Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Budd Dwyer's Swan Song]

Shit! Why don't we just have a Friday Movie Night with "Come and See" and jerk ourselves off during the atrocity scenes? It'd be far less depressing than sperging about WW2 gangrape in a thread that's supposed to be about how a fat and stupid man is fat and stupid.

Perhaps we can have a Depravity of Humanity Double Feature night, where we can watch Come and See and Men Behind the Sun back to back.

 

[instythot]

To be fair, I don't know Bob's genetics and I can't see the future. Bob may rage himself into a fatal heart attack one day. It's equally possible that he lives on, bloating his body with his culinary horrors, stewing in his impotent hatred for decades to come, and entertaining new generations of Kiwis with his hijinks.

But to answer your question, yes, I do believe Bob will live to see his beloved theaters croak.

I don't even get why they're so beloved to him. Doesn't he go to the early empty previews anyway? What's so different between that and a big screen in a dark basement aside from him being allowed to watch before the proles get to?

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Everyone hates him now. He isn't some great ally that is so useful that you could excuse his behavior for a while. His genocidal rants against the Right have not won him any friends on the Left. He has no political capital or any usefulness to the Left because he's clearly too much of a coward to even do anything physically for them. If there was something, it would have come out by now. There's no downside to keeping any incriminating information about someone as reviled as Bob Chipman. Having anything come out about him after his demise would trip all of the bullshit alarms.

Maybe so, but on the other hand him being hated means that nobody will come to his defence.

 

[A Watchful Ghost]

Maybe so, but on the other hand him being hated means that nobody will come to his defence.

Why do I get the feeling he knows this, and is doing his absolute ""best"" to prolong his life enough to stop it?

Bob's ego is too big to allow something like this to happen.

 

[Syaoran Li]

I can see small arthouse cinemas and places like Alamo Drafthouse surviving, because they provide more in the experience than simply watching the latest blockbuster with fluorescent popcorn. They dig up classic or unusual films, offer specialized watching experiences, and offer a full menu and bar while doing it.

Heck, I can even see grindhouses and dollar theaters coming back in more rural or poor areas if enough entrepreneurs are willing to take the risk and keep the overhead down. Drive-ins have already been making a small comeback thanks to COVID-19.

But the chain multiplexes are done for. It'll be a miracle if they make it through the 2020's.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

But the chain multiplexes are done for. It'll be a miracle if they make it through the 2020's.

I can already hear Bobert REEEEing.

 

[instythot]

I can still hear Bobert REEEEing.

Fixed it for you

 

[Absolutego]

I don't even get why they're so beloved to him. Doesn't he go to the early empty previews anyway? What's so different between that and a big screen in a dark basement aside from him being allowed to watch before the proles get to?

Well, the previews allow him to schmooze with other Boston film critics. Between his abhorrent personality and low EQ, he probably thinks they're his friends or esteemed peers instead of him being mildly tolerated. And he'll go multiple times back to theaters to re-watch the movies he likes. He saw Avengers six times in theaters. I think he saw Pacific Rim at least 4 times. I assume every big blockbuster he gave a positive review to, he saw at least twice on the big screen.
I like to imagine when Bob is going on his own dime, instead of in his capacity as a critic, he's the embodiment of the nacho-munching, cola-slurping consoomer that Red Letter Media seem to encounter whenever they had to go to theaters.

 

[instythot]

He saw Avengers six times in theaters.

Good Lord. I cannot imagine seeing a marvel movie more than once, and no more than one of them per year

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

He saw Avengers six times in theaters. I think he saw Pacific Rim at least 4 times.

Peak consoomer behaviour. Holy shit this sort of fanaticism reaches retard religious levels of "paying to see the nails of christ's cross".

 

[Pokemonquistador2]

Imagine how small that funeral would be. I doubt any of his "colleagues" would attend, much less mention his passing on Twitter.

Awhile back a lolcow named banalexistence died of fatness, and virtually no one among the farms could even be bothered to remember his name. Most of his thread consists of KFers going "Huh, Who was this guy?" His friends threw together a cringy funeral and then immediately started grifting for donations. I expect Bob's death to roll out in a similar fashion, with his brother Chris hustling for as much GoFundMe and Patreon cash as he possibly can. "Donate to my Patreon and you'll get exclusive access to my 16 part memorial documentary series: MovieBob: A Chipman's Life!" To his credit, Bob does have a (n inexplicably) large fanbase of supporters and one of the biggest threads on Kiwifarms as a legacy to look back on, so at least he avoided being a complete nothing, although being known as the guy who sleeps with a Princess Peach pillow and wants half the country to die in a fiery genocide because they vote Republican can't be the most envious fate in the pop culture world.

 

[GreeneCoDeputy]

I cannot even fathom the meltdown he'll have if Biden wont bother bailing out movie theaters.

Robert will find a way to make it the fault of the Republicans and will issue a nonsensical string of Twitter replies to himself to that effect. Biden is too far up the righteousness ladder for Robert to disagree with him directly.

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

Robert will find a way to make it the fault of the Republicans and will issue a nonsensical string of Twitter replies to himself to that effect. Biden is too far up the righteousness ladder for Robert to disagree with him directly.

"Ugh, if only the obsolete mayo ghoul CHUDS had stayed in their pod and eaten the bugs during COVID, as the Holy Book of Science™ decreed. Then superior specimens such as myself would already have our robot bodies/GFs and be watching Marvel brand Marvel movies in our moon theaters."

Something like that?

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

I expect Bob's death to roll out in a similar fashion, with his brother Chris hustling for as much GoFundMe and Patreon cash as he possibly can. "Donate to my Patreon and you'll get exclusive access to my 16 part memorial documentary series: MovieBob: A Chipman's Life!

And you know what? This isn't even far fetched. I see it completely happening the day Bob croaks and his brother is still around, probably a 50% chance if Chris has a shrewd of respect and love for Bob.
I know they do it because of their unending greed and the like, but parading the still fresh corpse of a relative for asspats and money is terribly unsensitive and it clearly shows that you didn't cared for that person.

 

[KingofNothing]

Good Lord. I cannot imagine seeing a marvel movie more than once, and no more than one of them per year

I like the MCU overall and saw a lot of them in theaters. I could see maybe paying for some of them twice, but that's solely for the viewing experience, none of them alone are that good to just jump back in line. Paying to see any of them six times is just incredibly excessive, but par for the course for a consoomer like Robert

 

[instythot]

Robert will find a way to make it the fault of the Republicans and will issue a nonsensical string of Twitter replies to himself to that effect. Biden is too far up the righteousness ladder for Robert to disagree with him directly.

It'll be fun to watch Bob twist himself into that mental pretzel, because if it doesn't happen now after all the sneak spending that was already in the last covid bill and with democrats controlling both houses and the presidency, it's not happening because democrats don't give a shit about theatres.

The only way that happens is if a media megacorp pushes for it. They didn't write themselves a handout into the last bill and all of them look like they're betting on streaming instead. Load tantrums and fire, Bob

 

[Chad Holdenford]

I'd feel bad for the coroners, the funeral parlor and the casket builders that would have to deal with the wretch.
Also, one mourner in his funeral would be one too many.

Down here there is an odd tradition to place a glass of water below the casket during a memorial service, as a symbolic way to give some refreshment for the departed soul.
In the blob's case, it would have to be that one huge-ass McDonald's serving he thinks is average.

 

[instythot]

I like the MCU overall and saw a lot of them in theaters. I could see maybe paying for some of them twice, but that's solely for the viewing experience, none of them alone are that good to just jump back in line. Paying to see any of them six times is just incredibly excessive, but par for the course for a consoomer like Robert

That's fair. These films may just not be for me, I typically find them very unmemorable to the point where I can clearly recall conversations about the first avengers from the drive home after seeing it, but have no recollection of anything that happened in the film. They just come off as very expensively made time sinks to me

 

[make_it_so]

Heck, I can even see grindhouses and dollar theaters coming back in more rural or poor areas if enough entrepreneurs are willing to take the risk and keep the overhead down. Drive-ins have already been making a small comeback thanks to COVID-19.

But the chain multiplexes are done for. It'll be a miracle if they make it through the 2020's.

Kind of ironic, seeing as how the 15+ screen megaplexes drove out the smaller and independent theaters back in the 90s.

Well, the previews allow him to schmooze with other Boston film critics. Between his abhorrent personality and low EQ, he probably thinks they're his friends or esteemed peers instead of him being mildly tolerated. And he'll go multiple times back to theaters to re-watch the movies he likes. He saw Avengers six times in theaters. I think he saw Pacific Rim at least 4 times. I assume every big blockbuster he gave a positive review to, he saw at least twice on the big screen.
I like to imagine when Bob is going on his own dime, instead of in his capacity as a critic, he's the embodiment of the nacho-munching, cola-slurping consoomer that Red Letter Media seem to encounter whenever they had to go to theaters.

Four fucking times? Jesus, that wasn't even that good of a movie.

 

[Lensherr]

I can see small arthouse cinemas and places like Alamo Drafthouse surviving, because they provide more in the experience than simply watching the latest blockbuster with fluorescent popcorn. They dig up classic or unusual films, offer specialized watching experiences, and offer a full menu and bar while doing it.

I really hope that you're right. Call me a pretentious artfag all you want, but I give less and less of a shit about the big-budget blockbusters that clog up multiplexes with every year I get older, and find the kind of fare offered by the venues that you mentioned to be much more enriching (which consequently don't get played at multiplexes very often). Bob on the other hand is a perpetual teenager and loves his bright, flashy colors and CGI-fueled nonsense, so it makes sense that he'd be filled with rage over the prospect of big chains closing down.

Good Lord. I cannot imagine seeing a marvel movie more than once, and no more than one of them per year

I don't mean to sound like I'm defending Bob, but I can kind of understand why nerds would have gone to see The Avengers multiple times in the theater when it first came out. After all, nothing like it had ever been attempted before, and seeing multiple different film franchises converge into one cinematic crossover was more or less a novelty in 2012. So I get why Marvel fans would be so enthused as to make multiple trips to the theater to see it.

Going back to Bob though, he's the prototypical consumer, so he'll do that with anything that tickles his fancy.

EDIT:

Four fucking times? Jesus, that wasn't even that good of a movie.

Bob has a massive hard-on for Kaiju movies. He also gave Godzilla: King Of The Monsters a 10/10 on his old review show for the Escapist.