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CareercowRobert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic
What film industry are you fucking talking about Bob? There's nothing in cinemas anymore except capeshit, Transformers and Mission Impossible. And while the latter is pretty kino, I'd much rather watch Tom Cruise's latest documented suicide attempt on Netflix, where I can also enjoy a fuckton of varied content, including a bunch of foreign language shit no cinema chain would touch with a ten-foot pole.
Retard stans for the country who got caught on more than one occasion building with actual garbage layered with concrete. Still proves hideously smooth brain despite all his wiki'ing engineering. Seriously, I guess he's also choosing to ignore how so many of their dams break or how building safety standards are far lower, or in the case of HK it was built by the fucking Brits.
Bob's reading too much into run-of-the-mill capeshit as usual.
He was sperging about the Tuskegee Experiment and HeLa last week, which wasn't explored in depth by this week's episode with Isaiah Bradley only getting a quick mention in expository dialogue confirming that the new super soldier serum was derived by isolating the compound in his blood.
So I have my doubts that the show is going to use the Flag Smashers to comment on the Middle East.
What film industry are you fucking talking about Bob? There's nothing in cinemas anymore except capeshit, Transformers and Mission Impossible. And while the latter is pretty kino, I'd much rather watch Tom Cruise's latest documented suicide attempt on Netflix, where I can also enjoy a fuckton of varied content, including a bunch of foreign language shit no cinema chain would touch with a ten-foot pole.
Absolutely not surprised that Blobbo creamed his gunt over lizard vs. monkey movie. A hopefully more balanced review (with spoilers in their own section):
Boy this was a dumb movie. I have not seen Godzilla (2014), so I can't comment on that, but of the Monsterverse™ movies I've seen, this is by far the dumbest. It also feels like there was a fair amount of executive meddling that fucked with the pacing, trimming out scenes that explained more of the random bullshit that was brought up.
First, the only reason anyone cares about these movies: big monster fights. Definitely some good stuff, fun to watch big lizard and big ape punch each other a lot, but unfortunately most of it you've already seen in the trailers. I'd say maybe 10-15 minutes of actual monster fighting, with the rest of the movie devoted to the boring human plots. There's a reason for the trailers spoiling the fights, which I'll get into in the spoiler section.
The human plots, as mentioned, are so fucking boring and riddled with convenience to move the paper-thin story along. There's basically three plotlines that eventually converge in the finale:
Totally not-evil megacorporation enlists discredited doctor to go on an expedition to Hollow Earth to find some kind of energy (Hollow Earth is probably what Bobby will fixate on as much as the kaiju); Kong is being studied/contained on Skull Island by Monarch and has befriended a precocious little native girl and is also needed for some reason on said expedition
Girl from last movie, conspiracy theory black man, and some random Mexican kid that talks with a British accent are trying to find answers as to why Godzilla attacked totally not-evil megacorporation
Third plotline is spoiler territory so I'll cover that later
The biggest problem is that so much of the movie is just these boring human characters talking and talking, and scenes just end when it's time to move on to the next location. Some plot contrivance will happen and then cue scene 37. None of the characters really have anything that provokes any sense of attachment, and I honestly could not give a fuck about what happened to any of them. I guess the scientist guy was alright, but as mentioned by someone else earlier, they still shit all over him for being nervous around a giant fucking ape.
The movie also played fast and loose with every single law of physics. Granted, you have to do that anyway when you're talking about gigantic monsters existing, let alone punching each other, but there were some hilarious lapses here. Two noteworthy examples include a hovertrain accelerating to over 600 km/h in barely a few seconds and not pulping the occupants inside, and somehow managing to transmit a data signal from the middle of the fucking planet. That's before you get into all the mega-engineering projects that probably would've cost the GDP of multiple nations to build.
From a technical perspective, the visuals were fine, but the film looked way too dark in a lot of scenes; I have good eyes but I had trouble making out what was going on frequently. The sound mixing also felt off, with the music being bombastically loud, sound effects being pretty loud, and dialogue being way too quiet; again, my ears work fine but a lot of the dialogue was too hard to follow, giving me Tenet flashbacks. I dunno if it was just the theater I was at, but it didn't make for the most pleasant viewing experience.
One more final note before I get into spoilers: I'm a fan of Lance Reddick, mostly from the John Wick movies and the Destiny games, so when I saw his name in the opening credits, I was minorly excited to see him, but then he didn't show up. Kept waiting, still nothing. He finally made an appearance less than a half hour from the end of the movie, where he showed up out of nowhere next to Kyle Chandler (girl from last movie's dad) and said a single line. And that was it. Strange that someone credited in your opening credits has that small of a role, which leads me to believe that he might have had more if not for some form of major cuts to the film. Why you gotta do Commander Zavala like that, WB?
Alright, spoiler time:
Okay, so the actual plot is that totally not-evil corporation is actually using the remains of King Ghidorah to create Mechagodzilla; one of its skulls is in the mecha and the other is turned into a control room that links up to a human pilot. That's the reason Godzilla attacks, because he senses (somehow) that the incomplete Mechagodzilla is emitting the same sort of signal as other kaiju. Godzilla didn't turn evil and he wasn't being mind controlled.
Anyway, Kong's getting tired of being caged on Skull Island (literally; there's a random superstorm around the island now and Monarch built a fucking gigantic enclosure over part of the island) and not-evil corporation says he's needed to open the way to Hollow Earth, despite the fact that they already have a tunnel and craft have made it there before, but there's some gravity inversion thing that killed the first crew somehow (again, fast and loose physics). But it's okay, they have better ships now that can somehow negate that whole problem, because magic I guess.
So they take Kong by boat, then the Godzilla vs. Kong fight in the trailer happens. Kong loses pretty bad, they play dead, Godzilla goes away. They fly Kong the rest of the way using a bunch of helicopters and a giant net, somehow having enough fuel to get that far. They reach Antarctica and go down the tunnel and go exploring Hollow Earth. Not a lot happens.
Meanwhile, the Mystery Gang have a bunch of not-funny scenes as they go investigate not-evil corporation. They get on a transport that flings them from Pensacola (side note: you can not have a facility 33 floors underground in fucking Pensacola without it flooding instantly, you morons) to Hong Kong, where they find out that--gasp!--not-evil corporation is actually an evil corporation! And they have Mechagodzilla! They witness a test where it rips another kaiju in half, but the test ends prematurely because it has power troubles. Godzilla senses this and heads for Hong Kong.
Anyway, back down in Hollow Earth, Kong finds this massive temple thing at the heart of the energy signal they were looking for, and unfortunately that doesn't go anywhere, like we don't learn that Kong's race was actually intelligent and built all that or whatever, nor do we learn anything about the "war" between the monkeys and lizards that was hinted at repeatedly. Kong gets an axe that can absorb Godzilla's nuclear breath. The daughter of evil corporation's CEO gets a sample of the energy and transmits it back to her dad so they can use it to fully power up Mechagodzilla, which is bizarre. I figured they'd need something like an actual sample of the substance, but no, apparently it's just the pattern of the energy that's all they need.
So Godzilla senses Kong mucking around down there (damn if he doesn't have some really fucking impressive kaiju-sensing radar) and literally blasts a hole all the way down to the Earth's core. I shit you not, this is a thing that happens in this movie. Kong then somehow jumps down this new hole and arrives back in Hong Kong, but not before crushing evil CEO's daughter to death as she tries to escape. Good guys make it out okay.
Cue other Godzilla vs. Kong trailer fight, this time in Hong Kong. Bunch of punching, and Godzilla pretty definitively wins, with Kong left for dead. Evil corporation powers up Mechagodzilla, but the remains of Ghidorah are too powerful and it goes rogue, with the mecha killing the CEO and frying the pilot's brain. It then goes off and has a fight with Godzilla.
Good guys find Kong and defibrillate him by exploding their hovercraft on top of his chest (yeah that happened too), then Kong teams up with Godzilla to fight Mechagodzilla. The Mystery Gang tries to guess the password to stop some satellite uplink that's keeping Mechagodzilla functional somehow, with hilarious (not really) results. Eventually the fat Mexican British kid fixes it by pouring whiskey over the computer, which weakens Mechagodzilla enough for the two kaiju to finish it off. They stare each other down briefly and then I guess Godzilla decided it wasn't worth fighting Kong anymore, and he swims away.
The film ends with Kong living happily in Hollow Earth, with a Monarch station set up to continue to observe him. No post-credits scene.
If it weren't for the human scenes dragging on for so long, I would have enjoyed the movie more. I applaud the trailers for not spoiling Mechagodzilla, but in so doing they basically ruined all the other fights. I didn't care about the characters, the plot was laughable and riddled with holes, the acting ranged from serviceable to bad, and the sound mixing was way off. I have no idea if they're planning on making more of these (what's left besides aliens?), but if they do, please for the love of God write a decent script. Quit making things happen just because movie needs to happen and figure out some basic logic.
Either that, or just make a two-hour-straight movie of kaiju punching each other. I'd watch that.
Okay that was longer than I intended, but I've had a day to digest it. Bobby will probably just blather about how awesome the fights were and how it's actually really smart for incorporating Hollow Earth theory, continuing to prove that he is the ultimate consoomer.
Was discussing with a friend as the current rumors are that Toho is taking Godzilla & friends back to start doing their own movies again. This could explain some of the choices of the film as Legendary setting up hollow earth and Kong going to it as opening up story space for them to do sequels with Kong and whatever Kaiju they want to invent (and thus have rights over) down there. Note how much of the legendary original stuff was used in the film vs the Toho originated.
A Wrinkle in Time sucked so I'm not sure why Ava DuVernay was hired for New Gods in the first place outside of being an attempt to shield the film from criticism by having a BIPOC woman directing it.
A Wrinkle in Time was as faithful to the books as Godzilla '98 was to the original movies. I didn't even see the movie. I saw EFAP go over it.
To give you an idea how much the original book's message and theme are so antithetical to modern woke culture - imagine a hardcore fundamentalist muslim was put in charge of adapting The Book of Mormon into a movie. It would be about as faithful.
It's an incel/betaboy thing.
Because they have issues getting or keeping women, they must ALWAYS bring up or make note of another man's troubles with women - but of course because the issue hits so close to him they lose their shit when someone else does it to them.
The thing is that her base is made up of white girls on Tiktok, and those white girls have worked out that Kamala is not a progressive. If she does become her VP, she'll have a hard time explaining that to her supporters. Not to mention that, especially after a Biden presidency, people's VP picks will get heavily scrutinised and for a centrist Dem, the risk of AOC getting in the White House may well be too much.
Again, I'll make a bet with you if you want. ($1?) I think your belief of any democrat getting "scrutinized" any time soon is hilariously naïve. As soon as a Republican opponent is found (just imagine Trump running again) absolutely every flaw the dem nominee has will be overlooked/explained away/excused because it's still better than mega-hitler who is about to be elected.
I've seen it happen in like a half dozen elections by now. The only thing that has changed is that the accusations against republicans have gotten more cartoony and the media way less subtle.
A Wrinkle in Time was as faithful to the books as Godzilla '93 was to the original movies. I didn't even see the movie. I saw EFAP go over it.
To give you an idea how much the original book's message and theme are so antithetical to modern woke culture - imagine a hardcore fundamentalist muslim was put in charge of adapting The Book of Mormon into a movie. It would be about as faithful.
To be fair to the Blob, Chinese society is basically in their version of the Roaring 20's, the decade which invented the aesthetic which Bob considers the "Superior Future". So it's hardly surprising that he'd be impressed by their propaganda.
This is a bit late, but do you think Bob has been coloring his hair? This is the first time I've seen him with any significant gray in his beard (although most pics I've seen of him recently are of his more iconic photos done years ago.) His and Chris' hair is also at a stage where they should really start shaving it, although both should probably grow long dwarf beards first. They'll look stupid, but at least it'll seem that they're trying for some kind of iconic look instead of the vague "balding ogre" look they have now. If they were to ditch the ironic adult-sized children's tees and wear expensive leather jackets with full beards and do rags, they might actually look sort of like someone's cool uncle who was never quite right in the head after he came home from Vietnam and now just rides around the country with his fellow veterans, stopping every so often to yell at the ghosts of the soldiers he killed back in '68.
I don't know why Bob is so hung up on Snyder's shitty DC movies when Wonder Woman 84 proved that women can make shitty overly long and self indulgent DC movies too.
I don't know why Bob is so hung up on Snyder's shitty DC movies when Wonder Woman 84 proved that women can make shitty overly long and self indulgent DC movies too.
He didn’t like WW84 either, it’s where his line about “Diana missing Chris Pine’s penis” originated and I’m sure he’s said that the scene where Wonder Woman saves the Arab kids was geopolitically awkward during one of his Twitter rants because Gal Gadot is from Israel.
Can someone explain to me how Bob talking about hanging right-wing leaders is any different from the guy at the 6th January protest that wanted to kill Pelosi?
The right-wingers aren't part of Bob'a superior future, so we need to kill them in order to advance our society. That's not a fascist explanation at all.
So I just finished Godzilla vs Kong. Surprise, surprise, it was as deep as a puddle in terms of story and characters. It had big flashy visuals, so that’s enough for Bob to get it a recommendation.
So I just finished Godzilla vs Kong. Surprise, surprise, it was as deep as a puddle in terms of story and characters. It had big flashy visuals, so that’s enough for Bob to get it a recommendation.
So I just finished Godzilla vs Kong. Surprise, surprise, it was as deep as a puddle in terms of story and characters. It had big flashy visuals, so that’s enough for Bob to get it a recommendation.
I am willing to bet that at least a third of the Bob review for Godzilla v. Kong will be taken up by "this is really a spectacle movie you should see in theaters, and you should so we can save the movie industry" drivel.
The other 2/3rds will be taken up by "The plot does the job, but come on, monkey punch lizard!"
Which could be a fine review if the reviewer weren't so hilariously pretentious.
Hell, I enjoyed Alien: Resurrection. Under no circumstances would I say it was a "good" movie, but I was in the mood to eat popcorn and scream "AAA MONSTER!" So I am in no position to cast shade on "Monkey punched lizard!"
The closest Madeline L'Engle got to being "woke" was her starting to emphasize environmental themes ("A Swiftly Tilting Planet") and that just ruined it for me because it completely changed the context of the series into pseudo pre-emptive Captain Planet Planeteer bullshit.
Though, Meg's father referring to his daughter as Megatron in A Wrinkle In Time (the book), many years before Transformers was a thing, will never not be funny to me. Did they do it in the movie? I'm guessing not, but I did not see it because woke bullshit ahead of time.
I do not expect Kino Roberto to have read it, because he'd sperg all over that if he had.
($1?) I think your belief of any democrat getting "scrutinized" any time soon is hilariously naïve. As soon as a Republican opponent is found (just imagine Trump running again) absolutely every flaw the dem nominee has will be overlooked/explained away/excused because it's still better than mega-hitler who is about to be elected.
