The Worst movie ever made

From The Uncanny Valley said:
...while the movie was running?
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Well, more like she was doing commentary for the event on TV and just had a microphone but strayed from the parade to get in some van and just said these things while being plowed. Nobody else on staff knew this was happening as they went about their TV business. I guess I'm thinking of that scene from Porky's but with less screaming and more control.

EDIT: Basically, people knowing their job sucks and are just screwing around as the cheapness happens. Lord knows I saw a lot of that before.
 
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Gutpuke said:
You niggas haven't seen shit until you've seen Fun In Balloon Land. It can't even be qualified as a movie.
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If you ignore the "storybook" scenes and concentrate on the parade, it's an interesting time capsule of midcentury America. I can't look at that guy playing Neptune in the opening and not think of that one Perry Bible Fellowship cartoon...

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I've watched garbage in my life. I've intentionally seeked out garbage. I believe that every film could have some merit

I used to believe that there's no such thing as the worst movie ever.

There's just a void of awful. Picking just ONE to represent how awful a movie could be is impossible.

Do you rate the sound? the Picture? the story? the production values? The entire package as a whole? Plan 9 from Outerspace had poor production values but is still considered a cinema classic.

Anyway. Everything I'm listing has the potential to be the worst film ever.

Mulva :Zombie Asskicker is one of those films. Zero redeeming qualities. Pitiful not even high -schoolers with cameras could put on a show this shitty. And it's a double feature with FilthyMcNasty, a movie featuring a guy in ape mask beating off with shit in his hands. Or is he an ape. I don't fucking remember anymore. I try not to remember, but I can't forget how awful it was. Retarded chocolate chugging girl named after a seinfield joke nobody gives a fuck about gets involved with zombies and a dude dressed as Vegeta. They defeat the zombies. The day is saved. If you ever needed proof that Troma was involved in money laundering, look no further than their Seaver films. They also learned that slapping Lillith Stabs on the cover works for luring in horny chumps.

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Next up would be....

Anything in the Underground Gore community. As a gurofag, I roll my eyes at these films because they don't offer anything. It's just gore for the sake of gore. Disgust for the sake of disgust. Sex for the sake of sex.

Do not let the autistic piss sniffers deceive you. Every movie I list is on the gore-cred list. They watch these movies and brag about it like it's a badge of honor. Except the badge is a Sonichu medallion made of shit.

You can't have a meaningful conversation about these films. there's no deeper meanings. There's nothing. I used to believe that a film that "is what it is" was rare, after getting involved in the community. Yeah. No. These are shit films by shit people - but if you ask the communities, these are works of art.

I won't post pictures. If you're feeling brave, search for them yourself. There's no beauty in any of these films. There's no grace. There's no meaning. It makes my blood boil that good film was wasted to film this shit.

Flesh Meat Dolls: Literally a faggot beating off with a fake severed head and fucking it for 30 minutes. That's all.

Brown Bunny: You'll see this movie pop up on "MOST DISGUSTING" film lists from time to time, but the reality of it is very simple. A homely woman and her hideous lover have a lame rape-BDSM role play out in the desert and frame it as a horror movie. It's surreal when normal media try to write a flowery thesis on it.

Anything by Lucifer Valentine. How this fag doesn't have a thread on KF is beyond me, but it's old news. The guy clicked every single box for being a weird, grooming pedophile rapist. Most people simply project. This guy was a projection booth. IF you want to read more https://archive.ph/jJk0b. I have to admit. I was a pretenious faggot in college and thought he was cool until the actual truth came out about him fucking his sister.
Anyway.
Watch at your own risk, the wizard one plays like a hypno sissy fetish film.

August Underground: Wanna watch retards shoot a mocukumentary about being serial killers but forgetting to include anything of value beyond shitty plastic props? I can keep a straight face through the entire franchise, but others will turn it off simply because it's just too gross despite being cheap as fuck.
 
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Quijibo69 said:
Whatever the hell this shit is?:
If I see this trailer again before a movie, I will scream!
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Marcel was some viral bullshit from several years ago, that I'd completely blanked on until I saw this in this thread. Of course A24 picked up it's creator, who probably hadn't seen any success since, for an overly long expansion on a series of short videos.
 
Pokemonquistador2 said:
It's no contest. The worst movie ever made and released in a theater is hands down After Last Season.

Plot? Nearly nonexistent. Something vaguely evil happens, someone gets stabbed, people read each others minds with microchips then a ghost moves things around.

Set design? Everything was filmed in a poorly lit warehouse filled with junk and in the bedroom of the director's house. The MRI "machine" featured in the movie is just butcher paper and foamcore board. The official building signs look hand-printed and attached to the wall with masking tape.

Special Effects? Bad greenscreen is used to show a person walking down a hallway (probably because that person couldn't make it to the shoot so they just filmed their part in front of said greenscreen and sent it in to the director. ) Objects moving by "telekenesis" are just pulled by fishing line. There's a long, extended CGI sequence which looks like it was animated by someone with a half-hour of Blender experience.

Writing? The dialogue in the film consists of people making meandering observations about irrelevant subjects and it only occasionally has anything to do with the overall plot. For some reason, the movie puts a lot of emphasis on a character insisting that she's been THROUGH a town, but has never actually been TO it.

Cinematography? As meadering as the writing. The camera will often focus on random objects as the characters are talking, or will have a walking point of view shot outside of a building for no reason at all. You could tie a GoPro to a box turtle and come up with a more well shot movie than this.

Acting? Not even Community Theater tier. It's basically the director asking some of his friends and coworkers over to stand around and mumble some lines in the most stilted, disinterested way possible. They act like a bunch of people whose payment consisted of a case of spring water, tictacs, and dinner at the local Applebee's. (And they were overpaid.)

Music? Consists mostly of noodling on a portable Yamaha keyboard. A groggy-from-the-vet cat on a piano would create a more coherent and compelling score than this.

ANYONE with a decent video camera could come up with a better movie than this. If you gave ME six hours to come up with the script, clothing and props, and to decorate a set in my brother's garage, I could come up with a better movie than this. A movie about paint drying on a ladder would be a more entertaining and watchable movie than this. Those student films where someone points a camera at a boring couple in a dimly lit kitchen who go through their daily routine while barely speaking for 8 hours are better films than this.

This is barely a movie. It barely moves what little plot it has forward, and it almost qualifies as an avant garde experience. The most annoying thing about it was that you felt that IT felt that it was doing SOMETHING. There were people talking. There were things happening. There was a part of the film where the movie was really insisting that something exciting was happening, but nothing really happened. Watching this movie is like having a dream where your mind is slightly out of sync with what you're experiencing. Where you feel compelled to speak or do something, but you can't quite get yourself to do it. All of the elements are there, but it's as if your mind is filled with mush. You can't interact with the world within your dream, except abstractly. That's what this movie feels like. I would warn anyone with schizotypal disorder or who has a problem processing reality to steer clear of this film. it will fuck you up severely.
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I've seen After Last Season and a good chunk of the stuff in the trailer isn't in the movie
 
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leif jonkers darkness

Has to be the worst movie i've ever seen. I used to rent it for the sole purpose of pissing people off at halloween parties and getting me stuck in an RV during winter ski trips for a week at a time
 
Starved Artist said:
I've watched garbage in my life. I've intentionally seeked out garbage. I believe that every film could have some merit

I used to believe that there's no such thing as the worst movie ever.

There's just a void of awful. Picking just ONE to represent how awful a movie could be is impossible.

Do you rate the sound? the Picture? the story? the production values? The entire package as a whole? Plan 9 from Outerspace had poor production values but is still considered a cinema classic.

Anyway. Everything I'm listing has the potential to be the worst film ever.

Mulva :Zombie Asskicker is one of those films. Zero redeeming qualities. Pitiful not even high -schoolers with cameras could put on a show this shitty. And it's a double feature with FilthyMcNasty, a movie featuring a guy in ape mask beating off with shit in his hands. Or is he an ape. I don't fucking remember anymore. I try not to remember, but I can't forget how awful it was. Retarded chocolate chugging girl named after a seinfield joke nobody gives a fuck about gets involved with zombies and a dude dressed as Vegeta. They defeat the zombies. The day is saved. If you ever needed proof that Troma was involved in money laundering, look no further than their Seaver films. They also learned that slapping Lillith Stabs on the cover works for luring in horny chumps.

View attachment 3739247



Next up would be....

Anything in the Underground Gore community. As a gurofag, I roll my eyes at these films because they don't offer anything. It's just gore for the sake of gore. Disgust for the sake of disgust. Sex for the sake of sex.

Do not let the autistic piss sniffers deceive you. Every movie I list is on the gore-cred list. They watch these movies and brag about it like it's a badge of honor. Except the badge is a Sonichu medallion made of shit.

You can't have a meaningful conversation about these films. there's no deeper meanings. There's nothing. I used to believe that a film that "is what it is" was rare, after getting involved in the community. Yeah. No. These are shit films by shit people - but if you ask the communities, these are works of art.

I won't post pictures. If you're feeling brave, search for them yourself. There's no beauty in any of these films. There's no grace. There's no meaning. It makes my blood boil that good film was wasted to film this shit.

Flesh Meat Dolls: Literally a faggot beating off with a fake severed head and fucking it for 30 minutes. That's all.

Brown Bunny: You'll see this movie pop up on "MOST DISGUSTING" film lists from time to time, but the reality of it is very simple. A homely woman and her hideous lover have a lame rape-BDSM role play out in the desert and frame it as a horror movie. It's surreal when normal media try to write a flowery thesis on it.

Anything by Lucifer Valentine. How this fag doesn't have a thread on KF is beyond me, but it's old news. The guy clicked every single box for being a weird, grooming pedophile rapist. Most people simply project. This guy was a projection booth. IF you want to read more https://archive.ph/jJk0b. I have to admit. I was a pretenious faggot in college and thought he was cool until the actual truth came out about him fucking his sister.
Anyway.
Watch at your own risk, the wizard one plays like a hypno sissy fetish film.

August Underground: Wanna watch retards shoot a mocukumentary about being serial killers but forgetting to include anything of value beyond shitty plastic props? I can keep a straight face through the entire franchise, but others will turn it off simply because it's just too gross despite being cheap as fuck.
Click to expand...
I've also have been interested trying to find the absolute shittiest movies going back to the days when Something Awful did movie reviews on the frontpage. This is a really good post on the topic and you are right on the money to start with Chris Seaver's stuff because those movies are legitimately unwatchable.

Also surprised there isn't a Lucifer Valentine thread because I thought he was pretty well known as being both a faggy edgelord and a legit woman abuser.

One quick thing: Brown Bunny is the shitty Vincent Gallo movie. The one you are talking about is The Bunny Game; likewise, I can't wrap my head around how some dopey critics saw it as feminist performance art.

To throw in some other worst movie contenders:

Hate Crime - the son of the guy who wrote Pinky and the Brain and Animaniacs made this incredibly retarded and amateurish found footage movie that feels like a self-hating Jew's fetish film.

Coffin Baby/Toolbox Murders 2 - sequel to the forgettable Tobe Hooper remake that ran out of money during production and was hastily cobbled together a couple years later. Almost entirely plotless and absurdly boring, the movie is basically just a series of mediocre gore effects showcased in an ugly warehouse.

Playing With Dolls and its sequels - Absolute bottom of the barrel slasher movies made by Rene Perez - Writer, Director, Cinematographer, Editor, Composer, and Producer for countless crap movies over the last decade. Perez is a lolcow in his own right - he has tried to hype his movies by repeatedly casting some random Hungarian guy who looks a lot like Charles Bronson and also constantly refers to himself as a rebel filmmaker blacklisted for fighting PC/Woke Hollywood; in actuality he has only ever been mentioned in mainstream media as a result of the time one of his movies was used in a fraud.

reneperez.PNG

(Edit - added a quote to show what an exceptional brain Rene Perez possesses):

reneperezquote.PNG
 
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