Containment What If?

[exball]

What if Chris is even fatter?

He'd still think he was thin as he readies the rag on a stick.


My question; What if Chris and A-log go into a fist fight? Who wins?

A-log, Anthony is fat but I feel like Chris' doesn't have all that much muscle left.

Would Chris get his ass beaten by the dads in attendance at the event?
Chris doesn't deserve to have his ass beaten for being creepy. I'd hope that none of the dads in attendance would be childish enough to use violence as a solution to a social problem, otherwise they're as bad or worse than Chris.

Not for being just creepy, but I can imagine if he crosses the line, like shoving a little girl out of the way to get to the Legos, then it's on.

Yeah, i'm sure if that happens then he'll get dealt with, but i don't see it happening. Chris is only known for bullying small children when their parents are nowhere to be seen. He's a natural coward.

Chris is a strong man, he fears no mortal. ELECTRIC HEDGEHOG POWERS ACTIVATE!

 

[sparklemilhouse]

He'd hit Chris with that stupid top hat of his.

 

[Holdek]

Inspired by:

If Chris's life were a Twilight Zone episode, tomorrow he'd wake up as a Lego.

 

[Watcher]

He'd be the thinnest he'd ever been since high school.

Plus Lego characters in media speak a gibberish language like in the sims. So he'd at least be able to talk to da ladies a lot easier.

Then again all minifigs look like guys with no curves and no breasts. So in essence he'd never fulfill his love quest.

 

[José Mourinho]

First thing he'd probably do is try to find all of the boyfriend free girls. This would result in him getting banned from Hooper's store thus bringing the Count to appear randomly each time Chris is banned from a place on Sesame Street.

Count Von Count: Ten! Ten bans! -laughs as lightning strikes-

And the inevidible Sesame Street Loves the "F" out of Mary Lee Walsh scrawled somewhere on a wall

He might also count the number of boyfriend free girls Chris failed to attract.

Comes with a PS3 set.

 

[CatParty]

he'd be that one random piece in the set that goes with none of the others.

 

[Watcher]

he'd be that one random piece in the set that goes with none of the others.

 

[Henry Bemis]

He'd have a warped knob that can't interlock with other Legos.

 

[TastyWoodenBadge]

he'd be that one random piece in the set that goes with none of the others.

I just noticed Chris spelt 'Ruckersville' wrong

 

[CatParty]

don't forget his murder throne:

 

[Henry Bemis]

he'd be that one random piece in the set that goes with none of the others.

I just noticed Chris spelt 'Ruckersville' wrong

I'd say it's intentional. Y'know, because adding 'rock' and 'extreme' to words and names makes them cool.

 

[Holdek]

don't forget his murder throne:

Spoiler

Fuck does he actually wear that thing around?

(Also, handicapped parking placard :x . And what's that felt strip running along the left side of the front window down to the dashboard?)

Spoiler

I just noticed Chris spelt 'Ruckersville' wrong

I'd say it's intentional. Y'know, because adding 'rock' and 'extreme' to words and names makes them cool.

Plus he's wearing 8-) so obviously rockin' 'n rollin'.

 

[CWCissey]

He'd start complaining about America's new favourite pastime 'Step on the Autistic'

 

[c-no]

don't forget his murder throne:

Spoiler

Fuck does he actually wear that thing around?

I honestly feel that Chris would be better off wearing his Sonichu medallion that his muder throne.

 

[Sakamoto]

Ever since the Crystal dream Chris has made up his mind that his future sweetheart must be white. But over the years desperation has motivated him to relax his requirements a bit, for example, red hair was out until Ivy came along, and he decided Hispanic is white enough with Lori Lopez.

So what would happen if an attractive black woman started being nice to Chris? Maybe she's even into some of the things Chris likes; she's wearing a My Little Pony t-shirt, she has a PS Vita, a shopping bag with the latest Lego "Friends" set and she's enjoying some "healthy" food at McDonalds. She approaches Chris and talks to him, or maybe (to be less intimidating to the paranoid Chris) she's just sitting at the table across the aisle from him and starts a conversation.

Will Chris stand by his "No Blacks" rule? Or will he drop that restriction when faced with such an otherwise ideal boyfriend free girl?

And yes, I know no girl who is right in the head would ever be interested in Chris, but this is "What if".

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

No darkies

Well, he voted for a black man as president so he might pay attention to a hot black girl if he saw himself in her (insert sex joke here)

He'd think she was trolling him. At best we would have the incident with PCA and he'd act awkward and try to take her picture. At worst we'd have a repeat of the Lars calls with Chris trying to speak Ebonics to relate to her.

 

[Sakamoto]

Not for being just creepy, but I can imagine if he crosses the line, like shoving a little girl out of the way to get to the Legos, then it's on.

Yeah, i'm sure if that happens then he'll get dealt with, but i don't see it happening. Chris is only known for bullying small children when their parents are nowhere to be seen. He's a natural coward.

Yeah, this. Really, I think that mostly, Chris will be acting like his typical obnoxious dipshit self, but I don't think he'll do anything that anyone could call the cops on him for, or get him kicked out for. Maybe if one of the parents is the leader or something, maybe they'd ban Chris. But otherwise, I don't see Chris doing anything super fucked up.

I don't think Chris would do something like that out of malice (if only because he is afraid of getting his ass kicked), but more because "MUST GET LEGOS FIRST" would be the only thought in his head at the time.

From the Lego High School thread

 

[Mourning Dove]

His duck would be confused.

Also it depends on her actual skin tone, like African black versus mixed-race black. If her skin tone were pale enough he may reconsider her as his potential heartsweet. I think this is called the Paper Bag Test in the African American community.

 

[c-no]

From the Lego High School thread

That would probably be an accurate Lego Chris.

 

[Sakamoto]

Also it depends on her actual skin tone, like African black versus mixed-race black. If her skin tone were pale enough he may reconsider her as his potential heartsweet. I think this is called the Paper Bag Test in the African American community.

For the purposes of this "what if", we must assume this woman is undeniably of African decent and not just someone who may have had a black ancestor. If she were to give birth to Crystal, Chris' daughter would not be the little white girl he dreamed of. Would Chris let this slide for the chance to have a sweetheart who is otherwise everything he could have hoped for?