Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[ChampFantana]

 

[King Dead]

See the thing is you can enjoy low-brow shit.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying movies that amount to Car go "VROOM + Big Boobie + Bomb Go BOOM!" or "Giant Monke punch Giant Lizard!" I for one, actually quite enjoyed Cowboys & Aliens and found it fun to sit through both in the theatre and on the couch, and that from the title alone can easily be classified as simplistic low-brow shit.
There was a thing a while back, almost a meme of sorts, where critics would rate a movie really low but audiences would love it - the gist being that critics are snobby and out of touch while normies enjoy basic shit.

The problem is, Screenplay Robertus views himself as part of the critic caste. He fancies himself an intellectual that views high-brow works of modern art that require a high-IQ to understand.
Instead of admitting and defending that he's an average joe who enjoys big explosions, sparkly special effects, and simplistic concepts, he has to twist capeshit, starshit and kaiju flicks into masterpieces of art and culture to justify his tastes and his (undeserved) snobby ego.

Exactly. Put another way, you can certainly appreciate the artistry that goes into a gourmet meal, but sometimes all you want is a fast food burger to chow down on. Each has its place, and nobody should be looked down on for preferring one to the other. However, attempting to elevate the latter by claiming it's objectively as good as the former (or better) is ridiculous and reeks of desperately trying to convince others that you really do have exquisite taste.

It's why people enjoy critics like RLM, who readily admit they enjoy all manner of schlock while also appreciating more artsy fare, without ever attempting to conflate the two. If you genuinely enjoy something, you don't have to do mental gymnastics to try and make yourself look better. This isn't high school, if someone makes fun of you for liking a thing, you can just ignore it.

Considering Bob has proven time and again he hasn't grown out of that mindset, it's not a shocker that he pulls this kind of shit.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

What makes LOTR great is that there are multiple themes that could be drawn from it. Here are three:

The corrupting power of evil. Arguably, this is the biggest one. Saruman and Sauron were both good, before being corrupted. Boromir was a good man, before his desire for the Ring corrupted him (he redeems himself at the end, though.) Gollum, the Ringwraiths, and even Orcs were once good before being corrupted. Sam has to resist the Ring's corrupting influence, and even Frodo, at the end, cannot resist and succumbs at the last moment. Even Gandalf and Galadriel, the two most powerful beings on the side of good, refuse the Ring, knowing it would inevitably corrupt them as well.

Hope. This is a major one. The books frequently talk about the hope of dawn- that no matter how dark the night is, dawn will follow behind it. At Helm's Deep (in the books) Aragorn says this in a short speech to the Uruk-Hai. During the fight at Minas Tirith and Helm's Deep, dawn brings the Rohirrim. To emphasize the hopelessness the war, Tolkien even titles one chapter "The Dawnless Day" or something similar.

Anti-industrialism. This is one more personal to Tolkien. Tolkien was raised in a beautiful green countryside, and he watched as England slowly industrialized, bulldozing nature's beauty and replacing it with ugly machines. He was also a soldier in World War One- the first industrialized war- and witnessed its horrors as well. This theme is embodied with the industry of Isengard, which devastates the forest of Fangorn, the Shire, and even Isengard itself.

And this isn't even going into themes like the Bible's influence on the books (Tolkien was a Christian, after all.)

But all of this is anathema to someone like Bob, who'd gladly sell his soul to Sauron for a bit of power over those obsolete Hobbits.


Not even "strength of the ordinary" but "strength of the humble." Samwise, when tempted by the Ring, is able to fight it back with humility. He doesn't need to turn Mordor into his own personal garden when he's got a perfectly good one back home- and it's the only garden he really needs, anyway.

Evil is self-defeating is another.

As is, even the most wretched creature may yet serve a purpose you know not.

Enduring works are rich with many themes from which to draw thought.

One act of good, no matter how seemingly inconsequential can mean everything. Bilbo sparing Gollum ultimately saved the world.

For me, LOTR will never be anything other than a Christian novel and the way every theme in the novel ties back to Christian morality proves that.

This probably explains why Blob has never talked about it.

 

[Pokemonquistador2]

For me, LOTR will never be anything other than a Christian novel and the way every theme in the novel ties back to Christian morality proves that.

This probably explains why Blob has never talked about it.

It's strange that Bob never got into LOTR - his friend Spoony and other nerds are big fans of the franchise, and you'd think with all of the "Grrl Power" scenes and characters that Peter Jackson introduced to the movie versions, that Bob would hop on the bandwagon. I'm guessing the movies are too long and literary for him. He's also proven that he's a big fan of oppressive governments (like China and Skynet.) He probably thought Saruman did nothing wrong by bringing industrialization to those outdated mayo ghoul Hobbits. Why if Frodo and Samwise had just stood down and let Sharkey do his thing, he would have had the Hobbits in theatres watching Capeshit within 50 years!

If MovieBob had ever found the One Ring, he'd probably fall under its spell and try to use it right away. Only for the Ring to realize what a waste of blubber Bob is and launch himself off of Bob's fat ring finger to try his luck with someone else. Even Gollum in all of his baby-eating majesty couldn't creep out the One Ring as much as Bob would.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

If MovieBob had ever found the One Ring, he'd probably fall under its spell and try to use it right away. Only for the Ring to realize what a waste of blubber Bob is and launch himself off of Bob's fat ring finger to try his luck with someone else. Even Gollum in all of his baby-eating majesty couldn't creep out the One Ring as much as Bob would.

I would bet the One Ring would try to do the same the Crown of Nagash did with Azagh the Slautherer in Warhammer: Do whatever it can to get the fuck away from its new owner and if possible, kill the owner in the process.

But hey, at least with Bob the One Ring would be incapable of getting any shit done.

 

[Oliver Onions]

To me, it speaks to a kind of insecurity. Like these people are embarrassed by the fact that they like schlock, and so they have to try to make up insane justifications for watching it.

This is it, exactly. It's always been the distinguishing line between a fan and a fanboy for me: A fan is capable of loving something in spite of its faults, a fanboy will flatout refuse to acknowledge faults exist because they've built their entire personality around [Brand] and so any fault in it must also be a fault in them. Incidentally, the most consistent way I've found to observe this rule is go on any video about Kingdom Hearts and make a comment about how badly written the story is.

This perfectly describes Bobby, too, but being the exceptional individual he is his fanboyism isn't limited to one single thing: It's everything he talks about. He has to show everyone how supremely educated he is on every topic because a single moment of silent introspection would remind him he's actually just a fat 40yo unmarried retard sitting a basement with soggy carpets.

 

[Lasersuit Larry]

This is it, exactly. It's always been the distinguishing line between a fan and a fanboy for me: A fan is capable of loving something in spite of its faults, a fanboy will flatout refuse to acknowledge faults exist because they've built their entire personality around [Brand] and so any fault in it must also be a fault in them. Incidentally, the most consistent way I've found to observe this rule is go on any video about Kingdom Hearts and make a comment about how badly written the story is.

This perfectly describes Bobby, too, but being the exceptional individual he is his fanboyism isn't limited to one single thing: It's everything he talks about. He has to show everyone how supremely educated he is on every topic because a single moment of silent introspection would remind him he's actually just a fat 40yo unmarried retard sitting a basement with soggy carpets.

Knowing some diehard KH fans, they're all on board.

"I replayed everything, every last bullshit mini game, every bullshit ass fight, and I still have no clue what's going on. But that's okay, because as long as I can scream GODDAMN IT DONALD CAST FUCKING CURE YOU WEB-FOOTED WEEB WHORE-CHILD, I'm good."

Blob also has that insecurity where you know that the bare thought of someone else feeling cultured is enough to chase the smell of his own farts out of his nose. Never realizing that most people are nowhere near this petty over movies, just thinking about how someone could see something really clever like The Grand Budapest Hotel or something significant like The Longest Day on AMC and care more about it than the latest capeshit puts his teeth on edge. The fact that artists have ever offered something deeper than capeshit is enough to make him defensive, let alone when someone who matters like Scorsese or Ebert just comes and says it outright.

Blob is the troon of pop culture. Refusing to believe that Super Mario isn't relevant to anything is his version of being the 6'7" 300 pound fucktruck who thinks he passes in a slingshot swimsuit.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Knowing some diehard KH fans, they're all on board.

"I replayed everything, every last bullshit mini game, every bullshit ass fight, and I still have no clue what's going on. But that's okay, because as long as I can scream GODDAMN IT DONALD CAST FUCKING CURE YOU WEB-FOOTED WEEB WHORE-CHILD, I'm good."

I got in a pointless argument with them once and they said it was perfectly okay that vital plot points/characters were buried in the spin-off games on handheld systems because the 1.5/2.5 HD Remixes brought everything together...FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS LATER.

Imagine if you'd had to wait til they released Rogue One to finally understand the plot of A New Hope...I love these retards.

I'm actually surprised Bob isn't a KH fan, since it has the House of Mouse attached; I'd love to hear his pseudo-intellectual rants about how Sora and Riku are a modern re-imagining of Macbeth.

 

[The Valeyard]

Space Jam 2.

Bob has a terrible idea for writing The Joker.

 

[Mola Ram]

Space Jam 2.
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Bob has a terrible idea for writing The Joker.
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I like that he takes "the Phantom of Heilbronn" as a way to fend off conspiracy theorists rather than a cautionary tale about placing too much faith in the infallibility of modern technology.

 

[Walrus and Carpenter]

I like that he takes "the Phantom of Heilbronn" as a way to fend off conspiracy theorists rather than a cautionary tale about placing too much faith in the infallibility of modern technology.

How would it even work to "deeboonk" conspiracy theories?

Germany's crappy laws were part of the problem here as well. They weren't allowed to investigate which ethnic groups would be most likely to contribute the DNA that was contaminating the swabs (for "human rights" purposes, I'm sure), and so developed the theory of a female serial killer (and burglar, and robber) that didn't actually exist.

 

[Mola Ram]

How would it even work to "deeboonk" conspiracy theories?

It wouldn't. There was no conspiracy theory. There was faulty evidence pointing actual fucking investigators and scientists in an incorrect direction. I swear to Christ I think Bob is just namedropping an obscure, interesting story with a cool nickname to look smarter than he is. A lot of his behavior can be attributed to that.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

He can't get over the fact that people apart from ”dudebros” liked Joker.

 

[Quixotic Man]

Yes Bob, because "villain is psychopathic evil with no further characterization" is original and hasn't been done to death.

 

[Positron]

Bob seems to unironically love this over the top, meaningless, hedonistic, opulent spectacle and I don't know why.

The answer starts with the letter "A": these A-people have trouble processing half-hints and subtle cues, and will literally throw a fit at ambiguity.

Bobby lectures us on Ecology. Unfortunately (fortunately?) his audience are all smart-alecs:

1a. I don't know how colonial organisms like the Portuguese-man-o-war has anything to do with the "human problem", however you formulate it.
1b. Likewise I can't see the relevance of mycorrhizae (or any form of symbiosis) on this subject.
2. Your skeleton is very much alive. Sleep tight.
3. I have never heard of "density of organism", which is just a parameter, being considered a "lifeform" on its own.
4a. Here's why we cannot compare the Planet Earth to a living organism (much less a "scaled-up version of a colonial organism"): the planet is not the result of mutation and natural selection!
4b. Gaia Hypothesis, which is fringe science, has nothing to do with "planetary-surface integrating lifecycles" (what does that even mean?). James Lovelock has been notoriously imprecise, and he changes his definition of "Gaia" in each book, but at its broadest Gaia Hypothesis denote a series of geochemical processes, with participation of living organisms, that serve to keep the Earth environment amical to life. If anyone is still interested in it in the year 2021, I recommend the book On Gaia - A Critical Investigation on the Relationship between Life and Earth by Toby Tyrrell. Spoiler: Tyrrell fails to find evidence in support of the Gaia Hypothesis.

+ + + +
Glenn Greenward:


Speaking of "Hollywood sex offenders", Bobby claims Glenn Greenwald is the "Roman Polanski of political journalism".


Conservatives are not human, take 235121


Trump!!!! Dubya!!!!


Populism will inevitably turns fascist right-wing dictatorship. Someone warns his Congresswaifu:


St. Fentanyl Flyod. It seems Bobby is white-knighting some dame called postXamerica.



Did anyone ask your opinion, white man?

All republicans are sex creeps:




Conservative woman. Working out in a gym. Is there anything more triggering to Bobby?


+ + + +
Batman:


"MCU Geopolitical Philosophy". For a change Bobby might be up to something: that the top dogs in Disney see themselves as above the law.


More Falcon:


Cartoon, somehow Space Jam is related to Skynet and the Matrix:



I'm just heartened that Yosemite Sam has his guns back. And Foghorn Leghorn the Mansplainer isn't canceled.

GvK. Angel is not as much a fan of Big Munki as Bobby:



10 minutes. You watch it.

 

[Mola Ram]

2. Your skeleton is very much alive. Sleep tight.

This really made me scratch my head. How do these purported People Who Matter(tm) think your skeleton is not alive? How do they think bone cancer happens? Where do they think white blood cells come from? Why do they think breaking a bone hurts like fuck?

The question of how stupid one must be to like Bob is a frightening one to consider.

 

[Smithfield Ham]

The reason Bob constantly insists superhero movies are just as good as Citizen Kane and Godfather is the same reason behind why he insists movies are the economic backbone of the entire US. He's leveling. Deep down he's incredibly insecure about himself and his hobbies, so he has to either constantly over-venerate himself and what he likes or disparage everything else until they're down to the level he thinks they're at.

He's desperately trying to convince himself and anyone reading that what he bases his entire life around actually matters even though it clearly doesn't.

 

[RockVolnutt]

I got in a pointless argument with them once and they said it was perfectly okay that vital plot points/characters were buried in the spin-off games on handheld systems because the 1.5/2.5 HD Remixes brought everything together...FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS LATER.

Imagine if you'd had to wait til they released Rogue One to finally understand the plot of A New Hope...I love these retards.

I'm actually surprised Bob isn't a KH fan, since it has the House of Mouse attached; I'd love to hear his pseudo-intellectual rants about how Sora and Riku are a modern re-imagining of Macbeth.

He actually has a handful of tweets about it but it's unusual. Less of him actually liking the series and more similar to those weird takes on the Avengers or Justice League he's had where he doesn't see them as actual things in themselves and actually views them as a way for mega corporations to show off their conquests to consoomers.

Even made a trailer for his idea of a live action show which would feature the US military for some reason. His weird way of treating these series like skin-suits is bizarre.

Spoiler: Bob's Kingdom Hearts crap

https://twitter.com/the_moviebob/status/1071791958148988928

 

[Mola Ram]

He actually has a handful of tweets about it but it's unusual. Less of him actually liking the series and more similar to those weird takes on the Avengers or Justice League he's had where he doesn't see them as actual things in themselves and actually views them as a way for mega corporations to show off their conquests to consoomers.

Even made a trailer for his idea of a live action show which would feature the US military for some reason. His weird way of treating these series like skin-suits is bizarre.

Spoiler: Bob's Kingdom Hearts crap

https://twitter.com/the_moviebob/status/1071791958148988928

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Buried lede: Bob takes sleeping pills?!?

Bad idea to mix that with booze, cheap or fancy, Bobbo.

 

[Lasersuit Larry]

This really made me scratch my head. How do these purported People Who Matter(tm) think your skeleton is not alive? How do they think bone cancer happens? Where do they think white blood cells come from? Why do they think breaking a bone hurts like fuck?

The question of how one stupid must be to like Bob is a frightening one to consider.

Funny enough, the nerves responsible for that pain are actually in the periosteal lining, while the bone material itself is pretty much senseless.

IFLS types can't manage the difference between dead rock and living tissue incorporating inorganic minerals. Wait until they hear about the crazy chemical games the body plays with those mineral deposits. Shit like salt pumps to manage cell fluid exchange and bone restructuring to free up blood calcium.

Their conception of dead vs alive ends at 'made of dead stuff vs made of living stuff'.