Now seriously... I swear I can't believe that Chris is still lonely and desperate like that. How can it be that no one has tried to become his official sweetheart yet?
I mean, he is not the kind of person anyone would want to be with, but he is internet-famous, even if it is for all of the wrong reasons. And there are many attention whores who would do anything to get their five minutes of fame, and to get people to talk about them. People do disgusting and horrid things in camera every day in order to become viral, even things worse than sleeping with Chris. So statistically speaking, there has to be at least one chick crazy enough to go out with him seriously just to be talked about, and maybe open a Patreon or use that as some leverage to become known on the internet...
And even if that girl doesn't meet all his conditions, will he even care? Let's be serious: all he wants for christmas is china. There is no need of high income, youth, ridiculous beauty standards or a car as long as there's china. I bet he would cling to an abusive wreck as long as he gets that one thing. And if he has proven anything in all of these years, is that he can be played like a fiddle by anyone who entices him.