What does Chris expect from life?

[GREEDY FIREMAN]

Pretty much all rodents are pretty awesome and preferable over Chris.

I'll say this mate, I'd rather wake up to a rat in my room than OPL...

You can kill the rat without any moral/legal repercussions.

Edit:
No, that is not . I simply meant it is easier to deal with rats than unpleasant people.

 

[QI 541]

Even if he wasn't an asshole, Chris will never get a girlfriend. This is something Chris needs to accept if he's ever going to be happy.

After that, all Chris has to do is endure Barb a little while longer and he can spend the rest of his life playing video games and relaxing with no responsibilities... but only if he can stop doing stupid shit like wasting his money, getting arrested, and burning his house down.

I wouldn't take that deal, because today, $1,000,000 is not really a game changer as far as someone's life goes. Being a millionare today means much less than it did 60 to 70 years ago.

Only if you have expensive tastes, or if you want to start a large business. For most people in the US, a million dollars is worth around 20 years of work, assuming it's not taxed. For Chris, it's worth almost 1000 tugboats.

 

[FatNero]

Even if he wasn't an asshole, Chris will never get a girlfriend. This is something Chris needs to accept if he's ever going to be happy.

After that, all Chris has to do is endure Barb a little while longer and he can spend the rest of his life playing video games and relaxing with no responsibilities... but only if he can stop doing stupid shit like wasting his money, getting arrested, and burning his house down.

I wouldn't take that deal, because today, $1,000,000 is not really a game changer as far as someone's life goes. Being a millionare today means much less than it did 60 to 70 years ago.

Only if you have expensive tastes, or if you want to start a large business. For most people in the US, a million dollars is worth around 20 years of work, assuming it's not taxed. For Chris, it's worth almost 1000 tugboats.

Yeah it depends on what you mean by game changer. I could, assuming the next 20 years were economically similar to what they are now, live off that money at the same level I am now without having to work. It's a pretty big deal for anyone in the middle class and a huge deal for anyone below the poverty line.

 

[Doge]

Answering the original post, I think Chris expects every day to be kind of like a sitcom episode. There's some wacky adventure where he (as the lovable loser protagonist) end up looking rosy at the end of the day. This is truth in television in his mind. And for most people (or at least me), there is some kind of adventure or noteworthy thing that is worth at least a couple of minutes of talking. The problem is, he's got no real reason to live. I'm not trying to be or make a joke, but all he does is exist. Most people (including sitcom protagonists) have a job, which allows them to have some kind of social interaction or at the very least, motivation to leave the house. His 'job' is instead spooning with his mother. Even if Barb did let him have his adventures, he's not very creative and he'd probably just sit at a bar and play his 3DS again.

 

[Marvin]

As for getting a girlfriend, I think his being an asshole is directly linked to his inability to find a woman. Sure he has other problems, looks, hygiene, fitness, mental competency but being a total fuckwad is probably his biggest problem. Look at the way he treated Megan.

Eh, I don't know about that. I think as far as acquiring ladies goes, fatty's biggest problem is that he's a huge pussy. He lacks assertiveness. It's also why he's stuck with Barb nowadays. He didn't become a huge asshole to Megan until she was long gone. Just a minor asshole , which he could've covered up if he was skilled in other aspects of his personality.

 

[Christ-Chan]

fatty's biggest problem is that he's a huge pussy

Is it though? I mean... Are people who do not live in a trailer and have cousin-dads really going to find him viable as a partner? yeah, but even the Hambeast tossed him aside only hours after meeting him.

 

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

fatty's biggest problem is that he's a huge pussy

Is it though? I mean... Are people who do not live in a trailer and have cousin-dads really going to find him viable as a partner? yeah, but even the Hambeast tossed him aside only hours after meeting him.

There are a lot of women with low self esteem. So there's gotta be one out there who is truly convinced is as good as it gets. She may even be attractive.

 

[Bernd Lauert]

No. Low self-esteem women will never make the first step towards establishing a romantic relationship with Fatty. They'll wait around to be picked up by some assertive jerk while Fatty mopes around in public, in turn waiting for any woman to make the first move.

And that will never happen. Never.

Not even a gold-digging confidence trickster carny crack whore would approach Chris and make a move on him because he gives off serious loser vibes. Everyone immediately reckognizes him as lowlife scum not even worth rolling for his possessions. And that's why everyone keeps their distance.

 

[DangDirtyTrolls]

fatty's biggest problem is that he's a huge pussy

Is it though? I mean... Are people who do not live in a trailer and have cousin-dads really going to find him viable as a partner? yeah, but even the Hambeast tossed him aside only hours after meeting him.

There are a lot of women with low self esteem. So there's gotta be one out there who is truly convinced is as good as it gets. She may even be attractive.

Would a woman with low self-esteem be the one to initiate conversation though? Remember, Chris expects the girl to do pretty much everything at this point because he thinks being shy is a good enough excuse to not try any more.

 

[Horde Prime]

fatty's biggest problem is that he's a huge pussy

Is it though? I mean... Are people who do not live in a trailer and have cousin-dads really going to find him viable as a partner? yeah, but even the Hambeast tossed him aside only hours after meeting him.

There are a lot of women with low self esteem. So there's gotta be one out there who is truly convinced is as good as it gets. She may even be attractive.

Man I don't know. A middle aged man who doesn't bathe and shits himself? I could imagine even a crack whore meeting Chris and thinking to herself, "Meh, I can do better."

 

[Attention_Whore]

Is it though? I mean... Are people who do not live in a trailer and have cousin-dads really going to find him viable as a partner? yeah, but even the Hambeast tossed him aside only hours after meeting him.

There are a lot of women with low self esteem. So there's gotta be one out there who is truly convinced is as good as it gets. She may even be attractive.

Man I don't know. A middle aged man who doesn't bathe and shits himself? I could imagine even a crack whore meeting Chris and thinking to herself, "Meh, I can do better."

There HAS to be someone with exactly that fetish though.

 

[Horde Prime]

There HAS to be someone with exactly that fetish though.

OK, good point. I'll give you that, BUT would a sexual fetish be enough to maintain a relationship and put up with someone who just wants to sit around and play vidya all the time?

 

[Marvin]

fatty's biggest problem is that he's a huge pussy

Is it though? I mean... Are people who do not live in a trailer and have cousin-dads really going to find him viable as a partner? yeah, but even the Hambeast tossed him aside only hours after meeting him.

Chris could fix a lot of his problems if he wasn't such a coward. And no, the hambeast didn't toss Chris away. She wasn't into him in the first place.

 

[CatParty]

fatty's biggest problem is that he's a huge pussy

Is it though? I mean... Are people who do not live in a trailer and have cousin-dads really going to find him viable as a partner? yeah, but even the Hambeast tossed him aside only hours after meeting him.

Chris could fix a lot of his problems if he wasn't such a coward. And no, the hambeast didn't toss Chris away. She wasn't into him in the first place.

in b4 "stop calling her hambeast"

 

[Christ-Chan]

Chris could fix a lot of his problems if he wasn't such a coward. And no, the hambeast didn't toss Chris away. She wasn't into him in the first place.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Sorry, English is hard.

 

[Horde Prime]

Chris could fix a lot of his problems if he wasn't such a coward. And no, the hambeast didn't toss Chris away. She wasn't into him in the first place.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Sorry, English is hard.

I understood what you meant, and I agree. Marvin is, of course, more knowledgable than most of us regarding Chris, but I think even if Chris overcame his fear of approaching women... well I don't know there are a bunch of hurdles he'd still need to overcome IMO. He'd have to clean himself up, start taking care of himself, be able to have conversations on stuff other than pokemon and vidya, and that's just for starters. Again, my opinion.

 

[Attention_Whore]

There HAS to be someone with exactly that fetish though.

OK, good point. I'll give you that, BUT would a sexual fetish be enough to maintain a relationship and put up with someone who just wants to sit around and play vidya all the time?

I think I saw a documentary/ read an article once about women who latch themselves onto manbabies because they have some perverted desire to permanently be a mum to someone but also maybe have a relationship with them?
I don't remember the details, Hell, maybe this was just a weird dream I had once.

 

[Linako 2.0]

I don't think any of those man baby mommies would get into chris since he isn't rich enough to support her.

 

[Bernd Lauert]

Even if (and that's a pretty big if imo) there is soneone out there whose off-the-beaten-track tastes would run towards someone like Chris, what are the odds of such a non-vanilla type roaming the McDs and Get-Tar-regions of Buttfuck VA looking for a lifemate?

Chris will never, repeat: never have a sweetheart and that's that.

 

[Picklechu]

Even if he wasn't an asshole, Chris will never get a girlfriend. This is something Chris needs to accept if he's ever going to be happy.

After that, all Chris has to do is endure Barb a little while longer and he can spend the rest of his life playing video games and relaxing with no responsibilities... but only if he can stop doing stupid shit like wasting his money, getting arrested, and burning his house down.

I wouldn't take that deal, because today, $1,000,000 is not really a game changer as far as someone's life goes. Being a millionare today means much less than it did 60 to 70 years ago.

Only if you have expensive tastes, or if you want to start a large business. For most people in the US, a million dollars is worth around 20 years of work, assuming it's not taxed. For Chris, it's worth almost 1000 tugboats.

I am now going to start using "tugboat" as a monetary unit.