- Joined
- Mar 24, 2017
Isn't polyamory polygamy? Why make a new word? Because it sounds nicer? Whatever.
r/polyamory
- Thread starter Crunchy Leaf
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- Joined
- Sep 29, 2016
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2014
The thing about a monogamous relationship is that you're saying the person you're with is special. You want them to be happy. Maybe you're tempted to stray, but you don't, because this person means so much to you. If you're in a poly relationship, you're basically saying your partner is not special, there is no bond to them in particular. So of course poly relationships are a disaster area, they're built on a foundation of insecurity.
I've yet to see a non-monogamous relationship that wasn't just one partner who wanted out and the other desperate to salvage it by whatever means necessary.
I've yet to see a non-monogamous relationship that wasn't just one partner who wanted out and the other desperate to salvage it by whatever means necessary.
I think technically "polygamy" means you're married to the other partners, whereas "polyamory" just means you're in a relationship. However, given that "monogamy" is popularly defined as "being in a relationship with one person at a time," I suppose you could argue that they do both mean the same thing.
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2017
Polygamy is when you have multiple married spouses, like 1 husband and 5 wives for example. Polyamory is being in relationships with multiple people but with none of the paperwork.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2017
Close enough, if you ask me. Sounds like these people simply don't want the paperwork or something. Or they simply don't expect it to last long.
Honestly, Are poly relationships gonna last any shorter than a regular one? Have you seen how fast those things go by? I'm gonna guess they might be even. Especially on Reddit.
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- Joined
- Jan 7, 2016
One of my former closest friends pulled this crap on her boyfriend. They'd been together for 10 years (since they were 16-17) and she had always claimed that she was bisexual, leaning more towards women, but that she loved her boyfriend so much that it didn't matter.
Then, two years ago or so, she started flirting with some girl in a different country online, and told her boyfriend she wanted to go poly. She also talked to me about it and asked what I thought, since we were close, and I told her my honest opinion that I don't think it can ever work, because at least one person involved will be miserable, even if they're pretending not to be. She basically stopped talking to me after that, but through mutual friends I know what went down later.
She said that she wanted a three-person relationship where they were all in a relationship with eachother, but then instantly got super jealous and refused to let her boyfriend or the new girl speak to eachother at all, and only wanted them to be around for her and not for eachother.
She said that communication is super important and that everyone needs to be open with their feelings, but then when the boyfriend was having emotional troubles entirely unrelated to the whole poly situation she basically told him to stop whining because it wasn't attractive.
Then after a few months she told the boyfriend that she'd realised she was actually lesbian and was leaving him for this new girl. He finally stood up for himself and told her that he felt pretty shitty that she'd basically baited him into sabotaging his own relationship, and she threw a complete fit.
About two or three months after that she'd broken up with this girl too, and was now having constant sex with some new guy (so much for lesbian), leaving opened condom wrappers in the kitchen and doing copious amounts of drugs while still being in the same apartment as her old boyfriend (he wasn't able to find a new place because of a housing crisis in my country).
The moral of this story is, if anyone ever tells you they want to go poly, tell them to go fuck themselves and get out of there right away.
Then, two years ago or so, she started flirting with some girl in a different country online, and told her boyfriend she wanted to go poly. She also talked to me about it and asked what I thought, since we were close, and I told her my honest opinion that I don't think it can ever work, because at least one person involved will be miserable, even if they're pretending not to be. She basically stopped talking to me after that, but through mutual friends I know what went down later.
She said that she wanted a three-person relationship where they were all in a relationship with eachother, but then instantly got super jealous and refused to let her boyfriend or the new girl speak to eachother at all, and only wanted them to be around for her and not for eachother.
She said that communication is super important and that everyone needs to be open with their feelings, but then when the boyfriend was having emotional troubles entirely unrelated to the whole poly situation she basically told him to stop whining because it wasn't attractive.
Then after a few months she told the boyfriend that she'd realised she was actually lesbian and was leaving him for this new girl. He finally stood up for himself and told her that he felt pretty shitty that she'd basically baited him into sabotaging his own relationship, and she threw a complete fit.
About two or three months after that she'd broken up with this girl too, and was now having constant sex with some new guy (so much for lesbian), leaving opened condom wrappers in the kitchen and doing copious amounts of drugs while still being in the same apartment as her old boyfriend (he wasn't able to find a new place because of a housing crisis in my country).
The moral of this story is, if anyone ever tells you they want to go poly, tell them to go fuck themselves and get out of there right away.
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2013
An old hippie lady friend of mine once had the last word on polyamory and "open relationships": "They're great until that lonely, painful night when you really need your partner, and they're off fucking someone else."
Mulberry Tree
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2017
Why do polys thing they are somehow being revolutionary? If you look at the bare bones of Abrahamic religions, they are all okay with polygamy. Polyamory worked with Neanderthals and early Homosapiens since there wouldn't be enough males to go around because they all kept dying from hunting or tribal wars and shit. It's the most primal form and it was the most conventional up until we learned that monogamy was best for creating civilizations.
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2014
People with degenerate values love making up new words?
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2014
I find it hard to believe how often this phrase comes up in this thread. Like no shit emotional problems aren't attractive, they aren't meant to be, but when you're in a relationship you make commitments. If a partner needs you to be there for them, then go be there for them. Same deal vice versa although I'm guessing these kinds of selfish, hypocritical twats would complain if their piece of meat isn't there for them either.
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2017
This type of thing is why I'm skeptical of the 'poly can work if [X]' line of thinking. If your communication and maturity are so advanced you can't care for yourself, isn't that just emotional immaturity?
Tanner Glass
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2016
Poly is weird but god damn "fluid bonded" is the most poetic way to say "dumped a load into/received a load from" this person.
On what level of self importance do you feel the need to share and advertise that information?
On what level of self importance do you feel the need to share and advertise that information?
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2017
It's also different ends of the belief spectrum. Polygamy (1 man/multiple wives) is very patriarchal, and associated with highly conservative religious faiths (Fundie Mormons, Christians, and Muslims.) The focus is solely on the man, and him spreading his seed far and wide.
Polyamory (whatever the fuck combo) is more associated with those who consider themselves liberal, and claims a strong, feminist influence. The roots of it are in the sexual revolution, Neo-Paganism (Church of All Worlds/Wicca), and early feminism.
Then there is also polygyny (1 woman, many husbands), 0which is mostly practiced in areas of the world where fer land is scarce, so brothers will marry the same woman to preserve that. I think it's mostly in Nepal and areas near there.
I watch a lot of National Geographic and that show Taboo
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2017
Oh god, this reminds me of another awful internet subculture...Goreans. Basically, this guy John Norman wrote a series of books about the fictional world of Gor, where men enslave women and use them for freaky sex all the time. Goreans are fans of this who try to act like they live on Gor and act even stupider and have even more stupid nerd jargon than poly people. They insist it's not BDSM but it totally is. They are also all at least 250 pounds. Google it, it's fun!*
I hate how poly people believe that feelings and emotions are irrational and stupid. They're constantly trying to get over their feelings of jealousy, telling other people to get over their feelings of jealousy, trying to not feeling abandoned, telling people if you feel like you're being abandoned you're crazy, telling people to ignore their irrational partners, and on and on...
*no
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2017
Gor is an unending well of lulz. I keep waiting for it to die, and it just pops back up like a fat, sad, dragon-addled Dracula.
- Joined
- May 7, 2017
There is even a thread dedicated to this special flavour of relationship and general dysfunction.
https://kiwifarms.net/threads/goreans.16394/
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2017
These men are so desperate to prove how unique they are by sticking it to "traditional" relationships by allowing their wives to sleep around , that they are quite literally ruining their, and in some cases their children's lives. SAD
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2017
I don't know how I was unaware of this, so thank you! I'm sure it's as big a bowl of degeneracy as this thread.
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2016
Most of my personal lolcows are ""polyamorous"" but this shit nails one of them perfectly.
Bisexual friend from high school, pushing 40, frankly kind of a landwhale, married immediately after graduating college. Husband was an unemployed loser old enough to be her father. He already had a teenager who ran off and didn't speak to him anymore (red flag tbh) and didn't want more, but she insisted, they finally had one. The kid was barely 5 years old before my friend started in on wanting an "open marriage." She asked my opinion and I bluntly told her, you have the child you've wanted since you were 23, you need to focus on being a good parent and role model to her, not sleep around with others because you're a bored housewife now. And, you know, because you just said your husband is very opposed to the idea. She didn't bring it up any more to me, what do I know anyway, I'm childfree and single.
Then this year she announced she and the husband are separating and she already has a new boyfriend (or "spouse" and "partner," as she calls them). I cannot even begin to imagine what her daughter ("child") is going through. She's already homeschooled, raised vegetarian/vegan (while the father still eats meat), possibly Wiccan, and has been fed Sophie Labelle's genderstupid coloring book (she didn't care about/understand the gender shit, while her mother clearly wanted her to become nonbinary suddenly). This kid is like 10 now, she is beyond old enough to understand that mommy and daddy don't love each other and mommy is abandoning her responsibilities to see other men. Or maybe she doesn't understand after all this sheltering and having an unemployed cuck for a male role model.
I'm disappointed she doesn't post about it on social media, though maybe she's in one of these subreddits. I gleaned the news about her separation and boyfriend from a couple of twitter posts. I only found out about Labelle's coloring book because she wrote a generous review of it on her blog... which is supposed to promote her writing, but she never updates it because she's too busy sleeping around, or something.
Then this year she announced she and the husband are separating and she already has a new boyfriend (or "spouse" and "partner," as she calls them). I cannot even begin to imagine what her daughter ("child") is going through. She's already homeschooled, raised vegetarian/vegan (while the father still eats meat), possibly Wiccan, and has been fed Sophie Labelle's genderstupid coloring book (she didn't care about/understand the gender shit, while her mother clearly wanted her to become nonbinary suddenly). This kid is like 10 now, she is beyond old enough to understand that mommy and daddy don't love each other and mommy is abandoning her responsibilities to see other men. Or maybe she doesn't understand after all this sheltering and having an unemployed cuck for a male role model.
I'm disappointed she doesn't post about it on social media, though maybe she's in one of these subreddits. I gleaned the news about her separation and boyfriend from a couple of twitter posts. I only found out about Labelle's coloring book because she wrote a generous review of it on her blog... which is supposed to promote her writing, but she never updates it because she's too busy sleeping around, or something.
This other bunch of lolcows, they're all in their mid-20s and "trans." Three of them are "dating" though one lives in another country, so how she can be involved, idk. The two that live together are in an "asexual" relationship, only one of them is very much not asexual, so she goes out to bars and on tinder to get some action. She's on T and presents as a dude, but is still somehow getting laid by strange men all the time... why she needs two girlfriends to be in a "committed relationship" with her is a mystery for the ages. They're all really unappealing, unemployed, and obsessed with video game culture, I guess they can't do much better?
Someone said earlier it's always these unattractive geek people who are into this stuff because it's non-mainstream and "revolutionary," and that's so accurate. Being a slut isn't the way to go if you want to reverse the incel-geek-stereotype. Stop using your established partner as a safety net when what you really want is to sleep around, unattached. Stop getting goddamned married at 20, you are going to get bored of one another sooner than you think.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2017
Biologist sperging ahead. Polygyny is actually the biological term for a male with multiple females, while polyandry is a female with multiple males. Polyandry is incredibly rare and only seen in a few species overall.
The majority of mammals (~95%) are non-monogamous. They are usually classified as 'promiscuous' meaning they mate during breeding seasons and then the male just peaces out to go fuck as many females as possible. The female raises the young on her own. Many mammals also have polygynous systems (gorillas, lions, a lot of human societies etc) with some species of primates having polyandrous systems. A very small percent of mammals are monogamous--like the adorable dikdik.
The majority of birds however (~90%) are monogamous. Many species mate for life, but some are only monogamous to one individual during the time it takes to raise young during a breeding season. But there are species of birds where both the male and female actively cheat on their monogamous partners--if either of them are caught they will break up.
Biologically speaking, polygamy is more advantageous for males while monogamy is more advantageous for females. Monogamy also tends to be more productive and successful when it comes to raising offspring.
So sure, a bunch of the exceptional people shown in this thread could say that 'polygamy is more natural' but the appeal to nature argument is pure bullshit--because pedophilia, rape, incest, cannibalism, and murder are also all extremely natural for mammals. When you take into account our society, morals, benefits for children, human emotions and behavior, all the examples in this thread, etc monogamy is still the more advantageous system for a long-term relationship.