Containment What If?

Kirby said:
If he had a hot girlfriend that would fuck him and cook for him he would eventually complain that she isn't pleasuring him enough and that the food didn't meet his standards. It doesn't matter that Chris should be thankful that a woman is even touching him and that his own cooking skills extend to microwaving a can of chef boyardee. Chris thinks that a woman would want to meet his standards, not the other way around. Thanks to his tugboat and failed upbringing Chris is a very ungrateful individual that has an absurd sense of self worth so anything that doesn't satisfy his immediate whims he would instantly complain about.
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So like Ethan Ralph without the hot girlfriend part.
 
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What if the dimensional merge happens, leaving everyone but kiwifarms users and people who know enough about Chris to rot in this universe while the rest is "blessed" to spend the eternity somewhere else, twisted into a sonichu, as a plaything for Chris (who would probably just abandon them to play vyda 24/7)?
 
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What if his Sonichu comic wasn't horribly terrible, but wasn't great? If it was just terribly mediocre like most webcomics of the time, but Chris had the exact same behavior? Would he still have been famous? I think he would've been somewhat famous, but he wouldn't have become the lolcow. That is to say, I believe the quality of Sonichu the comic directly correlated to how famous he became.
 
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Whatisgoingon said:
What if his Sonichu comic wasn't horribly terrible, but wasn't great? If it was just terribly mediocre like most webcomics of the time, but Chris had the exact same behavior? Would he still have been famous? I think he would've been somewhat famous, but he wouldn't have become the lolcow. That is to say, I believe the quality of Sonichu the comic directly correlated to how famous he became.
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Yeah, it reminds me of The Room. Being bad isn’t good enough to get famous; there are scads of mediocre movies and comics. It has to have some zany gonzo memorable bullshit peppered throughout.
 
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Whatisgoingon said:
What if his Sonichu comic wasn't horribly terrible, but wasn't great? If it was just terribly mediocre like most webcomics of the time, but Chris had the exact same behavior? Would he still have been famous? I think he would've been somewhat famous, but he wouldn't have become the lolcow. That is to say, I believe the quality of Sonichu the comic directly correlated to how famous he became.
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Chris was on a quest to be noticed, a love quest. He was sending videos to nintendo power (the most authoritative publication in his mind) and making as large an internet footprint as possible. Sonichu is so terrible because Chris procrastinates until he's inspired then considers it finished after the first draft. He likes to try new things, as Bob would say "master them" to a degree that satisfies the dunning-kruger ego, then move on. There's a reason he's the Forrest Gump of the intardnet.

For Sonichu to be middle of the road 2000's internet terrible then that just means Chris spent some of his playtime doodling. If he was average at everything he "created" then that wouldn't be Chris, because it requires the humility to say "this is ok but i can do better".
 
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What if Chris Chan didn't become left wing in the ealry-mid 2010s but instead he became extremely right wing and became more right wing as time progress
 
Johnny Eastwood cash said:
What if Chris Chan didn't become left wing in the ealry-mid 2010s but instead he became extremely right wing and became more right wing as time progress
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The only way that would have happened was if Chris was never trolled and lived his life unknown to the internet and if Bob was still alive in his 90s-100s to control him. The tomgirl and eventual transition stuff that Chris had been repressing since childhood was brought out of him due to trolls fucking with him and eventually his autism made him hyperfocus on it leading to what he is now. It is only because of his shallow understanding that democrats support LGBT and republicans don't that he cared enough about politics to say he was a democrat. Prior to that Chris would just have shrugged and said he was a conservative and parroted some stuff that he heard Bob say.

With that being said Chris is too retarded to be a radical conservative. Radical conservatives are retarded too but there is absolutely zero overlap between what they care about and what Chris cares about (himself). Chris was only conservative because of his parents and his manchild lifestyle made it so he didn't need to think about politics at all and thus the only way he would have remained one was if the status quo continued.
 
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Poppavalyim Andropoff said:
what if he found Donkey Kong instead & spent the last 20 years battling this Billy Mitchell fuckstick
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he would have been obsessed with monkeys and thus have eaten more bananas which would have increased the amount of times he shit himself due to the soluble fiber in them. this is assuming they are ripe bananas. if they are unripe he would actually get more constipated but understanding the environment of 14bc it is safe to say that there are enough noxious gasses, mold and moisture in the house that would force the bananas to ripen and rot within 24 hours of being purchased.
 
Poppavalyim Andropoff said:
what if he found Donkey Kong instead & spent the last 20 years battling this Billy Mitchell fuckstick
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I think if anything he would try to self-insert himself as Diddy Kong being a more adult version of Donkey Kong, but he would even be more of a fat version of DSP with his unique attempts at wanting to speed run Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy Kong’s Quest if given the chance.
 
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What if GodBear heard "Chip" in Chris's retarded slurs, and it turned out Bob chickened out on naming him Robert J Chandler III?

Would Chip be even more of a pompous hillbilly ass or would he use it online for cred a la Robert Simmons V?
 
Jonah Hill poster said:
I think if anything he would try to self-insert himself as Diddy Kong being a more adult version of Donkey Kong, but he would even be more of a fat version of DSP with his unique attempts at wanting to speed run Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy Kong’s Quest if given the chance.
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They added a bunch of friends and family of Donkey Kong in those SNES games so I did some research on the Donkey Kong wiki. Cranky Kong is the original Donkey Kong from the arcade games, so he could be a standin for Bob since they're both old and grouchy. Naturally Barb would then be Wrinkly Kong.

Maybe Donkey Kong Jr., seen in Mario Kart for SNES, could be Cole's alternate form, while Chris would be Donkey Kong III, the main character of Donkey Kong Country. Chris likes being the main character.

Diddy Kong isn't a bad suggestion, but if you look at DKC 64, that game has Chunky Kong. He's big and strong, like Chris imagines himself being, and likes toys and has a problem being lonely. I think Chris might see something of himself in Chunky.
chunky kong.jpg
Curiously, the DKC games are absent from the lists of Chris's SNES and N64 games. It is possible that they were too expensive for Chris to convince his parents to buy - I think I remember they were in the $60-70 range at the time. Chris had various Donkey Kong games for portable consoles and the Gamecube, and he did eventually acquire Donkey Kong Country Returns for the Wii and 3DS.
 
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Souji Tendou said:
What if chrischan got into old school runescape?
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he'd probably get scammed like 10 times, but it'd be ok because of the dopium he'd get from early lvling, and the dang Trolls would get the password to his PSN, email, cwc sites way quicker
although comics about getting his sonichu shield trimmed would have been dope
300px-511-JumboLoveQuestSign~2.jpeg
 
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What if Chris was autistic over Metal Gear and [insert videogame franchise of your choice] over Sonic and Pokémon?
Glassshardballpit said:
What if Chris didn't fuck his mother?
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Sex-tape with Fiona saga would start. Jankie and her simps would be outed in another form, but the results would be the same, with them being the same laughinstocks as they are today. Chris would damage control over his sweetheart like he did with the wallflower, white-knighting and doxxing her at the same time. I think it would be a kinda forgettable saga, with Fiona being the major loser in all of it as she would be infamous for being "the girl that fucked Chris Chan" and haunted with that title for all of her life.
 
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AfroMegan said:
Sex-tape with Fiona saga would start.
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First stage: they undress, Fiona is nearly vomiting with smell of CWC.

Second stage: fruitless attemps to make The Pickle (aka Bented Duck) hard, not fluffy. Handjob, blowjob, footjob - nothing works, The Pickel is still flat.

Third stage: CWC googling for Rule 34 porn of pokemons. Vomiting after Brok x Misty, finally The Pickel is statnding after some time of watching Mewtwo x Pikachu.

Final stage: veeery flappy vaginal intercourse (about five seconds in missionary, half of a minute in cowgirl [CWC on bottom]) ended with preemptive ejaculation.

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What if CWC was orphaned just after turning 18 yo? IDK, car accident KIAding both B.?
 
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