Containment What If?

You know that scene at the begining of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre? The one with the crazy hitchhiker who rambles about random shit then whips out a knife? Like that only more autistic and more :briefs:.
 
"911 my neighbor is being raped!"

"Mmm yeah, t-tell her he-she should uh, spend s-some time with her rapist..."

WHAT!

"Sigh..."
 
What if Chris won the lottery?

So Christian used his tugboat money to buy a lottery ticket, and by Godbear's will he wins the grand jackpot! This means Chris and Barb are effectively out of their financial woes...or are they? They would have enough money to eat proper food, wear non-embarrassing clothing, fix their decrepit automobiles and home, and afford proper health care. But would they put the money to its proper use? Or would Chris simply waste his funds on purely hedonistic purposes until he reaches poverty once again? Oh, and this lottery prize still gets taxed by the government as well...

Another factor to consider is that Chris's new found wealth may bring him globs of media attention, which may be a potential feasting ground for trolls and Christorians alike.

Let us discuss.
 
Re: What if Chris won the lottery?

The thing about Chris...
He's a wee selfish, even if he hit it big, he would still only think of himself. I doubt he'd use any money to get barb the help she needs. He might buy a place for himself and leave Barb to die in the hoard. Expect a PS4.
Also expect him on a documentary about how the lottery ruins people. He'll blow it all thinking he magically has all the money he wants.....oh wait, he already does that
 
And if CPS comes, they may see the full decrepit living conditions at 13 BLC and call APS for Barb and/or Chris as well. What would happen after that?

Instead of a Sonic/Pikachu recolor, we may have had a Sonic/My Little Pony recolor!
 
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We should all take into account that one of the major reasons Digimon "failed" was because after the success of Pokemon, whoever was in charge of marketing decided to market Digimon exactly like Pokemon (so the main character is Taichi instead of all 8 kids being the main characters with Taichi just being elected the leader 19 episodes in, and the "Gotta Catch Em All" mentality didn't apply to a franchise where you get one partner and that's it) So with Pokemon out of the way, Digimon would have little competition and would be marketed correctly. So it's natural to assume that Chris would latch on to Digimon. So we would have Agumonic or something.
I hope this made sense because I suck at explaining things
 
Re: What if Chris won the lottery?

Pikonic said:
The thing about Chris...
He's a wee selfish, even if he hit it big, he would still only think of himself. I doubt he'd use any money to get barb the help she needs. He might buy a place for himself and leave Barb to die in the hoard. Expect a PS4.
Also expect him on a documentary about how the lottery ruins people. He'll blow it all thinking he magically has all the money he wants.....oh wait, he already does that
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I don't think Chris is aware of how he could use the money himself. Chris is way too much of a pussy to be selfish with the money. It'd be essentially Barb's money.

Mourning Dove said:
And if CPS comes, they may see the full decrepit living conditions at 13 BLC and call APS for Barb and/or Chris as well. What would happen after that?
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They'd just ignore them. As far as the state is concerned, both Barb and Chris are living at 14BC willingly.
 
Re: What if Chris won the lottery?

Boyfriend free girls out of nowhere. Hot ones even. They'd engage in a tug of war w Barb for control of Chris, and one of them would probably win. From there it would be a snap to lead him around by his bent duck and spend his money until it was all gone, at which time they would have some sort of 'family emergency' and fall down an elevator shaft while out of town dealing with it.
 
Re: What if Chris won the lottery?

somejerk said:
Boyfriend free girls out of nowhere. Hot ones even. They'd engage in a tug of war w Barb for control of Chris, and one of them would probably win. From there it would be a snap to lead him around by his bent duck and spend his money until it was all gone, at which time they would have some sort of 'family emergency' and fall down an elevator shaft while out of town dealing with it.
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That scenario sounds like it would be the most hilarious reality show ever. It would be akin to a lovechild of The Bacholorette and The Jersey Shore, I'd gander.

I would wonder why he was friend requesting me in the first place since we live in two different states and I barely even use Facebook anymore. But I would accept. I would try to get to know him as a non-WhiteKnighting, non-trolling Boyfriend Free Girl between the ages of 21-29. Oh, and I would screen cap absolutely everything on his page.

Re: What if Chris was a real honest to GodBear police office

He'd actually have his own income for once!... Or he'd be too intimidated by the actual street-hardened criminals to do his job properly.
 
Accept, post all the private stuff here, make subtle replies to Chris' posts that make him *SIGH* :heart-empty: :briefs: (:_(
 
I'd accept it, but probably just kinda... well... watch him...

He'd switch to Faygo instead of Fanta.
 
Yo sons He aint no Juggalo aight. Dat ninja ACTED lyke one ONCE. But dat nigga hasn't even heard da basic ICP song, Dat bitch AinT down wit da Great Milenko OR da Dark Carnival Ya dig bitch nutz?
 
Big Bob Pataki said:
from http://web.archive.org/web/20110416210931/http://cwccyoa.110mb.com/pg200.htm

"What kind of medallion is that?" you ask the man.

"This?" the man says, "This is a 'Hatchet Man,' logo. It's the Psychopathic Records logo. Because Insane Clown Posse is on Psychopathic records."

"That's kind of interesting," you say. Anything that lets you wear cool medallions like that is probably right up your alley.

The fat man with the clown tattoos tells you all about the Insane Clown Posse and the other bands affiliated with the duo, until his manajerk comes and tells him to get back to work. Still, the information you learn is fascinating.

You spend the entire weekend on the computer learning about the Insane Clown Posse and Twiztid and Dark Lotus and order an impressive amount of official merchandise off the Psychopathic Records webstore. This has to be the greatest thing mankind has ever created and has given your life new meaning and direction.

A week later your ICP stuff comes by UPS, but there's not a lot of space in your room to put it, so you spend the entire day, from eight in the morning until the early morning the next day piling the stuff from your room into the kitchen and some of the other junk-filled bedrooms in your garbage house. Maybe you can put some of it on eBay and get some money later. You could probably buy like, a dozen of those official Insane Clown Posse $20 ashtrays with the proceeds, plus some more shirts and stuff.

Later in the year, you make the pilgrimage to the annual Gathering of the Juggalos and meet all the great people there. The weed makes you cough, but there's a lot of Faygo and alcohol to drink, and you almost lose your virginity to a morbidly obese 15-year-old from Goshen, California after ingesting a mixture of MD 20/20, dog tranquilizers and crystal meth. Your bent penis and lack of motor skills makes actual penetration impossible, though, and the drugs make your body completely numb.

Your frenzied, rabid devotion to ICP knows no limits, and one day on you find a guy on MySpace who lives in Charlottesville and does tattoos out of his garage and agrees to tattoo clown makeup on your face for $150. What a steal!

After calling Psychopathic Records 30 times a day, they reluctantly agree to sign you to the label as Christian and the Hedgehog Boys. Once the welfare department catches wind of your royalty checks they cut off your disability money, but ironically you make exactly as much money rapping about drinking your own semen and how you need a boyfriend-free girl.

Your oddball personality and frothing homophobia make you extremely popular among the juggalos. Then you take too much LSD and are tazed to death after trying to pull the head off a police officer while screaming quotes from Monty Python.

You die at age 31, still a virgin.
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couldn't have put it better myself. and speaking of which, who was the guy who wrote that and can he write more of these?
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THX!! I've been looking for this game! :heart-full:
 
And could bear witness to all of Chris's current shenanigans. Would she white knight Chris? Would she be an Internet tough guy? Or would Chris even friend her?
 
The idea that Barb would know how to turn a computer on would surprise the fuck out of me
 
The weens would :julay: her to an early grave. Chris would put her on restricted view so she doesn't see all his shenanigans
 
CatParty said:
And could bear witness to all of Chris's current shenanigans. Would she white knight Chris? Would she be an Internet tough guy? Or would Chris even friend her?
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The phrase "helicopter parent" leaps to mind. And I'd bet good money that his ability to leave the house would diminish even more if she was able to spot his status about getting into trouble at the Walmart or about screaming for God to strike him down over a fender bender. More likely than not though, I'd see her as one of those people who's only friends with other people who play one of the in-browser games so she can get them to send her shit she needs on her farm/castle/whatever.

Dr. Cuddlebug said:
The idea that Barb would know how to turn a computer on would surprise the fuck out of me
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Same here. Although imagine the horror of her figuring out that Amazon exists. "CHRISSUN GIT T'THE DOOR, MAMAW'S PACKAGES ARE GONNA ARRIVE SOON AN' I WANT 'EM BROUGHT IN HERE NOW!"
 
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Dr. Cuddlebug said:
The idea that Barb would know how to turn a computer on would surprise the fuck out of me
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She couldn't even turn Bob on for 20 years.
 
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