The New Kiwi Rangers: The Next Generation - Chapters 53/69 complete.

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 29: Everybody was Kung Fu Viking

The Rangers were behind. Each one finished half a blunt by the time the Queen of England smoked 12. They were determined not to give up. They were up to the challenge. Upbeat heroic music played and they inhaled the rest of their blunts. Swordfighter was beginning to feel warm and happy. He struggles with a lighter but manages to light another blunt.

The Queen of England puts 5 blunts in her mouth and lights them. 10 seconds later she was finished. Maskull tried to stuff ten blunts in his mouth to do the same. He lit them all then spit them all put from coughing. He very slowly reached down to pick up the dropped blunts. His hands were so big. He was a lost cause as he now just stared at Froggy Riverdancing.

cedric sucked down 6 blunts. He coughed. "You know none of y'all purses would survive the hood." He lot a seventh blunt. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot. He laid down to take a nap.

"Hey guys imma feeling kind of tired too." Swordfighter said, failing to finish his second blunt. He passed out for a snooze as well.

Skullomania didn't even finish her half joint before dozing off.

MemeGray began matching the Queen blunt for blunt. At least, she did until the queen farted. Her farts smelled like weed. "Clever girl," the Queen said "Psychokinetically creating a pocket dimensiom in your lungs to avoid smoke inhalation. It's a shame I created my own psychokinetic pocket dimension in my anus and linked ot to yours."

Braaaaaaaaaaap!

The plane filled with weed smoke from the queens anus. MemeGray succombed and fell asleep as well. Froggy stopped riverdancing and fell asleep as well.

The Queen looked at abbot @PlasticOwls. "Wanna challenge me?"

"Forget it," said the abbot, "Your chronic level is over 69,000, there's no way I could match that."

"Oh come on don't be such a pussy, I was going to help you anyway. Now toke up bitch."

Feeling less pressured, PlasticOwls lit a joint and casually smokes. The Queen of England shotguns a bottle of Everclear before sitting in the pilots seat and taking off.

"Where did you faggots say you were going again?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

When the Kiwi Rangers awoke, they were daisychained, crotch to anus, to a parachute. Froggy and PlasticOelwls each had their own parachutes. They were slowly drifting towards the roof of a monestary. "Welcome back to the world of the living." The abbot said. "Below is Lindisfarne." As they descended, smoke billowed from the sides of the building.

"Oh no!" PlasticOwls said as he landed on the roof. The Kiwis landed shortly behind him. "Y'all niggas cookin somethin?" cedric asked.

"No, it's the vikings. They're raiding the monestary!"

Grappling hooks flew next to the kiwis before pulling back and catching on the edge of the roof. Two Nordic vikings climbed atop the roof. Their black viking suit and face scarves made them extra intimidating. One of the vikings unsheathed a katana while the other one wielded throwing stars. They both made faggy poses.

"Waaaaaasaa! You gonna dieeee! Hi-yah!" the katana weildong viking shouted. He charged towards swordfighter, swinging his katana like a retatd. Swordfighter dodged. The second Viking hot Swordfighter in the leg with throwimg stars. Swordfighter fell to his knees, holding his shoulder in pain even though his leg was injured.

"I got this!" cedric said and morphed.

"Kiwi Buttplug Blaster!"

Buttplugs fited in rapid succession out of his anus. The first Viking swung his katana in a rapid figure eight pattern, deflecting all of the buttplugs. One of the deflected buttplugs hit cedric in his tittie. He fell to his knees and held his shoulder in pain even though he was injured in his tittie.

Maskull morphed and summomed a trident with a menorah on top. He made jabbing motions. The katana came down chopping the katana in half. Maskull fell to his knees and held his shoulder in pain even thkugh he was not injured at all.

Skullomania morphed and assumed her GT hedgehog form. "Bet you nordic gooks can't match my speed."

The viking tossed his katana aside and made a faggy ninja pose. He flicked the tips of his finger, as to taunt her. She sped towards the viking. He dodged her charge. Skullomania collapsed to het knees and held her shoulder in pain even though not even her weapon was broken.

MemeGray realized that one of the vikings was psychokinetic, which was causing the Kiwis to fall so easily. She morphed and attempted to dampen the Vikings psychokinetic waves. His psychokinetic abilities were too strong, and she collapsed to her knees, holding her shoulder in pain even though she didn't even try to attack.

The first viking retrieved his katana blade. He pointed the blade at the abbot. "Looks like it's just you and Fiddler on the Roof left."

Abbot @PlasticOwls smirked. "Oh then I guess it's a fair fight now."

The abbot made a faggy pose. The wimd howled. His abbot robes began waving. Streaks of energy ran through him.

He looked at the Viking and said "Ezekiel, 14:88"

 

[Remove Goat]

what the fuck am i reading

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

what the fuck am i reading

You are reading:

Chapter 30: Tears of a Frog

The heavens parted. A single cloud remained in the sky. Zeus, the Christan God of Lightning ememerged from a single cloud. Zeus threw lightning bolts towards the roof. The Throwing star weilding Viking was zapped. His crisp, stiff, blackened body toppled to its side. When it impacted the rooftop, it disintegrated, leaving behind only a pile of black dust.

The other Viking pressed his finger into the black dust and snorted it. "Now it's a fair fight, summoner. You'll find your little bag of Christian gods to be of little use against me." The Viking raised his Katana skyward. A beam of light emergrd from the tip of the Katana. Xiuhtecuhtli, the Viking god of fire and time emerged. He blew a large fireball from his mouth and altered time around the the fireball to make it approach slowly.

"In 5 minutes, this monestary will explode."

@PlasticOwls smirked. "I'll only need 4 minutes and 59 seconds."

The viking charged with his katana forward. PlasticOwls did a front flip pver the viking and tossed two throwing knives in his back. When the viking fell to his knees to grab his arm in pain, PlastocOwls wrapped the piano wire around the Viking's neck.

The Viking choke and gurgled. "Kchhh Good.. luck-kkkk stopp. ing the -ghhhhh - fireball. gkkk.. faggot!" PlasticOwls pulled the piano wire. The viking's head severed and rolled onto the roof next to the Viking's torso which stood straight up. Faint lights and beeping occured from underneath the headless viking's robe. PlasticOwls pulled the Viking's black robe off to reveal a suicide vest with a countdowm.

The other Kiwis regained their mobility as the Viking's psychokinetic inhibitor wore off. Maskull observed the suicide vest. "A dead man's switch must've triggered the suicide vest. In 5 minutes this monestary will explode. Also there is a fireball which will explode this monestary in 5 minutes as well."

MemeGray tried to psychokinetically hold the fireball at bay while cedric and swordfighter examined the suicide vest. "Nigga is there any way to disarm this vest?"

"I don't know anything about science stuff. Froggy would know." They looked over at Froggy who was still fiddling and Riverdancing. "Abbot!" Swordfighter shouted, "can you depossess froggy"

PlasticOwls knew there wasn't enough time to depossess Froggy and that he wasn't the right person, but he pulled the Koran out of his peehole and began to recite incantations. Skullomania tried to reason with Froggy, hopong he still had some brain function.

She directed Froggy towards the vest. "Froggy, it's me, @skullomania. You got drunk and texted me ur frog dick once, remembet, you have to remember!"

Froggy was still River Damcing and fiddling but now he was rambling about his penis being a 1 leaf clover. PlasticOwls began glowing an arua as he recited ancient Christian spells in an attempt to depossess froggy. Froggy began glowing. A leprechaun ghost struggled to stay in Froggy's mouth.

The leprechaun ghost peed a stream of urine into the air. It arced and landed in @PlasticOwl's mouth. He was momentarily distracted and stopped his incantation. The leprechaun ghost jumped back into Froggy's ear. His mind was racing as he fiddled.

Pot of Gold. Bomb. Blarney Stone. Blue Wire. Green Wire. Science Bullshit. Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato.

"Potato Potato Potato Potato Potato Potato" Froggy repeated in a trance-like state. His fiddle was now hovering next to him. The sky opened up and a giant Potato, the Irish god of not starving to death appeared. It shot beams of light from its eyes. One of those beams covered Froggy and another covered the Viking torso.

The suicide vest faded off of the viking and onto froggy. He grabbed the hovering fiddle. The fiddle played harder than any fiddle ever played. Froggy ascended towards the fireball.

"Noooo don't do it!" Swordfighter shouted.

"Froggy come back!" MemeGray shouted.

@FroggyMam spoke with an angelic voice.

"Don't cry for me, Kiwis. This is the only way."

A tearful cedric demanded "Nigga u get back here!"

Skullomania opened up the unsolicited dick pick froggy sent her and held her phone close to her chest. "Froggo" she said meekly.

@FroggyMan ascended towards the fireball. His aura lit up the sky brighter than the sun as he reached the fireball. The fireball exploded in the upper atmosphere, away from harms way.

The kiwi rangers all cried like little bitches.

@PlasticOwls searched the Monestary. No survivors. The Vikings slaughtered everyone. His lover was gone. He reached into his pants and touched his lover's cock ring. He too cried like a little bitch.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Froggy's funeral lasted for 3 days. Heavy drinking and reminiscing of all the times he sent unsolicited dick pics to everyone set the mood. Everybody cried like a pussy almost the entire time. Through their mourning, they all agreed that suicide bombing was the most honorable and righteous way to die.

During those 3 days, @PlastocOwls tirelessly studied the Book of Kells. The prophecy was true, but it wasn't the end of the world, it was the end of *his* world. What did it all mean?

Owls joined the Kiwis to open the stone on Froggy's tomb to mourn one last time. Froggy's human remains were vaporized so they had made a paper mache replica and put it im the tomb.

"Hey where ya niggas put the Froggy Pinata?" cedric asked, looking in an empty tomb. Froggy's paper mache replica vanished.

A light in the sky appeared above the tomb. Froggy descended from the sky.

"I have Risen!" He said, "Do not weep my children for I will ascend to heaven to be seated at the right hand of God. Which God, I don't know yet because you faggots have too many gods."

From that day forward, anytime anyone mentioned @FroggyMan's name, they ended with PBUH.

@PlasticOwls decided to help the Kiwis. "I couldn't save the Monastry," he thought to himself, "But perhaps I could help save whoever it is these faggots are trying to save."

 

[Spl00gies]

"Peace be upon him"
⚰

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 31: Ghost Cock

The Kiwi Rangers and @PlasticOwls arrive at a small office building located next to the Shard, which is owned by Qatar. The door said "Britbong Unemployment
Agency and 24 hour Kebab Takeaway." A smaller sign read "Under new management."

The rangers approach a front desk. A clerk hands them a clipboard and a form to cedric. "Fill out the form for benefits, chocolate" she says. cedric takes the form and the Kiwi rangers try to form a plan. They decide that Skullomania should turm into a hedgehog and run past the clerks when they aren't looking and find a record room. cedric would pretend to be a dumb immigrant and keep messing up the form to distract.

cedric writes "I am? Brown Man plz Gib moneyes" across the entire from, ignoring all instructions and text boxes. He hamds it ti the clerk who looks back at cedric. "Oh you poor dark skinned immigrant you don't know aby better, here is a million England Dollars. As the clerk opems a cash register, Skullomania assumes GT hedgehog form and runs past the front desk into a room with a small "Records processing" placard on the door.

Inside this room were piles of cardboard boxes with stacks of unemployment records in them. Skullomania walks down the boxes until she reaches a box marked "Records: Smith to Smoth" The box was taped shut so Skullomania began cutting the tape with a small box cutter she carries in her wallet chain.

A hazy red light permeated everything, flashing. A PA system blared, "Warning! Warning! Illegal knife detected." Steel blast doors came down, covering the normal doors in the room. "Put the illegal weapon down you have 15 seconds to comply!" Skullomania flips the security system off.

"You fukken Britbongs will never take the colonies back!"

Two British security bots emerge. They balance on a single wheel as they race towards Skullomania. Their left robotic arm is blowing a whistle and thejr roght arms are swinging a billy club. The first robot wrestles skullomania to the ground. In the acuffle she drops the box cutter. Immediately the robot picks the box cutter up to place in an evidence bag.

"Foreign presence you are under arrest for unlicensed use of a knife."

The second robot starts beating the first robot with a billy club for unlicensed posession of a knife. The first robot sparks and catches fire. The fire spreads from box to box. Skullomania rushes to search the box for a form marked, "Smith, Samuel" before the box burns.

The second robot, now happy that the crisis is over, returns to its charging station.

She finds it just as the box in front of her combusts. She uses a pencil to erase the "unemployed" status and change it to "employed". Sprinklers put the fire out and the blast doors open now that the knife threat is over.

Skullomania leaves the records room. Back in the lobby, sje hands the form to the receptionist. The receptionist stamps the paper and places it in a stack. The Kiwis and PlasticOwls leave the office. Each one had several hundred thousand Brotish Dollars stuffed in their pants.

They used the million British dollars they stole to throw a large expensive orgy in celebration of accomplishing the mission. By the time they were finished, 4 out of every 5 citizens of London either had Syphillis or was pregnant.

PlasticOwls abstained, still grieving the loss of his lover in the viking raid. He had other business to attend to anyway. Outside of Buchingham Palace where the orgy took place, he met a shadowy figure in the dark. They said nothing to each other while they exchanged briefcases.

The mysterious figure turned a corner until he was out of PlastocOwl's sight, and used a wrist phone to relay a message.

"This is Ghost Cock, I have the briefcase, awaiting further orders."

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

I call pink ranger.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

I call pink ranger.

All the Rangers are pink on the inside

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 32: Owl Wayne Bobbit

America was a strange place for @PlasticOwls. They had free access to guns and knives, and in the New Jersey Airport alone, he saw 9 agitated mothers reprimand their children by punching them in their tiny child faces. He was assured by airport security that US law allowed parents to spank and administer other mild forms of corporal punishment.

Luckily new Jersey was just a layover and soon they would be boarding a Kiwi Jet bound for Kiwi Deep Anus. Swordfighter was looking forward to playing ping pong with @PlasticOwls in the cafeteria of Deep Anus Sigmoid. They chatted on the plane ride about their shared love of small white balls. Owls tried to stay cheerful but something weighed weighed heavily on his mind: He had made a deal with Ghost Cock.

On the way back to Deep Anus, MemeGray watched a news story about Norway getting Nuked into oblivion on the KiwiJet's holo screen. The jet lands, and everyone is held in quarantine. @Maskull recounts his quarantine experience to @PlasticOwls. "I could pass their drug screening with flying colours" he said to himself.

"Hello @PlasticOwls I am Dr. @PlasticOwls and I'm here to take your bloodwork. Where do you want it, dick or balls?"

@PlasticOwls said "balls" without hesitating and @PlasticOwls got to work draining 50 liters of blood from @PlasticOwls' balls. He placed a drop of blood on a slide and threw the other 50 liters into a bin marked "Cafeteria entrees."

Running the bloodwork through the compyter looked promising. THC and alcohol levels were a bit low for a Catholic but still quite high. Beef Wellington was nominal at 67 ppm. The computer beeped at the next readout, so @PlasticOwls reran the scan. The computer beeped again.

@PlasticOwls grapped a green phone. "Hello, Dr. bearycool, this is @PlasticOwls. I'm here with @PlasticOwls and I have an anomolous reading. Yes I can email it."

20 seconds later, bearycool comes storming into the quarantine lab. "Drop your pants @PlasticOwls" he says to @PlasticOwls as @PlasticOwls stays silent and watches.

@PlasticOwls is hesitant. "Drop them now!" bearycool demands. @PlasticOwls drops his pants. @bearycool looks at his cock and balls. As he suspected, half of @PlasticOwls dick was missing. It was fine at the shaft but faded into nothingness.

bearycool makes an accusation:

"You made a deal with Ghost Cock didn't you?"

@PlasticOwls lowers his head "Nuking Norway was the only way to save the monestaries from future attacks."

"I don't blame you for nuking Norway," bearycool said, "I would have done the same if I was in your shoes, but you awakened Ghost Cock."

@bearycool picks up the green phone to call Seargent Private Q. @Samoyed. "Seargent, we have a code red." He puts the phone down without saying anymore.

"That deal you made with Ghost Cock, it won't stop as just half of your dick."

bearycool folds his arms.

"Ghostcock is not just half ghost half cock. He is half man, half ghost, half cock. He will not stop until he is made whole, by any means necessary....

by any means necessary."

 

[bearycool]

HE WILL TAKE THE WHOLE DICK

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 33: 0xDEADBEEF

Dr. @bearycool paced through his lab. Holo screens displayed bar graphs. Lights blinked and beepers beeped. The equations almost worked. He just needed to solve for the gaussian field distortion and the jizzometric drift. He types a program into the Microsoft Visual Basic 6.0 compiler and clicks run.

The computer makes clicking noises as it crunches numbers. A monitor displays results:

"Gaussian field at 14.. 88.. 92.. BLUE SCREEN"

"Goddamnit!" bearycool shouts. He pounds his fists into his keyboard. Keys pop off and go flying around him, scattering everywhere. He gets down on his hands and knees to pick up the scattered keys.

The underside of his desk was littered with debris. He made a mental note to sweep the floor, something he hadn't done in years. As his hands felt around for the missing keys, he cuts his finger. bearycool lifts up broken testtube. He wiped the newly smeared blood off of it. "G.C. 69" was written on it in permanent marker.

A flashback almost occured. bearycool popped a bottle of amyl nitrate to suppress it. Though the flashback didn't occur, beary knew he would have to work harder to finish solving his equation. Frustration was buildiNg up.

He decided to take a smoke break.

In the break room, the Kiwi Rangers were smoking weed. Dr. @PlasticOwls was with them.

"I'm telling you," @PlasticOwls said while high, "Half his dick was gone."

"Gone, like chopped off?" Maskull asked.

"No I mean it was like just gone."

The rangers and Dr. @PlasticOwls discussed the logistics of half a dick. How would one pee? What if the middle half was missing, would the head just kind of sit atop a phantom penis?

A high cedric added his two cents, "Nigga if you chopped someone's dick off in the hood, they'd just bleed they HIV on erryone."

HIV. That's it! bearycool knew what he had to do. "You genius!" bearycool exclaimed. He kissed cedric on the forehead and ran back to his lab.

Swordfighter shrugged. "When did that faggot come in?"

Back in the lab, @bearycool reassembled his keyboard. HIV. I was Roman for 1, V was roman for 5. 15. He searched his visual basic code for 15. He found a line marked "0x15" Except in Visual Basic, to denote a hex value, the syntax, "&H" is used instead of 0x like in other languages. HIV... H15.... &h15. He made the code change and ran his program.

"Computing jizzometric drift. 10% 69% 100% Reticulating Splines 10% 20% 100% Undistorting Gaussian Field 10% 50% 99% 99% 99% 100%"

A glowing portal materialized in the middle of his lab. He ran back into the break room where the Kiwis were still smoking weed. He inhaled some weed smoke. His IQ temporarily went from 700 to 640 but he could still talk.

"Allright you faggots." He said, "Get to my lab. We're going back in time."

"Where and when are going back in time to?" Skullomania asks.

"5 days ago, to England." @bearycool answered.

His answer was met with a lot of swearing. "We just got back from that shithole" @skullomania said as she threw an empty Funyun bag at him.

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 34: Back to the Past

Lindisfarne Monestary: 5 days ago

It was a cold, rainy day at the Monestary. A few monks attempted to resume their outdoor chores, believing that suffering in this life leads them to paradise in the next. Most of the monks, however, took refuge in doors.

Behind a nondescript toolshed on the Monestary grounds, a portal opened. bearycool and the Kiwi Rangers jumped out. Skullomania was not too happy to be back. She missed her homeland, and hummed the Neo National Anthem quietly to herself.

The Kiwi Rangers kept quiet, sneaking around the perimeter of the monestary, until bearycool signaled a hand gesture meaning to stop. They were conveniently in a stable full pf goats. "We can talk for now, we wait for the rain to settle and make our move."

Swordfighter was confused. "Hey beary you still haven't told us why we came back."

"Yeah," cedric added, "and why isn't @PlasticOwls with us? Isn't that nigga training to replace froggy?"

bearycool thought how to best explain things before answering. "@PlasticOwls didn't come, because,"

He paused for a moment.

"We are in the past to kill him."

The Kiwis got angry with bearycool. " No way!" Memegray said, "@PlasticOwls is one of us."

"Ohana," said Swordfighter, "Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind.

bearycool knew this would be contentious. "Listen the reasons are difficult. @PlasticOwls made a deal-"

"Made a deal with Ghost Cock?" a mysterioys voice interrupted. beary and the Kiwis turned around. Someone in the Green Kiwi Ranger suit was standing there.

"Froggy!" Skullomanoa shouted.

"Not quite," The green Ranger said. He took off his helmet, revealing bearycool's face, albeit older. "I can't let that happen. I've come back in time from the future to stop me." Future bearycool branded a set of brass knuckles. Present day bearycool also branded a set of brass knuckles.

"Can we reason first,?" present day bearycool pleaded.

Future @bearycool arrogantly taunted himself "Oh Id like that, wouldn't I? Do I really think I deserve an explanation after hiding secrets from everybody else."

Present day beary assumed a fighting stance. "Deep Anus isn't ready for the truth!"

"Oh I think it is." Future bearycool turned to the Kiwo Rangers. "The truth is, ghost c-"

Pow!

Present day bearycool punched future bearycool in the jaw. Future bearycool does a sick leg sweep and trips present bearycool. Present bearycool does that cool shoulder jump thing and gets back on his feet. He punches. Future bearycool blocks and returns a punch. Presemt day bearycool blocks.

They both jump back and stare each other down. Future bearycool grows to twice his size and turns into a grizzly bear. Present day bearycool also transforms into a giant grizzly. They pounce on each other. They wrestle and bust through the stable wall and chase each other off into the horizon.

MemeGray threw her arms up in frustration "Great with bearycool gone, how are we going to get back to the present?"

"I guess we will have to find him." Swordfighter said.

Skullomania had an idea. "Wait, while we are here, what if we saved Froggy?"

The Kiwi Rangers discussed various ways they could save Froggy. Directly intercept the Irishman that bit him? No, London is too far away. Cure him at the abbey? Maybe, they if they could stop the ciking raid.

A skeleton wearing a cowboy had and jacked liesurely strolled into the stable through the hole the two bearycools made while fighting. The skeleton's incredibly long penis hing below the bottom of his cowboy jacket.

"Ooh, think you can change the past?" The skeleton said. "That's... cute..."

The Rangers all assumed fighting stances. Skeletons are bad news. "There's no need for that." he said. Swordfighter threw a punch anyway. His fist went through the skeleton. "Can't hit a ghost" the skeleton said. It wrapped its long prehensile penis around Swordfighter, constricting him. "I'm not here to fight." The skeleton said, and let swordfoghter go.

"You're him." Skullomania said. "You're Ghost Cock aren't you?"

The skeleton lifted his hat and bowed. "The one and only."

"You can't stop us." cedric said while making a faggy pose.

"Oh whi said something about stopping you? Ghost rules prevent interfering with the affairs of solids, unless, ehem, some equitable trade is made. I'm afraid none of you have anything I want."

Ghost Cock walked towards the hole in the stable to leave. "And now that I've made your acquaintence, Im afraid I have to leave. Parting is such sweet sorrow."

He farts as me makes his exit. A film canister ejects from his butthole. "Oops" he says. "Ciao!"

Memegray picks up the canister. Present day bearycool walks back into the stable. "I don't know where thay faggot ran off to.... Did anything happen while I was gone?"

MemeGray hid the film canister behind her back. "Nope, nothing." She said, nodding her head yes again when she meant to say no.

 

[User name: Required]

Y tho

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Y tho

Because:

Chapter 35: 51% finished 300% bearycool

The Kiwis were beginning to distrust bearycool. They didn't understand his sudden shift in behavior. They didn't kbow why Ghost Cock paid them a mysterious visit.

"Well it looks like the rain is cleared and future me is dead so let's go kill @PlasticOwls." He said and made his way for the hole in the stable. Skullomanis grabs his wrist. "Stop," she says, "This isn't you, you're acting crazy beary."

"The only crazy thing is not killing @PlasticOwls." beary said. He began his transformation into a grizzly bear. "And it must be done!" He swiped at Skullomania. She dodged. Swordfighter summons a whip.

"KIWI WHIP WRAP! BEAR BONDAGE!"

He cracks the whip and then swings it at grizzlybearycool. The whip wraps around the grizzly. bearycool growls and struggles. Eventually he gives up and growls. "Ok! Ok! I'll explain!" Swordfighter uncoils the whip. Bearycool transforms back into a person.

"I'm trying to protect humanity. I've spent most of my life hunting Ghost Cock. He exists for one purpose: To steal men's penises and attach them to women." bearycool dropped his pants, revealing a floating penis head attached to an invisible shaft. "He stole half of mine. Cherokee ninjas attacked the Lab years ago, and he said he could nuke the Cherokee nation... for a price. I spent years and years only being able to suck dicks, over 30 in my lifetime, never being able to get sucked. The faggots I would be with were afraid of the ghost part."

cedric felt empathetic. "We didn't know, nigga, we didn't know."

bearycool stress sighed. "I thought we had contained him, years ago. Everytime he gets a new piece of someone's cock, his dick grows longer. If it grows long enough, he could use it as a space elevator to the moon and make a deal to free Corbin Dallas Multipass. @PlasticOwls cock was the last piece needed."

The Kiwis all gasp in horror, having known forsthand what kind of massive fuckwad Corbin is. This changed things

Memegray offered some sympathy. "I understand but I can't let you kill @PlasticOwls. In the 35 hours we've known him, he's become like a lifelong brother to us."

Swordfighter removed his Mario cap and put on his thinking cap, which looks exactly like his mario cap. "Hmm," he said, "He made a deal nuke Norway. What if, instead, we nuked Norway?"

Maskull his fingers. "Yeah! And them, since the agreememt wasn't fulfilled because someone else killed all of the Norwegians, @PlasticOwls would get his cock back."

cedric rolled his eyes in circles to make an award winning zinger. "Ghost Cock? More like won't have the most Cock amirite?"

Everyone laughed but their laughing was cut short by another portal opening up in the stable. A future @bearycool came out of it.

"Kiwis!" he shouted, "You mustn't kill @PlasticOwls! There is another way!" He caught his breath. The Kiwis all assumed faggy poses. bearycool turned into a grozzly bear.

The other future bearycool backed up. "No no I'm not here to fight!" bearycool turned back into a human and the Rangers breathed a sigh of relief.

"That other bearycool was not me," other future bearycool explained, "It was a new forum user named bearycooler, a Corbin sock."

Everyone opened their mouths in shock.

"Yes," other future bearycool said, "In the future, he escapes the moon, and killing @PlasticOwls is the key."

Another portal opens. A present day bearycool jumps out with The the present day @PlasticOwls and the present day Kiwi Rangers.

"All right!" Shouts Owls, "Let's go kill Corbin's sock, PlasterOwls." He turns around and looks at the two other @bearycools and the other set of Kiwi Rangers. Everyone in the stable goes quiet


@bearycool number 3 pushes his lab glasses higher up onto his nose and says "I knew we took a wrong turn at Alberquerque."

 

[Spl00gies]

heh... beary had a Ray-Man penissss

 

[bearycool]

And that’s how I became a bottom

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

And that’s how I became a bottom

Nothing's ever really gone

No One's Ever Really Gone

Please recycle.

youtu.be

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 36: Bearback to the Past

"Ok we got a problem" Swordfighter #1 said. "When we go back to our respective times, we need to make sure we are with the right group." He used his Kiwi Ranger Powers - which allow him to conjure anything moderately sized, excluding swords but including small knives, in case you faggots havent figured that out yet - to summon a stack of sticky nametags. Each nametag had "Hi I'm ____________________ and I'm a special boy/girl" He then conjured sharpie markers for the Kiwi Rangers to use. They wrote either their name followed by a "#1" or "#2" depemding on which group they were with. The bearycools went up to a #3

While the Kiwi Rangers all attached nametags to themselves, the 3 bearycools decided to try to suck each other's dicks, but were ultimately turned off by their Rayman like penises. Sympathy for theor 30+ sexual partners kicked in a little. They settled for just fingering each others buttholes for a few minutes.

MemeGray #1 interrupted the bearytrain for a momemt. "Hey, we all have different missions but all of our timelines face the same threat: Ghost Cock frees Corbin from the moon."

MemeGray #2 chimes in. "In our time, Corbin is sending socks back in time to sabotage our attempts to stop Ghost Ghost Cock from making a deal with @PlasticOwls and take half his dick. Everytime we stop his sock, he just sends another."

future bearycool offered his wisdom. "In the late future, only Corbin and I exist on the forums."

bearycool #2's jaw dropped. "Then all of our effort was a waste."

"No," said future bearycool. "I've had decades to figure this out. Corbin always sends his socks back to this point in time. Everytime he does, a splinter universe is created. Using jizzometric chronodata, I was able to figure it out: Changing this point in history has the potential to collapse all of the timelines and reveal the true and honest timeline."

cedric #2 stopped shooting dice with cedric #1 for a momemt. "But nigga its hopeless, you said so."

"I've identified another point in history that has a 50/50 chance of correcting the timeline as well: the time before the failed dimensional merge."

"The failed dimensional merge!" Maskull #1 said, "The moment in history when Christine Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the electric hedgehog pokemon, and her boyfriend-free girlfriend, disappeared from existence. Every space jew learned about it in Jew school."

bearycool #2 twisted his left nipple to attenuate his cybernetic brain implant. "But Ghost Cock exists across all time and space. Collapsing the timeline won't stop him from existing in the future."

"I did more math bullshit in the last 30 years," Future bearycool said, "it turns out that he can exist in all time and space, but not all at once. Collapsing the timelines will isolate them, trapping Ghost Cock here with me."

@skullomania #2 became disheartened. "But future beary, you will be trapped here."

"Small price to pay." bearycool #3 said.

@bearycool #1 and #2 suddenly became very silent. bearycool #3 gave them a nod as if to say "I know what I did."

Kiwi Rangers #1, Kiwi Rangers #2, alternate timeline @PlasticOwls, and all 3 bearycools discussed their plan: Ranger group #2 had to continue distracting Corbin and ghost cock by defeating Corbin's socks over and over. Kiwi group #1 was going to travel farther back to before the dimensional merge, and bearycool #3 would use science gadgets and other shit to trap ghost cock forever in a single timeline.

All 3 bearycools began tickling their prostates a humming a chrono-resonant tune. A rime portal opened up. The Kiwis checked their nametags to make sure the right kiwis went into the portal.

"Hey wait, nigga," cedric #2 said to cedric #1, "you owe me three hundred dollars from playing dice."

"What can't hear you," cedric #1 said, "trapped in a time portal." cedric #1 and Ranger group #1 all entered the portal, which closed behind them.

cedric #2 became irate. "If I ever see me again, I'm gonna kill myself!"

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 37: Did Knee LAN

@PlasticOwls was still stuck in Kiwi Kwarantine. Left out of the loop on what the Rangers were doing or why they suddenly left on a mission, he thinks about the events that broughtbhim here. He feels guilt. Guilt for the monestary, guilt for summoning Ghost Cock. Could he have done things different? Sure, Nuking Norway and making half his penis invisible would stop future Viking raids, but at what cost to himself?

He wanted to get out and help the Kiwis. Deep Anus kept him under constant supervision. He was allowed to freely visit the various rooms of the quarantine zone, though travel beyond that is restricted. He sits in a chair and prepares to masturbate to pass the time. Though the top half of his cock was missing the bottom half worked just fine.

Just as he was about to start fapping, the door to his quarantine room opens. In walks a visitor, Crystal Weston Chandler, daughter of Christine Weston Chandler and her boyfriemd free girlfriend. Crystal too was undergoing a brief decontamination period after a visit to bronycon 2XX9. The two had chatted and bonded during this period.

"How are you feeling," Crystal asked, biting her lip.

"Just thinking," @PlasticOwls said, "about Lindisfarne, about past lovers now gone. I don't think I could ever love again"

Crystal sat next to him on his bunk and put her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "@PlasticOwls, it's been 5 days, that's practically a lifetime ago. I think you can forgive yourself and move on."

"Maybe you're right," @PlastocOwls said. Then he has sex with Crystal Weston Chandler. Long, passionate, sex. With a Chandler. When they finish they both have a smoke and watch reruns of "Sonichu The Animated Series ( the SatAm one. )"

----------------------------------------------

Inside the time stream, the Kiwi Rangers saw a million moments flash before them. World War 2, World War 4, The Holocost, the Holopayment, the Bubonic Plague. As the plague moment passed, they heard children singing.

"This land land is your land, this land is my land."

The singing got louder.

"Don't be a faggit, get off my island." The song continued.

They found themselves in a raft in a dark ride. The ride finished its course and the raft came to an exit When they got off, they realized they were in an amusement park. "Holy shit!" said cedric, "nigga is this what I think it is?"

"It looks like it," bearycool said, "CwcWikiLand, the famous theme park that was lost to the dimensional merge."

Employees in Sonichu and Rosechu costumes pass by. Skullomania squeals and goes to get her picture taken with them. Maskull gets distracted when he sees the Hslaweel-Wheel and runs kff to ride it. Swordfighter and MemeGray Ride the "Chaotic Coaster." bearycool decides to relax too and plays skee-ball. His skee ball skills allow him to win 500,000 dollars of Clyde-Cash-Cash, the park's in-game currency.

The center of the park has a large Sonic the Hedgehog totem. Inside is a dark ride, "The Totem Of Progress." Once all of the kiwis finish their current attraction, they all agree to ride it. The line was short and they all were seated into a ride car quickly. A young, pimple faced Joshua Connor Moon checks their seat belts before saying, in a pubescent, cracked voice, "enjoy your ride."

The car moves along a track, through a set of doors, and into a dark room. Lights and fog fill the void. A voice narrates.

"In the beginning, there was Sonichu."

The car passes an animatromic Chris Chan drawing Sonichu Volume 1.

"A brilliant man with a simple dream."

The car goes through animatronic Japanese people writing software.

"In XXXX, Nintendo and Chris begin a joint venture to make Sonichu and Sonichu Advance. The game sells 9 million copies in the first 3 days."

The car moves into a Sega office. "Using his fame and fortune, Chris Buys both Sega and Nintendo, and makes the most important decision in the history of the franchise."

An animatronic Chris Chan points his finger at business people suits and says "From now on, Sonic's arms are never going to be blue. I want Sonic's blue arms OFF THE INTERNET!"

The car moves through a display of various Sonichu products.

"Sonichu quickly grows into a media empire, with toys, tv shows, 12 blockbuster films, collectible card games, and even this amusement park!"

The car moves past a room with an animatronic wedding ceremony. The music in the ride changes to "So need a Cute Girl"

"With the success of the franchise, Christian becomes Christine and marries her boyfriend free girlfriend."

The car stops in a room. The real Christine weston Chandler is busy working with engi engineers and machinists, who are turning Crayola Model Magic sculptures into animatronic characters. Christine turns around.

"Hi guys I'm the real Christine Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu. I'm glad you cane to my park. I have something special for my fans. Introducing the newest animatronic character to tbe park, Pingu the Frog!"

A platform raises from the floor. @FroggyMan appears, with various wires and tubes attached. The animatronic puppet blinks and speaks.

"Hi! I am Pingu the Frog. My CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer."

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Chapter 38: The Dimensional Merge Chapter 1

"So that's where Froggy came from!" Skullomania says putting her thinking face on.

Chris Chan continues. "And tonight, everybody at CWCWikiLand will experience the one and only dimensional merge. 9:00 Eastern Standard Time!" Chris Chan then turned back to his work. The car moves through another dark room. The ride harnesses locked, preventing anyone from escaping. A animatronic show that played the entirety of the triple platinum Chris Chan and the Hedgehog Boys album.

After the last song, an intermission featuring clips from the "Christian Weston Chandler: Yup I'm on TV" DVD, with announcements that both the DVD and Chris Chan's album were available for purchase from all CWCWikiLand gift shops.

Two more encore performances of the entire album were performed. The Rangers and bearycool applauded the entire time. Demanding a third encore, the show rewound the data tapes that controlled the puppets and started playing. Halfway through "Trollster's paradise, the audio cut out. Ride harnesses released and emergency marked a path to the exit.

The Kiwis climbed of the ride. Skullomania in particular was sad that a third encore was not possible. Near the emergency cooridor, a young girl was crying. MemeGray, being a pre-op transexual, knowing exactly what it was like to be a woman and a mother, comforted the kid. "Are you lost?" MemeGray asked.

The little girl sniffled. "No, my mom and her boyfriend free grilfriend told me to wait here."

"So this is little Crystal" cedric thought to himself.

The Kiwis sensed that trouble was afoot. MemeGray stayed behind to comfort the child. bearycool and the rest of the Kiwis went through the emergemcy exit.

Outside it was quiet. The park was empty. A single park guest ran across the fairway. As he ran, the ground opened up behind him. A troll arm reached out and grabbed his leg. He was pulled in. Near the park entrance, a lone guido looking motherfucker stood. Chris Chan approached him with an army of various sonichu animatronics.

"Clyde Cash!" Chris Chan shouted, "You filthy stinking terrible no good dirty rotten troll! You will not get away with this!"

Chris chan powered up. The Sonichu medallion around his neck emitted rays of light.

"Curse-ye-ha-me-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

A powerful curse-ye-ha-me-ha shot towards Clyde Cash. He stepped to the side. The energy beam destroyed the ticket gate.

"Sonichu! Go! Zap to the extreme!"

An animatronic Sonichu responded. "Yes mother I will! ZAP CANNONBALL!"

The zap cannonball hit Clyde Cash directly. He absorbed the energy. He brushed dirt off of his shoulder.

"You've been getting stronger, Christine Weston Chandler. Maybe you could handle one troll like me, but could you handle a troll army?"

Hundreds of sinkholes formed in the ground. Trolls climbed out of each one. The animatronic Chaotic Combo formed a line. Chris Chan stood at the center like a brave commander and military strategist. "Chaotic Combo, Attack!" ordered Chris Chan, without any actual strategy considered.

The chaotic Combo charged forward, fighting the trolls.

cedric got worried. "Nigga they're outnumbered!"

"Well then," said a confident Swordfighter while making a faggy pose, "I guess we should even the odds!"

Maskull made a faggy pose as well amd bearycool made a gay but not faggy pose. In unison they shouted.

"IT'S BUTTPLUG TIME!"

 

[Spl00gies]

Nipples... about that stoned chapter...