What game do you wish Phil would play? - AKA best future TIHYDP material?

[Yung Dalph]

Some RTS like Age of Empires or Total War. Just the ultimate borefest. Can't get handheld either. Those are annoying to play with the controller too. Just watch him spend 3h on the tutorial.

 

[Funko Pops NFT collector]

I was just talking to a frogga about the absurd amount of DLCs in train simulator (676 DLCs) and joking about how most people into that game are surely autistic because trains, but even they are not autistic enough to buy all of that, then it occurred to me: Phil fans are all autistic wheelchairs so they will love that game, and not only that but he can pirate it and then claim that he had to spent thousands on dollars on the DLC so he needs the extra support, he doesn't have to do it in one go, he can just play the game with no DLCs, pirate the DLC and then claim to have bought it , he can even make it an event where the top tipper gets to pick the DLC he will buy(pirate) next lol.

"Ok so the truth of the matter is thus, I spent 20 dollars on the Union Pacific Big Loco add on because you guys wanted to see it, YOU GUYS VOTED FOR IT and you are not supporting, I'm spending all of this money on Train Simulator DLC because you guys wanted it so if you like the stream please contribute!". Phil wheelchairs have some powerful tism so they will love it (and detractors too since 50% are dented) , just imagine all of the train related questions or facts Derich could say like: What are your top 3 trains? Did you ever took the train to go to work Phil? Phil the word train comes from the french verb which means to drag or draw, and then Phil will tell him to STFU like he did recently.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

Some RTS like Age of Empires or Total War. Just the ultimate borefest. Can't get handheld either. Those are annoying to play with the controller too. Just watch him spend 3h on the tutorial.

If he played a Total War game he wouldn't be able to even win a battle or bear with the game more than 5 turns. It's slow, requires of planning and learning how your units work and use the terrain. He would get crushed unless he amasses a huge deathball of armies and prays that the autoresolve doesn't screw him over.

He even managed to really fuck things up miserably in Starcraft 2, and Starcraft 2 campaign is piss easy

 

[Adoring Fan]

Personally, I'd want to see him play Cruelty Squad just to see his reaction to how the game looks, he would probably think the game is broken and rage quit before even going into the tutorial.

 

[Balr0g]

If he played a Total War game he wouldn't be able to even win a battle or bear with the game more than 5 turns. It's slow, requires of planning and learning how your units work and use the terrain. He would get crushed unless he amasses a huge deathball of armies and prays that the autoresolve doesn't screw him over.

He even managed to really fuck things up miserably in Starcraft 2, and Starcraft 2 campaign is piss easy

Imagine him playing Total War Shogun 2. Getting slapped around by Japanese isn't new to him "SHAMEFUR DISPRAY!"

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

Imagine him playing Total War Shogun 2. Getting slapped around by Japanese isn't new to him "SHAMEFUR DISPRAY!"

Or Command & Conquer 3. I bet he would fuck up all the campaigns no matter what.

And since we are getting on Strat games, did Philbert play the original Starcraft series? Because i bet if he did he would start to get pretty salty when he reaches The Big Push in the Terran Campaign and the final mission will have him fuming.

 

[UncleTusky]

Or Command & Conquer 3. I bet he would fuck up all the campaigns no matter what.

And since we are getting on Strat games, did Philbert play the original Starcraft series? Because i bet if he did he would start to get pretty salty when he reaches The Big Push in the Terran Campaign and the final mission will have him fuming.

He claims to have played it heavily when it first came out but some of his comments about it are so dead wrong (like referring to Brood War as "the Zerg expansion") that I suspect he is lying. It certainly wouldn't fit with his claims to have missed much of the ps1/ps2 era because he was too involved with FGC to make time.

Edit: Brood War would be even more amusing for us - parts of SC1 (some of the early Terran missions and many of the installation missions) felt like the devs were figuring things out as they went along but Brood War fixes that. You know he'd get his shit pushed in by the final UED mission or any of the Zerg missions starting with "Liberation of Korhal".

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

If he played a Total War game he wouldn't be able to even win a battle or bear with the game more than 5 turns. It's slow, requires of planning and learning how your units work and use the terrain. He would get crushed unless he amasses a huge deathball of armies and prays that the autoresolve doesn't screw him over.

He even managed to really fuck things up miserably in Starcraft 2, and Starcraft 2 campaign is piss easy

Imagine him playing Total War Shogun 2. Getting slapped around by Japanese isn't new to him "SHAMEFUR DISPRAY!"

I made a post about this in the main thread, but when it comes to Total War the easiest campaign imo is playing Rome 2 as Rome and he'd still somehow take an entire day stream to just beat the Etruscan army that the game sets up as a punching bag for you on turn 1, though to be fair most of that stream would be him stalling and examining and reading out every single menu, faction description, unit description etc. And if I remember correctly the first battle the game implicitly sets up for you to do is a three (3) stack army of an Italian noble cavalry unit, an Italian swordsmen unit and Italian skirmisher unit, meanwhile your army has a general, 4 hastati (the most cost-effective early game unit of any faction besides maybe levy pikemen that the successor states get) and I think 6 units of javelinmen (3 velites 3 leves).

Shogun 2 would just eat his lunch, the starting battle the game sets up for every faction is much more brutal. I mean to be fair if you have an IQ of at least 80 you'll beat it no problem but it's Phail we're talking about here. Shogun 2 is also one of the most fast-paced TW games because of the high lethality and it has the best AI because the AI doesn't really have that much to work with given how mechanically simple the game is (probably the simplest TW game mechanically) so it's actually halfway-competent. If I remember correctly the player's army starts with 1 or 2 general's bodyguard units, a yari samurai, 2 yari ashigaru and a bow ashigaru. The enemy rebel army starts with the same setup but with yari cavalry instead of the general's bodyguard and yari cavalry far outclasses general's bodyguard.

 

[Balr0g]

Rome 2 isn't even that hard. The first TW Rome is much more brutal as you have more things to manage like putting members of your family into important positions and also check if said member has even the attributes to manage said position. Or the Barbarian Invasion Add-On. Playing as Western Rome is fucking brutal as you simply can't hold all your territory you start with.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

Brood War would be even more amusing for us - parts of SC1 (some of the early Terran missions and many of the installation missions) felt like the devs were figuring things out as they went along but Brood War fixes that. You know he'd get his shit pushed in by the final UED mission or any of the Zerg missions starting with "Liberation of Korhal".

That's true. The first protoss mission would annoy him a lot since you have no bases, limited units and Zeratul has to be alive. Also, i expect him to throw a hissy fit when he has to assault Korhal with the UED and he waits for chat to tell him what the best option is and hopefully get constantly trolled by Ghosts and nukes in Emperor's Flight. The Zerg campaign would definetly fuck him over constantly, specially the first mission.

I would expect the same to happen if he played Warcraft 3 since after the Culling the game takes the kids gloves off and you better be ready for some action.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

Rome 2 isn't even that hard. The first TW Rome is much more brutal as you have more things to manage like putting members of your family into important positions and also check if said member has even the attributes to manage said position. Or the Barbarian Invasion Add-On. Playing as Western Rome is fucking brutal as you simply can't hold all your territory you start with.

Rome 2 is probably the easiest of the historical ones, yeah, that's why I mentioned it. And the thing with Rome 1 that makes it harder isn't so much that you have to give as much of a shit about your family members (I just personally use them as an additional cav unit more often than not) but that the AI can actually keep up with you militarily, economically and in terms of empire building. In Rome 2 after you emerge from the very early game you've pretty much beaten the campaign and can autoresolve steamroll entire factions with just 2-3 armies. You never get to face an empire that's roughly the same strength as you, at best they have a dozen settlements. The armies they build are pure trash in Rome 2 as well, my latest campaign was as Cimmeria and the last thing I did before winning it was fighting the Seleucids and most of the armies they sent against me had like 5-10 stacks of Eastern infantry which is probably the worst spear unit in the game. In Rome 1 that's not the case, especially if you play as one of the Roman families, the other 2 families do very well to keep up with you and when the civil war fires you'll face armies full of tough legionaries, not trash stacks full of town militia or some other garbage like that. Plus it's the most fast paced Total War game due to the ridiculous lethality of engagements, in Rome 2 a strong hoplite unit can hold the line for several minutes, whereas in Rome 1 good maneuvering can lead to an entire army routing in less than a minute.

 

[Watamelon]

Phil has an insane amount of games he could play that could be entertaining. I always look at how enjoyable it is to watch Aris (avoidingthepuddle) and then compare that to DSP who makes the entire experience miserable. And Aris doesn't have a modern setup, but he is still entertaining.

Aris does have a great setup since n0pants set it up for him, he just sees no need on improving his stream quality because he doesn't play visually intensive games and people come for the banter.

He quite literally runs a 3080Ti with 128Gb of RAM and a top of the line Ryzen. Just to stream at 720.

 

[Preferred Penne]

Solitaire.

 

[ADN_VIII]

The best game for Phil to play would be something his collection of dents can't help him with. A rogue like, ideally, but also most hardcore survival games.

Milsim titles would also get him boiling mad for the usually sharp difficulty curve and unforgiving gameplay, especially something like Post Scriptum or Hell Let Loose where there aren't the conveniences of modern war. Vanilla Arma 3 has a relatively low barrier of entry, but Phil's inability to pay attention to things would mean he'd inevitably pull a classic "place a mine and step on it a minute later" tier blunder because no one told him his mines can hurt him dood.

Even adult Minecraft style games like Space Engineers or Ark would prompt rage quits because he straight up doesn't follow in game tutorials or read tooltips.

 

[Balr0g]

The best game for Phil to play would be something his collection of dents can't help him with. A rogue like, ideally, but also most hardcore survival games.

Milsim titles would also get him boiling mad for the usually sharp difficulty curve and unforgiving gameplay, especially something like Post Scriptum or Hell Let Loose where there aren't the conveniences of modern war. Vanilla Arma 3 has a relatively low barrier of entry, but Phil's inability to pay attention to things would mean he'd inevitably pull a classic "place a mine and step on it a minute later" tier blunder because no one told him his mines can hurt him dood.

Even adult Minecraft style games like Space Engineers or Ark would prompt rage quits because he straight up doesn't follow in game tutorials or read tooltips.

Him playing Day Z (and I am merciful so I mean the Stand alone not the mod for Arma 2) would be very entertaining especially as he can't play it in Single Player mode. Imagine some trolls finding the server he is playing and then try to find him (just find him while running from a conga line of zombies). That might reach the salt levels of World of Warcraft

 

[Exit fullscreen button]

Pretty much anything that Sseth or Medicated Sseth have reviewed. It would probably turn into a ragequit speedrun.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

Pretty much anything that Sseth or Medicated Sseth have reviewed. It would probably turn into a ragequit speedrun.

Most likely. Rimworld would fuck him over very quickly, specially once raids become somewhat big or he gets sieged. And that's without having in mind production and not getting enough food to live through the first winter. And let's not start with the small things like trading, weapon production, research and setting priorities for your colonists.

Kenshi would end up like Josh ended up playing Kenshi. He would try to attack someone at the beginning of the game, get wrecked and wonder why he couldn't even win a fight against a dog. He would need some hardcore handholding in order to manage to get somewhere in Kenshi.

God Hand would be too much for Phil. Even if it's a fighting game/Beat 'em up, it's probably one of the most hardcore of all since you gotta customize your moveset and fighting 2 or more enemies at the same time it's pretty much a death sentence in this game.

And SS13 would be out of the question for Phil. It would already be too much of a hassle for him to set it up.

 

[UncleTusky]

That's true. The first protoss mission would annoy him a lot since you have no bases, limited units and Zeratul has to be alive. Also, i expect him to throw a hissy fit when he has to assault Korhal with the UED and he waits for chat to tell him what the best option is and hopefully get constantly trolled by Ghosts and nukes in Emperor's Flight. The Zerg campaign would definetly fuck him over constantly, specially the first mission.

I would expect the same to happen if he played Warcraft 3 since after the Culling the game takes the kids gloves off and you better be ready for some action.

That reminds me of the other Protoss mission from Brood War that would drive him insane: The secret one.

Spoiler: Does anyone NOT know this by now?

The secret Protoss mission is unlocked by beating one of the late-game Zerg missions (The Reckoning) within 25 minutes. For most players, this is a minor hurdle since The Reckoning is fairly easy and has a hard time limit of 30 minutes (so the overlap between beating The Reckoning and not unlocking the secret mission is fairly small).

Now for the secret mission itself: You get Zeratul, 2 Dragoons, and 4 Dark Archons. Zeratul is strong but can't attack air units and has to survive the mission while Dragoons will die before they can do anything to the enemy's siege tanks and battlecruisers. This means the heavy lifting will mostly be done with Dark Archons which are spellcasting units that can mind-control enemy units at the cost of all their shields (and since they have only 25 health, they will die immediately after casting unless you steal all the units in an area or carefully micromanage the Dark Archon + the mind controlled unit). This is a mission that requires attention to detail and careful planning at every step, and we all know how good Phil is at that. Plus you know he wouldn't get the plot from listening to the research logs. Hell I'm not sure he'd understand why the conversation at the end with "Samir Duran" is such a big deal - at least in my opinion the reveal makes up for the janky gameplay so if Phil doesn't understand it, he's liable to just plain hate the mission overall.

 

[The Penultimate Warrior]

That reminds me of the other Protoss mission from Brood War that would drive him insane: The secret one.

Spoiler: Does anyone NOT know this by now?

The secret Protoss mission is unlocked by beating one of the late-game Zerg missions (The Reckoning) within 25 minutes. For most players, this is a minor hurdle since The Reckoning is fairly easy and has a hard time limit of 30 minutes (so the overlap between beating The Reckoning and not unlocking the secret mission is fairly small).

Now for the secret mission itself: You get Zeratul, 2 Dragoons, and 4 Dark Archons. Zeratul is strong but can't attack air units and has to survive the mission while Dragoons will die before they can do anything to the enemy's siege tanks and battlecruisers. This means the heavy lifting will mostly be done with Dark Archons which are spellcasting units that can mind-control enemy units at the cost of all their shields (and since they have only 25 health, they will die immediately after casting unless you steal all the units in an area or carefully micromanage the Dark Archon + the mind controlled unit). This is a mission that requires attention to detail and careful planning at every step, and we all know how good Phil is at that. Plus you know he wouldn't get the plot from listening to the research logs. Hell I'm not sure he'd understand why the conversation at the end with "Samir Duran" is such a big deal - at least in my opinion the reveal makes up for the janky gameplay so if Phil doesn't understand it, he's liable to just plain hate the mission overall.

Or that Terran one where you keep getting attacked by that incredibly strong Ultralisk that respawns every few minutes.

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

Or that Terran one where you keep getting attacked by that incredibly strong Ultralisk that respawns every few minutes.

That's the last UED one, To Chain the Beast. Not only that, but there are also huge amounts of Sunken Colonies that are invulnerable. And Torrasque and the colonies will keep fucking you up unless you kill the cerebrates. Which means that amassing marines is out of the question unless you dropship them (or you make 150 of them and you expect to lose more than half in the process), and even they they are vulnerable to scourges, spore colonies and swarms of mutalisks.

That reminds me of the other Protoss mission from Brood War that would drive him insane: The secret one.

Spoiler: Does anyone NOT know this by now?

The secret Protoss mission is unlocked by beating one of the late-game Zerg missions (The Reckoning) within 25 minutes. For most players, this is a minor hurdle since The Reckoning is fairly easy and has a hard time limit of 30 minutes (so the overlap between beating The Reckoning and not unlocking the secret mission is fairly small).

Now for the secret mission itself: You get Zeratul, 2 Dragoons, and 4 Dark Archons. Zeratul is strong but can't attack air units and has to survive the mission while Dragoons will die before they can do anything to the enemy's siege tanks and battlecruisers. This means the heavy lifting will mostly be done with Dark Archons which are spellcasting units that can mind-control enemy units at the cost of all their shields (and since they have only 25 health, they will die immediately after casting unless you steal all the units in an area or carefully micromanage the Dark Archon + the mind controlled unit). This is a mission that requires attention to detail and careful planning at every step, and we all know how good Phil is at that. Plus you know he wouldn't get the plot from listening to the research logs. Hell I'm not sure he'd understand why the conversation at the end with "Samir Duran" is such a big deal - at least in my opinion the reveal makes up for the janky gameplay so if Phil doesn't understand it, he's liable to just plain hate the mission overall.

Yeah, i remember that mission in particular was and is a huge pain in the ass. You depend on mind controlling a lot of enemy units, siege tanks and battlecruisers, and mainly by pulling them from their group or isolating them so you don't lose your Dark Archons (And also controlling an SCV to repair said units). But even with all of that, i really would think Phil would have a hard time unlocking the mission. After all, remember he had to retry the last Terran mission in SC2 3 or 4 times because he didn't payed attention to the Nydus worms unloading entire armies at his doorstep and thinking that mass producing battlecruisers was the way to win rather than making a small team of Banshees and amassing hordes of marines, tanks and marauders.

Damn, thinking about all this makes me remember that the other campaigns in SC2 would be great for him. Lots of scripted events, hero unit that is inmortal, lots of help in many ways, the game tells you when the enemies are going to attack you... He couldn't expect more handholding than that, even the last missions in all campaigns are very easy.