random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[CaddestSlown]

You want to send me a bill for $30 because I parked my car facing North instead of South? Fuck you, kill yourself.

Someone planted a tree 50 years ago and now it's too tall for you so I need to spend $7000 to get it removed? Jump into a woodchipper.

You want to give me a list of approved paint colors that I am allowed to paint my fence? Why don't you chug a gallon of the stuff yourself?

My grass is too long? Is it your fucking grass? No? Then shut the fuck up.

Don't like my lawn ornaments? Swallow broken glass.

Try to tell me what I can do with my property that I own and I'll fucking shoot you, nigger. Total HOA death.

 

[Metamorpho]

Instead of ending with a dance it end with Phillip wearing Aurora's scalp as a wig while he jerks off in front of a mirror.

 

[CallmeCicada]

Talking about the nigger problem is a waste of time when you could be talking about the nigger solution instead

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

it's on the TOP OF THE WEBSITE YOU FUCKING NIGGER

 

[Hamstirer]

"He sits down, that's the opposite of jumping " Josh from the last MatI.

 

[Spectate]

I bet if his mom dressed him up like a girl and tore his shirt off in front of her "friends" he would have the ejaculation of a life time

 

[Aunt Carol]

AI doesn't have enough soul to put a horse baby in her womb

 

[Disgruntled Pupper]

Bro doesn’t know the value of teamwork outside synchronized circlejerking.

 

[S.C.U.D.]

You say 'sheep fucking faggot' like it's a bad thing

Anyway, I'm sure that your disruptive and asinine behaviour will be closely monitored by @Null and the admins.

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

Bottles.wav

 

[like_shutup_&_drive_scoob]

“Yummy yum!” if only she said that about her manwife’s parsnip penis.

“No!” Says the fur***. “The public must see my scat diaper fursuit goon sesh!”.

And they have the audacity to ask “Why do they fursecute me so?”

"its like my animes haha you're just a legendary freedom fighter who dindu nuffin, have you watched one piece? you're literally loofy"

He committed crimes of the penis. Now, his penis will do him in. Divine plan.

 

[Rotollo 2]

Nigga that was the Onceler. You went to the fucking dr. seuss onceler's gamba ring.

 

[DoNotFeedTheSneed]

Nigga, you're a diddyblud.

 

[Senior Frogmin]

you people aren't my therapists and have really no ground to stand on with diagnosing me with anything

 

[World Famous Quasi Payer]

Do Mexican Jews have festive little kippahs that look like miniature sombreros?

 

[CallmeCicada]

I fuck them, you eat them, therefore you give me oral by default.

 

[Tablet County]

If China can have Belt & Road, we can have Belt & Radiator.

The blacking of cheddar man is a crime that keeps reverberating.

plans are a construct of white males

I made the 'mistake' of calling him 'Baby Elton' and he cried like Snoopy.

in the time you took to make this post you could've created a bomb instead in a mysterious shack deep in the thickets of some forest near an isolated town with a post office

I don't trust a man who doesn't appreciate cars.

An account that was made 12 days ago, has 11 posts, and is named micropenissyndrome is the one posting this here? I don't think you could make up something less believable.

 

[vomitusdeux]

If you can figure out how to accept EBT for "shutting the hallway bird up", you'll be a millionaire in your first year.

i helped ONE dog masturbate

I am unaware of any Native American recipe that involves shitting in a kettle.

Bruh if I was a Homophobe then why the fuck do I have naked ladies in my favorites on DA...?

Gretchen sat down one day and said; “I’m gonna pretend to be a 5’2 pedophile who I know personally”.

Groomed, raped, bathtub hormones even.

I am not homophobic or transphobic. if I was I wouldn't have naked women in my favorites lol.

It's sad that there is a whole ethnicity deprived of understanding the existence of a potato.

Go buy a fucking potato after you clock out and stick it the microwave. Crush it, mash it, stick it in a stew.

Also who can forget this iconic line, "And I think I'm poopin' myself damn it, I'm poopin' myself! I'm poopin' myself! (Random little King Ghidorah noise) I didn't even know I was recording this!" Classic.

Transgenderism and its consequences have been a disaster for slightly weird looking people.

did that bitch ask for some melanin in her food

Wait, are you saying that someone who wants to have sex with children is a dumbass? NO WAY, DUDE!

Have you tried getting them to play Undertale? My (38, she/her) parents were being very transphobic when I told them I wanted my girlfriend to live at home with us, and they also refused to educate themselves.
They so against it and kept on misgendering her and said I couldn't change who I was, but this all changed after I used their credit card to buy a Facebook ad telling them to read Homestuck.
After they played through Homestuck they finally started to get the idea of gender. They apologized for being so transphobic, and let my girlfriend move in with me.
And get this-my Mom even pushed my dad to open their relationship up into a quadrant!
If you cant get them to understand, I known a discord you can join that acts as a support network for homeless folx.

You took one bite of a carrot, that's not "eating a carrot". Finish your dinner young lady.

im not making a full ass carrot eating mukbang

What lack of real cheese does to a motherfucker

ZOEY LIED
CARROT SURVIVED
THREAD REVIVED
MODS DIED

The evil Kiwifarms encouraging people to eat healthy.

What a jewish way to "eat a carrot".

I'm glad my eyes don't have to see this fat retards hairy dingle berry riddled ass.

Eating healthy to own the meanies at Kiwi Farms.

The beta-carotene grimace

I've come to make an announcement: Joshua Conner Moon is a BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER. He PISSED ON MY FUCKING reputation. That's right, he took his broken, misshapen, fuckin' autistic dick out and he fucking PISSED ON MY REPUTATION, and he said his dick can smash "THIS MANY BOX", and I said THAT'S DISGUSTING! So I am making a callout post on my Deviantart dot com:

Joshua Conner Moon, you got a broke dick! It's as misshapen as one of my anime girls, except with less amputation marks. And guess what? HERE'S WHAT MY DONG LOOKS—
(Banned)

I assume this is some sort of Japanese ghost bitch about to crawl through my TV for watching this video of her eating a carrot with Lord knows what on it.

With Alex complaining about Kiwis donating to Josh's GiveSendGo, have we asked Canadian taxpayers how they feel about their tax dollars going towards a pedophile's disability benefits?

why would you tattoo DSP on your body?

Where did my life go so wrong that i watched a mentally ill girl eat a carrot for 3 minutes and 42 seconds

 

[Tablet County]

have you considered ignoring stickesr

i like to play Manson's interview really loud

he inserted himself into the happenings thread posting about literally nothing -- Nicholas Rekieta eating a burrito gayly

He's actually openly gorged on an ENTIRE Dorito as his meal of the day.

 

[Spectate]

Insane mental gymnastics like "these statistics are unlabelled", "what does FF7R have to do with anything", and "who the fuck is Naniki and why are we talking about fucking his ass".