random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

This post contains videos longer than 0.4 attoseconds, the known attention span of a Kiwi Farms user, so viewer discretion is advised.

i can't wait for in 10 years to watch all those movies set in high school where the protag is being bullied, but instead of the antagonist being a chad football player or the head of the cheerleaders team it's fucking autistic otherkins wearing a tail butt plug.

They sure sound picky for what I assume is a fat retard

She also constantly sadposts about not being able to find a boyfriend because men are either too pussy to punch her in the head when asked or have difficulty letting their girlfriend smear shit on themselves on camera.

This is an extremely well thought out and presented argument. If I may, can I also just point out that he's quite fat too.

Cast iron isn't built like it used to, it's built far better. My father blew cowboys on a slag heap and my mother replaced part of my skull with metal. I'm part steeler and I'm here to teach you how to season your pans.

Remember that when you speak to your valid and beautiful trans friends on the phone, their pronouns are you/you, not you/you. This isn't hard!

"Let me preface this by saying I like the idea of wearing Crocs..."

Is it still "imposter syndrome" if one really is an imposter?

This might come off as incredibly Jewish of me, but

I tend to go shopping at retail stores late at night, because it's quiet, and the crazy people are funnier.

Maybe the internet has poisoned my brain but that really looks like a penis.

Wait. Girls don't get orgasms by stimulating their prostate glands???

Funny? Yes. Worth getting fired for? ....Yes.

 

[barbie meat]

Look at how gangly this man is, he's practically all gangles.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Her real sexual experience begins and ends with sticking pride flags up her arse.

(not hyperbole; true fact)

 

[Super Dilator Duel 3D]

I have never been a 10, in my prime my body was a solid 8-8.5 but my face was never GQ model worthy, I just fucked a bunch of 4's till eventually I knew how to talk an 8 into bed and then a couple of 6's into threesome. Before I was married I had at least five 3 somes and one 4 some. My wife hates that part of my life but she also hates I post on KF and never reads my shit anyway so whatever. Fake it till you make it and then pretend you never had to fake it in the first place. my body count is around 35-40 my total worth is around 1.3 mil. I'm basically Andrew Tate if he were shorter and had autism.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Do you know what it’s like? To see middle class NEETS whining about how miserable they are over self-inflicted non-problems?

To see someone whine about how all they want to do is exist, when in reality they want to be lauded for that existence?

Do you know what it’s like? To see someone talk about the same social awkwardness and feelings of not fitting in that everyone goes through, and decide that it means they must be special?

Do you know what it’s like to see major corporations and governments bend the knee for a tiny minority of chronic masturbators, and to see how that minority talks on social media when they think no one’s listening?

Do you know what it’s like to give a group of people everything they want, then have them complain that they’re being murdered?

It makes you join Kiwi Farms.

 

[Laburnum]

There is no way to hold me liable for any actions that are committed by machine elves as they are not bound by our legal system.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

I guess that's the next step - for someone to sue an actual thread on the farms, instead of the farms.

 

[Artificial Stupidity]

Elaine is an honorary male feminist

I snort laughed at this.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Wild to me I learned so much about Franklin's innovations as a kid, the stove, the bifocals, the key experiment, Poor Richard's, etc. only to find out later the man claimed he invented eating pussy.

Raping kids? I sleep.
Smoking some weed? SERIOUS BUSINESS

he's a fat homosexual stop taking him seriously

 

[Brain Power]

Oh great. You can fuck a speaker and it comes up with the worst porn dialogue in history.

 

[Dr. Butt]

"we make uwu noises but don't fuck because we both have dicks"

No, you freak, you don't belong in the women's restroom. Or the men's, either. Go whiz in the swamp, the gators are hungry.

 

[OvercookedBacon]

Tamales are disgusting and only exist so mexican kids have something to unwrap on Christmas.

 

[monstrous bubo]

"You look like the trucker driver and the prostitute he just murdered simultaneously."

 

[Bassomatic]

This is just pure fucking gold. I don't ask for much but please make it happen.
Since picture isn't working server issues.
"Theocracy is evil, I lost nachos because of it. You all saw it"
Lucas Werner

Fuckin hysterical I legit have been laughing for minutes.

 

[Pedophobe]

This is just pure fucking gold. I don't ask for much but please make it happen.
Since picture isn't working server issues.
"Theocracy is evil, I lost nachos because of it. You all saw it"
Lucas Werner

Fuckin hysterical I legit have been laughing for minutes.

And that's just the punchline.

 

[karz]

the actions of any individual voter are meaningless; the movements of the herd are guided by causes unreckonable in their number and complexity. I did not vote for the leopards and yet they are still eating my face. is this karma?

>I'm trying to stream ahaha

Every time I see a clip of his, I'm going to think "This guy's gooning out right now, isn't he?"

FOOTJOBS

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

shooting Polish people is 100% justified Poland is a fake country and the Polish deserved every bullet

When I get home it's like a video game and my energy meter is depleting

 

[Aunt Carol]

At least when mother’s revolving door of boyfriends beat the shit out of her kids, the kids are still getting some form of social interaction.

 

[Tablet County]

I give up bros. If the dems win this year, open the borders, throw all conservatards into gulags, and force the rest of us to watch interracial tranny porn, it'll be a good thing. I just can't take this retardation anymore.

 

[Pendulous Dong]

Cast iron isn't built like it used to, it's built far better. My father blew cowboys on a slag heap and my mother replaced part of my skull with metal. I'm part steeler and I'm here to teach you how to season your pans.