random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Aunt Carol]

I'd love to build a tunnel network under our house but my wife would kill me and I'm not entirely sure about the water table.

Screw you, "doordash customer #1467586", if you want quadruple cheese on your Greasy Lard Surprise(™) you should have to come over and look me in the eye like a MAN.

I've been betrayed in my life by no less than 4 different lesbians.

 

[Tablet County]

"I'm sorry; I guess you're right. I WOULD even rape you."

 

[Shitted Scaredless]

And you're a double nigger.

 

[BirdUp]

I kind of want to take apart the logic of this thread he posted because it's so incoherent but then I realized this guy is fat.

You misunderstand the nature of the curse. Ol' Patrick is originally from Innsmouth, you see, soon his time will come to swim out to Devil's Reef and slip under the waves to live eternal in Y'ha-nthlei.

 

[TroonsDid911]

Maybe senior dogs don't fight back as much when you rape them

 

[Gog & Magog]

Having been evicted from the apartment complex, he took refuge in a motel and now had to deal with tulpas manifesting from semen stains on the wall

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

No one needs an assault nigger capable of high capacity looting and active chimpouts.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Pat is a self hating closeted homosexual. He has so many gay mannerisms its unreal, the gym he used to post pics from is a notorious gay meetup spot, his putdowns are gay, the guy loves the cock. Its apparent. Niki is a lesbian. He's "into things" They're each others beards. Pat loves the cock.

 

[GunCar Gary]

Are you aware that you won't be able to wear a furry tiger costume when you're getting pounded in the ass in the federal prison I put you in next year?

I hope the word spreads as fast as the STDs do in your degenerate furry community.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

I will kill myself while streaming on Kick if this mod isn't a tranny.

 

[Spud]

Blaize Mayes was already using his real name as his handle at the time of his arrest for child porn. See here in the Undertale thread:

and is also part of the dog cum cartel

I'd like to give a shout out to Asao Kobayashi. He got caught diddling a young girl and for possession of child porn

 

[Guest123]

"Mike Howell: Are you aware that you won't be able to wear a furry tiger costume when you're getting pounded in the ass in the federal prison I put you in next year?"

 

[Gentlebastard]

I would like to tell you to go fuck yourselves, you soulless vermin, and that you should count yourselves very lucky that Japan is constitutionally restricted from initiating acts of war, because otherwise I can guarantee you we would be making your fabricated account of the Nanking Incident look like an episode of Doraemon.

Whatever you may think about the nips, I'm on their side because they aren't chinks.

I think your “people are retarded” hypothesis holds a lot of water.

I'm a hopeless optimist. What the fuck was I thinking?

splitting atoms is masculine?

dies this mean that nuclear fusion is feminine?

Tsar Bomba confirmed most feminine bomb

Tell me, faggots and racists of the Kiwi Farms, is there a more sacred cow in America, let alone Milwaukee, than the almighty Nigger?

It feels good when you finally hit Peak Tranny and realize what you actually knew inside all along, dosent it? Welcome.

I love the sickly employee coughing throughout the video, it really sets the vibe.

(This is your monthly reminder to embrace Tomlinsonian Pessimism; no matter what the situation, Patrick S. Tomlinson will receive the worst, but most comedic outcome)

I have been without a car for a week. Using public transport twice a day for 6 days has put me on the verge of becoming a serial killer.

God bless your soul sitting through his shit endlessly.

welp... I guess I had agp all along and need to be taken out behind the shed. Well, shitting up the farms with TMI was fun while it lasted.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

So what yoy're saying is this case is the Carmen Sandiego of lolsuits.

 

[Aunt Carol]

He may have super penis big, but at what cost?

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

"why would you post this, you just ruined my hecking wholesome retard livestreamer who pretends to be autistic to make up for a lack of personality life, how dare you"

 

[Cemetery Support]

View attachment 6177454

Whoops.

They posted this recently on Telegram and it's kinda curious it happened so soon after their attack against the Heritage Foundation. Some badass hackers quitting because of le mental health concerns is hilarious.

Spoiler: Full message

View attachment 6177456

“for our own mental health, the stress of mass publicity, and to avoid the eye of the FBI”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[Gas Station Nachos]

That's what a piece of shit he is. He hates his kids, who he forced his wife to give birth to, despite multiple miscarriages, probably her womb resisting demon spawn, but he insisted on five goddamn kids, then he hated them, and bitched that his own insistence on having these kids ruined his wife's body, so he couldn't coom any more.

The bit about her womb 'resisting the demon spawn' is excellent.

 

[Law]

"I not takibg ozempic"

 

[frozen_runner]

>tfw no big tiddy retard gf
Why even live?

YEAAAAAAH FEED HIM TO STARVING NIGGERS!!!!

I've never thought about it before but now I'm terrified of the very IDEA that there is Australian porn.

The First Amendment? What's that?

I refuse to buy a Dust Buster unless it validates my gross fetishes.

Ah yes. Trannies, furries, and fart fetishists. The dark triad.

I strongly dislike Eurofags on the whole but tulip niggers really make me homicidal.

That is a long ass article but I thought the title said “The Cooming Great Conflict” and giggled

No. This is not a sex toy. This is obviously just a latex vibrating replication of a candle. With balls.

Why are nerdy autistic men good at video games?

The world may never know.

White women are the niggers of women.

HITLER IM TIRED

Actually, I don’t like anyone in this story.

The journo fears the white boy summer

"Wigger" and "Wignat" share a lot of the same letters, so they must be the same thing.

Anyone who says kiddo should be beaten.

There's plastic in my brain.

Microplastics are stored in the balls.

One day people chasing Mechabuffalo will find square miles of rows of dead trees, and they will know fear.

This dude has been looking at boobies for over 20 years and getting paid for it!

Dear ugly teen boys: Did you know daddy-issues girls will blow you for weed and/or pills? Steal some of Mom's Xanax and find out today!

Indians have ruined ChatGPT.

Love (of torturing the homeless) wins.

i got nothing to add other than the officer looks like he is using a webley auto loader, which is pretty based and that i am in no way joking when i say just how much i hate indians and how they are all subhuman.

In honor of this extremely based happening, I formerly retract all of my statements degredating the ifunny watermark at the bottom of images.