Tech I hate:
-The Chocolate Bar Form-Factor Smartphone. I hate typing on a screen. Swype was my only outlet, and now it's dead. The on-screen keyboards by Google (GBoard) and Microsoft (SwiftKey) are not only inferior, but are also TERRIBLE for privacy. I use a pocket-sized bluetooth keypad if I need to text. The Chocolate Bar smartphone is also EXTREMELY limiting in terms of useability, and the only reason it is a design trend, is thanks to Apple. And when Apple does something, you know everyone else is going to follow right behind, which is why there are NO ALTERNATIVES to this form factor now. I early adopted Android with the HTC/T-Mobile G1, and that was, by far and away, the closest I've ever had to the feeling of a smartphone being a "computer in your pocket". It had four face buttons, a track ball with a selection button, and a full sliding QWERTY keyboard with an absolutely BEAUTIFUL opening mechanism. I will never get to experience this kind of user-friendliness again.
-"THE CLOUD". Back in my fucking day, we had a better name for this 40-year-old technology. It's called a "server". There is nothing magical about it. It's just a fucking server. No, I don't want to stream my fucking music library from 3000 miles away. I'm perfectly content with having all of my pirated music on my phone and computer, thank you very much.
-"Gamer" tech and marketing. Your "gaming" motherboard with RGB LEDs costs $100 more and does not perform any better than my mil-spec one, built for longevity. You wasted your money, you fucking idiot. I built my PC to be a computer, not as a needlessly "edgy" or "extreme" designed piece of jewelry that nobody is impressed by.
-Autonomous vehicles/New cars. Nope. Nopenopenopenope. I wouldn't be caught dead in a car with a fucking ethics subroutine designed to kill me to save a school bus full of children. I will not drive a car that tracks my location wherever I go. FUCK that. My newest vehicle is from 2007, and I dare not go any newer than that. I like working on my own car, too. It's therapeutic. Your post-2014 Chrysler vehicle can be hacked. Your steering wheel remotely controlled. Your brakes and transmission disabled. The software capable of doing this is available online. If your infotainment system is an attack vector to hack your car, you should look for another car.
-Single-year tech generations. FUCK YOU, you wasteful cocksucking sons of bitches. I do not believe in global warming, but that does not mean I am not an environmentalist. Samsung and Apple's fetish for releasing a new product every single year not only gives you a subpar product with terrible software, flawed hardware, and minor iterations in processor speed, but it also contributes to the e-waste problem that is destroying our fucking world. You cannot recycle an LCD screen or battery. You can turn an old phone into Best Buy's recycling program, but 90% of that device is going in the fucking garbage. If you buy a new phone every single year, or just HAVE to have the newest bleeding-edge product, then YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, and you should kill yourself. Limiting tech hardware generations to 3-5 years produces a better product that isn't hastily manufactured, and poisons the Earth on a much slower scale. Fact.
Which leads me into my next gripe:
-Industry-standard planned obsolescence/anticonsumerism. New video games are shit. MTX is a cancer. Always Online DRM should have you hanged. One day, your UPlay games library is going to be pulled and undownloadable, just like all of your WiiWare purchases. That aside, Apple and SONOS are the biggest offenders when it comes to this. Apple design their products to break. This is a fact, you cannot challenge it. They want you to buy a Macbook Pro, use it for a few months, and throw it away when a resistor shorts in the inverter board for the display, so you buy the next one. Your devices are not built to last, unless you go out of your way to build your own computer with military-spec components.
-IoT devices/Smart TVs/Smart [INSERT PRODUCT HERE]. What is there to say, really? You're buying a wiretap for your home. Simple as. You are fucking stupid for doing this. Feel bad. What can your Amazon Echo Dot even do that your smartphone can't? Go ahead, give me an answer, I'll wait... Oh, what's that, nothing? Gee whiz, wow, it's almost like it exists for the sole purpose of accruing data on you that gets missed by your smartphone, PC and game console! Enjoy your NSA stopgap.
-X-as-a-service. Do you really think that Microsoft makes it so easy to get Windows 10 for free/cheap, out of the goodness of their corporate heart? Fucking think about it for a second. They're making money off of you by selling your personal information, but it won't be that way forever. That's an unsatisfying way of making money, there has to be a way to squeeze another dime out of you. May my words be marked, right now; The next big iteration of Windows will be sold as a service. They're already doing this for some versions of Windows Server as a test market. One day, you will be paying a monthly Windows Bill like the fucking cuck you are, in a similar way that they're selling Office 365 as a monthly service. Move to Linux now and save yourself the trouble of having to learn it all at once. It's for your own good.
-Trannified Game dev/Linux dev teams. These degenerates spend more time talking about Orange Man and their underwater basket weaving degrees than they do writing code. It's fucking insufferable, and I can do their jobs better than they can, but I'll never be hired to do those jobs because I'm a white man, who "dominates this kind of space" because I know how to shut up and do my fucking job until it's time to go home.
-Honorable mention: The GNU Public License
Now, for things I miss in tech:
-Cartridge-based video games. There's really no good excuse for why we're not using physical flash media for game consoles right now. It's faster than reading a disc, more handy and accessible than buying all of your games online, more approachable for children who don't need to steal mom's credit card to buy Minecraft, and it just feels nice to slap a piece of plastic into another piece of plastic and make your shapes and colors appear on screen.
-Windows. I hate Windows 10. I hate it more than anything. It's a tinkertoy OS for the mentally deficient. I hate how it tries to identify as a 'we' ("We changed your filetype associations for .mp3 because you are a naughty boy who chose Foobar2000 over Windows Media Player."), I hate its coy, "people-friendly" design language for idiots. I hate Apps. I hate bloatware. I hate Tiles. I hate the new Start Menu. I hate its simple shapes and pretty colors. Windows 2000/XP was peak Windows. Prove me wrong. You can't.
-The 3.5mm Audio Jack. Goes without saying, really.
-Modularity in laptops. Remember when you could replace your RAM, CPU and GPU in your laptop? Remember when you could replace your hard drive in your Macbook? Me too. Now they're just bigger smartphones. RIP.
-Longevity. I upgrade my Desktop Computer completely, every decade. Somehow, I never fail to be able to run the latest and greatest programs and games during the interim period in which I am not buying new hardware. My one simple trick that Silicon Valley hates, is that I just keep upgrading and adding on to what I already have. My PC before the one I currently use can still run modern games, just fine. It can even emulate the Wii U and Playstation 3. It has 48GB RAM and a 6-core Xeon, and I started this build with a first gen Core i7 and 8GB RAM, in 2011. My only hope is that my current PC will be able to be upgraded in the same way.