random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Open Window Maniac]

You ever just wake up and say "My football club would be better off with Jizz in it"?

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

I try to avoid making a habit of listening to women when they talk.

 

[Cats]

 

[Meat Target]

The easiest way is to replace one addiction with another.
So have you tried heroin?

Imagine telling random strangers someone is "literally" impersonating a toilet. And you don't realize you come across as an absolute lunatic.

I can't wrap my head around what kind of joyless, pitiful existence someone would have to not find any humour in the toilet impersonations.

SOCIAL MEDIA TIP FOR WRITERS #1: Argue with your toilet so hard it ruins an entire convention. This isn’t the first time a confrontation between you and a toilet has ended in disaster for the venue, and it won’t be the last.

Dismantle systemic toilet supremacy.

 

[Mr Bunny]

“I DEMAND MORE TRANNY PENIS!”

 

[Admiral Throbnelius]

Wait, a tranny commie was a hypocrite and a grifter? Perish the thought...

 

[Meat Target]

These days "Hugo nominee" might as well be as much of a warning symbol as a skull and crossbones.

These people get the modern equivalent of prank phone calls and act like they're being herded up like jews on the train to Auschwitz.

Blue helmets cannot be American and therefore my unreserved desire to deliver the mightiest of pimp slaps is not criminal.

 

[JY's Tampon]

For all I care any trans person can cause a nuclear winter if it means they get one more day of hormones. Fuck the world and fuck the cis that live in it.

 

[Coelacanth]

Really shouldn't have opened this thread while making lunch

 

[Hellbound Hellhound]

This is where I completely lost it and decided to become a kiwifarms member.

From this thread.

 

[Hitman One]

I am personally for more state-sanctioned murder of citizens

 

[Matt Damon]

Look at that smug shithead with his Bert haircut.

 

[KiwiFuzz]

I truly did not expect them to LITERALLY look like tortellini.

In the future, sex will be normalized as a casual pastime.

The history is hidden inside the ass cheeks.

We are not a social movement, we are not a political party, we are not a religious organization, we don’t teach, we don’t preach, we influence no one, we achieve nothing.

We have no obligation to be « morally consistent » or even come a consensus on any one topic.
We are a varied group of aimless users from all over the political spectrum and spread across the world.

You can’t fight that.
You can’t burn a flag that doesn’t exist.

Has anyone ever gone so far as even to need more to do look more like?​

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

"Are these baps?" The balding troon asks of the geography.

 

[The Line]

Is this the point in the thread where we all confess to being Mumsnetters driven to the Farms because it's the only remaining bastion of free speech on the internet, even if it does mean we get branded as terrorists?

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

I got into this shit in school cause I wanted to bang a witch girl named Emily. Turns out she wasn't even a witch just a hippie. Had to buy a Grateful Dead album instead.

Fiona you’re just a dumb nigger to me

Freya disapproves of these so-called pagans and is riding her cat chariot the fuck outta here.

Giorgio is a fuckin' lightweight. Mason's "Revisiting Revelations" begins with the author telling how he was smoking crack and fucking with a crackwhore he gained divine revelation how angels are actually 4th dimensional beings and God is an alien it only gets crazier from there: Hitler and Jesus (also possibly Mohammad) are aboard a starship that is travelling to earth to kick off the Second Coming, and the Starship is actually the Heavenly Jerusalem described in the Bible. I was immediately hooked from the beginning and read almost the entire book in one go.

 

[Autistic Joe]

Please; we know more about you than you do.

Give us enough time and we could tell you the blood type of everyone involved.

 

[Law]

If you're non-binary you shouldn't be using computers.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

GIVE ME ATTENTION RATMAN

REEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

[kittyfucker]

"My monkeypox jab card is my birth certificate showing I'm biologically female"
@Catboi 2022

 

[I am vomit]

If Sheogorath was a fat lesbian with a dent in their head.

“How was work dear?”

“Good! Butchered another tranny!”

“That’s nice!”

This just in: the trans genocide is OK if it also genocides everyone else and was caused by a trans person being trans

I'm glad we came full circle from scat edits into one comic having the punchline being scat

Yeah, can confirm nothing sexual was done to the rabbit

I thought the gay guy was the one named "Monkey". I see now that that lump is supposed to be a proboscis monkey.

how thin/shitty was the glass used that it could be broken so easily by a noodle armed sped?

Think twice before making a character's skin the same shade as her panties.

Is this the FTM equivalent of Jimmy Radich’s ballsack?

I bid them welcome. My KF name is accurate. I'm not much for physical violence, but my skill at verbally inflicting emotional damage is unexcelled.

These squirrels have the right to bear arms and protect their nuts both metaphorically and literally.

Wait as I am writing this I just realized why am I sperging about a corpse's pronouns?

"My monkeypox jab card is my birth certificate showing I'm biologically female"