random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[I'm Retarded?]

Partial Nigger Death (PND) is the total obliteration of some niggers rather than the conventional target of all niggers. PND is controversial in the nigger death community because it leaves some niggers alive, but fact checkers have deemed PND a much more achievable and cost effective nigger death scenario which would bring most of the short-term benefits of TND for only a fraction of the cost. A different form of Partial Nigger Death is also supported by teens who would otherwise support TND but want to keep Morgan Freeman.

 

[HERE YOU GO]

When you leave the hugbox, reality becomes a hurtbox.

 

[JustSomeDong]

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Null;
He is rolling out the hard disks where receipts of sneed are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of a Jewish lawyer's word:
His truth is marching on.

"Like being doxed by trannies? Interested in protecting the free speech of autists who unironically scream out "Nigger!!" at small children? Like being paid in crypto and gold bullion? Boy do we have the job for you!!"

Cry 'Sneed!' and let slip the slobbermutts of Total Retard War!

 

[Scout Trooper]

@Freshly Baked Socks
"The man informed the officer that he would remove the man’s pants under order of King of England."

 

[Useful_Mistake]

niggers are already animals, therefore they don’t need to be portrayed as another species. That aside, reading this post made me realize blackface is essentially a nigger fursuit.

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

Kiwi's Law: If any thread on Kiwi Farms continues long enough, someone will eventually mention Ethan Ralph

 

[Stan]

Once, I kicked a hole in the bathroom wall because the cafeteria ran out of soup.

Wine tastes like shit and I don’t know why women pretend to like it.

 

[Weebburner]

The caller told the officer he would remove the man’s pants himself “under order of King of England.”

 

[Autistic Joe]

This should be made mandatory by law. If you see a tranny, point and laugh at them. I'd comply voluntarily.

 

[Kalsarikännit]

[It was] Golden face and I, after she suggested eating Twizzlers instead of a miscarriage.

 

[demicolon]

Rape is illegal in the EU and look how much that has mattered.

 

[Pissmaster]

How do you fail at a fat joke? Literally just call someone fat. It usually works.

 

[Shidoen]

Sorry dude, I mean you no harm. My name is Patrick, I'm 31, and I'm not here to cause any harm. Please don't contact the police, please don't alert the authorities, please don't freak out. I'm not going to kill myself or hurt anyone or anything like that, but please don't freak out. My name is Patr

 

[glass_houses]

Remember kids: in Australia, everything wants to kill you as gruesomely as possible, including home invasion victims.

I don't think this is what "fuck around and find out" is supposed to mean.

Wait, he raped him to death!?
Christ almighty.

I gotta say I'd like to shake this man's hand for coming up with an entirely new form of home defense strategy - just not his right hand.

 

[Rotollo 2]

I agree the Princess Peach game looks pretty bad and whoever is making it should be arrested.

 

[Gentlebastard]

It's funny, but it's also a dystopian nightmare.

I was a huge fan of the breakfast screwdriver back in the day. Plus there's OJ in it so you can say it's healthy.

Lies, damned lies, and "How the fuck do you keep your pants from undergoing spontaneous combustion?"

Big boobs have never been out of style.

Doctors performing butchery on titties are literally spitting in the face of God. There is no greater crime

Being a man who has fucked every single fat chick harder than heart disease in America - I can say, without a doubt, that tittes and ass and curves are overrated and the new exotic should be finding a woman who has a semi-normal BMI.

Its not every day we see a major cornerstone of the games industry use a nuclear weapon as a suppository, but we live in interesting times.

am i allowed to masturbate or have a gay orgy in the theater?

asking for a friend.

They will call you antisemitic, they will call you a bigot and a racist, they may even call you an asshole.

But they're never going to say that you are wrong.

Based on the public consensus, I have to assume that the mayor in fact is ''A dirty kike that likes baby penis'.'

I named my cat Hitlerini and fuck you I’m not changing it

I do not know shit about shit so possibly I am misunderstanding this but what it sounded like is that Pats lawyer does not know that 10 years is longer than six months and needed a judge to tell him that.

"You better hecking validate me and make feel like a natural cute anime girl or I'm gonna fucking kill myself, but not mentally ill btw"

This should be made mandatory by law. If you see a tranny, point and laugh at them. I'd comply voluntarily.

When you leave the hugbox, reality becomes a hurtbox.

Normal is basically the n-word for troons; it's a 6-letter word, starts with "N", sets them off into chimp mode if used in earshot of them, unless they're the ones "reclaiming" it.

"Your honor, I'd like to petition to withdraw from this case.

I have been forced to listen to this simpering fat faggot for months now and no matter where I fucking went he would either follow along behind me like a lost autistic child or bombard me with phone calls in which he shrieked at me to arrest his toilet, impeach Chewbacca's wife Malla and son Lumpy, or indict Elon Musk for not banning the word fat on twitter.

He has approached me during work hours to demand I assist him in acquiring young african american children for his "basement project" and he has intruded on my house while I am eating dinner with my wife and children to and I quote "crash at your place while Nikki gets fumigated, you can sleep on the couch".

This backdrop behind me? It is not in-fact a zoom space background. I have used every last penny to my name to buy a one way ticket to the new Indian space station where I will live out the rest of my days knowing Mister Tomlinson is too fucking fat to fit in a rocket to follow me up here. I come to you a broken man who wants nothing more than to end this sad chapter of my life.

Please.....release me from this fucking nightmare."

No, StarChild, I will not pay my debts from Interstellar Court. Enjoy SpacePrison.

Turns out that the tactic of 'Just shamelessly fucking lie lol' actually works if you do it enough.

Someone tell him they use camo in hunting too.

Or maybe I'm just dumb and they really did storm Normandy's beaches in Walmart camo pattern cargo shorts.

Jesus Christ, I miss the good old days when insane women were prescribed herculean doses of valium instead of being taken seriously.

 

[KittyGremlin]

I love the random.txt thread, it's like a leaderboard for who's the funniest shitbag on the site.

 

[JustSomeDong]

I love the random.txt thread, it's like a leaderboard for who's the funniest shitbag on the site.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

May your sneeds be plentiful and your feeds be delectable.

 

[Lithuophile]

Beware of lesbians
They are miserable and want to sway young women away from good men so they can all enjoy bed death together while punching themselves to death.

Some gay nigga with AIDS got so upset that he wrote this garbage lol