I feel that psychologists have a higher barrier of entry since they have to do more work to get a higher degree. Don't be fooled, there's still dipshits and SJWs there too, but there's less than therapy which requires a Batchelor's in the states. Therapists are also cheaper and more accessible by everyone in your polycule for that reason. There's good therapists too but the point is that they're a hard field to navigate and it is understandable why people avoid therapists and psychologists. It can be worth it, but it can hurt just as much.
A lot of the time, too, I think therapy is pushed as a replacement for having friends. These groups like to discourse about boundaries and "emotional labor," and often they'll feel it's inappropriate to "trauma dump" to your friends or partner(s), so they suggest going to therapy so you'll have someone you can go to.
Ordinarily, we would consider it a normal part of friendship or a relationship to be able to come to each other about your problems, but in Current Year that's seen as deeply offensive because I don't have the spoons to deal with you.
A lot of the time, too, I think therapy is pushed as a replacement for having friends. These groups like to discourse about boundaries and "emotional labor," and often they'll feel it's inappropriate to "trauma dump" to your friends or partner(s), so they suggest going to therapy so you'll have someone you can go to.
Ordinarily, we would consider it a normal part of friendship or a relationship to be able to come to each other about your problems, but in Current Year that's seen as deeply offensive because I don't have the spoons to deal with you.
- One is attempting to convince their partner with a FFM threesome so she can backdoor a MMF threesome into the relationship and open things up for good, the other is gently pushing her partner.
This shit right here is why id never entertain a ffm threesome in a relationship. Pandoras box aside id be thinking it was a setup to try for a mmf threesome be open altogether.
Ding ding ding. Both of the psych teachers had in college both said the main reason people go to therapy is to simply have someone to talk to or confide in.
I had a very positive experience with a psychologist and CBT. It was hard but improved my life massively.
This was before current year though so i would probably have just been told i was trans and had to transition immediately and get into a poly relationship with other trannies as a panacea.
Here's what would've happened if you got a therapist in current year. You would've looked the therapist up, and professional websites would say that they're specialized in dealing with every single disorder known to man. Then when you get to your appointment, you realize they're just a social worker who's only qualified to nod along as you speak. No goals set and no feedback that you couldn't get from a homeless gentleman for a dollar.
Most therapists are just social workers with lying psychology today profiles now. That's why the average pay for a therapist with a bachelor's went from 45k to 20k.
I'll try playing a game where there is no winning.
Rules: grab five annoying quotes from r/polyamory posts, sorted by newest. If whatever part you're reading annoys you to any real extent, that's a quote, no need for context. Once you have five, post them here and rate them from 1 to 10, 1 being mildly annoying and 10 being beyond any top hats; you're just seething with impotent, retarded anger, making hateful noises, feeling sick and wishing for quick but painful death on everyone.
Win condition: there is no win condition, there is no winning, everyone has already lost by default.
7/10. I hate this. I hate those retarded made-up names. They're shit names. They're shit names no matter what you're doing. If you're making a fucking Fallout 2 character, using any of these names should set a fire on your computer and a shameful weight upon your soul. Polycule structure my ass.
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2) Recently, I’ve been having baby fever to the max.
4/10. Fuck you.
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3) We all desire to end generational trauma by working really hard on ourselves. This puts us out a couple years likely logistically
3/10 I do hate that, because it means fucking nothing, but I almost laughed too, so it's a little bittersweet with this one.
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4) I understand that for some people being Polly is not a choice
2/10. You understand wrong. Eat a cracker, delete your reddit account and leave this nonsense for good
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5) My advances are mostly rejected, and I’ve been making a very strong effort to make her feel supported in the moment of rejection and not letting myself be angry or take it personal. I keep a smile on my face and I let her know that I understand.
8/10 (winner). He's talking about his "nesting partner" who likes to get BDSM fucked by her new boyfriend all the time. The part where the cuck talks about supporting her in the moment of rejection made me mad. I want to punch some anger, some defiancy, some fucking sense into his head. Don't fucking be like this. Motherfucker, a year from now and you're looking at a rope if you keep accepting this shameful situation. Get the fuck out. Why am I so mad at some random cuck I have no idea but gbbbbghgh
5) My advances are mostly rejected, and I’ve been making a very strong effort to make her feel supported in the moment of rejection and not letting myself be angry or take it personal. I keep a smile on my face and I let her know that I understand.
8/10 (winner). He's talking about his "nesting partner" who likes to get BDSM fucked by her new boyfriend all the time. The part where the cuck talks about supporting her in the moment of rejection made me mad. I want to punch some anger, some defiancy, some fucking sense into his head. Don't fucking be like this. Motherfucker, a year from now and you're looking at a rope if you keep accepting this shameful situation. Get the fuck out. Why am I so mad at some random cuck I have no idea but gbbbbghgh
I know this problem is pretty relative in the poly community, and right now it’s one that I’m struggling with pretty hard, and if anyone has any experience with this topic I would be more than grateful for their opinion.
My NP (23F) has been very very intimate with my meta since we relocated to the city he resides in (not for the reason of being closer to him, it’s about an hour from our hometown). I know a lot of it is NRE, but they have been going at it almost nonstop (often multiple rounds, which is something we haven’t had for a long time). I communicated to my NP about how I also would like to share that same level of intimacy with her. Or at least to a similar extent. My advances are mostly rejected, and I’ve been making a very strong effort to make her feel supported in the moment of rejection and not letting myself be angry or take it personal. I keep a smile on my face and I let her know that I understand.
But it’s been really hard on me, to feel like he is getting not only more quality time but feeling like she is having her sexual needs met by only him. She’s spent a lot more time with him under our roof than with me since we’ve moved a couple weeks ago. I know a contributing factor is she is in a kink dynamic with him, something I’ve heavily expressed interest in with her. But her response is she doesn’t think she can reach a submissive headspace with me because we are so comfortable and established.
She gives me reassurance that it’s her and not me, and I’m trying my hardest not to take it personally. But I also want to feel special to her in that aspect :/ and I want to feel like I can make her feel turned on and excited with the butterflies in the stomach feeling we once had, and not like she is having sex with me out of a internal sense of pity that it’s been a neglected place in our relationship since the move.
Does anyone know what I can do to heal myself, and make myself feel better?
I heavily appreciate everyone who takes the time out of their day to give me their input. I appreciate and internalize all the advice I get from this incredibly helpful sub.
the guy is so much of a spineless self hating slimeball, it's really hard to read his post without getting angry at him
also most of the replies are telling him that he is in the wrong for even knowing about their sex life in the first place lol
10/10, would rage again
in certain liberal circles, going to therapy is seen as inherently virtuous, it is treated as something that shows what a good and moral person you are, so they virtue signal about it to everyone who will listen
A lot of the time, too, I think therapy is pushed as a replacement for having friends. These groups like to discourse about boundaries and "emotional labor," and often they'll feel it's inappropriate to "trauma dump" to your friends or partner(s), so they suggest going to therapy so you'll have someone you can go to.
Ordinarily, we would consider it a normal part of friendship or a relationship to be able to come to each other about your problems, but in Current Year that's seen as deeply offensive because I don't have the spoons to deal with you.
It's secular confession, the way liberals treat therapy. Though instead of admitting and repenting your sins, you tell the therapist your fee fees hurt, and everyone else is bad.
EDIT: "also most of the replies are telling him that he is in the wrong for even knowing about their sex life in the first place lol"
Let's be real, the cuck probably hears about the sex life from the others anyway, why are the commenters so mad and calling him wrong for that?
initially i just skimmed over them
now on closer inspection, it seems they aren't really calling him out, but their "you shouldn't know about this stuff" posts are unironically meant to be helpful advice for him lol
Why do you know so much about how and how often people have sex? You seem really focused on a relationship and on sex you are not part of. Maybe make it clear you don't want to hear about it any more if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Your focus should not be on how well someone else you are not in a relationship with gets their needs met or how much sex others have.
Most people don’t want to be in the next room while their nesting partner (NP) is boinking someone else in their shared bed, but a combination of noise-cancelling headphones and discretion can make it tolerable.
" Why do you know so much about how and how often people have sex? You seem really focused on a relationship and on sex you are not part of. Maybe make it clear you don't want to hear about it any more if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Your focus should not be on how well someone else you are not in a relationship with gets their needs met or how much sex others have"
As of the moment I would like it to be permanent. We are co parenting our child together and we are in a way our own little family. I would hate to leave my relationship unless it was the only thing that would make me heal and grow
While he's trying to drown out the sounds of her getting destroyed by the new partner - they all think the toddler isn't aware somehow. The new partner can host but it would put out his adult brother who is also in the kink scene so fuck it let the toddler hear.
My partner tells me she feels turned on by me when I speak her love languages. Hers are acts of service and words of affirmation. I practice that by making sure the house is always clean, doing little things that I know would make her day easier and letting her know that she’s doing her best everyday.
He's only poly because the girl cheated on him and basically said "I'm not going to stop" and he somehow doesn't see that he's beyond cucked.
For context: She had an overnight at her boyfriend the night prior, I hadn’t seen her for about 2 days because of my work schedule. We planned on having a date night of our own and she suggested we go to a local kink event. I initially had reservations because I know her partner (32m) frequents those events, and I really wanted the night to be oriented around us because I hadn’t seen her for awhile. I asked her if it was only going to be us, and she knew why I was asking. She told me her partner had other plans so I agreed to go and make a fun night out of it.
About 10 minutes from getting to the event (located about an hour from us) she told me that he did in fact end up coming, she didn’t know prior. I was really caught off guard, I became a bit jealous because now instead of having a night together, we would now be hanging out with him and his friends. When we go to the event, we spent about the first 10 minutes together, and then we ran into her boyfriend’s group. I was feeling a little insecure, shortly after we started talking they were already flirting, staring at each other and joking about how they had sex the night prior and making new plans right in front of me.
Q: My wife has a very close family member who is terminally ill. What can I do to stay supportive but also ethically remain in this situationship with the person I am dating? I'm having difficulty navigating this as I don't want to disappoint anyone. (u/mizzenmast21)
A: The only real source of polyamorous joy is compersion. Send videos to your wife of you fucking your girlfriend. If you want to go the extra mile, make your girlfriend wear a "get well soon" t-shirt or at least have her hold some heart balloons. Reminding your wife of real love is crucially important at this very moment, as she is watching a loved one pass away. Her heart is made heavy by death, you will make it lighter with life. Who knows, perhaps new life could be conceived by this act, to replace the old one? You know what to do. Both of those gals are lucky to have you.
Q: I'm tired of obsessing over the person my partner is seeing because i'm deeply insecure. i keep getting triggered, i want to work through it. pls give me pointers and advice.
i know i need a new queer therapist so that i can work through this over the summer. (u/uwuakley)
A: I'm afraid you're going to need more than a queer therapist. You're going to need an AIDS-ridden lesbofaggot marxist-satanist games journalist AntiFa-adjacent relationship anarcho-communist MtF-pooner whore therapist. These attitudes you hold, these deep-seated, selfish and greedy heteronormative "quirks" are the very things that got us Trump in 2016, and will get you worse in 2024. I don't know what else to say to you. It's up to you if you want to be an unlovable piece of shit or not.
"Why do you know so much about how and how often people have sex?"
1. Isn't it happening in his house?
2. Aren't these poly types always talking about compersion and communication? Is it that much of a stretch to believe his girlfriend would tell him about her extracurriculars?
"You seem really focused on a relationship and on sex you are not part of. Maybe make it clear you don't want to hear about it any more if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Your focus should not be on how well someone else you are not in a relationship with gets their needs met or how much sex others have."
I'd argue his live-in girlfriend is a relationship he's a part of...
I read through the whole thread, his other thread, and his other comments in other threads, and now I am literally shaking with anger. Like not the meme „literally shaking“, but shaking in literal reality. This fucking close to making a reddit account or somehow doxing the dude and getting him on the phone and shouting at him to get out of this fucking situation and take his kid with him, for the sake of god. And even in this fucked up situation they’re suggesting therapy as a means of somehow lobotomising OP into being okay with it!!!
Speaking of torture, let's see how the relationshipspecials are doing today. I'll pick a few short quotes again and give them a MATI rating.
"After lots of counseling, 5yrs ago, one of my previous counselors helped me realize that I not only identify at polyamorous but that, that is okay. I still struggle with fully accepting it as okay because of mono-normativity within society"
I assume the same councilor told you you're nonbinary. Anyway, being a failed polyamorist on reddit is a shitty payoff for all that time, money and sanity you've wasted. 4/10, kind of little bit mad but in a relaxed way!
(If that counselor is a psycho and a hack, which is likely, they can just throw her a new identity every two years, and then they can both "process" the reality of living that shit for eleven years more. Infinite psycho therapist money glitch)
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"Tldr slept with my ex who now is more of an f+/qpc to me (feels healthy)"
I don't know what that means and it makes me a little mad for looking at this dumb pointless shit without even being able to comprehend why it's dumb and shit. 6/10, what the fuck are you talking about
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"Currently feeling joy! My wife is traveling and sent some pictures including a selfie to the group chat between me, her, and her gf. And me and her gf are gushing over her selfie and I couldn’t be happier to be at this stage of life!!! That’s all! "
Your joy is a lie and your cope is obvious. All of you sound like retards. Nobody needs to know about your wife's stupid selfies. Your reddit post is bad and you'll be suicidal in a month. 3/10
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"So I 26F, choose to stay monogamous to my 30M boyfriend, who is poly. He is legally married to a 39F, and is also dating another woman 32F who is going through a divorce with her husband. Where I need help/advice is this:"
Anything following that is pointless to read, because you already described the problem very clearly. But just because you followed it up with 5000 lines of absolute bullshit and drivel, which I will not quote here, I now dislike you so much that I have to comfort myself by fantasizing about a scenario where your "boyfriend" throws you a surprise party where all the other women kick you in the stomach while he Donkey Kong-jumps around you in a tuxedo and farts on your teeth. 5/10
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"Two months ago, my Dom (41M) broke up with me (35F). We were incompatible in a lot of ways that love and kink could not make up for. I immediately set to work processing my emotions like the neurodivergent that I am, journaling like crazy and reaching out to my local kink community to make more friends and cultivate the platonic relationships I already had."
2/10. Not even mad, very amused instead, but there is a frustration bubbling under the retarded smile. This post is so fucking Reddit. AI will never achieve this. Neither will people. Only these creatures, veteran redditors who have been transformed into what they consume, can achieve this. Oh my goodness look at how awful it is. It's like a monster: it's Reddit, 2020 Twitter and all the fake shitty pop blog journalism combined into one amazing megafucker to bring plaque, quirk, kink and being a decent heccin human being upon the civilization.
Genuinely, I cannot follow these posts. I started reading that screenshot you posted @Swine Schwein and I have to say I appreciate your Tl;Dr because as soon as it gets into the whole "she did this to him and her, and she said this to me, and I told him" my brain just nopes out. It's worse than when you find your journals from middle school; similar levels of cringe, but with several decades of experience to boot.
That sub is full of people who write like that. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to get over a paragraph because my brain treats it as white noise and starts to power everything down when I try make sense of it, shutting my eyes by force, pushing a headache or continuously erasing any memories of the last lines I read.
It's like constantly getting gimped while doing questionable challenge runs
one of my previous counselors helped me realize that I not only identify at polyamorous but that, that is okay. I still struggle with fully accepting it as okay because of mono-normativity within society"
Weird thought: are there people who will always be like this? As in people who can't be satisfied with a monogamous relationship, but want to basically sleep around their entire lives? It seems like some people can't be trained out of being unfaithful or always playing the field. I think those cases would be easier if they just accepted most of the world is monogamous and they are the abnomal ones, and there's a reason monogamy works. Not encouraging polyamory, but saying that they're not compatible with a long term relationship because their great desire is to sleep around.
I think training people to take responsiblity for the consequences of that lifestyle would be much more appropriate. Things like always having birth control or else you're stuck with child support or a responsiblity to NOT sleep around to ensure a child's safety. Not lying to people about wanting to be in a long term relationship and finding others who want short term flings for the rest of their life. Keeping out of serious long term dating spaces. Something like that.
I think most "poly" people do NOT fall into this category from experience and this thread, however. Most seem to fall into the categories of being massively insecure and falling into a manipulative subculture, breaking up with people in the worse way possible by cucking them then replacing them instead of breaking off a relationship and struggling with things like splitting up housing and money (bastards), and people who drank the kool-aid because of ideological reasons. There are too many people who seem addicted to the rush of a new relationship, but I also think those people could be monogamous with massive relationship issues, especially those with borderline personality disorder and those who run into thrills and addiction.
A weird, somewhat off topic deep thought about thots. I'm fine if people disagree.
Weird thought: are there people who will always be like this? As in people who can't be satisfied with a monogamous relationship, but want to basically sleep around their entire lives?
every human is like that at the monkey brain level. see hot stranger -> want to fuck them, it's primal instinct.
the thing is, if everyone blindly followed their instincts like that, we would not have civilisation, we would live like monkeys instead. promiscuity leads to all kinds of negative consequences, and most people realize this at some level, but others don't. those others used to simply go along with it due to social pressure and constraints, but as those constraints are getting weaker we see more and more of them revert to behaving like animals.
"
