random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

The solution here is obvious.
They are jaywalking and their punishment is death.

 

[Terminal Coda]

"What was once magical to me is no more and now I've had my own coming of age and I'm a man now. I'm no longer a boy and I've seen the body."

 

[Tactical Wizard]

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/neogaf-resetera.9636/page-2025

This calls for the double facepalm.

 

[Piss Bear]

 

[Certified_Autist]

From the "Are Muslims furries" thread

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/are-female-furries-actually-muslims.118440/

Pretending to be a woman while dressed up as a triple-cocked wolf/dragon hybrid is fooling no one.

 

[Chi-com Soldier]

Delusions of grandeur aren't delusional if you're actually grand.

I will do anything to see it again. I will sell my soul and my family. I'm begging.

First, you lost at vidya. Then you lost your mind. Then you lost your cock.

We didn't need to know that he's uncircumcised.

If gerbilling were real, people would be waving gerbil flags and putting it in their Twitter bios by now.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've got ourselves a tranny.

Now my dick agrees with my brain.

 

[Aunt Carol]

He craves sugars and carbs like some hideous bariatric vampire.

 

[Skitarii]

Yes. Female furries, along with hazardous waste handlers, and firefighters all take an oath to Allah before climbing in their suit. It's one of the fandom's best kept secrets.

"White history" is really just part of black history since whites were created by a black person, Yakub.

 

[Blasterisk]

I'd just add a third boob between the shoulder blades for hugs and slow dancing.

 

[Post Reply]

You have no Kung Fu, stalker. Just a mental illness and criminal liability.

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/patrick-sean-tomlinson-stealthygeek.65412/post-11837908

 

[SneedEyeMitch]

Rub-a-dub-dub
30 men in a club,
Who do you think they'll be?
The chad, the professor, the lonely go-getter,
They're all knocking up Stacy!

And that's not even getting started on the health benefits of camel urine.

 

[Cousin_Larry]

I belive these from the rodfellows thread are worth it's weight in gold

View attachment 3232578View attachment 3232579
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https://kiwifarms.st/threads/lmnb-lmn-quadworks-danny-the-irrefutable-darren-pipster-comedy-mix.97626/

That was very angry and hilarious

 

[White_N]

Fuck the world. If a bunch of tranny-loving countries full of feral negroes and hysterical homosexuals were about to topple me and enslave my people I'd start dropping bombs too

 

[Sealbaby]

Oh I see- so your own breast milk is sacred but when it comes to our cow, goat, and almond-bodied sisters it doesn't matter? Real intersectional of you.

I'VE GOTTA EMBRACE THE HUSBANDO
I'VE GOTTA SNIFF THE HUSBANDO
I'VE GOTTA LICK THE HUSBANDO
I'VE GOTTA WASH THE HUSBANDO
I'VE GOTTA DATE THE HUSBANDO
I'VE GOTTA BE THE HUSBANDO!!!

 

[Shiny Shroodle]

he is more fat than person

no no no, wigger. We will not disrespect the african american race like that lol.

Just fuckity fuck all the way around.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

Kiwi Farms - not a sex offender.

 

[Happy Fish]

I'm getting the feeling that "The Color Purple" is like Scott Pilgrim on steroids for the black community. Is that correct?

 

[SCSI]

I guess you could use anything sold at Target as a sex toy. Just need to be determined enough.

even hobos have linkedin now and I still never bothered filling out a profile.

You can get almost two quarts of water into those generic institutional Pads. They become these big bloated things that make a wonderful splat when you hurl them at the unsuspecting in the worlds most vile water balloon fight.

Redditor u/Dazzling-Wolverine29, courtesy of @Sexual Chocolate via this post.

I have no partner, no teeth, and have no f***s to give.

Spoiler: Source

I would pay money to shoot Wickard V Filburn.

(I wish this were an acceptable answer on the bar exam.)

 

[Nauseated Courgi]

I caught the first ep or two with a friend. Seems okay. The Gate meets ET but he's an X-Files instead of an ayyylmao.

 

[Maricón de Mierda]

The level of depressed, emo, loner types on here really leave me wishing a comet hits the planet

Hello, Kiwifarms faggots.


Thank you and please all kill yourselves.

idc if ppl hate me here you;re all queer

I don't even suck dick

Click for more dick.

Oh no, i just recorded myself commiting felonies, how could it lead to consequences??

How NOT to get pussy 101.

KIWIBROS, YOU WERE JUST CALLED STUPID BY TEEN TRANNY #4356729, RESPOND IF YOU ARE OKAY

Imagine My Cock

I'm glad Anthony Bourdain was allowed out of hell to purge trannies. That's fucking based.

Imagine how awkward this shit is, walking in on a truancy case and finding a teenage boy in cat ears with a Kim Jong Un poster on his wall and a pile of junk food and energy drinks talk to strangers on the internet while skipping school for several weeks straight and then having to place him in foster care.