B
BT 075
Guest
kiwifarms.net
What do people look for in a partner?
- Thread starter silentprincess
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
I do not like this.Why hello there!
- Joined
- May 27, 2013
I do not like this.
Wait... I thought this was a picture of you though! Dang it...
First and formost I like a girl who has a sense of humor and who I can actually hold a conversation with. I've had times where I talk to a girl and I have to explain words I'm using to them constantly. That gets sort of old.
Also, obviously, I've got to be attracted to her too.
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2013
As for what I look for in a woman, what I desire most from her is a strong wit, a good sense of humor, is patient with people and has a sense of self-reliance.
As far as physical beauty is concerned, I'm not particularly picky or demanding, although I would avoid dating women who look like this:
On a serious note, silentprincess, even though I don't know you well, I just want to tell you that you are not a victim, but a survivor. You are a survivor for the fact that while horrible things have happened to you, you still remain a kind soul to those around you, and that's something I think you're better at than I am. I get pissed off and spiteful over far pettier matters in the real world, yet you continue to show kindness to other people after things so much worse, which is, in my opinion, a character trait that I wish I had now that I've read what you had to say. But enough about me. Just be yourself; be strong, be loving, and never bend to the will of anyone else.
As far as physical beauty is concerned, I'm not particularly picky or demanding, although I would avoid dating women who look like this:
On a serious note, silentprincess, even though I don't know you well, I just want to tell you that you are not a victim, but a survivor. You are a survivor for the fact that while horrible things have happened to you, you still remain a kind soul to those around you, and that's something I think you're better at than I am. I get pissed off and spiteful over far pettier matters in the real world, yet you continue to show kindness to other people after things so much worse, which is, in my opinion, a character trait that I wish I had now that I've read what you had to say. But enough about me. Just be yourself; be strong, be loving, and never bend to the will of anyone else.
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2013
I don't usually create big lists. I just value a good conversation and a decent amount of logic to stimulate one. Valuing fellow interests is also a plus, but I've dated girls that are into wildly different things than I am.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Just want to throw this out there... The one thing I need in a partner, the one thing I can't do without... intelligence. I've dated dumb girls in the past and it was the most miserable experience of my life. I don't mean she needs to be a physicist or whatever (though it'd be nice...) I mean she just has to be able to have an adult conversation about a lot of different topics. She has to enjoy learning new things and exploring all the world has to offer.
...And yet, people act weird if you tell them intelligence is that important to you.
...And yet, people act weird if you tell them intelligence is that important to you.
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
Intelligence is vague. If you're not retarded, you can probably be intelligent about a lot of things. You just have to find someone where those things match up with the things you want to be intelligent about.
I mean, there are lots of topics out there I don't give a shit about. I can see how someone might enjoy them, but I'd be terribly bored trying to talk about them with someone. I find computer stuff fascinating, but yet I know better than to try to have a conversation with non-computer people about it.
Hell, even my deadbeat cousin could still talk intelligently about some topics, I'm sure. Probably racism, I would guess.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
My ex wasn't retarded, but she wasn't capable of talking at length about anything, not even stuff that interested her. It was like trying to dialog with Beavis.
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
How was she not retarded? I'm confused. Genuinely.
For me it ultimately depends on the person/circumstance/etc. I'd rather not pin myself down to an absolute 'type' or set of criteria, because everyone's unique and obviously there will always be cases that defy pre-set rules. If I like someone, I go from there - I may not even be able to immediately identify what makes them special; it's just a feeling.
Very broadly speaking I'm more attracted to women that are kind, thoughtful and that have integrity. Intelligence might help, but being smart and being able to think are different things, I've found - the latter is more my preference. Physical fitness is a consideration seeing as I'm quite active. Serious dealbreakers would be smoking, drug addiction and/or other self destructive tendencies. Ignorance or bigotry is way out, as is cruelty towards children or animals. Probably the only non-negotiable requirement is that they be comfortable/compatible with my job. Working in law enforcement generally isn't very relationship-friendly, and anyone with criminal history would pose an association problem.
DISCLAIMER: While I've had a few girlfriends, I've never been in a serious relationship. Everything above hasn't been tested and will probably be subject to change.
Very broadly speaking I'm more attracted to women that are kind, thoughtful and that have integrity. Intelligence might help, but being smart and being able to think are different things, I've found - the latter is more my preference. Physical fitness is a consideration seeing as I'm quite active. Serious dealbreakers would be smoking, drug addiction and/or other self destructive tendencies. Ignorance or bigotry is way out, as is cruelty towards children or animals. Probably the only non-negotiable requirement is that they be comfortable/compatible with my job. Working in law enforcement generally isn't very relationship-friendly, and anyone with criminal history would pose an association problem.
DISCLAIMER: While I've had a few girlfriends, I've never been in a serious relationship. Everything above hasn't been tested and will probably be subject to change.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Can I have her number, please?
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
As in, she was never diagnosed with a severe learning disability and was never considered mentally challenged.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2014
I'm not really a person who has a lot of time for relationships - I'm involved in a lot of activities and I'm a very sociable person, and sometimes I do need my "me time." So I suppose one of the most important things I'd look for in a partner is that they'd be happy with a relationship that's not based on being around each other 24/7.
Personality-wise, she'd need to be intelligent - not necessarily a genius intellect, but someone who I could have a decent conversation with. Creativity is a must. I find the ability to make me laugh incredibly attractive. I suppose in a sense, what I'm after is a bit of a geek - someone who's smart and passionate, a bit different, and not afraid to express those things.
Physically, damned if I know. What I find physically attractive seems to vary from month to month.
Deal-breakers would be egotism, attention-seeking, self-destructive behaviour, any form of bigotry, too much neediness and not being able to get on with my friends.
Personality-wise, she'd need to be intelligent - not necessarily a genius intellect, but someone who I could have a decent conversation with. Creativity is a must. I find the ability to make me laugh incredibly attractive. I suppose in a sense, what I'm after is a bit of a geek - someone who's smart and passionate, a bit different, and not afraid to express those things.
Physically, damned if I know. What I find physically attractive seems to vary from month to month.
Deal-breakers would be egotism, attention-seeking, self-destructive behaviour, any form of bigotry, too much neediness and not being able to get on with my friends.
waffle
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2013
It rely just kind of sounds like you know horrible people. I wouldn't take too much of it to heart.
I'd have to agree with this. Generally the people abusing you physically are going to find other ways to get at you too; nothing they say or do should be accepted. Just ignore the bastards, know that you are probably better than them in every way, and if the problems persist, press charges...
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2014
I've dated a couple of guys like that. I don't think either of them were even that stupid. They were just very attractive and good at sport, so I don't think anybody ever expected them to be able to hold a conversation or know anything.
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2013
Well, in a woman I'm mostly attracted to maturity and kindness. I've dated too many women in my life who were both immature and abusive both towards myself, and in one particularly awful case, to her own children. I've been in a lot of abusive relationships. The last one having been very serious.
I also like assertiveness, which I suppose is somewhat odd for a male, but it's true. I'm turned off by demureness and being overly submissive. Individuality is a huge turn on, those who just tend to 'go with the crowd' immediately turn me off.
Superficially I'm attracted to curvier women, but personality and commonality are of far greater importance. I enjoy harmony in my relationships and incessant conflict is enough to make me leave. I wasn't always like that but after suffering through several abusive relationships I decided personally that I just can't deal with that kind of shit.
I suppose, seeing as how I value assertiveness and individuality that would be a contradiction, but, I think if someone is mature enough in a relationship then differences that arise from that can be managed without the need for shouting or altercation.
So for me it goes; maturity, kindness, an individualistic nature, assertiveness and it helps if they're physically of the body type I like but it is not a necessity.
I also like assertiveness, which I suppose is somewhat odd for a male, but it's true. I'm turned off by demureness and being overly submissive. Individuality is a huge turn on, those who just tend to 'go with the crowd' immediately turn me off.
Superficially I'm attracted to curvier women, but personality and commonality are of far greater importance. I enjoy harmony in my relationships and incessant conflict is enough to make me leave. I wasn't always like that but after suffering through several abusive relationships I decided personally that I just can't deal with that kind of shit.
I suppose, seeing as how I value assertiveness and individuality that would be a contradiction, but, I think if someone is mature enough in a relationship then differences that arise from that can be managed without the need for shouting or altercation.
So for me it goes; maturity, kindness, an individualistic nature, assertiveness and it helps if they're physically of the body type I like but it is not a necessity.
I AM THE CREASE DANGER
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2014
Foreigner, cute, and faithful. In that order.
It guarantees that the people I date are crazy and high-maintenance, but it's the kind of crazy that makes me happy.
You would be surprised by what men are willing to put up with, if it's the right guy for you. Keep an open mind, be flexible to change, and I wish the best for you.
It guarantees that the people I date are crazy and high-maintenance, but it's the kind of crazy that makes me happy.
You would be surprised by what men are willing to put up with, if it's the right guy for you. Keep an open mind, be flexible to change, and I wish the best for you.
- Joined
- May 12, 2014
- Joined
- May 26, 2013
OP, I'm glad to read you're in therapy because from your self description of your past and current mental state, you're going to need a lot of it to process what you've survived through to get to this point. As to your query, it's kind of secondary to the work on yourself that you probably need to continue to invest in if you want to be capable of handling the strain of a 'normal' relationship, but if I can suggest just one book to you to read that delves into the scientific study of what you're interested in discovering in this thread, it'd be this; http://www.amazon.com/How-Make-Anyone-Fall-Love/dp/0809229897
I know it's kind of dated now having been written all the way back in '96, but it's one of the best books I've ever read on the subject and it's very well researched. Plus, it's written, by a self described formerly painfully shy woman I might add, with emphasis on both male and female differences in the key points of attraction and rapport building between partners so you'll get an inside the skull dish on what's likely going on in the mind of the next potential partner you have an attraction to. Don't have the $9.99 US and kindle for the digital version? Let me try and summarize for you, people look for someone that reminds them of themselves but not too much, someone who is good at what they're deficient at in their own mind and someone who's within about two points either way on the ten scale of themselves from a purely physical standpoint due to the principle of equity they bring to their relationships.
I know it's kind of dated now having been written all the way back in '96, but it's one of the best books I've ever read on the subject and it's very well researched. Plus, it's written, by a self described formerly painfully shy woman I might add, with emphasis on both male and female differences in the key points of attraction and rapport building between partners so you'll get an inside the skull dish on what's likely going on in the mind of the next potential partner you have an attraction to. Don't have the $9.99 US and kindle for the digital version? Let me try and summarize for you, people look for someone that reminds them of themselves but not too much, someone who is good at what they're deficient at in their own mind and someone who's within about two points either way on the ten scale of themselves from a purely physical standpoint due to the principle of equity they bring to their relationships.