r/polyamory

[Mouse Cop]

I assume she meant "peddle".

No, "pebble" is correct. It's a fairly new slang:

 

[Gingervitis]

No, "pebble" is correct. It's a fairly new slang:
View attachment 7170909

How do these guys come up with the faggiest ways to describe normal human behavior?

 

[Fuck Fags I'm A Homophobe]

Lol here are some selfies of her from around 4 or so years ago

how in the FUCK does she have a better beard than me?!
(btw how do yall deal with patches in your beard? it's mostly near my jaw line and right under my chin)

 

[TaimuRadiu]

No, "pebble" is correct. It's a fairly new slang:
View attachment 7170909

this is retarded and I'm sure in the next 5 years I'm going to be using this

 

[Vampirella]

Papa Meat did a vid on Poly, even has some stuff from that poly comic kimchi cuddles. I can't wait to see how Reddit gets mad about this.

 

[Paper Machete]

As an aside, "as long as they're not hurting anybody..." is such a canned response, I hate it. They might as well be honest and say "please don't hurt me, please don't." It basically serves the same purpose.

 

[AloneTard]

No, "pebble" is correct. It's a fairly new slang:
View attachment 7170909

The fact that they have a term for it makes me want to call my dad slurs every time he sends me a funny video from now on.

 

[74164978231]

I think I've said something about this before but this is the thing that always gets me: Ignoring the degeneracy and everything else, just for a second, how the fuck do these people have the time and energy to keep this shit up? Keeping one person happy is a lot of work, let alone if you're married, have kids, jobs, houses to maintain, hobbies, friendships... you know all the normal shit that most people have.

That's why I think the lifestyle is akin to Smithers' quote regarding ticketmaster: "a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich and ignorant, sir"

They can do it because they aren't genuinely invested in anyone. People in open relationships are emotionally broken entirely incapable of forming healthy pair bonds with another.

 

[Brain Problems]

They can do it because they aren't genuinely invested in anyone. People in open relationships are emotionally broken entirely incapable of forming healthy pair bonds with another.

It still takes time and energy though, that's all I'm saying. Even if you were robotically disconnected from the entire process and approaching OPEN RELATIONSHIPS like the Terminator it still requires investments of physical and emotional energy, especially when the ones I know definitely approach it as second (third, fourth, fifth...) relationships, which is just lol

 

[Uzumaki]

They can do it because they aren't genuinely invested in anyone

They confuse the thousand yard state of a Bangkok whore with emotional maturity. A kind of detached numbness is their idealized state of being.

It’s retarded internet “you mad bro?” logic turned into a core personal philosophy. And, like all smug pseudo-intellectuals, they only think they know what their own reactions will be when they plan out these retarded Wile E Coyote level relationship schemes.

So when their wife getting split roasted makes them feel heckin’ invalid they need to unpack what mental error caused them to stray from the path of the Platonic Numb Whore.

 

[neverendingmidi]

You might think that since 2->3 is only a 50% increase, it would only result in a 50% increase in drama, but it's actually more like a 200% increase. Drama doesn't happen on an individual basis, it's about the interactions and relationships between people,

It’s funny, but the same thing happens with dogs. My family has warned people that going from 2 to 3 is going from a pair to a pack, and there’s far more issues with rank in a pack.

However, unlike with humans, if you have a steady pack it’s easier to add an additional dog compared to changing from 2 to 3. People however aren’t pack animals.

 

[Sandshrew]

I don't know if these have been shared here before, but they're hilarious and somehow very accurate.

I've always wondered how "polycules" deal with having to raise another person's child, a child I don't even know if you "consent" to having, as it's technically not your own. Like imagine being cucked having your wife fuck a dude in the other room, and on top of that, you're raising the bull's child while your wife gets railed. I don't know how someone in that situation doesn't just rope-neck themselves.

I also can't imagine the range of mental disorders children of polyamorous parents have. I feel like that's just child endangerment if you're hosting orgies at your house. If unwilling to stop their degeneracy, then these people need to commit to a childfree sterilized life, or wait until the kids are completely grown up.

 

[huesofmercury]

 

[break these cuffs]

View attachment 7253924

This nigga plays video games all day and when he isn't playing video games he sits in bed thinking about the profound, life altering impact Crash Bandicoot has had on him. How the fuck does he expect to get one girlfriend, let alone more than one?

 

[huesofmercury]

 

[Blarmed&Dangerous]

View attachment 7253924

That's so fucking dumb. It doesn't even make his point. "I reconsider my position sometimes" yeah no shit.

If you had one additional IQ point you could maybe make the connection, "this game was my favorite, but then I found this other one and it became my favorite, but I still love the old one." That, while also stupid, would at least have some kind of causal throughline.

 

[huesofmercury]

 

[Sandshrew]

That's so fucking dumb. It doesn't even make his point. "I reconsider my position sometimes" yeah no shit.

If you had one additional IQ point you could maybe make the connection, "this game was my favorite, but then I found this other one and it became my favorite, but I still love the old one." That, while also stupid, would at least have some kind of causal throughline.

These are the same people who think wearing a dress turns your XY chromosomes into XX, so I don't think critical thinking is really their strongsuit.

View attachment 7254484

It's so insanely narcissistic how they throw a Reddit pity party wanting people to feel bad for them when they were the side bitch helping a married person cheat. I wish all the polyfags would just move to an Islamic country, or an FLDS Amish settlement, if they truly believe it to be an enlightened form of living.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Here we have a couple who recently left the Mormon church. They've been married for seventeen years and have three kids. The husband comes to /r/polyamory to explain that his wife has never wanted to have sex with him, and now she wants to ban sex from their marriage entirely, while she goes off and fucks some dude she's probably already fucking. He wants help becoming enlightened enough to understand that this is totally fine!

It's long, I've bolded the relevant parts.

Spoiler: cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

My wife and I are new to polyamory. I have had one experience that ended up being more of a hookup than anything else. My wife is going slower, but is building a meaningful relationship with someone who may become a partner.

We have been married for 17 years, and have 3 kids. We were both raised Mormon, and neither of us had sex before marriage. We left the church a few years ago, and have been going through a long deconstruction process.

We both have sexual baggage of different kinds. Mine comes from a lot of shame around masturbating and looking at porn, and what I understand of hers is that it stems from both the way the Mormon church teaches about sexuality, and trauma related to our relationship. Before we got married I confessed that I had struggled with porn and masturbating, but promised I would not do those things anymore, but I failed to keep my promise before we even got married, and I didn't tell her until after we were married (I know I screwed up big time)

Over the course of our marriage, we have tried counseling, and have tried to talk things through more times than I can count. We have tried to be open, and honest, but there has always been tension around sex. Our libidos have never seemed to match, and she has always felt pressure to give me sex even if she is not in the mood. I have expressed frustration from time to time, but even when we got to the point where we decided that she would be the only one to initiate sex, it has been hard for her because she said that she can tell when I want sex even if I don't say anything, and she feels pressure.

I try not to pressure her, but nearly every conversation about sex ends in hurt feelings, and apologies later.

Recently I have felt like things were improving. We talked a lot about the ways in which we were comfortable moving into polyamory, and we were both supportive of each other's reasons for wanting to explore, but after going to an event where she got to see the person she is interested in, she returned wanting to think through some things. While she was away she had done some soul searching, and wanted to do some thinking and then was going to talk to me about it. In a pattern of self destruction, I did not give her the space she needed, and in our conversation she let slip that she was thinking about bigger modifications to our relationship than we had talked about before. There is a lot of details that are hard to include, but long story shorter, right now what she wants is to not have sex with each other for a year and open our sexual relationship where we both have complete freedom to explore. The intention is to keep the rest of our relationship the same.

I have not been taking what she wants very well. I am trying to be supportive, but believe it or not the suggestion to stop having sex with each other kinda blindsided me. Also we had talked numerous times about keeping our relationship as a priority as we explored, and we set the expectation that either of us could pull the plug on opening our relationship.

I know that we are both adults with autonomy, and that she does not need my permission to change her mind about boundaries. I actually think it may be a good idea for us to try this and figure our selves out because there is so much history of tension in our sexual relationship that it makes it very hard to communicate skillfully with each other.

I love her deeply, and I would like to see if we can salvage our relationship, though both of us know that the future is uncertain.

The last several days have been a painful rollercoaster for both of us, and I have put my foot in my mouth multiple times already trying to discuss my feelings about the change she wants. I feel like I am trying to process things, and I tend to process out loud through conversations, but it has been very hard for her, and she is feeling blamed.

I have been doing a lot of reflection based on my reactions since she suggested not having sex for a year, and I have started to recognize that I have a lot of issues to work on in my self (Probably obvious to you based on what I have written). I believe I am much more codependent than I ever realized, and I think I have some anxious attachment issues. She can tell when I am upset, and it is making it hard for her to work through her stuff. I am terrified that my issues will doom our relationship.

Here is the point. I am terrified that I am killing this experiment before it even gets off the ground. I know I need to work on my emotional regulation, and I know I need to give her space, and respect her boundaries but my track record is not great. Even if our relationship ends I don't want to make the next year hell on either of us. I would be truly grateful for any strategies or resources to help me get a handle on my self. I would also love any recommendations for a counselor or coach who specializes in polyamory. We are in New Mexico, and I have looked for this type of service with out much luck. I am ok with online services if needed.

Please help this unskillful person to stop sabotaging himself and the person he cares for the most.

Sincerely a lost soul on the Internet.

This guy is a great example of why it's beneficial to get some relationship experience before settling down into marriage. His wife married someone she isn't attracted to because she had no idea what sex and attraction meant. She's is using all these crazy excuses like "I'm traumatized because you told me you weren't going to masturbate anymore and then you did!" and OP is too inexperienced to realize that her message is loud, clear, and very simple: she doesn't want to have sex with him and she never will.

The polytards, to their credit, point this out to OP. The top two comments:

Spoiler: text

Has she ever enjoyed sex with you? Have you two ever had a comfortable sexual connection?

This is a rough place to be. I’m sorry you are there. And I would take this as my partner asking for us to no longer be in a sexual relationship. Do you want the marriage to continue if it won’t be a sexual connection and your wife will be having sexual connections with others? Some folks are up for that. Most are not.

Spoiler: text

I would take a partner telling me they don’t want to have sex for a year as a breakup, honestly. I need a satisfying sexual connection in romantic relationships, so that’s just “I cannot do this then” for me.

If you’ve already been through counseling multiple times, I wouldn’t expect a new counselor to suddenly resolve your incompatibilities. You cannot therapize things like “I want sex once a week, they want sex once a year” into insignificance. The fact that this issue has persisted for your entire relationship through multiple counseling attempts strongly indicates it can not be fixed by any amount of time or intervention.

I think therapy would be a good idea. But I think you need a therapist who specializes in divorce.

Another person says that having normal marital sex with OP probably TRAUMATIZED!!!!! the wife. And that is why she needs to prioritize traveling to hang out with and have sex with her side piece. To work through the TRAUMA!!!!, you see. After the yearlong sex ban, everything will be fine! OP cherrypicks this comment and latches on to it.

Spoiler: text

ORIGINAL COMMENT: Honestly, this reads to me as though your wife might have serious stress and/or trauma around y’all‘s sexual interactions, which makes sense because she likely came into the situation with basically zero information on how that kind of thing goes. Which makes it ripe for traumatic experiences.

She might be trying to find out if she can have sex at all without it being super upsetting by removing the associations with you.

Have there been examples of times where you tried to push past her boundaries, etc? It sounds like she probably pushed past her own a few times.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with porn or masturbation and by avoiding those altogether you are really just piling more pressure on her for no reason. She’s not responsible for all of your sexual feelings whether y’all are married or not. It sounds like you somewhat understand that, but things like porn and masturbation are important tools for handling your own needs and situations like this so I would encourage you to get over the stigma you’ve internalized around those.

OP RESPONSE: This comment feels spot on. I try hard to respect her boundaries, but for most of our marriage communication around sex has been difficult on its own. Most of the time when she expresses that I have crossed a boundary I didn't realize I did it. I feel like the communication has improved over time, but we have a lot of traumatic history to overcome. Also to clarify about porn and masturbating. It was something that hurt her a lot when we were still Mormon, and that is part of our traumatic history. It has been on the table for me basically since we left the church, and I have been trying to use it to remove pressure from her, but even though she is ok with it now, it doesn't remove the trauma of the past. Thank you for your careful read and emotional intelligence. We both have work to do on ourselves, and I am trying to focus on positive changes in myself because I can only control myself. I also know that the whole post sounds very bleak, but there are a lot of positives in our relationship, and we are compatible in many ways. I am trying to learn coping skills so she doesn't feel like she needs to emotionally regulate me while she figures herself out. Thank you again for your response!

Note the poly/therapy speak. OP tries to initiate sex with his wife? She screams BOUNDARY CROSSING! OP is uncomfortable with her traveling to hang out with her side piece? She tells him to LEARN SOME COPING SKILLS! Also note that she is fine with OP masturbating now, but she is STILL TRAUMATIZED from when he masturbated while they were still Mormon.

In conclusion: cuck. But I feel bad for the guy. He knows in his bones that this is wrong, but it can't be wrong because it's polyamory and polyamory is awesome! Right, guys? Right? He's expecting to cash in on the promise of "openly, honestly, and consensually loving more than one person" any day now.

 

[prolific_mango]

I don't know if these have been shared here before, but they're hilarious and somehow very accurate.

I've always wondered how "polycules" deal with having to raise another person's child, a child I don't even know if you "consent" to having, as it's technically not your own. Like imagine being cucked having your wife fuck a dude in the other room, and on top of that, you're raising the bull's child while your wife gets railed. I don't know how someone in that situation doesn't just rope-neck themselves.

I also can't imagine the range of mental disorders children of polyamorous parents have. I feel like that's just child endangerment if you're hosting orgies at your house. If unwilling to stop their degeneracy, then these people need to commit to a childfree sterilized life, or wait until the kids are completely grown up.

Tbh it’s sad how long into the first one it took me to decide it was not real