Lolcow Robert Paul Champagne / The Try it Out Guy

[Ellesse_warrior]

I always assumed "sex addiction" was just a bullshit excuse for cheating spouses, but this guy is making me reconsider. Know we'd probably joke about it, but spending your entire waking existence fantasizing about sex is not in any way normal, not the way he does it, anyway.

He's putting himself at so much risk too. The guy is going to end up in pieces and his flat cleared out, and he either doesn't realise that or doesn't care. It's sad, really.

Enough moralfagging, back to the laughter: that 1970s Bavarian porn star 'tasche is outstanding, and I dunno which is funnier - his fantasies that obviously didn't happen, or that he thinks people will believe him.

Now that he's asking guys to come over and mutilate him too I definitely think we're looking at a play stupid games win stupid prizes scenario unfolding.
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On a lighter note, here's my pick of last nights videos:

Dollar tree haul/ ideas for holiday gifts - it's mostly strong scented body washes and bath bombs. I'm guessing he's also the type of guy who wears way too much cologne.

Spoiler: VIDEOS

Multiple rants about HRN. He calls him Mr. Potato head, a transgender genie, gay genie. Claims HRN is a car thief and steals peoples credit card details to buy all of his swag (2nd video credit card stuff, videos 3-5 for car thief stuff) . Calls him a pedo, fat and gay (Videos 3-5). sings the spiderman song but replaces spider man with garbage man (1st video). Talks about how he's more famous than HRN and that's why he knows how to behave right, big rant about how he's got money but doesn't need to flaunt it because rich people don't do that (lives in the projects and literally just posted two Dollar Tree haul videos, lol) (Videos 3-6). Says HRN was looking to get his hands on some of those sweet Jeff Goldblum shekels by dating his ex-wife but got screwed because Goldblum had a pre-nup (last video).

Spoiler: VIDEOS

 

[DavidFerrie]

This guy reminds me a little of Tony Gagardo.

 

[Syaoran Li]

Not gonna lie, Robert Paul Champagne is probably one of the few lolcows I'd love to see make a Kiwi Farms account. And I don't mean that in a "defend my honor on the internet" sort of way like Romeo Rose or TJ Church.

Like, I think he'd be an interesting person to have on the Farms as a poster and see his take on the various lolcows and online communities we discuss.

The guy's into a lot of weird sex stuff and is way too candid about it, but you can tell that his heart's in the right place and that he doesn't want to harm anyone or wish anyone ill, his feelings towards the drag queens and troons aside*

He doesn't strike me as predatory or malicious like a lot of the sexual lolcows on here (Nick Bate, Yaniv, the Rat King guys) and I think he might actually be on the mild end of the autism spectrum.

*-Even then, I can understand why he doesn't like the troons or the drag queens. Robert is literally a holdover of the gay leather scene in the 1970's and 1980's. The leather scene started as biker clubs for gay men who didn't want to be associated with the stereotype of the effeminate campy gay. Then you have the troons and SJW's taking over the LGBT community in the 2010's with a hateboner for so-called "toxic masculinity", especially in places like Manhattan. A lot of the troons and SJW's are Millennials with nothing but disdain for older generations, especially Boomers like Robert.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Not gonna lie, Robert Paul Champagne is probably one of the few lolcows I'd love to see make a Kiwi Farms account. And I don't mean that in a "defend my honor on the internet" sort of way like Romeo Rose or TJ Church.

Like, I think he'd be an interesting person to have on the Farms as a poster and see his take on the various lolcows and online communities we discuss.

The guy's into a lot of weird sex stuff and is way too candid about it, but you can tell that his heart's in the right place and that he doesn't want to harm anyone or wish anyone ill, his feelings towards the drag queens and troons aside*

He doesn't strike me as predatory or malicious like a lot of the sexual lolcows on here (Nick Bate, Yaniv, the Rat King guys) and I think he might actually be on the mild end of the autism spectrum.

*-Even then, I can understand why he doesn't like the troons or the drag queens. Robert is literally a holdover of the gay leather scene in the 1970's and 1980's. The leather scene started as biker clubs for gay men who didn't want to be associated with the stereotype of the effeminate campy gay. Then you have the troons and SJW's taking over the LGBT community in the 2010's with a hateboner for so-called "toxic masculinity", especially in places like Manhattan. A lot of the troons and SJW's are Millennials with nothing but disdain for older generations, especially Boomers like Robert.

I think if he ever found out about KF he'd post videos responding to things on his thread and other threads like he does with YMH rather than actually joining and posting. I don't think he's ever actually had any interaction with HRN he just started watching his videos and Instagram after YMH started talking about him. I agree with you about him being different to the likes of nick bate etc. Its nice to just be able to laugh at his videos without there being anything sinister going on

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Here's my pick of thursday and friday's videos:

Lucifer's lair add, RPC sings a song:

Spoiler: VIDEO

He might have found a homeless guy who wants to move in. (Fingers crossed you guize!) Doesn't want to get too excited in case it doesn't happen.

Spoiler: VIDEO

Rant about HRN. Says he's adding the likes on his Instagram videos himself and the amount of followers isn't actually real followers. Says he spoke to Daniel Tosh (Tosh.O) directly and Tosh told him that interviewing HRN was like interviewing a literal retard. Says Dollar Tree gave him the products to endorse on his channel and Walgreens are going to give him products to endorse too. So he's going to do a Walgreens haul too. (Can't wait). He is willing to give away some of his doll collection or colognes if anything thinks they might make lovely gifts for their friends or mothers. Talks a bit about Satanism.

Spoiler: VIDEO

Unlike HRN, RPC doesn't charge people to take photos of him or for him to make appearances at parties etc. and he's always nice to his fans when he meets them IRL. RPC gives some life advice: be nice to homeless people, even in winter you need to show a little bit of skin so it can breath, watch what you eat over the holidays. He says Dutch Masters are sending him some free boxes of cigars because he's endorsing them.

Spoiler: VIDEO

He designed and made the hat and waistcoat he's wearing. Some company is sending him fabric etc. to make some new costumes. Looking for someone to move in because he wants to have someone to leave all of his antiques to when he dies. He's been going to the gym and he's lost some weight, looking good and feeling good. Took some erotic photos of himself this morning and is looking into getting posters printed so he can sell them at Coney Island.

Spoiler: VIDEO

Shilling some rum that a local Jamaican store gave him. Also shilling some wine which the owner of Manhattan Mall gave him. Dutch masters asked him to do a poster for them to advertise their cigars. Campaign is due to start after New Years. Wants to create a gay man version of the playboy mansion.

Spoiler: VIDEO

New character: Cowboy Angel.

Spoiler: VIDEO

Officer Cum Dump Video:

Spoiler: VIDEO

Play Boy Bunny Character:

Spoiler: NSFW VIDEO

New character: Butler

Spoiler: VIDEO

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Here's my pick of last nights videos:

1st video: Rant about HRN, claims HRN has a micropeen, that his dad was in the mob and died in prison and the reason HRN has the job he has is because the owner of the hotel felt sorry for him because his father had nothing to leave him in his will. HRN has the HIV and goes to gay clubs in a wig, he's out there spreading HIV around. He sells drugs to kids.

2nd video: More about HRN's dad going to prison. Says some of HRN's exes contacted him and told him about HRN's micropeen and that he's also impotent. Claims HRN says he sleeps with a gun under his pillow and that HRN drives around selling coke to kids. HRN's jewelry is all fake, shows his own real diamond ring (great idea for someone who gives out his address in every video). Says HRN human traffics Mexican girls and rapes them. (2nd video)

Spoiler: VIDEOS

It sounds like people are just making up stuff about HRN and saying in to RPC because they know he'll believe it, he says he has a source. These videos might actually get him in more trouble than his wanking videos, looking forward to a lolsuit between these two.

He's dropped a few Will and Grace references in his videos lasr night. You can often hear it on in the background when he's filming but I thought it was just background noise. Seems like he actually watches the show.

This videos a bit all over the place: His ad, Satanism, don't ,make prank phone calls, HRN.

Spoiler: VIDEO

He will be making an appearance at the Red Doors bar next Saturday to meet his fans and sign autographs free of charge.

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Misses craigslist, he used to put up ads and meet people on it (quelle suprise).

Spoiler: VIDEO

Alright story time: A couple of guys from the hood wearing 'dude' rags came over earlier. They poured oil all over him and they took him rough. Tied him up with rope one guy video taped it with his phone so he could show his friends.

Spoiler: NSFW VIDEO

He's added 'casturate me' (that's how he says it) to his ad now along with asking to be mutilated.

Spoiler: VIDEO

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

If this motherfucker doesn't get laid within a year I'm going to bite my tongue and do it myself.

The HRN emnity sounds a lot like Chris Chan's half imagined nemesises, something that they are happy to be goaded into making content on.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

If this motherfucker doesn't get laid within a year I'm going to bite my tongue and do it myself.

The HRN emnity sounds a lot like Chris Chan's half imagined nemesises, something that they are happy to be goaded into making content on.

I've had a look at his instagram and Youtube and he just seems like a basic bro. It's all about flashing his clothes and trainers etc. The only thing I found interesting about him is that he dated Jeff Goldblum's ex wife. He might have lolcow potential though. I think they were on YMH around the same time and the fans like RPC better than HRN so it's gone to his head a bit. I actually don't know how into cow tipping the YMH mommies are so I can't say whether or not it's those guys goading RPC on. Some of them post screen caps of DM's they've sent him on r/yourmomshousepodcast and comment on his SM and YouTube but it's mostly just harmless in jokes from the podcast. It could easily be Twitter people egging him on because there is a lot if hate for HRN on Twitter. I posted an archive of the whole Twitter drama earlier in the thread. I'm pissed now that I didn't save his older rants about HRN now in case this escalates into a whole saga but they were all pretty much the same, just giving out about how he only talks about how much money he's got. It's really only this week RPC has added in all the other stuff.

 

[Pomniman]

He seems like a craigslist refugee. By which I mean he might've gotten laid before they closed their casual encounters section due to some new law about prostitution or whatever it was and now has no readily available outlet for sleazy anonymous sex.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

He seems like a craigslist refugee. By which I mean he might've gotten laid before they closed their casual encounters section due to some new law about prostitution or whatever it was and now has no readily available outlet for sleazy anonymous sex.

He's said just as much in some of his videos. When he talks about the good old days, part of that is when you could put ads like that on craigslist and that usually sets off a bit of a rant about prostitutes. I was kind of surprised at that because I assumed he'd a have bit of solidarity with sex workers given his aspirations to work in porn.

 

[Pomniman]

He's said just as much in some of his videos. When he talks about the good old days, part of that is when you could put ads like that on craigslist and that usually sets off a bit of a rant about prostitutes. I was kind of surprised at that because I assumed he'd a have bit of solidarity with sex workers given his aspirations to work in porn.

It completely checks out. As for solidarity with hookers, that tends to be a somewhat bougie, uninvolved, and politically-motivated stance to take. Even the idea of generalizing and softening the label from prostitution to "sex work" doesn't seem like it'd strictly fit in with his milieu. He's probably been fucked by his fair share of hookers in cheap bed bug-ridden ghetto motels and looks down on them for only being in it for the money as opposed to making a "career" out of something they're passionate about (what I'd assume his take on porn stars is).

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

It completely checks out. As for solidarity with hookers, that tends to be a somewhat bougie, uninvolved, and politically-motivated stance to take. Even the idea of generalizing and softening the label from prostitution to "sex work" doesn't seem like it'd strictly fit in with his milieu. He's probably been fucked by his fair share of hookers in cheap bed bug-ridden ghetto motels and looks down on them for only being in it for the money as opposed to making a "career" out of something they're passionate about (what I'd assume his take on porn stars is).

He said in a recent video that he used to hang out with actual porn stars when he was younger and they were a miserable and drug addicts but being a porn star is his dream so he's gonna keep on following his dream. It cracks me up that he is so degenerate and so Wholesome at the same time

 

[CompileGentoo]

he used to hang out with actual porn stars when he was younger and they were a miserable and drug addicts but being a porn star is his dream

Wow, imagine wanting to be miserable. In saying that it seems unlikely that anything will crush his spirit. Maybe he has what it takes

 

[theshep]

Fuck this cow's wormhole. Seriously.

I've had his damned Brendon Urie song in my mind for days. YMH is a great podcast though. I was glad to learn about that.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Here's my picks from last night's videos:

RPC shills sangria while having a cheeky wank.

Spoiler: NSFW VIDEO

He's started calling himself Hard Rock Bob now. Another rant about HRN, he's super hyper in this video and makes a showtune out of his insults and sings it at about 3 mins. Then he covers himself in oil and has a wank while talking about being sold to Arabians as a sex slave.

Spoiler: NSFW VIDEO

He does his ad but I like that he added in 'if you're a bear like Tom Segura or hairy like Josh Potter' into his options.

Spoiler: VIDEO

It's a me Mario! Alright storytime, his mailman came over about 8 o'clock and banged the hell out him him four times. It was hot hot hot apparently. He got this red hat from Prince Harry.

Spoiler: VIDEO

RPC's plan to solve homelessness. Ashley the cat pops over to say hi.

Spoiler: VIDEO

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Why don't politicians have the courage to offer therapists, hotels and massages to the homeless.

If he does ever get to make professional porn, it's not just the look that would make me interested, but the vocalisations, lip-smacking and spontaneous claps. I don't really know what stereotypical 70s porn looks like, but I think RPC could be a very authentic participant in a revival of that style.

"You don't know how bad things really are"

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Why don't politicians have the courage to offer therapists, hotels and massages to the homeless.

If he does ever get to make professional porn, it's not just the look that would make me interested, but the vocalisations, lip-smacking and spontaneous claps. I don't really know what stereotypical 70s porn looks like, but I think RPC could be a very authentic participant in a revival of that style.

View attachment 1005985
"You don't know how bad things really are"

I just assumed that 70s porn involved a lot more hair. I reckon rpc would volunteer to massage the homeless, hes really just a nice guy.

 

[CompileGentoo]

I don't really know what stereotypical 70s porn looks like, but I think RPC could be a very authentic participant in a revival of that style.

View attachment 1005985
"You don't know how bad things really are"

Hell, at first glance I thought that image was a particularly small, dark dick. Not only does he have what it takes, he looks what it takes as well.

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Here's my pick of last nights videos:

Alright story time, a big black guy knockedf on his door about 10 o'clock looking to fuck. His name was Andre and he worls in a warehouse. He pulled RPC by his dick to the bedroom and cuffed him and fucked his face.

Spoiler: NSFW VIDEO

Another rant about HRN. Calls him a social asshole and a joke. Calls him fat and stupid. Calls him Mr. Potato head, humpty dumpty, weeble wobble and quacks for a bit. Says HRN made a fool of himself by going on Tosh.0. Goes on an I'm more famous than you rant. Says he got calls from women HRN had sex with and they said he has a teeny weenie and is bad in bed.

Spoiler: VIDEO

A short ad for Lucifer's Lair in which RPC pretends to be Jeff Goldblums ex-wife talking about HRN. (LMAO this one is great)

Spoiler: VIDEO

Another Dollar Tree haul. Lots of strong scented bath products and sweet alcoholic drinks such as sangria and moscato. Has another rant about HRN and adds that Hulk Hogan told him that HRN was caught in a hotel room with an under age boy. (1st video) Cologne haul from Dollar Tree, they sent him 5 boxes of stuff to advertise. He is going to save them until he goes back to Coney Island in the Summer and he will donate them. Photographer is coming over to take photos of him in his 'dude' rags for posters for the hip hop clubs in the Bronx and Brooklyn. RPC's final thought; everybody has a place in this world it just so happens that his place is to be a sex slave. (2nd video)

Spoiler: VIDEOS

Alright story time, a hot black detective called him today looking for sexy videos. RPC sent him three videos and came 5 times while making the videos because they were so hot. The detectives name is Petrie (like the pterodactyl in Land Before Time). Keeps getting distracted by the TV.

Spoiler: NSFW VIDEO

 

[Ellesse_warrior]

Here's my pick from last nights videos:

Pets make you a better person give a pet a home and take care of it and love it. Be humble, be sexy, be nice to strangers. (Wholesome)

Spoiler: VIDEO

RPC does a sexy apartment tour from the hallway. He has his Christmas decorations up already.

Spoiler: VIDEO

Fundraising idea for food for the homeless/ toys for tots. Rent a hotel room, charge guys to use and abuse him, give back to society.

Spoiler: VIDEO

Alright story time, an Indian guy from his neighbourhood keeps pythons and he oiled RPC up and put the pythons on him, one slithered up his butt, it got him hard and the guy took the snakes away and banged him behind his restaurant.

Spoiler: VIDEO