to frustrate me a lot and he sort of molested me in 9th grade.

That's something that doesn't get talked about enough either, especially by munchies. Having something wrong with you or an inability to relate to others can make you a dick. The difference for women, though, seems that the likelihood of feeling bad about it is higher. I don't think that's purely socialization, either, I think there's an inborn element of "I want to relate to others and have them like me but I keep fucking up." that little girls are more likely to experience than other boys and this might help explain some of what we see in terms of their ability to act normal-ish in social environments.

 

[The Cunting Death]

I fucking hate it and want to be dead because of it.

Story of my life

 

[Android raptor]

I used to hate being autistic until I realized what I actually hated was how I'm treated by others because of it. The 'tism by itself is a neutral thing, like having light skin or blue eyes.

 

[glass_houses]

I was an absolute wreck pretty much throughout high school. I was very erudite and was frequently accused of intelligence, but I was completely unable to function. After the end of high school, and my home life in general improving, I went into TAFE. Best thing I ever done. I basically fell into the sciences but I still had immense problems both socially and because I had random issues with my intellectual abilities. Long story short, when I was in my early twenties, I read about Nonverbal Learning Disorder on Wikipedia, and went off to a neuropsychiartrist and lo, I was diagnosed and officially found my people. I was also classed borderline negative for ADHD, but some years later a psych put me on Ritalin and it changed my fucking life. Amazing shit. I was later on diagnosed with other issues, but only after repeatedly being turned away in crisis many times. Kind of pissed about that and I think I always will be.

My mother was part of the reason I didn't get the autism diagnosis; she was aware pretty much from the beginning that I was 'off' and basically trained me into a human suit from the time I could walk. Combined with a high verbal IQ, a characteristic of NLD, I could talk reasonably well to an adult, but was completely hopeless with kids my own age. Another reason I didn't get the diagnosis is because at the time, Asperger's and ADHD were seen as 'boy' conditions. As my mental health plummeted as a teenager, my parents did hook me up with a counselor who was visibly annoyed at my whiny self because she could have better spent the time on kids with real problems. My home life wasn't great and very complicated, and my parents really thought that I was attention seeking because they were sick and busy themselves. So a lot of shit, not just the mentals, didn't get treated.

I have mixed feelings on self diagnosed autists. I was one, and a lot of women my age or older plummeted through the cracks and it was only through my own research that I found my diagnosis. On the other hand, a lot of people who self diagnose themselves are attention seeking twats with bad social skills. The social skill problem is what everyone knows about autism, but autism is a very complex neurological issue that affects information and sensory processing. It's especially more complex now that TPTB decided to roll all social difficulties under one 'Autism Spectrum Umbrella'. NLD is very different from 'normal' autism, and all research and studies into it have effectively been nuked. An autist can often be spotted by the way they walk; it's hard to describe, but body movement in an autist is subtly 'off'.

I also have mixed feelings on lolcow autists. On the one hand, there but the grace of god. On the other, people may get mocked for being a crazy retard, but what gives a lolcow staying power is a: a persistent refusal to modify or conceal unacceptable forms of public behaviour and b: being unrepentant really fucking awful human beings. Just because someone is disabled or has had a hard life, it doesn't make them any less of a cunt. Having spent some time around men and women who were diagnosed young, I realised that what many of them had in common was a persistent belief that they weren't responsible for acting like swine and hurting other people. I've done terrible things to people, either because I was sick or I just didn't know any better. It keeps me up at night and I've no doubt that when my heart gets weighed against Maat's feather, I'm going straight down Ammit's throat. But the ones who were diagnosed as kids seem to have this conviction that no matter what they do, it's not really their fault and if other people get hurt because of them, it's the other person's fault for being insensitive and not understanding. Drives me fucking insane. I think there's a lot of overlap with Narcissist Personality Disorder and autism, and there needs to be a lot more research done on it.

Overall, I've reached a point in my life where I can't socialise with either autists or NTs because I have nothing in common with either of them. I used to get so lonely when I was a kid, but gradually over the years, socialising has become so stressful and annoying that I much prefer to be left alone. Being basically thrown to the wolves, as it were, and trying to live as an NT has given me a very different way of thinking to many autists, and this has been compounded by my decision not to have children. The autists who are approximately my level of functioning have all had children and spouses, so that is a pretty huge gap, socially speaking. And the women my age who haven't had children are generally a lot lower functioning, and I get extremely impatient with them. Also: Social Justice. All the autistic women are all over it like a rash. It's infuriating. Having spent a lot of time in the real world, as it were, the slick, simplistic and sociopathic philosophy of Social Justice just doesn't apply to the complexities of human interactions, and trying to explain to these women that Twitter isn't real is impossible. And watching so many of the mothers ruin their children in real time with the gender trender shit is heartbreaking.

 

[Gay Mollusk]

I am unable to quote the post but I'm glad someone else has noticed the effects of diagnosis at a young age. My friends and I have taken to calling certain really annoying autists we encounter IRL as "Early Diagnosed Niggas". The observation we've made is no matter what level of functioning you are there's a 50-50 shot diagnosis at a young age will destroy you as a person. The afflicted men and women use it as an excuse to never improve as people and adopt like 3 stereotypical autistic obsessions as their personality. It's as if they become a walking stereotype of what preconceived notions a boomer would have of an autistic.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

Take ADHD as an example, women with ADHD are more likely to go undiagnosed because we don't display hyperactivity. ADHD is often diagnosed when a kid is acting out in school, and when you're a quiet child who doesn't act out, but doesn't pay attention, you're not going to be considered for having a problem.

Isn't that just ADD at this point, then?

 

[NoReturn]

Isn't that just ADD at this point, then?

The psychologists with too much time on their hands changed the nomenclature. "ADD" doesn't exist anymore.

 

[The Cunting Death]

hopeless with kids my own age

I still have this problem. It's why my best friends are a good decade older than me

 

[Super Guido]

But the ones who were diagnosed as kids seem to have this conviction that no matter what they do, it's not really their fault and if other people get hurt because of them, it's the other person's fault for being insensitive and not understanding. Drives me fucking insane.

If they've got good enough adults in their lives, they won't be able to do that. It's increasingly uncommon nowadays, but I was lucky enough to be told off every time I tried to use it as an excuse. It's why I get so angry when I see people making excuses for other auties.

 

[Starscream's Loyalty]

I hate it some days, and I accept it on others. Would I like a cure for it? Yes. Will that happen? Maybe not. But I won't be throwing a tard rage like the ones that use it for clout/A crutch. Though the urge to sperg about certain things nags at me most of the time, I've learned through therapy and being around my peers on how to control it.

 

[Chromeo]

I used to really hate having autism. I could tell I was being annoying or weird, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop. I was someone that you "dealed with" rather than spent time with. I even had teachers and school district staff members talking down to me like a particularly stupid toddler when I was an honors student and damn near an adult. Tbh it was humiliating being lumped in with the more retarded kids in my district. I know it makes me sound self-absorbed to say it myself, but god-fucking-damn it I'm NOT that retarded!!

It's gotten easier to deal with as an adult, though. You learn ways to cope (lol) and you build off of skills you worked on as a kid and you get better at dealing with your weirdness. I'm still the same aspie kid I was back then, but now I've got more control over my life and I can more easily play the hand I've been dealt.

Spoiler: Maybe a little off-topic, but...

I had read a post on Tumblr some time ago about how disabilities are partially defined by the society in which we live. An autistic person with an aversion to loud noises and bright lights, for instance, would look more autistic in a bustling modern city than they would living a couple hundred years ago in the countryside. If someone's set off by hand dryers in public bathrooms and movie theaters, alarm clocks and traffic noises, imagine how much better they'd fare somewhere without all of that.

I think that can be applied to autistic kids vs. autistic adults. Kids have next to no control over their daily life and get treated like crap compared to adults. I mean, imagine waking up 5 days a week at 6 AM to go somewhere chaotic and loud where people talk down to you, other kids harass you and get away with it, you have to follow stupid rules that don't make any sense enforced by people who don't give a shit (unless of course they get to gleefully punish you,) you eat goyslop that barely counts as food, and you can't even use the fucking bathroom without a fight. Even without autism, wouldn't you go crazy too?? Add onto that being overstimulated the entire time (like you just went to a convention or a rock concert and your senses are annihilated and you could sleep for 18 hours straight) and it's no fucking wonder autistic kids lose their damn minds.

Beyond leveling up in ability as you get older or autism potentially diminishing as your brain develops, I think just being treated more like a person as an adult makes it easier for the average autistic adult to function. Yadda yadda "not everyone," what about so-and-so, I'm not going to list every exception. BUT, by and large, I think just the ability to exert a little more control over your daily life goes a LONG way in making it easier for autistic people to function.

 

[Android raptor]

There is a special place in hell for sped teachers that use that annoying baby voice (which is most of them), and I hope it's particularly hot. That shit isn't ok even for the kids who are legit retarded.

One of the things I realized as an adult was just how much I didn't hate being autistic itself so much as the completely ass way I was treated for it. It's easier to avoid patronizing sped teacher-types as an adult, but being an autistic adult has its own challenges (especially if you don't have a supportive family).

Just getting basic necessities like housing, meds, etc is like jumping through flaming hoops. At least in red states lmao

 

[NoReturn]

Beyond leveling up in ability as you get older or autism potentially diminishing as your brain develops, I think just being treated more like a person as an adult makes it easier for the average autistic adult to function. Yadda yadda "not everyone," what about so-and-so, I'm not going to list every exception. BUT, by and large, I think just the ability to exert a little more control over your daily life goes a LONG way in making it easier for autistic people to function.

This is a really good goddamn point.
Even looking around my workplace, not even my home, we have so much more control over our environments as adults than we do as children. As an adult I can use pens, I don't have to use pencils that make a bad squeaking noise. I can use my own tools and bring things I like to where I'm working instead of using company stock if I want to do that.

 

[SilverRoseChariot]

So, I have some thoughts on it. I was diagnosed around ten by a 30 year old doctor with hardly any experience after less than two hours of meeting her. I got labelled as autistic because I had trouble recognizing facial expressions but not for the reasons that this doctor and my mother assumed. See, I got by pretty easily in school despite never being able to see a person's eyes or eyebrows or anything. I was as blind as a bat as I found out once my family saw a competent doctor who noticed that I couldn't even see the largest letter on that chart they use even a few feet away. This was only found when I was about 14 but it had been going on for years and since in school I still got by with that awful eyesight, people assumed my shyness was because of Asperger's.


The diagnosis never helped, I met a friend in school who actually had Asperger's and hers was high functioning, I still didn't really get it because even though in real life I didn't understand expressions and avoided eye contact because of that, I recognized it very well on tv and through body language when I wasn't looking away. My mother really wanted an answer for my unusual nature and she was sure it was autism but it just wasn't. I have great hearing now, some people say it is a myth but my eyesight being so awful helped me focus in on certain sounds, so around my first period it made it harder to unfocus it on loud sounds, which I guess seemed like sensory overload but it was the only sensory issue I had. I know it is unusual for girls to even be diagnosed let alone misdiagnosed but the diagnosis ended up hurting me more than helping, I didn't understand autistic people, whether they were male or female but I always was socially competent when I was up close with someone, probably because I could see them clearer up close and felt more relaxed. I'm trying to get the diagnosis removed but it's difficult right now, my family thinks there are benefits to it but I feel bad living a lie.


I know why it was diagnosed but it was a mistake in my view and even if it wasn't, the doctor should have spoken with me longer than she did, I never saw her after that appointment.


Also, my new doctors saw a lot of improvement once I got glasses and I can make eye contact even if I don't wear them now(during covid, all the masks made them fog up so I had to go without sometimes) I thought my perspective might be interesting to someone, I know it's strange but it's what happened.


It's not bad to have autism or anything, it's just that it didn't help me out and made things harder for me and I've met people with different ways of presenting it, I just didn't fit in a way that couldn't be explained by those other factors in my life. My best friend had it and I saw how things were difficult for her that weren't for me, it wasn't the same thing at all. I think people should be careful diagnosing these things quickly, I know it can seem obvious to people but for me, with my bad eyesight I never questioned it because I figured it was just normal, I thought it was a challenge at school or something stupid, I was a kid and that was just how it was for me. I've read at least one other case while searching where the doctor found out the child wasn't autistic but had vision problems that went unaddressed like mine had.

I just want to share my experience since it was unusual.

 

[Septictic]

This was only found when I was about 14 but it had been going on for years and since in school

That is just so sad. The basics are where it's at. A lot of doctors want the extraordinary, when almost all of us are simple textbook creatures with simple boring medical needs. Bored doctors do a lot of long term harm. Touching grass is not just for Kiwis.

In a similar vein as you, I lost my hearing for a long period of my childhood. But it was lovely, so peaceful and quiet. A family friend eventually noticed it, and I got cleaned up.

 

[NoReturn]

Also, my new doctors saw a lot of improvement once I got glasses and I can make eye contact even if I don't wear them now(during covid, all the masks made them fog up so I had to go without sometimes) I thought my perspective might be interesting to someone, I know it's strange but it's what happened.

In a similar vein as you, I lost my hearing for a long period of my childhood. But it was lovely, so peaceful and quiet. A family friend eventually noticed it, and I got cleaned up.

You know, this is a really damn good point, and it might apply to a couple people in this thread (Even me). In your case it was a matter of your physical abilities messing with your socialization and the diagnosis made things worse. In other people's cases, maybe they just have a sensory processing disorder, or a brain difference/birth defect of some kind, and that's also thrown under "austism" just because that's become an expanded-diagnostic-criteria catch-all for "This person is acting weird".

Also, @SilverRoseChariot, hit up Zenni if you want some good, cheap glasses.

 

[SilverRoseChariot]

That is just so sad. The basics are where it's at. A lot of doctors want the extraordinary, when almost all of us are simple textbook creatures with simple boring medical needs. Bored doctors do a lot of long term harm. Touching grass is not just for Kiwis.

In a similar vein as you, I lost my hearing for a long period of my childhood. But it was lovely, so peaceful and quiet. A family friend eventually noticed it, and I got cleaned up.

I'm a bit better at it now but it was stressful in school because I was so behind, I guess I did well enough nobody ever noticed, I thought I was just stupid. I can't believe it went unnoticed so long though, my father had bad eyesight growing up and we have the same eyes (colour and shape at least) It's good to have the good hearing though, even though it's annoying, I can pick up really low sounds and high pitches that other people have trouble hearing but it's good to have when a mouse or bat is in my house because my parents can't hear those. I'm also good at picking out one voice from another now, I had to in class to hear the teacher's lesson since visual learning wasn't possible, I also memorize lyrics and anything audible really well, so that's nice.

I can read things up close so I never struggled in English class at all but math sucked, if I didn't hear one thing the teacher said it set me back a long time.

People's faces creeped me out when I was young because all I saw were these blurry shadows and fuzzy shapes, so I looked down at the ground instead, I understood all the emotional expressions when I was right up close to someone (like really up close or sat close to the television) I don't blame my parents for not noticing, I hid it well because, well, I wasn't trying to hide it, I didn't even know it wasn't everyone's experience. There were so many kids I knew that had glasses, so I figured that was something that parents just figured out before you went to school. Maybe my declining eyesight was slow at first and than rapidly got worse, I don't know.

I'm sorry for rambling, it's just really great to be able to talk about it.
I've probably powerleveled a little much but I have a lot to say, it's better than sharing on reddit or facebook, people there just tell you that you're lucky to be diagnosed and assume it's internalized ableism or some bullshit. No, I just don't want to be given treatments that aren't helping me and could be used for an actual autistic person, you know? It doesn't help me and it's a wasted resource in my opinion.

My mother blames herself now but I've already forgiven her, my dad wants me to use it to potentially get a job soon because of that diversity hiring bullcrap but I'd hate to be treated differently when I'm the same as every other neurotypical person and I don't want to be hired because I'm diagnosed with something.

I do have ADHD but I guess it isn't as appealing for companies where I live. I am being pressured into accepting handouts for a condition I'm sure I do not have and I'm sure that can be annoying even for actual autistic people too, but even more so when no matter what I do I'm going to make people upset. I just want to forget it ever happened, have the diagnosis invalidated and move on with my life but it's harder than it should be. I know anyone who looks at my files will assume things based on what one doctor said a long time ago, that they might have a bias and I'm not exactly a social butterfly around new people, once I know them I'm pretty extroverted, I just like to get to know someone's personality first.

Sorry this was so long but people here listen. People say Kiwifarms is this awful hellsite but I've felt more at ease here than I ever have on reddit, twitter or facebook. Plus, I love the layout of old forums. I'm gen z but I've been using the net since before social media and social justice completely took it over, so I've always liked forums. I like talking to people who aren't afraid to be honest.


Doctors should be more thorough and not rush to one diagnosis in less than an hour of meeting someone, even if the parents are convinced it is autism, it might always be something else entirely.

Don't want to doublepost, so @NoReturn I appreciate your reply and suggestion! I have to get some new glasses soon and I should probably get my eyes checked again, it's been a while since I last had them. I'm hoping once my eyesight is stable I can get lasik since glasses don't suit me much and after hearing my grandfather's experience with contacts damaging his eyes, I won't be risking that, that's for sure. I wonder how many people do get misdiagnosed with autism, it could be a lot but I hope my case is just a rare one.