random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Aunt Carol]

Am fag, can confirm.

 

[Sprate Header]

Everybody talks about her only showering 37 times in a year, but what really horrifies me is the amount of times she's taken a shit in a year. I don't know about you guys, but I usually take a shit once a day unless I'm out camping or am separated from decent shitting facilities for some other reason, so the idea of not shitting for almost 200 days out of the year is totally alien to me. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it would feel to regularly carry around shit in your body for 3 days straight, and am absolutely confounded by the concept that someone would just fucking accept this as a way to live.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

I'm not dating anyone without a pussy or rotdog

 

[LikeAStone 2.0]

The Final boss of Transphobes won.

Keffels wants to fug Null and absorb his power.

For he has become Ralph the carrier of gunts.

So when does Adidas cancel the shoe deal?

For me, strike 1 was being Italian

 

[KiwiFuzz]

I give up. I genuinely give up. I work, and try, and practice at being as racist as I can be, and reality still beats me out. What's even the point?

I don't know how archivists live like this. I'm going for a fag.

I've had a theory, or maxim, or something, for a while now. I don't have any fancy, catchy phrase for it... No "MemberSchoolPizza's Unified Theory of Behavioral Facades" or something, but basically it can be summed up as "You are what you post." If you post retarded shit because you're a retard, you're a retard. If you post like an asshole because you're an asshole, you're an asshole. But if you post retarded shit, or post like an asshole, because you think it's funny, or edgy, or you're being clever, or whatever? Doesn't matter. If you post like a retard, for any reason, you are functionally a retard. If you post like an asshole, for any reason, you are functionally an asshole.

plz don't slander the good name of Mengele, thank you

Brave of them to combat the misinformation that your asshole can take a pounding on the regular without permanent damage

I've seen more convincing fake nads getting BTFOed at the local dog show.

reject humanity, embrace pea-ness
wait that's terrible, I quit

Anal Sex 101, from a gay man: Don't do it. Don't be a fag. The ass is for pooping, and smuggling contraband. Nothing else.

Obsession with true crime, or horror movies, is a sign of demonic inhabitation. Sometimes, this leads to full-blown demonic possession, as in this case. Look at the asymettrical facial expression. Unless she's had a stroke or has some other medical problem, this is a sign that the demon is in control. Demonic control is strongest in the off-dominant brain hemisphere. Handedness also shifts to the off-dominant hand under demonic control, which explains the old folk belief that left-handed people were evil. Killing a pedophile, surprisingly, isn't actually evidence against demonic possession; they kill off scrub-tier pedophiles who have done enough to damn them, but not enough to be really useful, all the time. They don't want them to repent, you see.

As far as I know he was gonna be paid 'hanging around with us' and 'twitter clout' for doing this documentary, so once he realized it'd be effort and inevitably make them look bad, he decided to spend his time wanking to cartoon drawings of anthro wolves raping anthro elephants

They may be laughing now, but one day they'll tip a fedora so huge that it'll crush them all.

Genitals aren't gendered, shitlord!

I'm going to ask him for facial piercings, a dumb haircut and a ukulele.

If you are ugly and awful there is hope for you!

"As a human being born female with two arms, two legs, two eyes, one brain, two lungs, asthma, one nose, allergies, fingers, toes, a stomach, a vagina, an ass, two boobs, one heart, a digestive system, skin, nails, ankles, knees, one neck, two ears, eyebrows, lips, teeth, one tongue, intact tonsils, shoulders, and elbows, I give my support to Brendan Fraser's Oscar nomination."

*the epic music*

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

I missed page 1000, oh well.

Meh, for a amhole it's alright. Still a insult to nature itself and an even greater insult to the concept of womanhood, but it's alright for what it is.

An obese married couple who have packed their entire home with movies. This channel is dead because the wife came out as bisexual and left her husband for some other obese man.

Have you ever looked at your computer room and wondered what an armenian man in his 30s thinks about it?

"I hid a lego Darth Vader in the cake I had sent to your cell..."

Genocide all Disney adults, then the world will be a better place

I have FAMILY that are this hardcore about Disney.

I'm curious AND scared to watch this thread grow.

we need a safe spot for retards

Plus there were simps so she assumed she could trade up from the alcoholic baby she was married to. Now he's moved onto wife number three and she's failing at porn.

In the end we all become what we hate. He hated women so he became one. He hated kiwifarms so he became an autistic faggot. Many such cases.

If I were thinner skinned I'd be MATI that we almost got thrown off the internet for telling everyone exactly what Lucas is, and they only now realize we're right.

Thats fine, in that case, dont come to a thread called "videos of people dying". Problem solved.

black trans twitter BEEN done told y’all white trannies.

I don't think its the sweater that will keep all the women away.
It doesn't hurt, but this is like tossing a hand grenade out after they drop the bomb on Hiroshima and saying "That's going to finish off those nips!"

Is mass suicide counted as genocide?

Diagree but I still love you.

Also if Kevin can cuck you, you're barely human.

He is on the verge of tears because a fat man in a dress told him his friends hate him? What a disgusting retard.

Look kids, this is the tranny in it's natural habitat, slap fighting on twitter with tranny adjacent fags.

I don't know but it gives the image of a 6"2 female neo nazi

Forget MySpace, sounds like these simps never grew out of the 1990s.

I think we outlived our potential a long time ago. The thing is we violate every law of survival and evolution in doing so. Any other species would have died off if it had go down the path we did. Yet here we still are. Still suffering, like a bunch of staving alpaca raised by a pack of retarded lumoxies who delude themselves onto being women.

in a sausage party nerd hobby having a pussy is equal in value to being a world-class slow-mo cinematographer.

Chicken wings aren't as funny

dude stop gaying up the thread. unless you want to film yourself dying, go suck a penis or something.

Without this thread, I probably would have never known that at some point, an F/A-18 Super Hornet navigator had to inform his pilot that there was a severed nigger head stuck on their hardpoint.

Shit up you cunt, go watch a child die you sicko.

This thread contains important safety information. I now know not to try to catch someone who has leapt from the roof of a ten-storey building.

Guys, I don't think you should post gore because when I posted gore in another thread I got banned and I am butthurt.

This is gross, I hate you all, and I'm never coming back, I'll be here for a couple days if you want to convince me to stay.

Once again, I am mad I got banned for posting gore and that's wrong because you guys can post gore on your own thread. I watch gore but you guys are sick for watching the same thing because I was banned from a different thread. You should be ashamed. I'm never coming back until 15 minutes from now to bitch some more. REEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I can't believe I've been forced onto this thread and made to click on the videos and watch people die on this already somewhat obscure website. Man, it's just so dark and evil and grim here with these videos that I'm just forced to click on and watch before complaining about how icky it is.

Null can delete if he wants obviously, but this is one of the only places you can find videos of violent crime without being spammed by fucked up porn. Go to shock sites? there aren't any good ones left.

he decided to spend his time wanking to cartoon drawings of anthro wolves raping anthro elephants

@BoobWhiskers Curse your typing speed!

No

Electric cars are such a meme. And the Leaf is the meme'est of them all.

If my worst moments were online, I'd probably have a thread.

Back in the early 90's we've taken Paulie here and his bitch tits out back. Would've skipped right on past bullying.

Why are we still here? Just to suffer?
Every night, I can feel my dick... and my balls... even my taint...
The genitals I've lost... the camelids I've lost... won't stop hurting...
It's like they're all still there. You feel it too, don't you?

Bluey is indeed a well made show. Good enough to enjoy as an adult (while watching the kids). I have to force the thought out of my head that somewhere is someone pulling the putty to the show at the same time. In fact, no Im not going to believe it, and you cant make me.

I don't think there's anything healthier about laughing at people who in any other time in history would have been locked away in sanatoriums to spare the public the collective embarrassment of their existence. But here we are and that's the basis of the site.

 

[Mr Bunny]

what the fuck is this retarded bullshit- oh its canada nvm

 

[Haint]

When they say they have a female brain, I assume they mean in a jar in the basement. Just like when they say they have a vagina.

 

[vomitusdeux]

Nipples in the garage? Did you mean garbage?

I am *NOT* Retarded, I am actually able to spell, etc, and I was treating them the same way Chris-Chan acted on purpose. because of their over-inflated egotistical ways

Are you on coke? No seriously, are you?

That's one hecking hefty penis dood!

The Human Centipede would be a feel-good movie if the victims were zoosadists.

Jesus Puked

Chad "Chad Kroger" Kroeger, United States Grocery Chain Magnate, once sang: "I murdered Avril Lavigne when she refused to go on a date and then made this robot duplicate to make everyone think she could truly love a ramen noodle-haired faggot like me, ha ha ha all you niggers don't even know I got away with Murder and Robotics"

what did he mean by this?

Can I just express how much I love that this thread goes from "I don't fucking know" to someone telling us about dog behavior, eating disorders, organ transplants, or how tear ducts work and we all just informative sticker each other?

She sounds absolutely based and the only reason to seethe at her is if you're a manlet, a nigger, a K*rean, a chestlet, a fag, or literally malding. Kotaku naturally fits all of those.

 

[Rotollo 2]

a server mod who should be banned from visiting Sea world.

I took one look at this guy, said "I bet he's got a poo poo fetish" I was right. I hate that I was right.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

if you want grandchildren, you'd better keep your kids away from the Electric Jew.

 

[Jewthulhu]

please don't drink piss. it's not sterile, it's a waste product that passes through areas that can contain bacteria, and can carry viruses at times.

I wrote that 20 pages ago but apparently you all still need to be told.

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

The Tranch thread stopped being funny when it became industrial scale animal abuse. the fact these people get away with it because they have a rotting hole where their penis use to be is fucking unbelievable. i cannot browse that thread without wanting to [You must be a KiwiFarms Plus:TM: member to view this content] head in a burning tire [You must be a KiwiFarms True&Honest:TM:+ member to view this content] cartel-style LiveLeak [You must be a KiwiFarms True&Honest:TM:+ member to view this content]

 

[Aunt Carol]

Some people have Revelations from God to make a 64 bit OS, others are tasked with eating Arby's
The Lord works in mysterious ways.

 

[LurkTrawl]

At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus

I once saw a guy pooping next to a no dumping sign and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen

 

[Gentlebastard]

When they say they have a female brain, I assume they mean in a jar in the basement. Just like when they say they have a vagina.

10 EAT MEAT
20 EAT CHEESE
30 PRINT "GUD"
40 GOTO 10

If my worst moments were online, I'd probably have a thread.

Null doesn't like thirst posting. Keep your lustful desires to yourself.

If you bypass the filters and say “Nigger”, even Vodka nigger, you are straight up banned. If you disparage the tranny movement, you are shadow banned. These freaks are delicate little flowers blown about by the slightest wind.

Also, not to stick my dick in the roadkill or advocate that anyone else do such a thing

How can anyone look at that photo and do anything other than lmao

Counterpoint: Californians deserve to be miserable

I had a record of a shadowban in less than four minutes one time. I’m sure I’m taking time away from their daily hose down.

I want to bring up something I know we all have seen but seldom talk about because it's never the worst part of anything the fat man touched: His cope.

I often study the mods active and inactive (probably dialating) times and if it coincides with me having some down time, I bypass any block and post shit that Hitler would puke reading.
It’s a stress reliever.

I have to force the thought out of my head that somewhere is someone pulling the putty to the show at the same time. In fact, no Im not going to believe it, and you cant make me.

I read /multilevel marketing 'mlm' as 'men loving men'
(the new troon way to say 'gay' that tries to force the true and honest homo's to bone them via semantics).

Just.... he mental image conjured by those implements in combination with what we know to be her existence munch'ing as blind epileptic unwashed semi-non-verbal retard are...shudder.

Is castrating yourself peak reddit?

"Buddy we don't have enough liquor to make anyone believe you're a woman and when I say we I mean the state of Massachusetts.".

To be a woman is the deepest humiliation possible that these freaks can get off of. Now imagine getting raped as a woman! It is the pinnacle and the uttermost desired outcome.

Annnnd the troon lied. Apparently, he’s more than happy to talk about his dick.

So, taken altogether: It’s a homeless, black, crack-addicted troon prostitute who walks the streets all day and night. In Chicago.

…

Yep, sure beats me! Yeah, it’s a *REAL* mystery that they’re dropping like flies!

If you want to serve society and also get to shoot guns at work, why not be a cop? Good benefits and you never have to live in Oklahoma or Kuwait.

You don't care about any of these people, these trannies, retards, faggots, niggers, whatever, when they are actually suffering. You're secretly HOPING they Minecraft themselves so you can use them as a political chit to scream bloody murder at the people you hate.

Earl doesn't just drive an F150 because he hates polar bears, they're actually ideally suited to ranching.

Fellas, is it gay to have friends?

Some people have Revelations from God to make a 64 bit OS, others are tasked with eating Arby's
The Lord works in mysterious ways.

*Morgan Freeman's voice* "I wish, I wish, I could tell you that the tranny passed, and was celebrated for his delusions. But biology is as cruel a mistress as the sea, and he spent the rest of his life with women being polite because they feared him, and men making fun of him. When he died, his gravestone had his birth name."

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Why are we still here? Just to suffer?
Every night, I can feel my dick... and my balls... even my taint...
The genitals I've lost... the camelids I've lost... won't stop hurting...
It's like they're all still there. You feel it too, don't you?

What horrors could the phallus whisper? How much more flesh could it possibly demand?

doesnt she understand that a peepee full of pee cant be used for the sexing?

 

[umami's milk]

"I'M A TITLE IX MINORITY! YOU DON'T SAY SHIT TO ME!"

 

[Procrastinhater]

Has posted over 75 explicit booty pics - I have them all.

 

[Gog & Magog]

Himmler himself, while indeed, shown doing military fitness runs, still retained a dad bod, as did Hitler.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT HITLER'S DADBOD