random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Counterfeit Obol]

"Jewish merchant"
didnt have to say the same thing twice.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Should I go and cuck a redditor?

One of my comfort media is street fight videos.

Sure, we might have mercury poisoning, but at what cost? I can tell you: $5.

 

[glass_houses]

Context: this post is from the ebeggar thread, and is the list of demands an infamous ebeggar has for her/his accommodation needs.

On a related note, here is an incomplete list of requirements Falco gives for the house/roommates for which she will only occasionally deign to pay:

1. Dishwasher
2. Double-basin sink ("because I have trouble keeping up on dishes")
3. In-unit laundry machine (because she's allergic to everyone else's detergent)
4. Her own private bathroom (because she's allergic to every kind of cleaning product, also she might shit herself at any moment)
5. Private bedroom with a lock on the door
6. Bedroom must have black-out curtains
7. House must be absolutely quiet- no kids, no parties, no dogs
8. However, "I need to be able to express myself very openly, music and film and also my own bizarre self."
9. Roommates must always mask
10. She doesn't want to live anywhere hot or snowy
11. "I need constant ability to modify my surroundings"
12. Roommates need to tolerate her shit spilling out of her room and taking over the apartment
13. No smoking
14. No "surprise nudity"
15. No taking her food or she will freak the FUCK out. Also, she's allergic to everything.

 

[Rotollo 2]

Since I'm bound to have some jew in me, I triple down and call him a retarded kike faggot.

 

[High Level Rad Waste]

I won't accept any Anne Frank fanfic other than the one with Goku and Hitler.

 

[Gentlebastard]

My decision to never interact privately with anyone continues to be one of the best I've ever made. God you fuckers are nasty.

What, did he just casually slip it in? Just a bit of harmless forcible penetration with a foreign object with the lads?

Fuck I forgot about this why did you have to unearth this memory

I'm convinced that there are a lot of really dumb fucks that will go along with just about anything if you utter the equivalent of "trust me bro" in whatever they speak there.

When we read in the owner's manual "WARNING!! Do NOT insert into rectum." this is the reason why. This guy.

I mean who hasn't had a friend or two pull the old 'surprise you with a piece of large industrial equipment up your ass' prank? Boys will be boys.

Things Not To Put In Your Butt 101

Not condoning his actions, but it’s refreshing for a content creator to just admit to the fucked up shit they did instead of trying to bury it or ignore it.

It's CIA fabrications all the way down.

Osama was apparently a fan of Bible Black, which includes rape and futanari.

Unironically this comic by Stonetoss best sums up this article.

If a 14 year old made these and showed them to me I'd roll my eyes. This man is 48.

"I'm not transphobic." Well why the fuck not?

I swear you read/watch some black women and you start to understand why so many black men may want to get locked up in jail.

Obviously we didn't land on the moon, it's made of cheese and wouldn't hold up to the lunar lander and people walking on it.

It was filmed on a soundstage on Venus.

 

[Law]

I was curious who the random whore was because I don't live and breath these retards and would ya look at that, she's litteraly some dumb whore.

But this is the binalty of evil.

I know these might be from our ESL amigos, but I always find spelling mistakes funny.

 

[Burd Turglar]

I know these might be from our ESL amigos, but I always find spelling mistakes funny.

Excuse me but I'm a product of the southern United States public education system.

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

Is there a paper doll/Picrew site for diagramming your ideal genital configuration yet?

I feel like this would be a popular tool. Maybe start with a blueprint/interior design application instead. Just drag and drop the penises, but if you don't remember to connect up at least one distal urethra to the native one, the urine will flow out all over the map once you start the level.

 

[NoReturn]

Hitchens warned y'all niggas

 

[BirdUp]

Time ceased its inexorable march, not with a bang, but a sickening lurch, like a vast, cosmic mechanism throwing a gear. It was then I found myself adrift in the tenebrous sea of paradox, where the fabric of reality frayed at its edges, revealing the raw, undifferentiated chaos beneath.

My mind, that once-proud instrument of logic and deduction, now bucked and strained against the impossible. To recall the past was to simultaneously experience the future, a nightmarish Möbius strip of thought where every memory was also a premonition, each consequence a cause. Linearity, that comforting illusion of existence, dissolved like cobwebs in a hurricane.

Senses, normally so reliable in their mundanity, betrayed me utterly. Sight became an onslaught of superimposed images, a palimpsest of what was, is, and might be, all vying for dominance. Sounds stretched into agonizing, discordant symphonies, echoes of themselves reverberating endlessly across the non-existent gulf of time. My very flesh felt alien, as though composed of a thousand conflicting moments, each pulling me in opposite directions.

And yet, amidst this maelstrom of perception, there lingered a chilling awareness: I was not alone. Something vast and unknowable moved within the paradox, its presence a suffocating pressure, a feeling of being observed by an intellect so alien, so unfathomably ancient, that its gaze threatened to unravel the remnants of my sanity. It reveled in the chaos, in the utter annihilation of order and reason, and I, a mere mote caught in its cosmic dance, could only scream in silent, unending horror.

 

[Sheogorath]

strangers are really quick to open up to me about their troubles because I look like Jesus, it's actually really annoying.

Google is bloated with DEI hires that can’t code. But their opponent in this war are legions of autistic nerds. They cannot win

 

[Staffy]

Ok! @Null this isn't feature worthy.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Everyone already has microplastics in their ballsacks.

 

[quaawaa]

I have the dating apps, but haven’t had much success finding a woman who wants to date someone with 165 kids and 10 women pregnant.

 

[Toji Suzuhara]

I was too busy playing Kingdom Hearts 2 to care about the Holocaust.

 

[Doxmatix]

My theory is that there is a little bit of DSP in all of us.

 

[assigned Karen at birth]

wont lie, i've been using grindr for years for easy pussy. as long as you're picky about it, it's pretty easy.

"So, I was a little sweaty (yes this matters) The first family member to greet me was the family dog, who proceeded to lick my legs incessantly. Then he repeatedly tried to hump me. Then I hear loud and firm, 'You are a girl! You have a vagina!' And my heart just sank..."

what did happen to common courtesy? Another lovely old-fashioned custom, perhaps more honoured in the breach, was leaving your wife before turning into a giant cumdumpster and posting pictures of your prolapsed anus to the world.

 

[Pedophobe]

Trust me, bro. I'm an anthropologist.

What the hell is going on anymore.

Call me a cynic but I'm starting to think these blood drinking, moloch worshiping pedophiles who run the Internet might not have our best interests in mind.

Welcome to Kiwi Farms, where the SpEds aren't just the topics of threads.

 

[Edict of Expulsion]

Trannies are in a head to head race with niggers to culturally appropriate the moniker of "Nature's Clowns."