I genuinely LOLd at the thought of Chris becoming an Uber driver...
Imagine booking an Uber from Charlottesville Airport, standing there waiting with your suitcase...
Suddenly a Chrystler van, plastered with stickers and crap everywhere screeches to a halt.
You hear a high pitched nasally voice squeaking; “Hello, my name is Christine, I’ll be your driver!”
The man coming out of the van is oddly shaped. Like an orange with two pencils sticking out as legs. He’s wearing candy colored tights and a too short dress.
His face seems to be all chin, and some sort of pink horn is sticking up from the long, matted strands of green hair that’s fighting a desperate and losing fight against male pattern baldness.
“Yah, hmm... You can just eh... Those suitcases can go in the hmm back!” The man says and jumps back in the driver seat before you can even ask if he can give you a hand.
The van takes off, and still in shock, you fumble on your phone to put on some music. Not soon enough.
“You hmm... You might wonder why my face is kinda familiar! I get that a lot!” He says with a smug look on his face.
“You mi-you could even say I’m Ehm... Internet famous!”
He starts looking and grabbing for something in an oversized purse that’s next to the drivers seat, taking a hand and all attention off the road.
“Shoot, where is it, ah there!” With a look of utter triumph, he hands you a greasy businesscard: “Christine Weston...” You start reading aloud.
“..Chandler, creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon and the city of Cwcville, that’s ME!” The nasally voice finishes for you.
You’re about to ask to turn the radio on, when the van screeches to a halt.
“Why did you stop in the middle of-“ you start but you’re met with an annoyed handwave.
Then you realize why there are two iPhones awkwardly taped together on the dashboard.
“There is a... Imma just do this raid it’s a three star raid, it’ll just take a hmmm minute...”
Fat fingers dance across a glass screen. You wonder how on earth he managed to build up a sweat while doing nothing but driving with the aircon on, but shove then question aside for now.
“As a reward for your hmm patience, I’m going to let you in on a ehm... Imma tell you a secret!”
The driver turns to face you, with a look of smug insanity.
“You might want to ahh, twee.. Tell your friends that you have been driven by a Goddess! Have you heard about DA MERGE?!”
