Containment Random Thoughts & Questions

The new movie 12 Years A Slave comes out this weekend. It's currently got a 97% freshness rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Only two negative reviews. Guess who one of them is?
 
asperhes said:
The new movie 12 Years A Slave comes out this weekend. It's currently got a 97% freshness rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Only two negative reviews. Guess who one of them is?
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Ed Gonzalez? That bastard.

Kidding. Here's an excerpt from Cole's review:

[The director]is an exploitation filmmaker who dabbles in outré subject matter in order to pass his phony self off as an artiste. He’s a cinematic quack who has somehow managed to fool a large part of the critical community into believing that his films contain more meaning than their half-assed executions indicate — much less represent.
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And some gratuitous New Yorker better-'n'-you attitude:

Eventually, Solomon learns to play dumb — once again displaying the demeanor Tea Party members will appreciate as they fiddle with the safeties on the sweat-covered pistols they’ve smuggled into Southern cinemas.
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I tried reading that word salad (or word coleslaw) and it just ended up sounding like this:
[youtube]4xMgrb9EH4M[/youtube]
 
asperhes said:
The new movie 12 Years A Slave comes out this weekend. It's currently got a 97% freshness rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Only two negative reviews. Guess who one of them is?
Click to expand...

How does one go about getting that fuck off the RT critics list?

Not because his reviews are retarded (they are) but he doesn't write for anything but his own website nor is he syndicated as far as I know.

Also the page on him on Wikipedia was deleted for lack of notability which is quite a feat considering all the trivial minutia that have their own articles on there.
 
Well, if "12 Years a Slave" is showing at my local theater I know what I'm going to see. Thanks, Cole. I'll read your reviews and watch the movies you hate because you have crappy taste in film or want to get attention for being a contrarian.
 
Descent said:
I tried reading that word salad (or word coleslaw) and it just ended up sounding like this:
[youtube]4xMgrb9EH4M[/youtube]
Click to expand...


That video sent me into a case of space giggles.
 
Cole said:
[The director]is an exploitation filmmaker who dabbles in outré subject matter in order to pass his phony self off as an artiste. He’s a cinematic quack who has somehow managed to fool a large part of the critical community into believing that his films contain more meaning than their half-assed executions indicate — much less represent.
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[/quote]
I don't think he actually knows what an exploitation director is. The director doesn't even deal with matter that would be used in an exploitation film. Seriously what a shitty, shitty critic.
 
I still find it weird that Coleslaw went full on conspiracy theorist in his SpongeBob review.
 
Picklepower said:
I still find it weird that Coleslaw went full on conspiracy theorist in his SpongeBob review.
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I find it weird you managed to watch one of Coleslaw's reviews long enough to know that. :lol:
 
Picklepower said:
I still find it weird that Coleslaw went full on conspiracy theorist in his SpongeBob review.
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Link please
[youtube]TOx09eKybDg[/youtube]
 
DrChristianTroy said:
Coleslaw said:
[The director]is an exploitation filmmaker who dabbles in outré subject matter in order to pass his phony self off as an artiste. He’s a cinematic quack who has somehow managed to fool a large part of the critical community into believing that his films contain more meaning than their half-assed executions indicate — much less represent.
Click to expand...

I don't think he actually knows what an exploitation director is. The director doesn't even deal with matter that would be used in an exploitation film. Seriously what a shitty, shitty critic.
Click to expand...

I hope he doesn't. Because labeling 12 Years a Slave as blaxploitation would be pretty offensive.
 
His reviews would be more entertaining if they all were conspiratorial. That's why I still watch Alex Jone's movie reviews. Although the SpongeBob review really made me mad because without spelling it right out, Cole accuses the creator and producers of being pro pedophillia, and that is a serious attack on someone's character, that is only warranted if you have massive amounts of evidence, that one supports pedophilia. If you call someone a rapist, or a rape supporter, you better be 100% sure, and be willing to have evidence if challenged. Luckily the people he accuses have most likely never read the review, or know who he is.
Reminds me of how Chris accuses Snyder with no evidence. I would be fucking furious, if someone spread the rumor that I am a pedofork.
 
Further proof Coleslaw is of Chris's blood. He admits he knows nothing about the characters or setting, goes in and starts trying to sound all important. If Cole was this big name reviewer he claims to be, I'm sure his editor would have either removed the review, ran a disclaimer saying that Coleslaw's views are his alone, or had someone else do the review.

You know, I wish he did a review of the Equestria Girls movie.
 
We should, he has so many reviews who knows what crazy shit we have missed. Oh god think about it, we are the ONLY forum that discusses his reviews/ knows who he is most likely, think about that.
 
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