Questions for the female autists here - Sneed

[Scolopendra Dramatica]

My fellow autist girlies, how do you cope with work? I’ve always worked, always had multiple jobs, and every so often I just get into a slump where I can’t take it anymore. Most jobs are such bullshit and it’s not the actual work that bothers me, it’s everything around it. I should be milking cows or tending to crops or something. I feel really burned out.

It's really easy to burn out with work, most autie women I've met tend to take their duties very seriously and put a lot into their work. However there's usually a draining social angle and daft rules that test patience and the various other things to juggle that make more sense to normie brains than the autists so keeping up pace at work fast becomes exhausting and burn out happens at more frequent intervals. And that's before you factor in unexpected day to day changes and assaults on the senses that come with a workplace!

I wish I had an answer to it, it's always been a struggle, but it does seem to get easier as you get older and give less of a shit and if you can build a role and reputation to leverage a few more days here and there it helps.

Funny you should mention it, but I too have often felt I'd do better looking after my own little herd of livestock instead!

That said I'm halfway there with pets, they always sooth the fried brain.

 

[glass_houses]

Burnout is a very real thing. I will never be what I was again.

 

[Chromeo]

most autie women I've met tend to take their duties very seriously and put a lot into their work. However there's usually a draining social angle and daft rules that test patience and the various other things to juggle that make more sense to normie brains than the autists so keeping up pace at work fast becomes exhausting and burn out happens at more frequent intervals.

Managers, man. It's always managers that frustrate me the most on the job. Customers can be unreasonable, but at least I expect customers to be nuts. When your boss is vague or has shifting expectations they don't clearly communicate, or you have many bosses giving you conflicting tasks, it's an absolute nightmare.
I've been working part time jobs for years (and have worked full time hours at some of them) and man, I hear what convallaria says. I can do most basic things, I can clean toilets and stock shelves and operate a till, but the culture and the social performances are the reasons I feel crazy.
Personally I want to live in a van and travel the country. Shave my head and go wherever I want and not get stuck in some shitass retail gig when I'm old and gray.

 

[Catboi]

-Why is it harder for females to get diagnosed with autism?

Symptoms can vary wildly between sexes on top of special interssts being very gendered. A lot of women I've met with autism are OBSESSED with girly shit like makeup/fashion/dolls. I feel like an outlier for my 40k and Transformers autism (outside of tumblr).

I find that men too are a lot more likely to be the classic tard. Men in general really go towards either extreme in with outliers while women are more median. So in the group of autistics you'll see way more drooling retards that are men but also more geniuses who just happen to not be able to tie their shoes or something.

-What problems do women with it face that guys (usually) don't?

I think a big one is vulnerability and the lack of community. It's extremely isolating and I've been assaulted multiple times, including by teachers, and nkt being believed because "girls like that just like attention".

The abuse and rape rates for autistuc women are incredinly high, partly because we're just treated like that when we try to get help or we have any help we did get threatened.

-Did you actually mind having the tism or is it just 'what it is'?

I wish I didn't have it and I could fix the issues in my brain but it's my cross to bear so whatever. I can always improve on whar I can control.

-What's your take on "self diagnosed autists"?

Take my brain fuckup if you want it so bad. I don't want it.

-Do you feel bad for any of the cows with autism or do you just feel schadenfreude?

Not at all for either

 

[Catboi]

It's really easy to burn out with work, most autie women I've met tend to take their duties very seriously and put a lot into their work. However there's usually a draining social angle and daft rules that test patience and the various other things to juggle that make more sense to normie brains than the autists so keeping up pace at work fast becomes exhausting and burn out happens at more frequent intervals. And that's before you factor in unexpected day to day changes and assaults on the senses that come with a workplace!

I wish I had an answer to it, it's always been a struggle, but it does seem to get easier as you get older and give less of a shit and if you can build a role and reputation to leverage a few more days here and there it helps.

Funny you should mention it, but I too have often felt I'd do better looking after my own little herd of livestock instead!

That said I'm halfway there with pets, they always sooth the fried brain.

Doublepost but I'm so glad you guys get it

I LOVE working, but all the social bullshit is the worst. I work in a female dominated workplace right now and good lord the effort required because we need to ~focus on feelings~ and the cattiness/jealousy from other women because they keep assuming I have all these hidden intentions or I'm trying to make them look bad by....actually caring about the work I'm doing.

 

[NoReturn]

Doublepost but I'm so glad you guys get it

I LOVE working, but all the social bullshit is the worst. I work in a female dominated workplace right now and good lord the effort required because we need to ~focus on feelings~ and the cattiness/jealousy from other women because they keep assuming I have all these hidden intentions or I'm trying to make them look bad by....actually caring about the work I'm doing.

Someone once asked me how I could do so well in work environments but struggle so much in normal social settings and it took me while to explain it. I eventually settled on how it's like climbing a mountain. At work there are clear paths to take to get to the top, but if it's uncharted territory it's harder to find your way.
In professional environments you have those clear expectations and limits (most of the time, anyway), but in any other environment you have to contend with differences in culture and personality and expectations and religion and whatever else people throw at you on a given day.

 

[failed mist]

Unlike most male autists, we often eventually work out that normie social skills are a game with rules that can be learned through careful study. This usually happens between the ages of 25 and 40.

Sexual trauma hits us especially hard and we’re prone to respond by becoming cringing people-pleasers who get continually revictimized. Very hard to watch. A lot of female autists do well at work or school because it gives them something to submit to. It can keep a roof over your head. But watch out.

If you learn to play the social game on a higher level, you can sometimes break free of this. But it’s delicate because people loooove a submissive woman. The challenge of the female autist is getting a handle on both excessive submission (to people, ideas, ideals, schedules, morals, expectations) and on their natural feral eccentricity.

Male autists have a harder time because, unlike socially adjusted men, they never learn that it’s often in their interests to do as they’re told and consider the feelings of others. Dominant (inconsiderate) behavior + no social power then becomes a vicious cycle of interpersonal failure.

 

[Catboi]

With regard to working I just need to vent. Actually crying like a bitch.

Spoiler

I had a meeting today with a co-worker I exploded a bit at after months of passive aggressiveness and like

Revealed years of e-mails to managment about me and how everyone thinks I'm just a pretentious retard they're all scared of and think I'm purposely trying to threaten their jobs and hate them.

Literally all the examples were shit like me assuming someone would know something, saying something was easy, not needing help, not helping others unless they said they needed it (and I found out those non-autistics literally would....say yes and let me despite not wanting it), and not being able to understand facial expressions.

Managment claims to be woke and we were even in a DEI meeting but they let her get to the point of saying just seeing me disgusted her.

She even said there was no point in an apology because since I can't feel empathy it "would be fake" and "mean nothing". Even thevemails said everyome thought me trying to be nice was just me being "two-faced" and "fake".

Why can't I just get a nerdy husband who lets me paint minis and I can do some part time work instead of relying on this stupid fucking system.

No one fucking understands exceot other malebrained female retards and I'm really tired of all my efforts being shit on ecerytime.

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Did you actually see those emails and any names?
This kind of people tends to shit on someone by proxy, like, they first insult them and support it with tons of emails and DMs they allegedly got.
I don't underestimate bitchy workplaces, but through these years there would likely be at least someone, who'd say those things to you directly, before complaining to the management in the text form. I.e., such conversations could've happened in the form of kitchenette gossip, but as for the emails, she pulled them from her ass.

(And if the manager happens to leak names, among them can be those who one never even met or worked with in any way)

(It is true, though, that in many cases one gets the most important critique regarding one's work morale and behaviour while being already fired, and not before as a warning).

 

[Catboi]

Did you actually see those emails and any names?
This kind of people tends to shit on someone by proxy, like, they first insult them and support it with tons of emails and DMs they allegedly got.
I don't underestimate bitchy workplaces, but through these years there would likely be at least someone, who'd say those things to you directly, before complaining to the management in the text form. I.e., such conversations could've happened in the form of kitchenette gossip, but as for the emails, she pulled them from her ass.

(And if the manager happens to leak names, among them can be those who one never even met or worked with in any way)

(It is true, though, that in many cases one gets the most important critique regarding one's work morale and behaviour while being already fired, and not before as a warning).

Nope I got them from the managers email account and it was literally everyone saying these things behind my back and refusing to talk to me direvtly because I'm "too intimidating and unpredictable" (???)

Even me not being able to read faces is appearntly soooo scary to normie women.

At least men confront you and we call each other faggots and get it over with

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Not necessarily, at least in office and corporate settings. One might get this misconception from observing tradies and guys from other fields, where the hard skill is everything that matters and mistakes might cost health and lives.

(I still have keys from a job from which I was fired and nobody told me. I only realized that, after I finished working on one project, got some time off and then wasn't called for the next one. That business had male leaders. Ah yes, and I have a small collection of such keys).

 

[glass_houses]

Nope I got them from the managers email account and it was literally everyone saying these things behind my back and refusing to talk to me direvtly because I'm "too intimidating and unpredictable" (???)

Even me not being able to read faces is appearntly soooo scary to normie women.

At least men confront you and we call each other faggots and get it over with

Yeah, there's a reason why I prefer working with males. It's not easy and some of them are dicks in the most pejorative sense, but at least you avoid the fucked up social games that all women seem to enjoy playing with each other.

 

[Catboi]

Yeah, there's a reason why I prefer working with males. It's not easy and some of them are dicks in the most pejorative sense, but at least you avoid the fucked up social games that all women seem to enjoy playing with each other.

I just love how in life the "Of course we accept autism and understand! [experiences actuak symptoms] Ew what the fuck get away from us freak" cycle never fails.

I need to go back to being a NEET who only goes outside to play MTG or Warhammer with other autists

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

Nope I got them from the managers email account and it was literally everyone saying these things behind my back and refusing to talk to me direvtly because I'm "too intimidating and unpredictable" (???)

Even me not being able to read faces is appearntly soooo scary to normie women.

At least men confront you and we call each other faggots and get it over with

I had something similar happen at my first job. My coworkers thought I hated them and to be fair I did hate a few because they'd skip out most of their shift and leave me to do all the work but even ones I never worked a shift with assumed I hated them. I only ever saw them in passing but they were told I rarely spoke and seemed like a moody bitch.

I got along well with six coworkers who I confided in that I had a "disorder" to be vague after months of working with them. They were very understanding. The males were more comfortable working with me whereas a lot of my female coworkers would complain in front of me if their shift was moved to mine. I ended up working with men most of the time and only the younger girls one or two days out of the week, who seemed to like me since I was protective of them and refused to let them do any heavy lifting/dirty work.

The owner showed preferential treatment to the males and me since like them and him, I was awkward, blunt, and not very talkative. I was made a manager which further irritated people who had been there way longer. I didn't understand at the time why so many people didn't like me and thought I was sucking up. I just got in, did my job, and got out without talking too much. I was treated so passive aggressively if not outright told I was weird and they hated working with me.

There were people who still thought of me as a moody brown nosing bitch up until I left and were excited when I put in my two weeks when I had worked maybe two shifts with them. One coworker texted me to tell me another said "thank god" when he told her. They found me intimidating and uncomfortable to even be around let alone work with. It was very demoralizing since I had never done or said anything that would warrant such a reaction.

It's like being left out of school group projects all over again and needing to do everything yourself because everyone else is so put off by you existing outside of their idealized social norms that they refuse to work with you. Except now you're getting paid and your livelihood depends on whether or not people like you and that's very hard when you can't come off as friendly and sociable. No amount of DEI will change that people will dislike you when you don't look happy to be there and talk to them, even if you are, no matter how well you do your job.

Spoiler: Disclaimer

I'm not autistic, though have been tested twice years apart due to my reluctance to admit other symptoms up front. I am very often assumed to be autistic which I prefer since my actual disorder carries a certain stigma

 

[2mm and 99 others]

Those who don't talk to you or are outright unfriendly, are always the first ones to complain, that you aren't talky. Typical.

 

[GeekUSA]

Hi, I have a question. Would you say women are crueler when it comes to hanging autism over someone than men, or vice versa? I've seen it both ways, and I would say it's pretty even both ways.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

Hi, I have a question. Would you say women are crueler when it comes to hanging autism over someone than men, or vice versa? I've seen it both ways, and I would say it's pretty even both ways.

I think female socialization makes blending in much harder since it's not "normal" to be reclusive, monotone, or have flatter expressions. Women are supposed to be better at picking up on social cues since they tend to be less direct which also makes things really difficult. I actually had no idea I was being bullied until it got physical because it was backhanded compliments at first like "you clean up good" and to me that just meant they liked the dress I wore. It did not click until years later that they were also glaring and said it in a really snarky tone which probably meant they did not mean it in a nice way and didn't suddenly started throwing yogurt cups at me for no reason.

I feel like men are more direct when speaking. Fewer implications or innuendos or beating around the bush to make things difficult to understand. Weird shit you say is just brushed off as weird shit, they don't fixate on it and dissect it because they usually do not care what you're saying besides what they need to respond to. Not to say male autists aren't bullied by other men or I was never bullied by men for being "weird" but males generally treated me much better in regards to me being an asocial sperg than females.

 

[GeekUSA]

I think female socialization makes blending in much harder since it's not "normal" to be reclusive, monotone, or have flatter expressions. Women are supposed to be better at picking up on social cues since they tend to be less direct which also makes things really difficult. I actually had no idea I was being bullied until it got physical because it was backhanded compliments at first like "you clean up good" and to me that just meant they liked the dress I wore. It did not click until years later that they were also glaring and said it in a really snarky tone which probably meant they did not mean it in a nice way and didn't suddenly started throwing yogurt cups at me for no reason.

I feel like men are more direct when speaking. Fewer implications or innuendos or beating around the bush to make things difficult to understand. Weird shit you say is just brushed off as weird shit, they don't fixate on it and dissect it because they usually do not care what you're saying besides what they need to respond to. Not to say male autists aren't bullied by other men or I was never bullied by men for being "weird" but males generally treated me much better in regards to me being an asocial sperg than females.

That's interesting you mention snarky comments, because I've seen a lot of guys do the same thing to autists when I was in school. Mainly it was just to get them to do stupid stuff like saying nigger or admit embarrassing info about themselves.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

That's interesting you mention snarky comments, because I've seen a lot of guys do the same thing to autists when I was in school. Mainly it was just to get them to do stupid stuff like saying nigger or admit embarrassing info about themselves.

I think women avoid that just because that's typically not how girls bully. They do love embarrassing you but it's usually not out of amusement to your reaction since we're less prone to tard rages, it's just to have more ammo to insult and ostracize you. It's more covert. I definitely had boys try to trick me into doing or saying things but never did since their "jokes" often had obvious outcomes and I simply wouldn't respond to anything I was unsure about so they got bored of bothering me very quickly.

 

[GeekUSA]

I've got another question, how do women feel about the overall trend of people self-diagnosing as autistic/on the spectrum?