Victims of the 2022 hack

[Dog-O-Tron 5000v5.0]

I remain unscathed, but pouring out a 40 for all my posting brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings.

Thots and prayers.

 

[Stabmaster Arson II]

My account was sadly lost, due to having my anus haxed by troons and using a throwaway email.

But I'm back baby. I'm back and I'm black.

 

[Hate Campaign]

After the troons seized the kiwi farms, they forced me to shit like a barbarian, powerless as I watched them rape and ransack my treasured bathroom reading.
Grateful that my ability to shit and shitpost simultaneously has been restored. Thanks JERSH

 

[Idiot Asshole]

Having no access to the farms for two weeks I went outside, touched grass, joined a local soccer club, won a premiership, got a $100k+ job, married a cute Polish girl, had three kids and retired happily.
What's your excuse?

 

[Sarcastic sockpuppet]

I told you bitches. I try to warn you.

According to my browser the .top url is trying to steal my infos...

 

[Synthetic Smug]

If the police letters aren't real then why did I have to shoot two plain-clothes cops outside my house as I fled in panic?

It was fun?

 

[Sexual Chocolate]

I'm doing pretty good!

Hope you're well x

 

[Justanotherguy]

I really don't know how I am going to recover from this. My wife found out that I was masturbating to IP2 thots and Tessi while making donations to onlyusemeblade. She now knows what the charges were and started going back through my chat log and learned I'm also a massive closeted homosexual. I guess things are going well, she's taken the dog, the house is quiet, and the Farms is back up.

 

[Next Task]

Pro-tip for changing your password - just make it backwards. For example, my new password is drowssap, which is just the old one in reverse.

Just doing what I can to help people in these trying times.

 

[Dr. Geronimo]

Reminder that anyone that forgot their password or had to make a new account in general are still newfags.

 

[The Nameless One]

It's been quite comfy for me for reasons that I now feel I can safely divulge. Now that everyone's being rounded up by the police or otherwise excluded from society and this site will become a ghost town, I have to tell you that I've been the FBI informant assigned to this website. Oh, we had some good times, and there are times when I almost considered giving it all up and becoming a shitposter for real, but once Trump lost in 2020 it just seemed like the winds were blowing in this direction and I should stick with the winning team. Those of you who posted in the Derek Chauvin trial thread, I'll try to get you guys assigned to cells near Chauvin et al in federal prison once your trials are up. You'll have to wait until we get through the rest of the January 6 trials first, sorry.

 

[Hat Man]

I did lose my original account but that's on me for not knowing that the britbong email provider I used deletes accounts after a period of inactivity.

Other than that things have been pretty chill, glad to be back

 

[behindyourightnow]

I am already in Guantanamo Bay for internet crimes. I can only compose posts now by writing messages in my own feces on strips of my own peeled-off skin, which a corrupt guard then smuggles out in exchange for feet pics. Sorry if there are any spelling errors in this post, they served us corn last night.

 

[Weeb Slinger]

It saddens me to report that several British Kiwi Farmers have already been arrested, summarily tried, and then sentenced to transportation by steam ship to New Zealand, where they will toil as Hobbit extras in any forthcoming Middle Earth productions, and work as indentured peasant farmers.

I found the sentencing remarks by Judge Basil Champion Broomfield (They/Them) to be very chilling:

"You will be permanently removed from the United Kingdom to a place there are kiwis in abundance, though less than there once were, given the species' vulnerable status. It is the hope of this court that the sight of these waddling afterthoughts in God's creation, along with their unearthly death shriek, will lead you to reflect upon the violent sex offenders whose lives you have irreparably ruined with your wilful misgendering. God save the King."

I was only able to avoid such a fate by claiming missionary status. My future posts on this site may incorporate strong religious overtones.

 

[ロボ﹏§¤r﹏h¶rœ]

I hope troons will start sending abuse mail to the company I'm impersonating via my email. Please. Happen. I want to see it posted on social media in all of its trololololol glory.

 

[lurk_moar]

No shit posting that the Queen is dead. Boo.

I cannot believe that the farms were down during such a historical event as a new Britbong monarch.

 

[Disheveled-Human]

My cock pics got leaked and now I am replacing Johnny Sins. What a fucking disaster my life has become now. Fuck you Josh.

 

[unfer]

Boss, the rozzers showed up askin for a "Nool" that might be hiding in me garage so I welcomed em in then started blastin, I frisked em after and it turned out they were looking for a lost cat lmao but better safe than sorry I figure anyway, all taken care of chief, best

 

[Super Dilator Duel 3D]

the cops came to my place, showed me a picture of some slobbering dog and asked if i knew who it might be. it was scary. i almost cracked when they asked me what sneed meant. its a good thing i got that secret escape hatch installed or i wouldve been found out right then and there.

i should've listened to those anti-shitposting PSAs back in elementary school. i regret my life of crime! im sorry lucas, please have mercy on me!

 

[Lurker]

why are there people who use emails other than lolcow email for their kiwifarms account?

why are you like this?