Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

How will Bob react to seeing the Mario film?


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I think that's Bob's way of saying Georgia isn't "American" anymore, because somehow being American means letting sketchy people who aren't even eligible to vote, vote. (Because "It's as American as Mother and Apple Pie")
The saying is "As American as Mom, Baseball, and Apple Pie." Since Baseball left, Bob is implying that Georgia is slowly becoming unamerican. Which is something I'm sure he knows all about, given how hard he simps for China.
 
I’m not a fan of this deterministic-esque idea that a movie like GvK is “destined” to be bad just because of the subject matter. I really do believe there could have been a decent version of this movie.

The only issue is that Hollywood is actually incapable of making anything good at this point.
Well yeah, but you aren't getting that because the mongos who make films like that now don't give a shit about making the human element that binds the spectacle together at the very least okay. It's the same problem with slasher films where the audience usually now roots for the killer because the retards writing it fucked up and utterly failed to understand what made earlier titles work.
 
"Godzilla vs. Kong is the Batman v. Superman of Kaiju flicks and adequately fits the full frame of your TV for 113 minutes" - a statement designed specifically to enrage Robert

edit: lol, it even has a literal Junkie XL score, I didn't even realize that, I was just focused on how they stop fighting to team up to fight a bigger threat
 
Honestly, the most baffling thing I find regarding GvK is the fact that they decided to fricken rip off Transformers Age Of Extinction of all films for the main villain.
 
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One of the most frustrating things for me about Bob as a critic is how he constantly tries to paint schlock (mainly capeshit and kaiju movies) as the pinnacle of culture.

It would be one thing if he wasn’t such a pretentious asswipe and had the self-awareness to recognize that these movies are not high art, even though they can still be enjoyable. But no, Bob has to try overly-hard to justify his tastes, so he spends all his time splooging over the latest big-budget Hollywood pap and proclaiming that it’s totally intellectual while barely paying any attention to actually challenging/adult movies*. It’s the attitude of a lot of teenagers whose tastes haven’t quite matured, but Bob is a 40 year-old man who’s been perpetually stuck in this phase for the duration of his life.

*I would like to see him try to analyze a movie like There Will Be Blood or A Serious Man just to laugh at how wildly he misses the point and out of his element he is when not reviewing movies made for 12 year-olds.
To put it simply, Bob is a manchild and demands everything suit his childlike tastes.
Cretin woman! How dare you care about Americans!
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The America First Committee was founded on the idea that the war was Europe's problem and America shouldn't get involved. Keep in mind that it was incredibly popular because America had got involved in Europe's war before and lost a lot of lives as a result.
Nah, Bobby only cares about food:
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The man who talks about a post-national world is calling other people un-American?

Well, there goes my Irony-O-Meter™.
 
Which could be a fine review if the reviewer weren't so hilariously pretentious.

Hell, I enjoyed Alien: Resurrection. Under no circumstances would I say it was a "good" movie, but I was in the mood to eat popcorn and scream "AAA MONSTER!" So I am in no position to cast shade on "Monkey punched lizard!"
I love the Fast & Furious movies but I'm still capable of recognising they are hilariously stupid shit, especially from Fast 5 onward.

I don't understand (well in Bob's case I guess I do) why people like KinoBert have to try and blow shit like the MCU or Harry fucking Potter out of proportion and make them out to be more than they are; just enjoy the animal brain stimulation from all the bright lights and explosions then move on with your life.
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To put it simply, Bob is a manchild and demands everything suit his childlike tastes.


The man who talks about a post-national world is calling other people un-American?

Well, there goes my Irony-O-Meter™.
He wants to be able to have the things that make him o-face be respectable because he isn't capable of having greater cinematic tastes. He may say The Godfather is a great achievement, but we all know that a film that doesn't have big explosions or action set pieces bores his child-like ape brain. When he oozes such praise about the recent Monsterverse films, he reminds me very much of my younger students when they talk about how great Boss Baby is. They like it because it appeals directly to their sensibilities and they can't see any of the glaring negatives about it. Bob is the same, only he just hand waves away any criticism from other more mature critics.

I love the Fast & Furious movies but I'm still capable of recognising they are hilariously stupid shit, especially from Fast 5 onward.

I don't understand (well in Bob's case I guess I do) why people like KinoBert have to try and blow shit like the MCU or Harry fucking Potter out of proportion and make them out to be more than they are; just enjoy the animal brain stimulation from all the bright lights and explosions then move on with your life.
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I feel the same way about many franchises that are pure cheesecake: they're just fun times. But, again, Bobert and his kind have to overblow these films because they can't admit they are unable to handle films without lots of shooting and explosions.

In fact, it occurred to me the other day that Endgame and The Snyder Cut are around the same length as Once Upon a Time in America. But I bet that if you put Bob and other consoomerist critics like him in a theater with that Sergio Leone classic, they would get swiftly bored with it and demand to watch it episodically like some casuals were doing with The Irishman. To state once more for the record: there is nothing wrong with liking popcorn films. To call them like the Iliad, however, is a move bordering on cultural desecration.
 
I love the Fast & Furious movies but I'm still capable of recognising they are hilariously stupid shit, especially from Fast 5 onward.

I don't understand (well in Bob's case I guess I do) why people like KinoBert have to try and blow shit like the MCU or Harry fucking Potter out of proportion and make them out to be more than they are; just enjoy the animal brain stimulation from all the bright lights and explosions then move on with your life.
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Thank God for Betteridge's Law
 
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I mean, why not? It isn't as if GvK respects science or common sense?
This is the retarded fetishization of a ten year old and it repulses me to see a 40 year old man squeeeee about bullet time in a Godzilla movie. I don't remember how long ago it was, maybe a year and a half to two years at this point, but he lamented at how the Chinese were bored with American cinema because they have a superior movie industry with the most awesome action possible. His example he used in his tweet was a clip from some movie where a baby was gonna be killed by some king in a city at the bottom of the ocean and the baby beats everyone up by growing extra arms and literally pissing on EVERYONE. I know I threw it up in the thread somewhere but I cannot find it. I swear I remember the piss baby taking out a crowd by spinning and pissing on everyone like a rotary sprinkler. Bob seems to unironically love this over the top, meaningless, hedonistic, opulent spectacle and I don't know why.
 
I love the Fast & Furious movies but I'm still capable of recognising they are hilariously stupid shit, especially from Fast 5 onward.

I don't understand (well in Bob's case I guess I do) why people like KinoBert have to try and blow shit like the MCU or Harry fucking Potter out of proportion and make them out to be more than they are; just enjoy the animal brain stimulation from all the bright lights and explosions then move on with your life.
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Seems to be more about dragging the classics down to the level of modern capeshit by comparing themes rather than trying to elevate said capeshit. That way things can deteriorate to the level of Finger Family videos and only a handful of history spergs and old people will notice.
 
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I mean, why not? It isn't as if GvK respects science or common sense?
Bob, that's LITERALLY Evangelion.

Congrats, you cracked the code on one of the most popular and enduring anime franchises. Glad you finally joined the party... *check calendar* 26 years later.

It would be one thing if he wasn’t such a pretentious asswipe and had the self-awareness to recognize that these movies are not high art, even though they can still be enjoyable. But no, Bob has to try overly-hard to justify his tastes, so he spends all his time splooging over the latest big-budget Hollywood pap and proclaiming that it’s totally intellectual while barely paying any attention to actually challenging/adult movies*. It’s the attitude of a lot of teenagers whose tastes haven’t quite matured, but Bob is a 40 year-old man who’s been perpetually stuck in this phase for the duration of his life.
Yeah I mean I watched it at home. I'm really tempted to go to a theater and see it again. But I ain't arguing with any of you on here that this movie is not intensely stupid. It just appeals to my inner 8-year-old. (who I should probably let out of my chest cavity, I think his parents are still looking for him)

"Godzilla vs. Kong is the Batman v. Superman of Kaiju flicks and adequately fits the full frame of your TV for 113 minutes" - a statement designed specifically to enrage Robert

edit: lol, it even has a literal Junkie XL score, I didn't even realize that, I was just focused on how they stop fighting to team up to fight a bigger threat
Heck I said it was Batman v Superman multiple times before seeing it and during it. I started making that joke ever since Skull Island when they made Kong literally Batman. (and then in this movie they gave him a literal bat cave)

I love the Fast & Furious movies but I'm still capable of recognising they are hilariously stupid shit, especially from Fast 5 onward.
Exactly. GvK is stupid, I won't say it's not, but damn I liked it.

Bob doesn't understand a corporation's April Fools joke.
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More MCU sperging.
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Rating Bob autistic, not you, Valeyard.

I mean this could be a good joke - it would not surprise me if Text From Superheroes has already done that joke somewhere - but as usual Bob has to run it into the ground with his autism and not letting the punchline rest.

No wonder he loved FemBusters. He and Paul Feig have the same atrocious sense of humor.
 
Ireland, for better or for worse, was a very Catholic country; the Church had a lot of control over secular politics (the Mother and Child Scheme) and divorce, abortion and homosexuality, let alone gay marriage, were illegal. And yet, multinational businesses still traded in Ireland and, contrary to Bob's perceptions, it didn't become a land of drunk Catholic farmers. Exactly the same economic effects would happen if Roe was overturned - that is to say, nothing at all.
Almost charming how he thinks the MegaCorps are displaying morality by refusing to do business with people who won't let you chop your dick off and start popping hormone skittles until you're at least 18 and not just sacrificing a market chunk to virtue signal because they're already rich and can afford such vanities? They don't NEED your bioted money... because they take yuan with still-fresh bloodstains on it from the ChiComs by the barrel load every day? Yep, almost charming. Until you remember, this is Bob, he can witness with his own eyes 50 people being shoved into a blacked-out-van with Government plates to never be seen again, but decry anyone calling the government evil since the Murder Van had a hybrid engine and rainbow bumpersticker....

Actually, it's because they never throw good money after bad, a policy they had since way back when they made collectible cards and shit. It's why they dropped the Wii-U so quickly. Unlike Sony and Microsoft they tend to refuse to sell at a loss and have pretty big stockpiles of cash.
They also never lost sight of the fact that they are video game company, and video games should be mindless fun for everyone..... they got derided at the Wii's launch as "that kiddie company thinking it still has a chance" because they didn't have a high-horsepower console and didn't have a "shoot army guys!" IP, which is what "Real" gamers apparently wanted.... other companies have panicked when sales started to slow and made huge changes to their machines and games, only to flounder more. (RIP Sega) , they've known to stay the course and ride out the controversies, knowing that people will always gravitate to the "fun" system over the "mature" or "technowizard" ones.

Lo and behold, people LIKE fun little sports games and Mario games..... so what if they wouldn't survive 3 seconds in your gritty FPS game? They don't care....

Nintendo also has a history of producing non-offensive content and avoiding anything that looks too edgy on principle alone... meaning that they aren't receptive to the SJW mob because little they do provides that foot-in-the-door for the woke mob (Just fix this one violent/problematic character for us) , meaning the "problematic" parts that the SJW's have to "Find" to justify their intervention are completely bonkers headcanons about how Toad is "obviously" trans. That doesn't fly because Nintendo isn't bowing to anyone over their established IPs..... they aren't going to ever "admit" that Toad was really trans all along because they realize the absolute long-term poison that putting "harmless" popular political stances in the mouths of their characters is, and realize what a tiny minority the complainers really are.
A Wrinkle in Time sucked so I'm not sure why Ava DuVernay was hired for New Gods in the first place outside of being an attempt to shield the film from criticism by having a BIPOC woman directing it.
DING DING DING! They needed a way to justify it's inevitable flop when it inevitably turned into some kind of wokefest garbage and drove off audiences. The easiest answer? Toxic fans couldn't take admitting the genius of a capeshit movie directed by a woman of color!
 
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