The officialsonichu.com website

[King Kiwi]

I was thinking about that, it wouldn't surprise me if she legally changed her name right before that lol. She would marry Chris so that's already the crazier most deranged thing anyone could ever do. Not that I see a wedding ever happening.

Alice Weston Chandelier.

 

[A Flying Nun]

I would absolutely be tempted to buy one of those shitty Sonic Totems, if it weren't for the fact I have some self-respect for myself and knowing Chris, anything bought on that site will arrive broken and covered in jizz.

 

[The Lawgiver]

I would absolutely be tempted to buy one of those shitty Sonic Totems, if it weren't for the fact I have some self-respect for myself and knowing Chris, anything bought on that site will arrive broken and covered in jizz.

The totems aren't made by chris, they're 3d printed by praetor.

 

[AngelicPanzer]

Okay, but can we call this the Pirate Saga? Commercialized Saga just doesn't have the same ring.

The Messiah Saga

 

[Thumb Butler]

In one of the items it was explained that they used some of the money from the insurance pay out to buy more legos to replaced the melted ones.

No one's money is safe when this mother fucker has it.

Edit:
Here's the explication:

https://officialsonichu.com/products/melted-school

It makes no sense. But this is Chris.

$200!!!

 

[King Kiwi]

The Messiah Saga

I like it but it's a little late for that.

The Sellout Saga wouldn't be bad.

 

[Chrus Chundlur]

If he's getting married to actual human, the virgin a-log crying will be music to my ears. Oldfags remember how a-logs got butthurt when Chris lost his virginity, because they were still virgin, meaning the manchild beat them to it. Some even tried to frame it as Chris being a terrible person because he supports human trafficking, or something. Like lol, shut the fuck up and get a prostitute yourself if you're so mad.

I remember the term "cultural virgin" being thrown around a lot.

Calling praetor edgy is like calling a pair of safety scissors edgy.

Everything else is true, they're simultaneously feeding into Chris's delusions but as always dumbass is too pig headed to see when they're fucking with him. As another poster pointed out they intentionally designed the website to evoke the heavens gate cult, they allow inane brain dead fanart submissions (but no NSFW art for obvious reasons) and they prop Chris up on streams for pity pennies. It's honestly a miracle they're not malicious enough to force Chris to say or do things the trolls of old did.

They're not gonna make Chris shove his medallion up his ass, drop the N bomb with a hard R on a stream, or hump his ps5 the way bluespike and Clyde cash did.

They have been elbow deep inside Chris' puppet ass for years, and they still have to do anything even remotely funny with it. Whatever funny/relevant shit Chris has done since then has been just him being his usual retarded self without external help.

 

[The Anarki Main]

Who the fuck pays 85 dollars for a store-bought CD-R with a bunch of pirated music on it

 

[Pickle Inspector]

How do you know Caden is still fully in control? We know next to nothing about what's happening in the background. For all we know, someone much more powerful and intimidating came along and kicked Caden to the sidelines or at least has more control than him.

He probably is still heavily involved but we just don't know enough to conclude how much control he has over Chris. Again for all we know Flutter is the mastermind and ringleader.

I’m guessing Caden is still the one in control too since he’s the one bankrolling it, without Caden the whole thing falls apart.

Unless Caden is a huge simp and getting controlled by someone else behind the scenes or something.

I think the bit about him being married is wishful thinking. It's written like he's awaiting for the prophecy to happen. Do remember that Flutter is very secretive, so getting married to Chris would likely make her information available on public legal papers you can get your hands on online, which would detract from all the Bigfootin' she's been doing all this time.

I really doubt anyone would be this depraved or dedicated a ween but I guess the end goal of Flutter could be to have Chris get legally married so he loses his tugboat and is then more dependent on Caden.

 

[King Kiwi]

Who the fuck pays 85 dollars for a store-bought CD-R with a bunch of pirated music on it

Excuse me, but Jesus Christ signed it.

 

[ForgedBlades]

He's never going to update that blog, by the way. Anything interesting that could come from this website will be squashed by Chris's patented laziness and stress.

 

[SwanSwanson]

I would absolutely be tempted to buy one of those shitty Sonic Totems, if it weren't for the fact I have some self-respect for myself and knowing Chris, anything bought on that site will arrive broken and covered in jizz.

My least lolcow trait is that I have no serious desire to interact with Chris Chan.



Wha.. what's the difference between these two medallions? Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu prime and Chris Westen Chandler are both the same person. Unless time travel fuckery is involved I don't see whats the point of the price difference.

 

[Zeus Blue Thunder]

View attachment 6444224

Wha.. what's the difference between these two medallions? Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu prime and Chris Westen Chandler are both the same person. Unless time travel fuckery is involved I don't see whats the point of the price difference.

It becomes way more apparent via Etsy store.
See, Chris's Mark IV recieved several upgrades over its livespan, including a few attachments, including a fake gem Chris calls "Megastone" (From the item that causes mega evolutions to occur in Pokemon, this one being called "Sonichite"), as well as a few others. This transferred over to some of the production medallions Praetor makes.
Basically, the second one has a fake gem on the other side.

 

[analrapist]

It becomes way more apparent via Etsy store.
See, Chris's Mark IV recieved several upgrades over its livespan, including a few attachments, including a fake gem Chris calls "Megastone" (From the item that causes mega evolutions to occur in Pokemon, this one being called "Sonichite"), as well as a few others. This transferred over to some of the production medallions Praetor makes.
Basically, the second one has a fake gem on the other side.

Also, according to the webpage, the more expensive one comes with a "certificate of authenticity".

 

[The Lawgiver]

View attachment 6444224

Wha.. what's the difference between these two medallions? Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu prime and Chris Westen Chandler are both the same person. Unless time travel fuckery is involved I don't see whats the point of the price difference.

Both are using the soulless praetor press mold and due to this look nothing like the proper sonichu medallions. The "curse" seems to mainly if not solely apply to these abominations so if you want a medallion I would reccomend you either make your own or buy it off someone that makes accurate remakes. As a plus you won't be giving caden using chris as a proxy $80-$100!

 

[Zeus Blue Thunder]

Both are using the soulless praetor press mold and due to this look nothing like the proper sonichu medallions. The "curse" seems to mainly if not solely apply to these abominations so if you want a medallion I would reccomend you either make your own or buy it off someone that makes accurate remakes. As a plus you won't be giving caden using chris as a proxy $80-$100!

There is no curse. However, if you do wanna donate 3 times whatever this is worth to a 22 year old shroom seller keeping Chris as his slave and recieve a medallion that's wet, not cured properly and contains enough DNA material to make a Chris Chan clone army, you are definitely mentally unwell and had it coming.

 

[The Lawgiver]

There is no curse

I think the act of people being willing to spend ludicrous amounts on a sub par shadow of what once was, something that the earlier actually accurate ones were much cheaper than mind you, is enough to consider it worthy of being cursed. Maybe not in the way people joke about, but in a cosmic way.

 

[BerserkKing99]

View attachment 6444224

Wha.. what's the difference between these two medallions? Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu prime and Chris Westen Chandler are both the same person. Unless time travel fuckery is involved I don't see whats the point of the price difference.

lol the 100 dollar one looks shittier than the 80 dollar medallion

 

[Zeus Blue Thunder]

I think the act of people being willing to spend ludicrous amounts on a sub par shadow of what once was, something that the earlier actually accurate ones were much cheaper than mind you, is enough to consider it worthy of being cursed. Maybe not in the way people joke about, but in a cosmic way.

Again, this is all calculated.
Caden Peck knows that none of these people care of what Chris has become, they simply care for what he was.
This is why Caden isolates him from any harm using Flutter and direct coersion. He simply does not want another 8/1.
If anything or anyone is cursed, it's him.
The CD burning thing can take him down, but I have attempted to do so for a while now. Hell, my expose of Caden happened almost 11 months ago and, despite my best attempts to find a way to take him down a peg, he is still out there, coercing Chris to do his bidding.
Hell, I made a post on the Random Chris Updates giving proof on Caden being a host of the website/coacher and manipulator/reader of Kiwi Farms.
I wished for his downfall for a while, hell, his influence was seen all the way in 2020 and it was not a positive one.
While I and the many others have released a ton of Caden stuff, including that one fellow that released his SSN and which got attributed to me by basically anyone, we barely even know what the internal structure of Praetor is like. There's no group like Watchmen or Guard Dogs to assist in that. He is still out there, making a living out of a lolcow that has been drained for a long time and what he believes to be milk is just piss.

 

[ᚠᚢᚦᚩᚱᚳ]

For immediate release: business magnate Ian Brandon Anderson partners with private equity firm Praetor LLC to market the infamous Chris Chan™ persona to a new generation and build the groundbreaking Sonichu® intellectual property into a global multimedia franchise.