Ways Chris could make money

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IceBeam

kiwifarms.net
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Apr 13, 2013
First off, I'm not white knighting (it's really a bitch that almost anything you write here anymore is condemned as white knighting or A-Logging at some point, by somebody or another). This is just a fun hypothetical thing.

As much as I (and many of you) think Chris is a terrible person, I don't hate him, and I don't wish ill upon him. I know for a fact that I'm not the only one worrying about what will become of him after Barb dies. Human concern and empathy is not white knighting. On the off-chance that Chris is prowling the forums, I hope he reads this.

So, I had a long, shitty evening at work, and I was thinking of stuff Chris could do to make some extra money to supplement the tugboat, since getting a real job is not only beyond him, but probably impossible at this point. I was just thinking- what if he got back on Youtube, started making videos about whatever he wanted to, and monetized his account? Or maybe sell hand-made Sonichu merchandise?

All in all, the effort to do even these things is probably well beyond what he is willing to do, and he'll probably never learn to manage money in the first place, but if he ever did get a tiny bit of motivation, there is shit he could do, even being Chris.

What do you all think?
 
Nope. Lets just say he did start to do all of those things, well...he would eventually find a way to fuck them all up.
 
If he tucked a fraction of his welfare income into a 401K account he could conceivably have a tidy sum upon reaching an elderly age. No effort required, aside from showing restraint.
 
He gets a YouTube partnership or a Blip.tv account and returns to da Internet video business. Sure he's a sellout, but people will still watch him.
 
He could totally cash in on his 'cheap internet fame' but he would have to be willing to be the butt of the joke, so his ego will never let him.

Just find the CWC themed T-Shirt thread and you'll see the easiest way he could cash in, I think;

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1821&start=60#p70200

Ironically, he's closer to his original dream back in his 'classic' shirt wearing days than ever, he just won't let himself cross the finish line due to his own mental problems. As always, his own biggest troll at every turn. That's OPL.
 
Get some psychiatrists and pitch a TV series of domesticating Chris. Fox will eat it up.
 
He could make bank selling all his old games to retro gamers, especially his old NES and Sega stuff.
 
Everyone who keeps saying "He should get on Youtube": go look at the Imgur account with the Facebook leaks.
http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ
Created 4 months ago
43,937 views
Click to expand...

That's a generous estimate of Chris's popularity right now. 10K views a month, a lot of which were repeat views as more and more stuff got added to the leak. That kind of traffic won't even get you enough Youtube money to buy a McDouble.
 
Kosher Dill said:
Everyone who keeps saying "He should get on Youtube": go look at the Imgur account with the Facebook leaks.
http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ
Created 4 months ago
43,937 views
Click to expand...

That's a generous estimate of Chris's popularity right now. 10K views a month, a lot of which were repeat views as more and more stuff got added to the leak. That kind of traffic won't even get you enough Youtube money to buy a McDouble.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but imgur screencaps are a different thing entirely. Besides, one McDouble is like 4 q-sands!
 
He could make quite a bit if for 10 bucks he'd record himself talking about a chosen subject with no printed out script or reading straight off the wikipedia. Just his thoughts on things and how they relate to him. The videos would be three minutes long. Longer if the person paid extra.

The problem is I could see him putting off making videos he's already been paid to do and blowing the whole thing. Also he'd try to cheat and reword a wiki article and it'd be obvious he's reading off a script.

If he kept it legit he'd make a killing just from the people on these forums. Eventually the novelty might wear off but the first week alone could fatten up his granny purse.
 
He could give plasma if he's not afraid of being stuck by canula needles. He weighs more than 200 lbs so he would get a good rate. All he needs is his social security card and proof of address within the last 30 days. He gets shit loads of mail from fans/trolls to prove his residence, but his SSN card could be lost in the hoard...
 
WhiteKnight said:
Yeah, but imgur screencaps are a different thing entirely.
Click to expand...
I figure the people who read the imgur is pretty close to the entire population of people who will tune in just to see what's going through Chris's mind at any given time. Because let's be real, Chris's hypothetical return to Youtube wouldn't be "entertaining" by any outsider's standards. The Classic days are never coming back. (:_(
 
Kosher Dill said:
WhiteKnight said:
Yeah, but imgur screencaps are a different thing entirely.
Click to expand...
I figure the people who read the imgur is pretty close to the entire population of people who will tune in just to see what's going through Chris's mind at any given time. Because let's be real, Chris's hypothetical return to Youtube wouldn't be "entertaining" by any outsider's standards. The Classic days are never coming back. (:_(
Click to expand...

Well said. All that's left now is the well-documented descent into psychosis. :twisted: :( :cry: :cryblood: :heart-empty:
 
He's not popular enough to make money. Nor is he smart enough to figure out how to. Lastly, "Chris doesn't read your posts. Stop trying to directly, or indirectly, chastise Chris through your posts. He does not care, and these essays are a boring read"

Chris doesn't listen to friends and galpals, he sure the hell isn't going to listen to a dang dirty troll on the off chance he does read the topic.
 
Wait a month for the next tugboat. Well ok, if he put some original Sonichu shit on Ebay, some forum members would probably bid for it, but he could not do that forever.
 
Really, the only way for Chris to get more money is to try to get the tugboat increased, or to take out low-interest loans or grants for the mentally ill.

Short of that, he could volunteer for research. I know that periodically I'll see listings for vets who suffer from PTSD on job websites, offering money--usually about $150--to take place in a survey or a study. I imagine that, with some work, he could do the same for his autism diagnosis. Or he could always donate plasma or bone marrow.

Or he could pick up his ball, swallow his pride, and go to work, but we know that's never going to fucking happen.
 
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