random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Larry Potterfield]

And I'm not a incel. I'm just alone. Big difference

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

Jesus man, I'd probably end it all if I was [him] too, but a Glock? Go out with some dignity.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

Only problem is, he's... English

Maybe they should deport all cars back from where they came from as they are too dangerous for American society

I cannot say all of that and maintain an erection.

But maybe ill find some woman to be my fuck totem. Sounds much better.

"The military has lost their new stealth fighter" is the sort of thing I should be hearing about in Brass Eye, not the real world.

Kill cars. Behead cars. Roundhouse kick a side mirror into the concrete. Slam dunk a taillight into the trashcan. Crucify filthy motor vehicles. Defecate in transmission oil. Launch cars into the sun. Stir fry cars in a wok. Toss cars into active volcanoes. Urinate into a cars gas tank. Judo throw cars into a wood chipper. Twist cars hoods off. Report car companies to the IRS. Karate chop cars in half. Curb stomp vehicle windshields. Trap cars in quicksand. Crush cars in the trash compactor. Liquefy cars in a vat of acid. Eat cars. Dissect cars. Exterminate cars in the gas chamber. Stomp car roofs with steel toed boots. Cremate cars in the oven. Lobotomize cars. Mandatory tire deflations for cars. Grind car engines in the garbage disposal. Drown cars in fried chicken grease. Vaporize cars with a ray gun. Kick old cars into ditches. Feed cars to alligators. Slice cars with a katana.

If you were that retarded you'd be too retarded to kill yourself successfully. You'd have to do it accidentally, like by retardedly trying to walk across a street.

Why would gypsies buy a retard who isn't even fit for a freak show and while he gobbles like a turkey, isn't edible like one?

If you were this stupid you would forget the bullet and would have bought bb's instead.

 

[Stan]

Mongled in the Dick: a Chuck Tingle Story

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

"Ever stopped in the middle of a busy street? You get tons of angry people honking and shouting at you. Maybe those people wanted to stop, but they didn't have a large car like a fire truck to prevent traffic from hitting them or honking at them."

 

[Anne Hyroe]

It's all part of my 5 million year master-plan to become Kiwifarms best fake tradthot feminist manhater misandrist BDSM gimp so that Null will be my hairy bear BDSM Eric Cartman, lest we both explode in our closets.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

I know the answer is "he's retarded", but is that really a legit reason?

Unrelated but I love with the time travel hypthetical that even if this crazy fucker had invented time travel, given the set of facts presented apparently he went to the trouble of bringing his future computer back in time with him, rather than him alone simply traveling back to before he recorded the meeting so he could record the meeting WITHOUT LIVESTREAMING IT.

 

[Gentlebastard]

God, cartels, abortion and now fucking troons! Mexico just can't catch a break!

Sieg Heil, my sartorial nigga.

And here I was thinking my chimp raping a frog video got me permabanned.

it's very rare for me to go a week without calling one of my male friends an idiot, a racist, or a child fucker.

The whole concept of "detrans kink" is retarded as all hell. You're a woman, pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman. Robert Downer Jr. in Tropic Thunder kind of kink.

I posted this yesterday and the hard drives crashed 30 seconds later, perhaps out of self-preservation?

The unholy triumvirate of degeneracy. If you eliminated porn, reddit and discord, the number of transgender people would be reduced by 99%.

The Kiwi Farms thanks you for your service. Your brain cells did not die in vain.

 

[KittyGremlin]

Men build friendships over pretending to insult each other, women build friendships over pretending to compliment each other.

 

[doodoocaca]

She doesn't even need a cock cage, really.

She could get the rotdog, get the ED implant, and then put a cage over the pump hidden in one side of her neo-scrotum so she can't activate her boner.

Erotic.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Racism already offered the correct answer

Being a lolcow documentarian is like being a werewolf, shits an easy path to power but all corrupting to become what you made fun of.

 

[Titty Figurine]

He is a 30 yo cutter who rap battles rabbis in the park about the holocaust being fake

Technically true but enjoy your soyjak for sounding like an angry pseudo-intellectual 13 year old boy who needs to get shoved into a locker.

You can get extremely cheap at-home 3d head scanners now, too. Liz just needs to search Amazon for "microwave."

1. Document the retards.
2. Associate with the retards
3. Become the retard

What in the Genshin impact is that?

Why does every internet personality I like turn out to be a huge fucking retarded weirdo?

From the moment I saw his face, I knew he was a fag, no matter how much I liked his videos.

Pleasantly surprised it's just goofy furry drama and not zoosadism involving rabbits like the feature made me assume.

I just want to laugh at dumbasses online with other jackasses, is that too hard to understand?

Brother I am the retard

He went full retard

I keep telling you all "Suffer not the furry to live", and this is what happens when you suffer the furry to live.

Getting called autistic made me double check my posts for verbosity.

There's nothing wrong with laughing at lolcows, hell nothing wrong with being a lolcow. But on your own volition you revealed that you're gay furry.

im pretty sure most people are going to read the featured headline and assume that this guy either fucked a rabbit or let one burrow into his asshole

 

[Fathomless Eminence]

I know people will say "go see a doctor" but seeing a doctor about my penis is really triggering because people usually misgender me once they see I have a penis so... double the anxiety. Any advice or help is appreciated, thank you.

 

[Gunter Hatherer]

Point of information. I was quoting someone else.

 

[Autistic Joe]

Checking Kiwifarms is like checking the morning paper but every now and then the paper randomly catches fire.

 

[Lithuophile]

I honestly thought the article title meant a literal baby died in the theater from being forced to watch it.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Maybe they would have a better love life if they didn't threaten to slash their date's tires and complain about SUVs at every intersection.

Indeed. It seems as though you are Fucking Retarded, and I - not being Fucking Retarded - cannot compromise with you.

Oh no, I’ve been called a loser by someone who lets other people fuck his wife.

How ever will I overcome the shame?

 

[GeorgeHWBush]

“Kiwi Farms users often refer to themselves as "autists." This is helpful to remember.”

From this article:

 

[pikachudidnothingwrong]

Just be glad human women don't get big, puffy red asses like baboons when they're in the mood ...

 

[Meat Target]

This is what happens when a victorious civilization comes back from a war and even the uglies bump uglies...they produce Pissfaced Boomer Lineages that churn out fat fedora wearing insecure children, where the dad never teaches the son how not to be a gigantic bowl of fruitcake salad.

90% of the time they'll kill themselves before they can touch their own senile mother.