random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Neighborhood Janny]

FUCK ALL OF YOU I AM PROTECTING @Meiwaku HER TITS ARE A+

HOT HAPAS ARE ALL I NEED

Tbh I've banged worse.

yew fukkin wite dawg karnt giimme munee of the gubmint, i got 48 grankids to feed yew fukken wite dawg karnt

Explain how I'm wrong and try not drooling while you do it.

A minor lied on the internet? This is unprecedented.

*clicks I am 18 box*

I hate this place.

It's not that bad, could always be worse.

I tried to post my cock in the dm chain but the file was too big

This is some fucking bullshit, how come whenever there's a sexy DM like this, I'm not invited?
I'm gonna fucking hurt someone, chat.

lol

lmao

Lmao here we go again!

This shit is why we can't have anything nice.

im ruthlessly torturing my prostate with a massager on full blast rn, god i love gooning.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LAUGH AT RETARDS, NOT JOIN THEM IN DEGENERACY.

These god damn DM chain leak threads have been a fucking goldmine

 

[Gog & Magog]

Try it, shit on your countertop

 

[Poonocchio]

365 days of niggerhood. Just sold my first crack rock

 

[pikachudidnothingwrong]

Wait, so we're the providers for random.txt.? I thought the lolcows were the ones being quoted lol.

It's really a mix of everybody.

 

[AnOminous]

"My wife just told me the jews are now sending us Chinese food."

 

[Aunt Carol]

I am not into fruity anime twinks getting the pipe.

Married people are getting sex the same way they get Costco-sized pallets of bottled water. You just get through so much of it so quickly.

 

[Meat Target]

Can we make it so a little version of MS Clippy shows up if the software detects you're angry/scowling as you buy?


"It looks like you're extremely upset. Are you sure now is a good time to buy ammo?"

* No, I probably should go cool off.
* Yes, the rotten summbich deserves it.


"Would you like to buy a larger caliber? Just to be safe?"

* No
* Yes

 

[Dr. Butt]

"You yank my dick if you like this job, kid!"

spraying period blood at chuds like a skunk

Double Hitler all across the forehead.

 

[Abella]

She was banned for being too sane for this site full of nutjobs.

 

[Tablet County]

as a white man the worst slur you can call me is a nigger.

 

[pikachudidnothingwrong]

This is why neuroticism and paranoia is ultimately useless. You can be a no-fun shut-in all your life, and still get wacked by something completely ridiculous like this. Man plans, God laughs...

 

[assigned Karen at birth]

I mean there's cucked. There's being really cucked and forced to wear a cuck cage. And then there's being a Californian.

My spelling is fine. Your just an bigot

Warning: Spoiler contains ass-penis.

Space jewish lasers
Russian energy retardinator

I wanna live in a world where women are gaslighting their boyfriends to let them hit them in the nuts

 

[Tablet County]

Imagine fucking your mom and she moans, "Harder, Daddy". That would be confusing as hell.

I am not going to imagine that...

 

[Harvey Danger]

i don't play nip games. Kirby is Aryan

(across two related posts)

 

[Rotollo 2]

View attachment 6159770
One more thread Arthur. Then we’ll make our way to the main site. Featured thread Arthur, promised lands

 

[Gentlebastard]

How hard is it to put on loud music and get drunk like a normal person.

He’s looking more and more like that one special needs family member everybody has

He should have gone offline a decade ago, but he's an addict, to the point where I can't think of a more terminally online celebrity, or one that has been gazing into the Internet abyss for so long. And you know what they say about what happens when you gaze long into an abyss: it makes you a fag.

The better Hot Topic "Adult" content will always be Final Fantasy and its surrounding series

Sometimes is hard to tell one UK-based brain-rotted weirdo Tumblr'ed comicbook writer from another.

When are they going to start having interventions for the internet like they do for alcoholics?

Ah come on, who among us can honestly say they haven't hired a goth girl nanny based solely on the size of her tits and the likelihood she puts out after half a bottle of Tia Maria? Liars, that's who.

I don't care how much of it is true. I enjoy that he is suffering. That's enough for me.

Gaiman once made repeated use of the word "icky" and I have never forgiven him for it. I think that it was in reference to the sexual misdemeanours of another creator. There is something about that word coming out the mouth of a man. You can't take him seriously afterwards. You wouldn't take such a person on an expedition to the North Pole or on a rafting expedition through the jungles of Borneo.

I'm starting to think the New York Times think that being funny is a racist conspiracy.

What stings the most—even more than the American crime that is cheese in a can

Null, stop socking as a canuck, we see right throught your lies

It's related to the concept of an egregore or the "belief begets power" theory of gods (in that the power of a god or a symbol comes from the humans that follow that god). This concept features prominently in American Gods but we also see it here with the Sonichu medallion and the idea that Magichan is some kind of demon.

you can still have a speculum in your ass if you really want the full experience

Has anyone else noted that Jack himself is somebody's failed, rushed, disgusting-looking, unsalvageable recipe for a human being? He's God's own Party Cheese Salad.

Imagine being Rick.

I already apologized for turning you into a gay nigger, asking this of me is just cruel and unusual.

Imagine the damage you would do to a schizophrenic if you told them 'yeah, those voices in your head? They're real, and you should do whatever they tell you to.'

"Amenities - Floor"

Already shaping up to be a great rental house

 

[Heed Not]

Kirby doesn't have nipples, dumbass!

 

[InteracialBowelSyndrome]

America already has a gay militia, we call it the United States Army

 

[Aunt Carol]

A retard with dementia can fry an egg. I repeat: a demented retard can fry an egg.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Having different opinions isn't trolling you moron.

They literally have traditions where village men go out at nighttime with flashlights and hunt for pussy.

And you know what they say about what happens when you gaze long into an abyss: it makes you a fag.

Agriculture's emergence is a mystery. Yes we have space travel and dank memes as a result, but this would not have been obvious to people in Anatolia 9K BC.

He voted for himself so hard that he became black

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of troon voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something lulzworthy has happened.

Getting cucked by your own son isn't something anyone should be proud of.

We must secure the ecology of New Zealand and a future for Kiwi chicks