r/polyamory

[RainbowStarlight]

 

[Coffee Druid]

More PL but hey, it involves poly nonsense.

I mentioned some people I know a few pages back but TL;DR: A female acquaintance of mine is poly, but had been in an exclusive relationship for a few years. Then she cheats on her bf with another friend of ours behind his back. When bf found out and is understandably upset, her and everyone else in our acquaintance circle acts like she's in the right. It pissed me off a bit.

Fast forward a few weeks and her and her bf have apparently broken up. But, literally nothing about their relationship has outwardly changed. They still live together with their dog, and are literally together all the time when they're not working. She's asexual/sex repulsed so that's never been a thing anyway. So what the fuck us different? (I haven't seen cheating friend with her or heard anything about that so no idea if that's still a thing.)

What makes things even more awkward is ex bf's parents got wind of something going on and gave him the ultimatum of "move out of her house, or we'll ban you from ours and throw all your stuff on the curb." I'm not sure of all the details or if it's specifically about being poly (or just them living together now that they're not in a relationship.) Either way it does seem like overreacting on the parents part. So not only did this girl cheat on her boyfriend, she's still keeping him close and it's shitting up his relationship with his parents. I don't know why he even sticks tbh. She's always been an ass hiding under a childish exterior that is "always right about everything." But my other friends never seem to notice.

 

[Free the Pedos]

She's asexual/sex repulsed so that's never been a thing anyway.

...so how did she cheat on him? I know emotional infidelity is a thing, but I think you have to recalibrate your standards for cheating in a relationship without sex.
That guy is fucked. (ha)

 

[Unhindered Clown]

Not the person telling the anecdote, but someone I knew who's supposedly poly started to see a guy who she worked with in secret. Went for lunch/dinners, study dates, etc with him (under the guise she's just hanging out with a work buddy) and admitted that they developed mutual feelings for each other over time. The guy knew she was getting married too, but was all like "hey if he's okay with it I don't mind sharing" type of thing. All this while almost-groom wasn't privy to it; she treated it like she was starting from square one in the dating scene if that makes sense. I'm taking her at her word nothing touchy happened, though.

They called off the marriage about 3 weeks later (for "reasons" unknown to me ... but it's obvious), but she still saw Guy 2 afterwards. No real shame i guess. By "supposedly" poly I mean this situation led her to think she is, she wasn't open about it during that period. So in this case, I think willing to jeopardize a stable almost-marriage for a guy that gives you the butterflies and classifying activities like they were dates is infidelity. Or at the very least, using "poly" as a Fantasyland alternative to avoid reality: the relationship is boring or not fulfilling enough, a new person seems like a perfect replacement, but you don't know enough about them to fully commit to a breakup.

 

[Coffee Druid]

...so how did she cheat on him? I know emotional infidelity is a thing, but I think you have to recalibrate your standards for cheating in a relationship without sex.
That guy is fucked. (ha)

Essentially, similar idea as Unhindered Clown said. The female friend in question was basically being as emotionally intimate as she was with her boyfriend, calling and texting a ton as well. I found out because I saw her and cheater friend cuddling whenever they were somewhere together without the boyfriend (she's told me long ago she is even averse to physical affection unless it's someone she's really into and close with). Another friend basically confirmed it to me after. I was incredibly baffled because I wasn't sure if bf knew at the time. He didn't.

I wouldn't even have been pissedoff too much if everyone knew about it. It'd be weird, and I'd still not be fond of poly stuff. But the fact she blatantly cheated, in some way is the part that gets me.

 

[Free the Pedos]

she is even averse to physical affection unless it's someone she's really into and close with).

When will they learn this is called being a normal person?

 

[mikaylatoads]

It's so funny watching these retards say things like 'sometimes I get jealous that my partner prefers one of her other partners'.

 

[Coffee Druid]

When will they learn this is called being a normal person?

I wonder too. Things like that and "demisexual" keep being bandied around like it's a special label, but that'd just how a lot of people are normally.

It's a shame that the circles I'm in and mutual acquaintances of my friends all seem to be accepting and celebratory towards things like poly and coomer nonsense. I really do need a new core friend group that doesn't attract these people.

On another note, I already avoid bi spaces and groups like the plague despite being bi. Aside from the usual woke shit, hypersexuality, and propaganda about how everyone must love "chicks with dicks", it also acts like being poly is the default norm for bi people. Makes me feel like a prude, but if that's the case so be it.

 

[Free the Pedos]

It's a shame that the circles I'm in and mutual acquaintances of my friends all seem to be accepting and celebratory towards things like poly and coomer nonsense. I really do need a new core friend group that doesn't attract these people.

Same here. Stay strong. I have a small tidbit of a story of hope, though: recently at a conference someone started bitching about if a non-profit that serves women also serves NONBINARY PEOPLE, to which I replied WHEN IT WAS CREATED THERE WERE NO NONBINARY PEOPLE, and people were actually very supportive of that answer.

 

[NoReturn]

"Is It Okay To Date Multiple People? | Adults Explain"

and Think Before You Sleep's response video

 

[DumbDude42]

She's asexual/sex repulsed so that's never been a thing anyway

the whole thing sounds more like some kind of friendzoned roommate situation than an actual relationship tbh

 

[scathefire]

On another note, I already avoid bi spaces and groups like the plague despite being bi. Aside from the usual woke shit, hypersexuality, and propaganda about how everyone must love "chicks with dicks", it also acts like being poly is the default norm for bi people. Makes me feel like a prude, but if that's the case so be it.

Any mainstream LGBT space should be avoided like the plague. Also, it's funny how we've gone from "bisexuals aren't inherently sluts" to "bisexuals are inherently poly". I suppose the idea that bisexuals can't be satisfied with solely men or women didn't come from nowhere.

 

[DarkSoulsPhil]

Poly is the cancer of white women. Ive only ever met white women (and politically left too) who were ok with it. Date outside white women (men too but thats a less and different issue) and the issue will never come up. In fact, they don't even know what poly is (and you have to awkwardly explain it, say you arent interested and only know because you know retards). Source: started dating hispanic, asian and ME women and its night and day the way they treat you and act)

Getting new friend circles? Hard. Most people i know gained their friends at uni and slowly cut out those that didnt grow up. So yeah i have a few of these retards on my facebook, but i never hang or talk to them. I dont even tell people outside my close friends what i REALLY think. You have to really try to get new friends and mostly from work (people swap jobs, dont like mixing professional and private) or online communities (which never meet irl).

Alphabet places are also a cancer. A lot of my alphabet friends are disgusted by other alphabet people. Degeneracy, must walk in lockstep on idea xyz, must cover themselves in rainbows, must even look a certain way (which is super creepy)

Dont be down that thats how the world is, living your life by your values, your way with your wants and desires that makes you happy angers these people.

 

[Din Djarin]

Poly is the cancer of white women. Ive only ever met white women (and politically left too) who were ok with it. Date outside white women (men too but thats a less and different issue) and the issue will never come up. In fact, they don't even know what poly is (and you have to awkwardly explain it, say you arent interested and only know because you know retards). Source: started dating hispanic, asian and ME women and its night and day the way they treat you and act)

Getting new friend circles? Hard. Most people i know gained their friends at uni and slowly cut out those that didnt grow up. So yeah i have a few of these retards on my facebook, but i never hang or talk to them. I dont even tell people outside my close friends what i REALLY think. You have to really try to get new friends and mostly from work (people swap jobs, dont like mixing professional and private) or online communities (which never meet irl).

Alphabet places are also a cancer. A lot of my alphabet friends are disgusted by other alphabet people. Degeneracy, must walk in lockstep on idea xyz, must cover themselves in rainbows, must even look a certain way (which is super creepy)

Dont be down that thats how the world is, living your life by your values, your way with your wants and desires that makes you happy angers these people.

As an alphabet person, I'm so fucking tired of these people. It makes it hard to find people to date too because most of them are just fucking weird. And the "transwomen" who get angry if I don't want to date anyone who isn't a cis woman. I haven't known a lot of poly people (surprisingly) but there are a few just outside my friend orbit and they never shut up about the "lifestyle"

 

[What the shit]

there are a few just outside my friend orbit and they never shut up about the "lifestyle"

Tell them to shut the fuck up.

 

[I am vomit]

Tell them to shut the fuck up.

Literally do this. Also get out of LGBTBBQ spaces. Even if you're an alphabet person. It's just a cult mentality at this point. Fuck em.

 

[Free the Pedos]

they never shut up about the "lifestyle"

You just reminded me of a perfect example of this. When I moved I met a woman who seemed nice enough and mentioned she was poly. Being a young moron I shrugged that off and didn’t let it bother me. I was happy to listen her talk about her relationships because that’s what friends do. But as time went on it become clear it was all she ever talked about or thought about. She was in an on again off again poly marriage, had a kid, and didn’t work, so it was her hobby, social group, and lifestyle all in one. I stopped talking to her because poly took over her life and made her fucking boring.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

In which a toddler is more intelligent than 3 adult humans combined.

 

[Blarmed&Dangerous]

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In which a toddler is more intelligent than 3 adult humans combined.

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God that poor fucking kid...

 

[Unhindered Clown]

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Your boyfriend is screwing a prostitute having anywhere between 10-30 different ""clients"" per week ma'am. Stop screwing him for a while and you won't have to worry about crotch rot.