The New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation - Chapters 53/69 complete.

[Spl00gies]

a fren with weed is a fren indeed

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 17: Smart Weed

"Nigga this ain't no time to be smoking weed" A worried Cedric said.

"No, this is special weed. It makes you smarter instead of dumber." Swordfighter replied. "Firefly is developing it."

"Yeah, developing. Like, still in development. How do we know it's going to work?"

Memegray placed her right hand on her left forearm and twitched her thumb nervously. "I guess," she said, "one of us is going to have to try."

"Not it," @FroggyMan said, "My skin secretions contain all the drugs and I have a really high tolerance."

@MemeGray also declined. "I only take drugs in my anus, I'm too hardcore to smoke."

Swordfighter wrapped a fat blunt. He licked the rolling papers and sealed it. He passed it to Rabbai Abraham

"I can't. Leviticus 4:20 prohibits it. Only meth is Kosher."

"Count me out too," Stand said, "I gotta go fast and weed doesn't help."

Swordfighter looks at Cedric "Well I guess that just leaves us." Cedric and Swordfighter make faggy poses.

"Kiwi Blunt Burn! 420 Giga Blaze!"

Cedric uses a cool looking lighter, that has a skull on the top of it, to light the joint. He inhales. A red ring burns around the tip of the blunt. It moves backwards. hot ash drips off the tip of the blunt.

"Hey don't smoke the whole thing faggot!" an impatient Swordfighter stammers.

Cedric passes the half smoked blunt to Swordfighter. He holds the smoke in his lungs, before blowing smoke rings out of his mouth. He waits a moment for the weed to kick in. Nothing special is felt.

Swordfighter finishes the blunt and also waits for the buzz to kick in. Nothing.

Disappointed, Cedric laments, "Hey guys I don't think this is worki-iiiiiiiiiiiiiii ahhhhhhh HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!"

Cedric's pupils dilate. Time slows down. His body collapses inward until it is a single point. He sees the entire universe. He hears the entire universe. Mathematical formulas fly past him. One number resonates across the entire cosmos: Infinity. He is one, he is nothing, his mind is LIMITLESS.

Swordfighter floats by, wearing sunglasses and sitting in a recliner. "'Sup Dawg!" Cedric says.

"Oh hey" swordfighter responds, "I was just gaining the infinite wisdom of the universe how about you?"

"Me too dawg me too!"

"Cool!" Swordfighter nods.

@Bastard Samurai floats by with a pedal powered food cart, selling Funyuns and orange juice. Cedric and Swordfighter eat junk food and then float back to the singularity. The Jewish space temple fades into existence.

They were back in reality. At least, the closest to reality any mortal can understand. When they fully snapped back, they were naked and hanging from the ceiling.

Cedric and Swordfighter lock eyes, pupils dilated, bloodshot. They say in unison "I've got a plan!"

--------------------------------

@jellycar stomps down the prison hall. He stops at cell block 1488. The door is solid steel, impossible to steamroll through. A keypad on the wall flashes. Jellycar enters a code into a keypad. The steel door lifts up.

Jelly car steps into the cell. Tuna nets and cinderblocks held Firefly down. A floating robot, shaped like a ball, with a syringe protruding from its front, accompanies him.

"And now your highness, you will tell me the location of your secret Kiwi Base."

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 18: A really fucking good plan

Firefly got mad. "You faggots already know where the Kiwi Base is."

"Oh sure we do. You are going to tell us where your other Kiwi base is. The base that holds the Proto-Kiwi"

Jellycar operated a remote control. The floating ball-shaped robot hovers towards Firefly and shoves the syringe into her ass cheek. The thick, white truth syrum slowly flows into her butt. Firefly merely smirks. "You think your tiny prick will affect me. I'm @Angel Baby Firefly. I do all the drugs, motherfucker! A garbage truck full of carfentynil wouldn't do jack shit."

Jellycar takes off one of his white gloves and brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. "Oh, my sweet Shixa, I thought you might say that." He presses another button on his remote control. A hologram appears in the room. It shows Stand, the rabbai, and the Kiwi rangers in the temple hall. Cedric and Swordfighter are naked and hanging from the ceiling.

"We know about your little friend. We know he can turn into a hedgehog. Were you thinking with your dick when you tried to save him?"

Firefly got flustered and stammered, "I don't like him that way! I just met him!" She rocked back and forth, trying to loosen the tuna nets that held her down. "I don't know about any proto-Kiwis and even if I did I wouldn't tell you! @jellycar, you are a mean faggot w e e n! I am not afraid of you!"

"Not afraid of @jellycar, eh? Maybe I should show you who you should reeeeealy be afraid of."

jellycar raises his arms and makes a faggy superman pose. "Evanessence powers, transform!"

--------------------------------

Cedric finished drawing a bunch of lines and patterms on the floor "Ok everyone, that's the plan."

"Just in time, too" Swordfighter said, "My weed is wearing off. "You know, I must say this is a pretty sweet plan."

"Yes," @The Last Stand said, "This is a very good plan."

"Oy vey! This plan's got chutzpa!" the rabbai agreed.

Memegrey and Froggy made faggy poses. "Maximum plan!" they shouted in unison.

"Ok," said Cedric, "let's do it."

----------------

"How did you get into my office?" the Space Jew Prime Minister, @zedkissed60 asked, astonished. "And what is this Palestinian doing in here?"

"Mr. President, I am I am Prince Mohammed Abdul Sabayat Ayatollah Aladdin Mesothel-"

"Yes, Yes" I know who you are," the Prime Minister interrupted, "Jewish Intelligence doxxxed you already. I was given the dossier over a plate of delicious Japanese beef beef. What. Are. You. Doing here?"

"Mr. Prime Minister there has been a coup."

"I don't care, thats your business."

"Mr. Prime Minister" Stand paused for a moment before continuing. "My cousin has taken the chaotistic emerald. The one that powers this ark. If we don't get it back, my people and your people will perish"

The Prime Minister went pale. The chaotistic emerald. The rare source of power. One of the seven primordial streams of autism the universe used when it willed everything into existence. Only a handful of non Muslims knew about them.

"This damn ark!" Zed shouted. He threw papers across his desk. "Your prophet made a blood oath with the Hedgehog King, you people were supposed to hide its existence! Thousands of years of war and bloodshed. For what. For you to lose it? Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

@zedkissed60 stress sighed. "Where is your cousin?"

"He is still on the Palestinian side. He turned on all of our security defenses. I fear he will try to leave the ark soon."

zed folded his arms. "Fine, I'll help you stop your cousin. Anything else?"

MemeGray stepped forward. "Yes there is, I need Stand to cure Skullomania, and our other friend has been arrested."

"Very well," the Prime minister said. "Go to sick bay, I'll talk to the prison wardens."

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 19: Loss

"Vordrak!" Firefly shouts.

"I see Sneasel found new champions. Is no concern of mine." Vordrak extended his arm forward. His hand glowed blue. He powered up.

"DDoS att-"

A liason of prison guards entered the cell. Interrupting Vordrak. Facing his backside, he was unaware of the transformation.

"Sir, the Prime Minister has granted a full pardon to the inmate in cell 1488."

Vordrak, still only showing his back to the guard, disguised his voice to respond. "Well now, we wouldn't want to disappoint the prime minister." He transformed back into jellycar before turning around. "You there, what is your name and rank."

"Abraham Malkovich @Maskull, Civil Prison Guardsman 69."

"Guardsman 69 you are relieved of your post, I will release the prisoner."

@Maskull becomes slightly defensive. This was highly unorthodox. Military doesn't perform civilian arrests and they don't use civilian jails. JEWs shouldn't have access to the prison codes. "I will not comply jellycar. You have overstepped the separation of powers as outlined by Leviticus 14:88."

"Guardsman 69 you are out of line. Nobody speaks to Grand JEW jellycar this way."

Maskull makes a faggy pose. "You are not @jellycar !"

jellycar smiles. "Indeed I am not. Evanesence transform" Vordrak reveals his true form. "DDoS attack!"

Vordrak throws a ball of energy at Maskull. Maskull jumps over the energy ball. It flies past Maskull but arcs arountd, hitting Maskull on his side. He is thrown off balance . He spits blood and brushes his payot out of his face. "Is that all you got!" he taunts.

"If I wanted you dead you'd be dead. And now I want you dead."

Vordrak charged up for another attack. Maskull got back on his feet. He interrupted Vordrak's charge. "Latke Launch!" Hundreds of potato cakes materialize and fly towards Vordrak. Vordrak slides sideways, motionless in his body. The potato cakes hit the wall behind him.

@Angel Baby Firefly finishes eating a hole through the tuna net, and also eating the rest of the tuna net. This was not the first time she had been caught in a fishing net. She revved up and rolled towards Vordrak.

Vordrak finished charging up and launched his next projectile towards Maskull. "EU Data Retention Removal Request!" A glowing mobius strip throws Maskull onto his back. Firefly barrels over Vordrak, pancaking him.

Maskull got back up. This attack hurt less than the last one. Vordrak was losing power. He took advantage of this weakness. "Matzo Ball Blast!" Thousands of matzo balls pelt a pancaked Vordrak.

The other Kiwi Rangers, with a newly cured Skullomania, arrive in the cell. "Firefly!" Skullomania shouts. "What is going on?!"

Maskull sees the Ranger reinforcements. "Quick, his welfare check is running out!" All of the Kiwi Rangers made faggy poses, ready to fight.

"You may have won the battle but the war is far from over! Tugboat Teleport!" Vordrak disappears. Maskull uses his walkie talkie to issue code 66. The prison goes on high alert, auto lockdown initiates, and more prison guards enter the cell for backup.

Firefly has one more vision. Vordrak is in her marijuana fields, pissing fire out of his dick. The fields burn. Vordrak is laughing. This is a vision she knows she cannot stop. She breaks down and cries.

----------------------

Back at a JEW barracks, the Rangers, Maskull, and The Last Stand finish a debriefing with JEW General Private Abraham L. @PlasticOwls and the Prime Minister of the Space Jews. Negotiations with Kiwi Base Beta Cuck allowed the Space Jews to borrow the recovered power core from the moon until their missing chaotistic emerald was recovered.

"We did not know the situation on earth was so dire." The General said. "We cannot help you until we find the missing chaotistic emerald. You are free to stay as long as you need. But I know you will want to leave quickly."

"I want to stay," Firefly said, "I have lost my will to fight now that my weed is gone, and I am in love @The Last Stand. I will to become his 19th wife."

The Prime Minister of the Space Jews makes Firefly an offer. "@Angel Baby Firefly, you are the first to open a dialogue between the Space Jews and the Palestinian Royal Family in XX years. You can stay on the Ark as Ambassador of the Space Jews."

"I'll go with them," Maskull said. "I want to help save Null."

After a beautiful wedding ceremony, @Angel Baby Firefly was now @The Last Stand's 26th wife. The finest parachute makers on the Ark provided her a burqua, and she began her happy life as @The Last Stand's 95th wife. Maskull boarded the newly repaired Ops Module. The Rangers and their new Jew friend departed for Earth.

They had a lot to report, and a feeling that something was being hidden within Kiwi Deep Anus. They wanted to know, who, or what, this Proto-Kiwi Vordrak mentioned, actually was.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 20: @skullomania Fistfucks the Queen of England

The trip back to earth would take 4 hours time. Froggy and Cedric were watching reruns of Night Court while Swordfighter was complaining to MemeGrey about how he blew it with Firefly by not just surprise sexing her when he had the opportunity. Maskull was accessing the Ops module's encyclopedia. He did not know very much about Kiwi Deep Anus but he knew he wanted to help save Null. He read the contents of the entry on his holo-display.

Kiwi Deep Anus:

In 1XXX < redacted > founded < redacted > After World War < classified > the Nation of Israel began project Beta Cuck. An elite group of shitposters with attitude were recruited by Al Gore to protect US < contents missing > interests from Russian interference. Kiwi Deep Anus currently operates < Insufficient security clearance > BEEEEEEP! SESSION TERMINATED.

Maskull waved his hand, which caused the holographic display to turn off.

"Let me try, maybe a Kiwi Ranger has security clearance."

Skullomania brought up the file on Kiwi Deep Anus. She got the same result as Maskull. She tried again, this time entering a security override password. The holo display flashes an error:

TOO MANY REQUESTS FOR CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. SYSTEM SHUTDOWN.

The holo display turned off. Rebooting failed to turn it back on.

Skullomania slams her fists on the keyboard "Goddamnit! Something is being hidden far from us in the Deep Anus and I'm going to find out!"

-------------------

After arriving back to earth, the rangers were given a paid 2 week vacation. Skullomania decided to stay at home in her apartmemt. She searched the intermet tirelessly. Cans of Mountain Dew and jars of Marmite were littered across her floor. She hadn't bathed in days. She was relentless. It would have helped if she had some of Firefly's weed.

She came across a website: www.totallynotprotokiwi.info. She clicked on it. The site dis not load and Netscape Navigator 2.0 displayed an error.

"ERROR 1488: knock knock"

There was a knock on her door. She grabbed a machete and slowly made her way to her front door. Looking through the peephole, she saw nothing except for a box. She brought the box inside and locked her door. Inside the box was a stack of punch cards with a tag that read "To be incinerated 02/03/1X76"

She opened the CD ROM drive tray and tried to put a punch card into her Compaq. Surprisingly it worked. A window popped up that read

"Please Insert Card 2/1,413,217"

After loading all of the punch cards, two beams shot out of her computer monitor. They scanned Skullomania and then a hologram appeared. It began to speak "Seeker of the Proto Kiwi, I have assumed a form that you will find non threatening."

Queen Elizabeth appeared as a hologram in front of Skullomania. It made that faggy wave that the queen makes. It continued. "I am a hard light hologram. I do not have the answers you seek but I have a key deep inside my virtual asshole. In the lower levels of Deep Anus, you will find an abandoned lab in a room Delta Sigmoid. This key will grant you access."

The holographic queen of england bent over and exposed her virtual asshole. "You cannot hurt me, take the key."

Skullomania holled up her sleeve and shoved her fist into the virtual Queen of England's asshole. The hard light holographic anus did not feel like the inside of a real anus but it was a pretty decemt facsimile. She fished around for a moment, before gripping something hard. She pulled her fist out. In her hand was a USB 1.0 drive.

"This program will self destruct now."

All of the punch cards burned up.

 

[NeverHappened]

Someone tell me when the time travel arc starts. Those are always the best in this sort of story, unlike ever other sort of story.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 21: Secrets Revealed

@Maskull tied the back of his hospital gown. Being born with a missing rib made him flexible. The quarantine period was almost over. While everyone who came back from the space ark had to undergo a short decontamination period, Maskull was held longer due to concern over bad bloodwork. Smoked salmon levels were healthy but there was concern about readings of low cholesterol, alcohol, THC. Dr. @PlasticOwls, one of the best Deep Anus medical professionals, oversaw a prescription of fried chicken, weed, and Everclear.

"Ok," Dr @PlasticOwls says to Maskull while looking at a clipboard, "Cholesterol and THC have stabilized, we just need one more blood sample to verify a BAC of at least 20% and you should be good. Where do you want the blood drawn, dick or scrotum?"

"Can I have half from my dick and half from my scrotum?" Maskull asks.

"Well, that is not standard procedure, but I don't see why not." @PlasticOwls responds as he pulls out a syringe with a 9 inch long needle. Sticking it in @Maskull's balls, he pushes the syringe forward, an old med school lifehack used to clear any potential contaminamts before drawing blood. He fills the syringe with 12 litres if @Maskull's blood before repeating the same process on his dick. Dr @PlasticOwls placed one drop of the blood on a glass slide. He then discards the other 24 liters of blood into a bin marked "Medical Waste" and the syringe into a bin marked "Needle Reuse Program <3 Sharing Is Caring."

The Dr. pours a bottle of a test solution on the slide and presses the end if a strip of litmus paper onto the slide. He carefully examines the color. "Looks like you are at 35%. Quarantine is over, here is your vistor badge and a Park Map. Welcome to Deep Anus."

Maskull leaves the quarantine center and looks at his park map. A handful of labs and training facilities were listed, but it looked like 90% of the real estate was dedicated to cafeterias. He wandered around the outer ring of Deep Anus before deciding to visit Cafeteria 18-G.

Inside the cafeteria, the Kiwi Rangers were sitting at a table eating Borscht. "Sup Nigga" Cedric says as Maskull joins them. Skullomania slides a flash drive avross the table to him. "The fuck is this?" Maskull asks.

"It's a flash drive with an access code. '5318008' I think it lets us into the lower levels on Deep Anus."

"I left my people to save Null, what does this have to do with him?"

Froggy frog'splained to Maskull. "Null wasn't the first to run the site. We don't know anymore than that, but we think whatever is far inside Deep Anus can tell us."

Maskull folded his arms. "I still don't see what this has to with saving Null. I'm here to keep the shitposts going"

"That's just it," Froggy replied, "Shitposting goes beyond Null, beyond the Farms, beyond any of us. Shitposting is an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together."

"Whatever is down there," Skullomania interjects, "I think it might be the Proto-Kiwi."

Maskull becomes skeptical. "The Proto Kiwi is a myth. It's a fairy tell that parents tell their children."

Skullomania replies "Well whatever is down there, I am going to find out."

--------------------------------------

The Kiwi Rangers and Maskull take the elevator to reach the lowest possible level of Deep Anus. Despite Maskull's skepticism, he tags along. The bottom floor is unimpressive. There is a long hallway with several doors. The Kiwis make their way to a door marked "Deep Anus Sigmoid" A small kepyad is next to the door.

Skullomania gets ready to entet the code, but Swordfighter grabs her wrist to stop her. "Hold up. How do you know this isn't a trap?"

Cedric agreed with swordfighter. "Nigga, you don't even know who gave you the access code."

"I gave you the access code." A voice from behind them says. They all turn around and see a scientist in a white labcoat. "I am Dr. @bearycool, and I sent you the access code. I think it is time you got some answers, Rangers. Enter the code."

Skullomania entered the code. The door slides open. Inside is the very bottom of the base: Kiwi Deep Anus Sigmoid. The room is small, empty, and transitions a stone wall. A small tunnel with railroad tracks protrudes from the back wall. A railroad handcart is on the tracks. Bearycool accompanies Maskull and the Rangers on the handcart. The Kiwis take turns operating the hand cart.

"We are traveling to the center of the earth" bearycool says. "You may all be familiar with Kiwi Deep Anus Base Beta Cuck, but soon you will see the other Kiwi base. Welcome to top secret Kiwi Deep Anus Base Alpha Bull.

 

[bearycool]

Waiting for the AIDs-Autism Virus Arc

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 22: The Proto-Kiwi

Deep Anus Alpha Bull was impressive. It did not look anything like Deep Anus Beta Cuck. Every surface, floor, tables, walls, and seats flowed into one another. Some parts of the environment would change form. "Mimeo Seminomorphic alloy," bearycool explained. "Nanomachines that take on different form and function."

The Kiwi Rangers and Maskull followed bearycool. He walked towards a seemingly innocuous area of the floor that looked bare. As he approached, the floor bulged and a giant ass appeared. Two flowing arms with hands rose from the floor and spread the asshole apart. The Kiwi Rangers walked in.

The next room was cicrular. It looked more conventional than everything they just witnessed. In the center of the room was a pedestal with various conduit and tubes protruding from the sides of the pedestal to random connections in the floor, walls, and ceiling. In the center of the pedestal was an old coffee tin with a piece of masking tape on the side and "Proto-Kiwi" written in Sharpie marker.

Bearycool picked up the coffee can. "This is the remains of @champthom, the Proto-Kiwi; The founder of Deep Anus. His shitposting was so powerful that even to this day, just a teaspoon of his remains has provided enough shitpost essence to operate this facility for 100 years."

Below the pedestal, bearycool opened a small door. He pulled out the most retarded looking crystal they had ever seen. "This is a chaotistic emerald. The source of OC powers, one of the primordial forms of autism."

5 more pedestals raised from the ground. A colorex buttplug hovered over each pedestal.

"Shitposting starts with the anus and ends with the anus. These buttplugs have been infused with @champthom's essence and charged with the full spectrum of of the chaotistic emerald."

The buttplugs disappeared and teleported into the Anus of each Kiwi Ranger, and also into the Anus of Maskull, who had just been given the blessing of autism.

"Welcome @champthom into your anus. Feel the power of the autism."

"@FroggyMan, the power of Kiwi Ranger Green"

"@Cedric_Eff, the power if Kiwi Ranger Black"

"@skullomania, the power if Kiwi Ranger Yellow"

"@NOT Sword Fighter Super, the Power of Kiwi Ranger Red"

"@MemeGray, you are Kiwi Ranger Gray."

"And you, @Maskull, thepower of Kiwi Ranger Pink."

The rangers all morphed into their ranger suits, something they had not been able to do since Sneasel's death.

"Whenever you need to morph, just make a faggy pose and shout 'It's Buttplug Time!' Vordrak's day of reckoning is coming. And you have the power to stop him."

The Rangers all made faggy poses. Their confidence levels were at an all time high. They had new powers, could morph again, and were ready to take on Vordrak.

For they were now The Neo New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation GT.

 

[DatBepisTho]

"Faggy poses" and any other variation is cracking me up more than it really should.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 23: Panic! at the Disco

"Virtual World! Teleport!"

Vordrak goes into the computer. The power of virtual cyber program runs through him. He paced back and forth, stewing over a bad situation. He felt desperate.

Amy Lee filed an injunction against him. His Evanessence powers were disabled. He still had his DDoS powers, but his monthly tugboat was running out. The Kiwis knew it, and he knew the Kiwis knew it. He needed to keep the Kiwis distracted until his tugboat recharged.

Vordrak hobbled over to a table to flip through the pages of an ancient tome. He was looking for an incantation. The spells were difficult to read. He shook with frustration. After hours of reading, he finally reached page 2 of the tome. The tome was only 26 pages long but the level of reading was advanced.

He recited the spell on the second page:

"Big B. Little b. B is for Bee. B is for Bat. Can you find the bat."

Vordrak spent five minutes looking for the picture of the bat on the page. Finally, he identified it and pointed to it. A portal opened up in front of him. An obese man rolled through the portal on a motorized scooter. This obese man had long orange fingernails and was wearing a prom dress. His accent sounded like a man trying to impersonate a mentally retarded valley girl.

"Why have you summoned me!"

"I have something you want." Vordrak said, holding up a 3.5 inch floppy disk. "The true identity of @WGkitty"

The fat man reaches for the floppy disk. Vordrak pulls his arm back, just out of the fat man's reach. He moves his power scooter closer to vordrak but he is so fat he gets stuck in the portal. "Gimme that!" he shouts, "Gimme that or I'm filing a human rights complaint!"

"Oh you can have it, you just have need to do me a favor."

The man in the power scooter was offended at the idea that he do anything involving labor. "Forget it!" he said.

"I thought you might say that." Vordrak wheeled a wagon in front of the man. A brown woman who spoke little english was sitting on the wagon, tied up and gagged.

"If you do this favor for me, this brown woman will-"

BAAAAAAARF!

Vordrak wiped vomit off of his face. "This woman will-"

BAAAAARRRRRRRFFFFFF!

Vordrak wiped the vomit from his face and spoke as fast as possible. "mmmmmmmh. thiswomanwillwaxyourballs."

BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRFFFFFFF!

The tied up brown woman's pupils dilated. She shook her head no. "mmmmh mmmmh!" She struggled against the ropes that bound her. Vordrak kicked her.

"Shut up."

The man on the power scooter was amused at the sight of a brown woman getting hurt, and he chuckled.

"All right," the man said, "what do you want done?"

------------------------------------

Maskull was getting accostomed to life as a Kiwi Ranger. He was training every day to get stronger, his shitposts were at full power, and his Tinder Profile was blowing up his phone. He finished typing his latest message to a girl he just met online: "Maskull wants sum fuk, com fuk Maskull do it u ugly cunt and then leaf my house."
She quickly replied "LOL u cute i come fuk and leaf ur house."

Maskull hailed an uber and set off for da club, where was meeting his date. A bus stops by da club. The special access lift on the bus slowly lowers a handicap woman wearing a purple prom dress and a tiara bought from Claires. "Hi my name is Jessica" the woman said.

Maskull felt a strong stirring in his loins. He used his VIP access to da club to bypass the line and get in with his date. Inside da club, Maskull and his date, Jessica, got a VIP booth. Maskull ordered a bottle of Cristal, and Jessica ordered 700 milkshakes. Watching her dump the milkshakes down her gullet excited him.

A slow song played in da club. Maskull and Jessica wheeled down to the dance floor to slow dance. Maskull grinded her gunt, which was so big it flopped to one side. Slowly, they locked eyes, and embraced in a passionate kiss. Maskull, feeling extra horny, reached underneath Jessica's prom dress, and immediately started vomiting.

The vomiting did not stop for ten minutes. Everyone else in da club fled the scene in disgust. "Nobody catfishes Maskull" He shouted. "It's buttplug time!" He morphed into Kiwi Ranger Pink and made a faggy pose. "I only like post ops u faggot!"

Jessica revved the throttle on his power chair and drove towards Maskull. He jumped out of the way. Jessica energized a taser and stunned. A pink cane hit him, and he went flying backwards.

Maskull used the Kiwi intercom to signal a kiwi emergency. In mere seconds the other Kiwi Rangers appeared.

Jessica had a menaced look on his face. "I'm going to kill all of you! And when I'm done, I'm going to make you wax my balls!"

The Rangers assembled around the motorized scooter.

"Kiwi Cow Tip!" they shouted. The scooter was tipped over. Jessica Yaniv flailed around, unable to get back up.

Vordrak was watching from a remote monitor. He summoned some of his tugboat money and sent it through the internet until it reached da club. "Make my monster grow!" he shouted. lightning bolts shout out of a telephone in da club and hit Yaniv. He grew until he was 50 feet tall.

The roof of da club broke open, and Yaniv began destroying the city in a giant scooter.

"We have to stop him!" Cedric shouted, "One of these new Ranger Powers must do something!"

Swordfighter looked at Skullomania. "Skully" he said. "Do you remember when you tried to turn into a hedgehog but you kept shitting your pants? Well maybe the buttplug will prevent that."

Skullomania raised a fist and shouted "I will try!"

Skullomania assumed a squatting position and powered up.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

The ground around her cracked.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

Sparks jumped around her.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

...

...

"HEDGEHOG POWERS ACTIVATE!"

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 24: Rangers vs Giga Yaniv

Skullomania came close to shitting her pants, but the buttplug held firmly. The infusion of chaotism power made it expand in her colon until it was so tight that no amount of impacted feces would dislodge it.

Shullomania turned into a yellow hedgehog.

"Yellow Kiwi Hedgehog Dash Extreme to the max way past awesome!" she shouted. She ran off towards the 50 foot tall Yaniv, who was riding an equally large electric scooter.

The scooter drives through a mosque. Giga Yaniv laughs and claps his hands like an amused baby. He turns the scooter around 180 degrees and drives through a Sikh temple. Families in the temple flee in terror. Giga Yaniv picks up fleeing children. He lifts them high into the air and drops them into his mouth, swallowing them whole.

"It's heading for the pool!" Cedric screams.

Yellow Hedgehog Skullomania careens down the street at break kneck speeds. She catches up to the motorized scooter and runs up Giga Yaniv's gunt. When she reaches the shoulders, she runs down them and reaches the handlebars of the scooter. An oversized key in on the handlebar's center console, turned to a position marked "on" Skullomamia grabs the key with both hands. She twists it to the off position and pulls the key out, tossing it over the side of the giant scooter.

The scooter slows to a halt, stopping short of the swimming pool. Giga Yaniv groans. He repeatedly presses the button on his oversized life alert. A sinkhole opens up and a 50 foot tall elderly woman emerges from the sink hole. The elderly woman approaches the other Kiwi Rangers, shouting "You go! You go! You leave now!"

The Rangers back into an alley. Giga Mama Yaniv reaches her arm into the alley but cannot reach far enough to grab any of them. Cornered, cedric shouts "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna go hedgehog!"

Cedric assumed a squatting postioon and powers up. Sparks flash around his body. He groans.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

His Ranger buttplug flies out of his anus at high speed. It ricochets off of the ground, then off of a street sign. Flying high into the air, it hits Giga Yaniv's tiara. The tiara is knocked of his head. It falls onto a parked car, crushing it. @Cedric_Eff could still somhow feel the buttplug in him, so he tried again. Another buttplug flew out of his anus, ricocheted off the ground and a wall, and hit Giga Yaniv in the gunt. @Cedric_Eff still felt the buttplug in him.

"This must my my GT power." cedric tought to himself. He bent over and used his hands to spread his ass cheeks apart.

"Kiwi Buttplug Blaster!"

A barrag of buttplugs shot out of his asshole like 50 cal rounds in a machine gun. The buttplugs pelted Giga Mama Yaniv's hand which triggered arthritis in them. She pulled her hand out of the alleyway and groaned. The Rangers used this opportunity to get out of the alley.

In plain sight of Giga Yaniv, cedric prepared an assault on him. He bent over. The ground exploded ten feet away from him.

"Mortar fire!" froggy shouted. The Kiwi Rangers jumped out of the way of a round of mortar attacks. Tanks and armored vehicles approached from north, occupying the halfway destroyed city. An MLRS fired rockets at Skullomania, who ran as the rockets exploded behind her.

An armored vehicle with a loudspeaker on the top made an announcement:

"This is the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal. You have used the wrong pronouns with Miss British Columbia 2XXX. Prepare for extinction."

Giga Yaniv started crying over the loss of the tiara. Giga Mama Yaniv went to comfort and enable him.

"I've got an idea" froggy shouted, "move Giga Yaniv closer to the pool. We'll zap it with its own taser. Swordfighter, Maskull, evacuate the pool. Skullomania, find away to lure it."

Swordfighter and Maskull made faggy poses. "Right!" They got on some abandoned mopeds and sped off for the pool. While most everybody else had already fled the city, the children were fuckimg stupid and kept swimming.

Skullomania ran into a department store and wrapped a blanket around a cardboard tube. She ran out towards Giga and Mama Yaniv. The BCHRT opened machine gun fire. Giga Yaniv's scooter and gunt shielded her from the spray of bullets. "Lookie here, I got a tampon!" She ran towards the pool, which had now been evacuated by Swordfighter and Froggy.

Giga Yaniv roated "Graggh! Moooom! I want that tampon! Carry me!"

Giga Mama Yaniv picked up Giga Yaniv and carried him, piggyback, towards the pool. Mama Yaniv grew shorter as Giga Yaniv's weight crushed her kneecaps to a fine powder. Giga Mama Yaniv's legs snapped in half. She fell over, dead. Giga Yaniv got on all fours and crawled towards Skullomania. A taser attached to alanyard fell out of his moobs.

Skullomania reached the pool. She tossed the giant "tampon" into the pool. Giga Yaniv reached into the pool to grab it. The taser hung around his neck, partially submerged in the salty water.

"cedric now!" Froggy shouted.

Cedric bent over. "Kiwi Precision Poop-Chute Shoot!" A single buttplug flew across the town and his the "on" switch of the taser. Bolts of lightning traveled across the pool and up Giga Yaniv's arm. Giga Yaniv thrashed about, convulsing.

He stood up, ripped off taser off the, and threw it. The giant taser landed near the BCHRT. A surge of electricity rippled throughout the platoon, electrocuting most of the troops. Heavy artillary exploded.

Giga Yaniv thrashed about, thef fell daintily onto his side. He convulsed and tried to press his life alert button. He died of heart failure before he could reach it.

The Rangers unmorphed and convened next to a destroyed building to catch their breath. A spotlight from a helicopter, carrying a payload of missiles covered them. The chopper pilot locked onto their location. He pressed the fire trigger.

 

[Spl00gies]

Apologise for double posting!
(You'd better conplete all 69 chapters, chap)

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 25: Oi way to the Danger Zone

@Tempest rides a missile towards the helicopter. His face is still all fucked up from when he shot himself to try to get out of the story. This time he was certain to die. Right as the chopper's missile tubes open, he crashes his missile into the chopper and embraces sweet death.

His arms and legs fly off of his torso in the explosion, but he survives. His torso gets thrown against the destroyed building the Kiwi Rangers were leaning against to rest. "Hey thanks!" MemeGray says. The other Kiwi Rangers also congratulate @Tempest on his bravery. @Tempest really wanted to tell them to fuck off but he couldn't on account of his missing most of his mouth and tongue. He wept.

The Rangers recovered his limbs and went to work performing field surgery. They weren't the greatest surgeons. All of the limbs functioned and his legs were put back on correctly, however his arms were attached to his ass cheeks; one on each side.

The Deep Anus Kiwi Kleanup Krew arrived to vacuum any carpets that were soiled while fighting. Dr. Bearycool arrived on the scene to collect samples of the Giga Yaniv and Giga Mama Yaniv. Once the work was done, everybody boarded a Kiwi Jet bound for Deep Anus. General Captain F. @nyess came along to commend @Tempest on a job well done.

"Great job, Captain Admiral H Tempest. You're getting a promotion to Admiral. I have a feeling that your involvement in the adventures of the Kiwi Rangers will be greater from now on."

General Captain F. @nyess briefed the Kiwi Rangers on their next mission. "Deep Anus Intelligence suspects the last attack was just Vordrak buying time until his tugboat recharges. For the next mission we are going to hit Vordrak where it counts: His Wallet. Your next mission is to infiltrate the < add name for british unemployment office after asking the britbongs > and alter his file to mark him employed."

@nyess got out of his seat to go take a shit in the airplane toilet. Before closing the bathroom door, he gave the Kiwi Rangers one final piece of advice. "And be careful, Kiwis, England is.... weird."

----------------------------------------------

The Rangers deplane from the Jetway. As they walk across, Skullomania expresses concern. "I've never been to England, @nyess said the place was weird."

MemeGray shrugs. "I don't think it will be that bad. I mean they speak English in England."

"Barely." Froggy adds.

As they approach the end of the jetway, a Virgin Airways customer service rep greets them. "Whalecum to merry 'ole England. Fancy yourself the tram or a hack to your hotel?"

The Kiwi Rangers look at each other and then scream in terror. They run as fast as they can from whatever strange beast was just encountered. After the coast is clear, they find themselves in a large area with conveyor belts. Froggy reads an info pamphlet.

"According to this, we are in a place called 'baggage claim'" He said.

Swordfighter shrugged. "We don't have those in America. @nyess is right, England is weird."

A baggage handler approaches the Kiwi Rangers. "Do you have a receipt?" The Rangers scream in terror and try to run. A flight attendant approaches them. "Can I help you?"

At this point the Kiwis Rangers have no choice. "IT'S BUTTPLUG TIME!" they shout, morphing into their GT form. They quickly dispatch all of the flight attendants and baggage handlers.

"Oi! You there!" A bobby shouts. He blows his whistle. "Whats this awll about wut with the raping people to death?"

Cedric makes a pouty face. "I'm sorry officer, I didn't know rape was illegal in your country."

"Well it isn't but since you're an immigrant you don't know any better. Just don't do it again. Or maybe do it again, after all, you are a dark skinned immigrant." The bobby walked off, whistling and twirling his billy club.

"Stay on Guard" said @Maskull, "I don't think we can trust anybody here."

MemeGay folds his arms. "I think this will be our toughest mission yet."

"We can do it! We will winning!" Swordfighter said while making a faggy pose.

The rest of the kiwi rangers made faggy poses. "We are the Neo New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation GT and we will sabotaging the < add name for british unemployment office after asking the britbongs >!"

 

[OwO What's This?]

Terrorism won.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 26: Erin, go back!

The Kiwis exit the airport. The first thing they observe is cars driving in the left side of the road. "England must exist in a mirror universe" said MemeGray. They Rangers walk past Buckingham. The queen was busy signing autographs for her fans. Skullomania squeals and approaches the queen of England. "I fisted your asshole is my dimemsion!" she said excitedly. The Queen blushes and gives her an autographed nude photo.

The Kiwi Rangers continue their trek through the streets of England. They pass underneath a bridge. Froggy opens up a tourist pamphlet that he took from one of the flight attendants that the Rangers raped to death. "According to this pamphlet, we are under the London Bridge. It says here that this landmark was made famous when Paul McCartney necked himself from the bridge in 1X66.

Froggy pointed to another landmark. "And over there is the world famous workhouse where little children did manual labor until they died."

Skullomania frowned at that landmark. "If only England had a strong anarcho-fascist system like we do in the United States." All of the Kiwi Rangers placed their hands across their hearts and recited the Neo National Anthem of the United States:

"America! America!
From sea to shining sea
And crown thy good for brotherhood
MAGA territory!"

They walk past a hospital. Skullomania feels devestated at what she sees. "These poor people. The mirror universe has socialized healthcare." Skully clenches her fist and makes a faggy "winning" pose.

"We came to England to sabotage Vordrak's unemployment, but it is apparant that England needs out help. We need to save england from being a socialist utopia."

Just as Skullomania finished her speech, an air siren blares.

"Warning! Warning! London is under attack! Find the nearest bunker and stay there!" A military garrison marches past the Kiwi Rangers. cedric stops one of the soldiers.

"citizen get to a bunker!" the soldier instructs cedric.

"Can you tell me what is going on?" cedric asks.

"The Irish, they've invaded London." the soldier said before marching away.

cedric thought for a moment. He had heard of these "irish" before, but he had never seen one. Sure, the newspaper tabloids sometimes reported sightings of an irishman in Jersey. Always some outrageous claim of a short man with a green hat. It couldn't possibly be true.

A short man in a green hat jumps onto cedric and starts hitting him in the face with a shaleleh. cedric grabs the little man and struggles before throwing the little man off of him. The little man chuffs like s guinea pig.

It scurries towards Froggy. Froggy places his forearm outward to block the irishman. The Irishman leaps and bites Froggy's arm. Froggy's skin secretions of all the drugs kill the irishman immediately. It falls off of his arm. A sore bite mark is left on his arm. More Irishmen approached their position.

"Poatoes, 6 o clock!" Memegray Shouts. The Kiwis dodge the incoming potatoes. They don't explode when they hit the ground, they just splatter. Some of the potato splater flies into MemeGray's mouth. "It's too much starch! I'm on s low carb diet!" she shouts.

"Corned Beef, 3 o clock!" Swordfighter shouts. Large balls of corned beef roll towards the city. "If @Angel Baby Firefly was still here, she could have eaten our way out of danger." he thought to himself.

"I think it's time to power up," shouts cedric, "IT'S BUTTPLUG TIME!"

The Kiwis morph. Skullomania turns into a hedgehog and runs off in a different direction, distracting the balls of corned beef which roll after her. cedric begins an assault of buttplugs firing out of his anus. His barrage of buttplug fire destroyed the potatoes flying at them. MemeGray used psychoautistic waves to barf a rainbow out of her mouth. The Irishmen all crowded around the end of the rainbow looking for a pot of gold.

Swordfighter extended two small knives from his arms and spun around.

"Kiwi Blarney Blender!" He spun like a tornado into the Irishmem, chopping them into a million pieces.

With the immediate threat over, the Kiwi Rangers unmorph. One of the soldiers approaches them. "Well I never thought, in a million years, I'd see Americans save the British in a war. I'm Colonel Cornwall J. @Chicken Picnic. Nice to meet you." MemeGray saw the crippled lesbian in front of her and blushed. Whatever was going on with the Colonel, she definitely wanted to ride that short bus.

"We are celebrating this victory with tea and strumpets in the Army tent. You Yanks should join us."

 

[PlasticOwls]

Chapter 28

@Unog descends from the sky, a massive behemoth the size of the Chrysler Building.

his ape-like mouth unhinges, a single beam of light erupts onto the world.

The world, is no more.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 27: Chapter 28 Part 2

"Whoa I just had the strangest dream that the world was destroyed" abbot @PlasticOwls said. His gay lover, Novice @Unog, turns over abd french kisses him. "Go back to sleep honey, you have a long day as the abbot of the Lindisfarne Monestary."

@PlasticOwls gets out of bed. "No," he says, "I fear that this dream was a vision of some kind. I should consult the gospel for guidance." He pulls The Book of Kells out of his peehole and flips through the pages.

"Are you sure you don't want to come back to bed? You can poz my nog-hole," @Unog said, making a pouty face.

@PlasticOwls wasn't paying attention, he found the page he was looking for. Signs of the upcoming apocalypse. A comet in the sky, a giant hamplanet in the earth, and the third, something he hadn't seen yet, a frog turning into a leprechaun." The other two have come to pass. He tried to decipher the next part of the prophecy when he was interrupted by @Unog raping him through his assless abbot robes.

"Not now honey," @PlasticOwls said, "I must depart for London. Something foul is afoot and I have a feeling the filthy spud niggers on this island have something to do with it."

@PlasticOwls unrolled a cloth cintainimg a monk's assassin kit: Throwing knives, piano wire, a copy of the koran, 25 Trojan Condoms, and a Creed/Nickelback mix tape. Checking that everythkng was in place he rolled it backup and shoved in his peehole for save keeping.

"Lover before you go, take this to remember me." Unog said.

@PlasticOwls looked at the gift. "Your cock ring. I shall dip it in Holy Water and remember you fondly. He put it on his penis and was about to depart.

"Are you sure you don't one last fuck?" Novice Unog asked.

"Oh what the hell why not!" @PlasticOwls said excitedly.

----------------------------------------------------

Halfway througj tea and strumpets, froggy wasn't feeling so great. "Hey guys, my arm is turning grern, and not frog green but like Irish Green. The Kiwi Rangers huddled around Froggy to inspect his arm. Indeed it was turning from frog green to Irish Green, starting at the bite mark. cedric was about to touch the wound when @Chicken Picnic stopped him.

"Don't touch it!" she said, "I've seen this before, once. He has been bitten by an Irishman. In 72 hours time, he will turn into an Irishman.

"Noooooooooooooooo!" shouted Froggy, "Is there anything that can be done?

@Chicken Picnic pondered for a minute. "Well, you can only have one bitten form at a time, I suppose, so if you were to get bitten by a Scot or a Cornish or a Welshie, then you would turn into one of those instead, which is only half as bad as being Irish."

The Rangers didn't waste any time. They left the army tent immediately to find one of these "Scots" or "Cornish" or "Welshie". They weren't even sure they would find anything but they had to try for Froggy's sake.

Froggy's condition seemed to be worsening, and then he said something that horrified all of the Kiwi Rangers:

"I don't know about you guys but I could really go for a glass of Smithwicks."

 

[Count K. Rumulon]

What the shit is Smithwicks?
Also that's inaccurate. I should have wanted a glass of Guinness

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 28: Chapter 27 part 2

The Kiwis raced through the streets of
London, asking everyone they met if they knew a welsh, scot, or cornish person. Froggy began Riverdancing. "I can't stop" he said. He Riverdanced over to Swordfighter. "If this thing consumes me, you have to kill me! I can't wander this planet as a Greenwalker"

They met one Welsh man but he had no teeth so he couldn't bite Froggy. Froggy was now playing the fiddle. The end was getting closer. Skullomania tried to stop him from playing music. "Give me the fiddle Froggy." she instructed. Froggy handed her the fiddle, but halfway through he began tugging the fiddle back. He pulled hard, matching Skully's own strength.

"Give it to me!" Froggy shouted "Give it back!" His voice started to take on an Irish accent. "Ohhh gimme back me fiddle it is me lucky charm it is." Froggy bit Skullomania on the arm. She recoiled in pain. Froggy used this opportunity to take the fiddle back. He fiddled and Riverdanced away.

Skullomania soothed her bite wound. "Goddamnit I just got over C. Diff now I'm gonna turn into an Irishman."

She places her hand over her heart, ready to sing the national anthem one last time before she becomes part of team Ireland. With a tear in her eye, she paces back and forth and sings:

"America, America
From sea - sob- to shi-"

As she paces she bumps into a man in a black abbot cloak. "Show me your arm" he commands. Skullomania reveals the bite wound. The abbot reaches into his cloak, revealing a vial with a cork stopper. It makes a pop noise as he twists the cork off. He pours the contents of the vial onto her arm. The bite wound sizzles and smokes, and is replaced with a small scar that looks like Froggy's tooth indentation.

"What was that?" Skullomania asks.

The man replied "Holy Water."

"Nigga does this mean we can take Froggy to church?" cedric asked.

"No," said the man, "It has to be special holy water, blessed by an Irishman who has the demons cleansed from his body. A penitant man who begs God everyday for forgiveness of the sin of being born Irish."

The abbot held the vial upside down to show it was empty. "I'm afraid that is all I have."

"Is there anything that can be done?" Memegray asks.

"From what I saw," the abbot replied, "your friend mutated faster than any other case of mossman I have ever seen. The only thing that we can do now is perform an exorcism. You have to catch him first. And try not to get bit."

The Kiwis scattered to find Froggy who was now Riverdancing and fiddling through the streets of London. The Kiwi Rangers morphed. Skully assumed her GT hedgehog form. She ran through the streets of London and spotted Froggy. She used the Kiwi KommuniKator to relay his location. "He is near a giant building that looks like a fabrige egg or a buttplug or something."

"On it!" cedric said. He identified a building that kind of looked like a buttplug, bent over and shot buttplugs out of his butt towards the buttplug shaped building. The buttplugs arced high into the air and landed at the base of the Gherkin. The base floors exploded. The Gherkin toppled over, landing Next to Froggy. A thousand Britbongs died in the collapse. Froggy was now trapped on 3 sides by buildings. buttplug

Skullomania tried to reason with Froggy, knowing that as an Irishman, his mental capacity was diminished. "Hey I've got a Tayto. Who wants a Tayto?" Froggy got excited. "Ooh ayy want a Tayto." Froggy said.

"Come on boy lets get a Tayto!" Froggy followed Skullomania back to the rest of the Kiwis. The abbot examined Froggy.

"He looks in good health except for being Irish." The abbot said. "We must get to Lindisfarne post-hase."

"Easy!" Said Swordfighter. "Kiwi Teleport!" Swordfighter turned into a red beam of ligjt and shot off to Ireland. In a momemt the beam of light returned. "Oh shit I forgot that Froggy can't morph."

-------------------------------------------

At the airport a flight attendant taped on a keyboard. "I'm afraid all flights to Ireland are booked. Say aren't you the chaps who raped a bunch of flight attendants to death?"

"It's OK," replied cedric, "I'm a dark skinned immigrant and I didn't know any better."

"Very well then," the flight attendant said as he continued typing on a keyboard. "Yyyy-huh, mmm-hmmm, yeah" he hummed to himself as he worked the keyboard. "Ahh, there we go, I can have a flight for you in 4 days."

"We can't wait 4 days!" Maskull said.

"Well I'm sorry," the flight attemdamt replied, "There is a big dirt and hopelessness festival going on in Ireland right now."

Skullomania kicked a trash can. "Dammit!" she said. The nude signed photo of the queen fell out of her cleavage and wafted to the floor. The flight attendant picked it up and examined it. "Where did you get this?" he asked. "You know what, nevermind, follow me." He pulled a handle on a string above his head. Jets of steam rose from the floor below the Kiwis.

The Customer service Kiosk raised up thanks to a scissor lift platform. The platform continued lifting until it was at the 69th floor. The walkway next to the lift had no guardrails. It was a long way down if you fell off. Right after the walkway was a long runway hovering 69 stories above the ground. A G6 landed and the hatch opened. "Oh step in" a familiar voice said. It was the Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth Cornwall @Wendy_Carter !

The Kiwis entered the plane. The interior was much larger than it looked on the outside. "That picture I gave you contained the royal seal: my titties. I know who you are, Kiwis. Dr @bearycool designed a hologram with my likeness. The Flash drive really was in my anus, though, as a pocket dimemsion exists in both my anus and the hologram's anus."

"I knew hard-light holograms were bullshit" Skullomania said to herself.

"I heard you needed a lift. Well I can help you," the queen said. "But first, you must defeat me."

The Kiwis all gasped. That had to kill the queen.

"In a weed smoking contest." The Rangers let out a sigh of relief. The queen rings a bell. A butler comes out with a shoebox full of blunts. The queen takes a blunt from the shoebox and looks at the Kiwis.

"I'll make it a fair fight, all you together have to outsmoke me. Are you faggots ready to blaze it?"