random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Meat Target]

According to the LGBTQXP++ zygotes can indicate a legally compelling desire to alter their sex via Chinese horse piss injections and Mengele-tier medical experiments. If that's the case 8 year olds can certainly be held responsible for being sexual deviants.

Can't have one without the other, fags.

 

[Sissyagamben]

transcript:
"How do I know I'm autistic? What signs are there? Or do I just know?"

 

[Aunt Carol]

Emergent viral plagues are a hobby of mine.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

the florida plate is orange BALLS on the DICK and you can't convince me otherwise.

The last state I heard of that was thinking about changing its flag was Massachusetts (that's Injun for Massive Jew Tits)

 

[Kept Ya Waiting Huh]

who the fuck screams "AMBATUKAM" while vigorously jacking off in a car?

 

[LikeAStone 2.0]

View attachment 4962968

It’s going as well as you thought it probably would.

Image:

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

I bet he was wearing a frilly apron and French maid outfit and sobbing while doing this

who is gonna make my anime if the japs die out?

Trannies are gonna do that for you and you will like it.

Funny how incels have learned how to break the system.

Having $500 makes you part of the West Virginian elite.

I'll suck dick for cock before I live in Detroit. I have standards

He's making a joke about the exchange rate of dick to cock, it's pretty nuanced and intellectual so don't blame yourself if it went over your head.

 

[Sprate Header]

This post is now a death threat

 

[Spud]

Don't be a savage. Jordan Peterson started with clean your room, I will end it with clean your ass.

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

Do these randoms have to come from posts on Kiwi Farms? If not I'd like to nominate this gem from a Daily Mail article today:

Jelly Roll is not his legal name.

Who is Jelly Roll? American convict-turned-singer won 3 CMT Awards

Jelly Roll won Male Video of the Year, Male Breakthrough Video of the Year, and Digital-First Performance of the Year at the CMT Awards 2023

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[Meiwaku]

I take a big serrated knife and I cut myself while listening to the hits of the 80's

I don’t know how to accurately describe the way reading this thread made me feel other than it’s the same feeling I assume you get when you’re pushed out of a plane without a parachute.

Truly there is no bottom to the pit of degeneracy.

I'm not American, so the hispanic population is pretty low here. Also I'm very racist, which contributes to my dating woes.

 

[Stormer_1]

More like Linkara after his gay muppet gangbang with the green M&M gave birth to that faggot in a freak accident

 

[Gentlebastard]

They shouldn't be embarrassed for being white.

They should be embarrassed for being jannies for black people, and being proud of it.

It's moments like these that make me think, you know, maybe my grandmother was onto something when she just let herself waste away after her stroke and die right then and there.

While he always looks like a fat faggot, this may be the single most effeminate, faggoty picture of this fatso. With the bitchest of tits.

I too sometimes embarrass my wife in public. However I have to plan it out. Patrick does it by his mere existence.

If these retards had a pet rock, they'd somehow find a way to kill it.

I like dogs, and no dog deserves any part of a troon in their mouth.

 

[Happy Little War Painter]

but my autism and fatphobia and I set out to prove it once and for all

 

[Meat Target]

Ven ze clown vorld says
Put zis mask upon your face
Ve HONK, ve HONK
Right in clown worlds face!
Ven the clown vorld says
Eat crickets and not steak
Ve HONK, ve HONK
Right in clown worlds face!

 

[demicolon]

Yet apparently there are people so fucking autistic, they need to have both at the same time and are willing to spend money on having an online playground where they can LARP as Oskar Dirlewanger in Cardcaptor Sakura.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

We had to read Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing in elementary school. I think my teacher was trying to make me hate little kids.

If so, mission accomplished.

10-year-old me thought the very end was incredibly fucked up, when Fudge EATS Peter's pet turtle.

This zoosadist little shit is supposed to be a cute kid?

I should write a fanfiction sequel, where Fudge grows up to be a sociopathic murderer.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Fuck you Judy Blume, a 5 -6 year old CANNOT successfully swallow an entire fucking TURTLE, even if it's like 2 inches wide, like literally physically impossible, children that age have DIED CHOKING on shit smaller than that" and then the fact that this was included was like HOLY FUCK JUDY BLUME YOU ABSOLUTE SOCIOPATH WHY DID YOU DO THIS. And then the very end, where "We got you a pet that's far too big for your brother to swallow". FUCK YOU JUDY BLUME FOR PUTTING THOSE WORDS IN PETER'S DAD'S MOUTH. And it was a dog, and he named the dog "Turtle".

 

[PhoBingas]

Dosen't the Torah warn against this kind of thing? Like 'man shall not be bummed raw dog by his ex'

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Spoiler: Long post is long

Just look at me, I still here for some crazy reason, even after I turned out to be some fagdragon from 2012.

FUCK James Patterson, FUCK Alex Cross, FUCK Morgan Freeman, FUCK Tyler Perry, and most of all FUCK flappyniggers.

I will never forgive "witches" for ruining flower crowns.

Its nice to know the retard who kicks off the plot of every other horror movie was based on an actual guy.

I LIKE SUSHI AND BELIEVE TROONS SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO EXIST!

The more they whine about nonexistent genocide, the more I think we should actually do it.

What the fuck is the SA referral link doing in this no context URL?

I am able to fuel my Stove with ethenal farts.

As a dipshit wagey that is too smooth-brained to fully understand the machinations of the financial industry its weird seeing the sentiment range from "Don't worry about your shitty bank account, just sit back and watch as the jews PEOPLE OF BANKING squirm until daddy government bails their ass out" to "get you assless chaps and mad-max helmets out you are going to be patrolling the wasteland for human meat to eat come next Friday".

Ron Paul is either saying "I told you so" or he's in his room uncontrollably sobbing right now

Holly shit. He just doxed himself on KF. OMG this thread has turned to solid gold. Lol!!

If you ever post a picture of your medicine cabinet on the internet, you're supposed to stick a pack of magnum XL condoms right in the middle

Will this impending end of Californian civilization effect me, a broke person in the midwest, personally?

I'm starting to think I joined the wrong agricultural appreciation forum.

It's not a Happening on Kiwifarms if K-Farmers aren't predicting the imminent collapse of at least one major country and telling you to stockpile food NOW NOW NOW

Granted, I'm a big brown guy who looks like a mook in a profession not known for its intelligence, so calling my boss and saying I'm a white supremacist who quotes esoteric racists and writes racist screeds wasn't going to really sound logical. I still don't know why they went with that angle since they had my photos. They should have said I was running a cock-fighting ring, because that would have been believed (note, I do not run a cock-fighting ring, I just raise chickens, okay)?

One thing I learned from Happenings is that nothing ever fucking happens.

what does it matter if the world falls apart? im ready.

If the failure of SVB causes the destruction of Norton AntiVirus it will have all been worth it.

Some retards really want to live in a world with half naked Australian men in leather.

I don't know about you, but I've got my sock with rolls of quarters ready for the apocalypse

I've never been, but all I can gather is that Arizona is basically Fallout IRL.

I love how when fatsos go on vacation, the main pictures they post of themselves (other than the narcissistic selfies) are of food they ate.

I'm sure this dude is into BBC. And I'm not talking about the TV station.

I'm still cracking up about being raped with a butterknife.

Anisa is just a black hole for hate, like, she's just such a fucking cunt she draws all of my ire.

Seeing consoomers on Reddit and Twitter makes me genuinely believe with all my heart large sections of the population need to be enslaved. They need to labor on salt mines and in latifundias. They are incapable of any actual humanity, and are bipedal locusts.

This is not even "thinly veiled" fetish porn, this is blatant fetish porn.

I guarantee you that not a single one of these things has ever been (or ever will be) inside a woman.

Asexual just means "I was taught by porn and/or fanfiction that straight and lgbbq people are super horny all the time and have lots of sex but I have a normal sex drive but think it's super low and/or don't like hookup culture"

It's moments of synchronicity like this that make me believe God is nothing more than a shitposter who somehow reached ascendence.

a man nailed to a cross and with a crown of thorns makes a better symbol for a rock band than any pride flag.

Karl also fatposted by retweeting a red lobster ad ( He follows the official red lobster account)

What makes this even more hilarious is the fact that there actually is a Hamlet action figure with a spring-loaded Yorick's skull accessory.

Lost my Mojo.
Note to self: increase my blood thinner dosage.
No tax.

Nerd Culture Consumerist Men, when reaching the age of 30 (give or take a few years starting off) begin to go through mental changes, much like their later mid-life crisis, in which they have an uncontrollable urge to create a podcast. If you or your loved one is currently struggling with the symptoms of wanting to create a podcast, there is help for you.

Back in my day, we had to make do with Goldeneye 007 and Counter-Strike!

Vegans still want to eat meat, but at the same time they also want to be faggots.

Get with the times old man, no longer do we have to deal with guns lowering off screen to reload or pulling back the flipped forward assist to charge a M4, now we get into autistic arguments about how the game devs forgot one minute detail on this reload animation which makes the game a 0/10.

As is tradition with me in this thread, here are more condoms

"i discovered a product so artificial that it is accidentally vegan"

Ukraine's adjacent nazism and the co-opt of the flag / cause by gay men aren't a coincidence; gay men (collectively) love fascism or at least fascist aesthetics, and just as exploitation of ukraine refugee women has become a recent popular porn trend for straight men, I bet there's been similar developments in gay porn. Gay men do publicly acknowledge it sometimes:
https://www.bostonreview.net/articles/daniel-penny-milosexual/ https://www.pastemagazine.com/movies/the-damned/the-damned-and-the-queer-aesthetics-of-fascism
I can also recommend meal prepping / batch cooking.