Containment What If?

I'd like to hear the Dude's or another parent's opinion on this. I honestly, don't think Chris would engage in the same ole same ole if he had a kid.

Sure, he'd still be inept as all hell. But having a kid changes people. I think if Chris actually got to hold and see his own child. Flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone and all'at. I'd like to think that the experience would leave him markedly different. Will he stop playing vidya all day and go out and get a job? No not both at least.

If by some miracle, hes granted custody I think Chris would at least try to get a little part time job somewhere.

As far as Barb is concerned, I think the event might keep her on this earth a little longer than shes set to now. But Barb isn't doing that hot either way so I don't see her being a huge factor in the child's life.

Anna and Chris having a kid is probably the closest thing to a happy ending we could get. Anna's not terribly sane either but at least the child would have relatives that could actually take care of her instead of ultimately becoming a ward of the state because realistically no court on the planet is going to let Chris raise a child on his own.
 
I don't have any kids, but yeah, Chris might change dramatically if he had a child.

Then again, he'd probably treat the kid like he did the toy in his Happy Meal when he was a kid. He'd play with it for a little bit, thinking it was really cool, then get tired of it. He'd play with the child until the child had :briefs: then want to hand him/her back to the mother.

It seems prison, marriage and having kids are ways of turning irresponsible people responsible (I haven't experienced any of them, but from other people's experiences I've noticed that). Then again, it might exacerbate their irresponsibility. Of those three things, prison is the one he most likely to experience.
 
[youtube]Sk56JP9pM40[/youtube]
Chris thinks that this extremely distressed cat is just being "A little fussy".

Now imagine him in charge of an infant.
 
No joke, I think if, just Chris was trying to raise a baby, I think the baby would die somehow. And I would imagine Chris would try to feed it hot pockets and soda, and would probably let the baby sit in dirty diapers for hours, while Chris plays Little Big Planet.
 
I'm pretty sure that child services would come up and take the child away. The fact that 14 Branchland Court has its own problems shows that it is a death-trap to the baby, especially when one considers all of Barb's hoarded garbage. Besides Chris will dread raising the child since he doesn't want any responsibility in raising something that requires work. He would rather play video-games than play with his own child.

If Chris was drawn to a cult of the Great Old Ones, he would be a terrible cultist. They would either kill him since he knows too much, even if it's the location of their meetings or just screw with his mind. I don't know if the can summon the Great Old Ones or their minions but if they could, I'm pretty sure they would either have them kill Chris or just shatter what is left of his sanity.
 
And when the baby gets taken away, Chris would say child services are playing, Kick the Autistic.
 
JarlaxleBaenre said:
Picklepower said:
And when the baby gets taken away, Chris would say child services are playing, Kick the Autistic.
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But what if his sweetheart takes the baby?
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Then she's a ]:(P
 
Yeah da sweetheart, would take the baby and run, the depressing, doomsday scenario I wrote, was if Chris was a single father.
 
I think that some of the stuff would be thrown out, but it'd be Chris who did most of it. Bob didn't seem to really like it, but he did put up with it and didn't say much of anything. Chris might be able to get some of the people from his church to help out since he'd be able to get the sympathy from them and Rocky would be able to do at least that much. They'd get maybe 10 percent of the stuff out. The rest would be Bob bitching at Chris to get the crap out of the house. Bob couldn't and wouldn't do it while Chris just wouldn't.

Other than that, we'd probably have more trouble on the Tomgirl front. There would be a lot more posts about Chris whining about how Bob doesn't approve of his lifestyle, now that Barb isn't there to take some of the edge off. She doesn't like it either and wanted to pay him to stop, but she probably kept a lot of Bob at bay because Chris is a "special snowflake angel" to her.

There might be some half-hearted attempts to move to another area, but they'd have to clean the house out first- which would keep Bob bitching. It's unlikely they'd be able to sell the house even if they cleaned it out entirely, but it would probably be one of the best things in Chris's life if they moved back to Midlothian. There's little in Ruckersville that could really help the two of them out. Chris would probably hold some unrealistic expectations for the move, but he'd be more likely to change his ways in a new area. He'd probably find more to do in the Richmond area as well, as even with Charlottesville nearby that area is pretty dull.

Pikonic said:
LordCustos3 said:
somejerk said:
Coleslaw: "We have to clean this place."
Barb: "You touch a single 10-year old magazine and i'll slit my wrists"
Coleslaw: "Well i'm not going to make my wife live in a shit hole"
Barb: "I mean it. One box of 80's clothing from goodwill goes missing and i'm swallowing every pill in the medicine cabinet."
Coleslaw: "Later bitch."
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You forgot the best part of that exchange.


  • Barb: "I mean it. One box of 80's clothing from goodwill goes missing and i'm swallowing every pill in the medicine cabinet."
    Coleslaw: "Guess what...."
    (coleslaw grabs a box of 80s goodwill clothes and a handful of yellowing magazines and walks out the door)
    Coleslaw: "I'm calling your bluff!"
    (he laughs bitterly, tosses the shit in the trunk and he gets in his car and drives away.)
    Coleslaw: "Later bitch."
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Barb: CHRISSHUN. GO AN GIT MAH STUFF BACK FROM THAT THERE THEEF!!
Chris: (puts down PS3 controller) *sigh*
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Chris: (drives at speed limit, Coleslaw loses him easily) *sigh* (tries calling Coleslaw)
Coleslaw: I'm not giving it back. I'm setting it on fire as we speak.
Chris: Mom's just... she's just a pack rat.
Coleslaw: If you want to live in filth, fine. Don't call me back down here to help. I've got a career to think of back in New York. Besides I doubt she even knows what's in here.
Chris: (his phone starts beeping) Mom is on da other line. (Tries to switch between lines, hangs up on both of them)
 
I'd imagine the house would be slightly cleaner, and Chris would probably leave the house more often. Other than that, probably not much.
 
After Nyarlathotep meets him while leading prayers in the church of the king in yellow, he calls a quick meeting with the Outer gods to determine a course of action, and they collectively decide to cease operations on earth and relocate to venus till the autistic menace perishes, and over the next 20 years the great old ones led by cthulhu and his star spawn slowly make their way to other planets out of sheer disgust at just how low humanity can go. The Deep ones barricade themselves in devils reef, the elder things tunnel deep into the earth to crash with the flying polyps for a few centuries the great race of yith forward in time once again to find a time where sonichu may no longer cause them to die from aneurisms of sheer fail, and the hounds of tindos seal themselves within a sphere to ensure chris never tries to use them to replace snoopy and clover when they die.
 
Even as an feeble, small old man, Bob seemed to command respect from Chris. He shows up in "That is My House" and Chris is completely cowed. He whines and complains but you can tell Bob had the power there.

I'm sure Bob would've been more than happy to not live in a goddamn sty. But at his age, with his health, he probably had to pick his battles. And listening to his horrible wife threaten to kill herself if he tried to do anything is something he probably just decided wasn't worth the headache.

Barb was the one preventing the hoard from being cleaned up. Barb was the one coddling Chris. Barb is the cause.

Meeko said:
Chris: (drives at speed limit, Coleslaw loses him easily) *sigh* (tries calling Coleslaw)
Coleslaw: I'm not giving it back. I'm setting it on fire as we speak.
Chris: Mom's just... she's just a pack rat.
Coleslaw: If you want to live in filth, fine. Don't call me back down here to help. I've got a "career" to think of back in New York. Besides I doubt she even knows what's in here.
Chris: (his phone starts beeping) Mom is on da other line. (Tries to switch between lines, hangs up on both of them)
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That's better.

He'd probably do fine. He lives with a Great Old One.
 
Brother, Chris would just keep playing vidya at McDonalds and wait for girls to approach him (which they wouldn't). Instead of spending all day at home with Barb, he would spend all day creeping around town, man.
 
Meeko said:
Chris: (drives at speed limit, Coleslaw loses him easily) *sigh* (tries calling Coleslaw)
Coleslaw: I'm not giving it back. I'm setting it on fire as we speak.
Chris: Mom's just... she's just a pack rat.
Coleslaw: If you want to live in filth, fine. Don't call me back down here to help. I've got a career to think of back in New York. Besides I doubt she even knows what's in here.
Chris: (his phone starts beeping) Mom is on da other line. (Tries to switch between lines, hangs up on both of them)
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You forgot the exchange that Chris would have with Barb upon returning home empty-handed:

Barb: Get them boxes before I go off!
Chris: I'm WORKIN' ON IT! I'm making a YouTube vi—uh, a vid-dya for YouTube t-tellin' ev'rybody, "Get my mudder's stuff back from Cole". Y'know...

EDIT: Wow, I never realized that the forum automatically changed "Co.le" (. added, obviously) to "Coleslaw". That is some attention to detail right there.
 
Mobin Salahari said:
Meeko said:
Chris: (drives at speed limit, Coleslaw loses him easily) *sigh* (tries calling Coleslaw)
Coleslaw: I'm not giving it back. I'm setting it on fire as we speak.
Chris: Mom's just... she's just a pack rat.
Coleslaw: If you want to live in filth, fine. Don't call me back down here to help. I've got a career to think of back in New York. Besides I doubt she even knows what's in here.
Chris: (his phone starts beeping) Mom is on da other line. (Tries to switch between lines, hangs up on both of them)
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You forgot the exchange that Chris would have with Barb upon returning home empty-handed:

Barb: Get them boxes before I go off!
Chris: I'm WORKIN' ON IT! I'm making a YouTube vi—uh, a vid-dya for YouTube t-tellin' ev'rybody, "Get my mudder's stuff back from Coleslaw". Y'know...

EDIT: Wow, I never realized that the forum automatically changed "Co.le" (. added, obviously) to "Coleslaw". That is some attention to detail right there.
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I didn't want to take up all the fun of writing their back and forth. I imagine Chris would be bombing a few of Cole's reviews on various forums to get him to give the stuff back or make compensation.
 
There is a snowball's chance in hell that Cole would come to VA to help his mother and brother.

In that .00000001 percent chance that he did come back, he would give up after a short amount of time when Barb refuses to let go of her hoard and Chris whines to him about da trolls.
 
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