random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Abella]

Sir, that is a Cooking with Jack video that you linked.

 

[Pedophobe]

the memes are quickly becoming boomer-tier

You can lead the lolcow to water, but you can't make it stop pissing in it and ruining the water for everyone else.

What a gaggle of hyperventilating faggots

 

[Tablet County]

I had to endure 5 minutes of Cog's smug gross Bri*ish mug to fix your post. You basically raped me. I did not consent to that.

First of all, when you want to learn appropriate etiquette around underage girls, YOU DON'T ASK THE FUCKING FRENCH.

That doesn't look like a steak. It looks like some shit from a Hannibal Lector film.

 

[Catboy Ranch]

Joe Biden is actually going to go down in history: by beating Andrew Johnson's record of "Worst President of the United States"

 

[WonderWino]

The hateful will face their Waterloo in blocked email addresses at my discretion

Even The Fibonacci Sequence wants me to be with 22 year olds

I'm more open to the natural mathematics of the universe than only one number

Based on 2012 research, men who become fathers past 35 years old give their kids stronger DNA. The damage already done is 5 times worse than inbreeding over the 20th century. It's all based on the vampire myth of older men with younger women from Bram Stoker's Dracula published in 1897, which lead to the paternal aging effect myth of 1912 disproved in 2012 at Northwestern University, a private accredited research facility in Evanston, Illinois.

I have a 7 page manifesto written down below with as least as many pages of references in the credits section. Pedophilia does not interest me. Kids don't produce enough progesterone or testosterone to be good for an aging immune system. Diddling kids instead of diddling adults will make you die sooner. Rape is no fun. Then they struggle. There's nothing sexier than consent. Down came the hammer of love.

 

[Lokenstien]

Lmao, my ilegal friend who is dating a fat girl who works at the DNC office in Massachusetts is very desperate,

Thank you for this gem.

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

I think that's the first time I've heard "Jesus Christ!" from a fluent Japanese person; caught me off guard.

 

[like_shutup_&_drive_scoob]

This mother****er’s foot looks like a slab of deli ham. It’s only a matter of time until he gets confused and begins eating himself.

Most babies have something like "mama" as their first words. The first thing Boogie said was a lie.

Sometimes I'll just be minding my own beeswax on the internet and then stumble upon something I know I'm getting put on a government watch list just for reading.

Pete has killed men before and now he’s killing transportation workers and families. He’s a gay man in charge for the thrill of it.

gay people: the post

I for one would love to be in the room tomorrow when Biden wakes up and askes his staffers how Obama did in the Presidential debate as they're watching him lose double digits in the poles.

 

[assigned Karen at birth]

I get the impression that they're just accusing a Tranny of Color of being a cop and that's pretty funny.

Pronouns: fed/fedself

As for the oozing hole, it looked green on my phone. How affirming.

Your piss stained walls aren't scientific evidence that billions of men are sitting down.

I am going to be the surprise third member of the presidential debate. I am going to call the other candidates niggers. I am going to call the audience niggers. I am going to deadname Michelle Obama.

Lauren Southern typed "this nigga biden" in the twitter search bar.

I AM NOT YELLING I AM JUST MAKING YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTED
ALSO YOU'RE FAT

 

[DumbDude43]

If a redditor had thirty days to live he'd spend the first 28 of them deleting his hard drives and the last two shoving things up his ass to smuggle into hell.

 

[Poonocchio]

Liz is still a solidly built bloke and his face is still a majestic slab.

 

[Gentlebastard]

The moral arc of the universe bends towards what's funniest.

Anyways my DM’s are just gay furry ERP and everyone on Kiwifarms is an adult so no worries there

I don’t condone hostile work environments. It’s just I fucking hate HR

Twinkies are an abomination against nature.

A guy like him might actually benefit from getting a tapeworm. I mean it can't do much more harm than he's already willingly done to his body.

EDIT: Jesus christ I go for an extra indulgent shit and he has xeeted like 40 times

A stalker child insults Patrick's wife and his car. Patrick indignantly defends his car.

"I didn't flunk high school, I had a perfectly cromulent 1.2 academic GPA, stalker!"

When your sleep paralysis demon misgenders you: this week on A Haunting

When you're out of your body and still get clocked as a man.

If you had a tiny clone of Hitler, would you rape him?

If a redditor had thirty days to live he'd spend the first 28 of them deleting his hard drives and the last two shoving things up his ass to smuggle into hell.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

By the end of the year I shall have the full incantation and will be able to open a portal directly into the tomlinverse so I may hunt for a real true nikkki-free fat-friend I can turn into my rutting mount without having to book a flight to milwaukee and thus risk violating the restraining order Rich Evans put on me back in 2013

 

[Law]

I don't get why you wish to threaten me into silence with a pink triangle, as if a digital marker matters in any way.

- Redoniblueoni, in the Dr. Disrespect feature

 

[Seafarer]

"British self defense" implies that they have the right to live.

 

[Tablet County]

Everyone knows there is zero tolerance for racism on Kiwi Farms.

 

[Thé au lait]

Enjoy prison, filmer of childs.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Let this be a lesson to the kids out there that through racism we can overcome the divisions between us!

ohhhhh, you're in florida. first of all, i hope you get better soon.

This would be like if i went to a condo to get my brake light fixed and the guy fingered my ass.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

it's like the police gave Null free bonus content for his first time order.

 

[Tablet County]

I feel slightly insulted that he thinks I'm a FFXIV player

The cops ask Riley if he wants to bring his cape to jail. He does not.