random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Counterfeit Obol]

WHICH STOOL EVERYTHING??? WHAT COUNTRY???

 

[Aunt Carol]

I am as pale as they come, but my dick could pass for a Frenchman, that is the reason I don't post it all over the Internet.

 

[Pedophobe]

You don't sound quirky, you don't sound cute, and you most certainly do not sound uwu.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

I hope Plaintiff Greer's cheese fails and his 2rd most productive goat is stolen by gypsies.

I hope plaintiff Greer spends the rest of his life feeling itchy.

 

[BirdUp]

 

[Gentlebastard]

Well lookie here boys, we got a nigger who's done him some book learnin' and now he's trying to use whitey's hatred of government against him.

Nice try nigger, but I'm still not gonna wash my chicken.

And seeing as there's a flag for absolutely everything where's our kiwigender flag? Are we not faggot enough to have one?

The lesson here is to not bum dogs.

And unsurprisingly to people of normal intelligence, calling some fat fucker fat is protected by the First Amendment.

When he goes into Arby's and attacks the manager, does his face flare out like on a frill-necked lizard?

I genuinely and sincerely cannot comprehend how a father who is not struggling with addiction (xitter and Krispy Kreme addictions don't count) nor debilitating mental illness (autism, narcissism, and borderline clinical retardation also don't count) would choose to cut his child out of his life.

robbing myself of primal caveman "grug love family, grug love baby grugette" happiness feels about as natural and tempting and as voluntarily cutting one of my hands off, and I'm just the asshole uncle

(It's 2023 so there are probably a lot more types of plunger now, and your sink plunger can identify any way it wants.)

He has unironically spent more time talking about his daughter getting hypothetically raped or having hypothetical abortions than actually talking to her. Like the actual fuck does one say to that?

I love to learn about other cultures on the kiwifarms dot net.

"no stalker I'm not a virgin and I have the herpes to prove it"

His life is so great he's replying to a 4 day old tweet from behind a block to a women.

She was expecting Testosterone to be like those magical potions on her hentais that can make a dick sprout from her clit overnight or something

looks like you found nulls secret reddit account, and that cheese constipation story is what made him hate american cheddar so much

Spiders and I have a truce. They can hide or live in a corner and eat bugs to their hearts content.. but come out into the world and scare me and out the window you go!

 

[KiwiFuzz]

Boys and girls, riddle me this: is Portland a fucking conspiracy theory?

While eating human flesh is no doubt cooler than going to therapy, this is beyond insane.

This is one of those things that's really useless in a lot of ways, but at the same time it's pretty damn cool. Plus like several other people here, I wanna eat one.

 

[Big Nasty]

Cock destroying mum of 4 with a cunt like a burnt out fireplace.

 

[Meat Target]

"That's one strike two more strikes and we'll have to put you on a no more molesting babies improvement plan"

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Bananas out white whitey every time, in a way oreos don't seem capable of for some reason.

blackness keeps the white in

 

[Sparkling Yuzu]

some cop kneels for the national anthem on an overdosing fentanyl addict's neck

 

[Tablet County]

Two nights in a row I’ve dreamt that there’s a Kiwi Farms Antarctic research station and Im living on it to cook meals for the team. I’m still not sure what the Farms needs to research down there, but in my dreams I visit an Antartican Costco to purchase bulk food and booze.

Maybe my stash of Viper crack is hitting too hard

hbomberguy has the correct take, but the incorrect body type and sexuality

The idea of people making careers out of trying to say the Alien movies are actually metaphors for sucking cock is truly absurd

God how the fuck do men like him get laid? Do they run around handing out fines to women for not letting him sniff up their pussy lips?

 

[Dr. Butt]

CM Punk is a fucking faggot.

Have sex, dude. LOL.

 

[Meat Target]

now I cannot unsee Jared Fogle in a Nazi uniform

 

[MrJokerRager]

You know they say that all wars are created equal, but you look at Israel vs Palestine and you look at Ukraine vs Russia and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another country, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But Ukraine is a corrupt US puppet freak and Ukraine is not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at best to beat me. Then you add Israel vs Palestine to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See with the 2024 election coming up, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but me, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because Israel KNOWS they bought off Congress and they are not even gonna try to fund you! So Zelensky, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winning in 2024. But then you take Russia's 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 2/3 per cents artillery barrage, I got 141 2/3 chance of winning at in 2024. See Zelensky the numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for hohols in 2024.- Big Pappa Putler

 

[Sparkling Yuzu]

Victorian twinks aren't known for living long.

 

[OvercookedBacon]

If I wanted to eat jizz on two slices of bread, I'd make one myself instead of paying subway 5 bucks.

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

probably the only time I've ever ruined someone's life but he was a fucking unbearable person.

 

[frozen_runner]

Ladies, let me live one day in which I may not lose respect for your kind.

 

[like_shutup_&_drive_scoob]

It never fails to crack me up that these lunatics expect society to play along with their make-believe when they choose names like Ebony Darkness Dementia Way for themselves.

So how long until we just have an FBI is openly murdering the DNC's online crittics megathread?

If I've learned anything from Columbo, it's that even the smartest, most meticulous murderer still makes mistakes.

And also if Robert Culp is involved - he did it.

I am shocked, SHOCKED I tell you that things have come to this. Who would have thought that a proud Jew working with a muslim terrorist sympathizer was going to be a poor choice?

It's a bit like Beauty and the Beast, but with teenage prostitutes.

I love to look into the mind of mentally ill people.

The BTK letters
Sonichu
"What Happened" by Hillary Clinton

Sorry to tell you but a dementia patient puppeteered by tumblr makes a shitty president.

Has anyone (in history, not the farms, hopefully) ever tried disposing of a body by grinding it up and stuffing it into sausages? Is going full Sweeney Todd too far fetched?

So FAT that he can't have SEX, which all of us in this thread have. SEX is so AMAZING and the reason I live.

I don't see a microscope with micromanipulators for the escort to identify and probe his penis from his pubic hair, hidden in the layers upon layers of lard.