Containment What If?

[blak mane]

then angst on facebook on how being a lesbian mother is suffering

gotta say... if I ignored my feels for the kid, it would be quite a trip to see him make a whine video about this while trying to keep control of the kid wrapped in sonichu merchandise, with a dirty diaper, and munching on cold McDonald's fries.

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

During one of the Catherine audio drops, Chris revealed that his idea of being a "house husband" was having Catherine move in with him and work while Barb watched the kids. Chris would . . . I dunno, spend his time drawing and playing video games, I guess.

I don't see Chris as being particularly bad around kids, but he'd probably just try to ignore them unless he was getting pestered about something.

 

[Zarkov]

He'll dump all responsabilities on Barb, so he can play with the child in his own sacharrine autistic way (just check the page where Wild plays with Sandy, that's a good indicator of how he envisions childcare). Then when Barb drops, he'll wangst on fb about needing money and how much of a chore it is for a lesbian-tomgirl-intersex-woman to raise a child on her own.

He'll make thinly-veiled pleas for his brother Cole to come raise the kid in his stead, all while the child is left totally unattented, bathing in his/her own dung like only a true Chandler can.

Fortunately, since Chris will be killed by his cholesterol in about 4-5 years, the child's suffering will be short-lived, and we can all reasonnably hope for him/her to be sent to a foster home where s/he'll receive the care and education his/her deeply retarded father could never provide.

 

[Panzer IV]

The last time chris talked to a child he was fired from wendy's, and that was (15?) years ago.
I know that chris is not a pedophile, but he is too mentally ill and sexually frustrated to raise and live alone with a little girl. It would end bad

 

[Francis York Morgan]

I don't see Chris as being particularly bad around kids, but he'd probably just try to ignore them unless he was getting pestered about something.

Considering his time at Pokemon TCG and Yu-Gi-Oh events, Chris is mostly neutral around kids with maybe a bit of paranoia to it because he's worried they might mess with his stuff. He likely would flip his shit at a kid (nothing physical just lots of screeching tard rage) if they did do something to upset him because 'tism and the lack of self-control. Either way, he can barely take care of himself so expecting him to supervise and care for another human being is out of the question.

 

[Bluespike]

It's been ages since a child walked into 14BC, Chris' wierd Fantasy of having a child is the only thing besides lack of funds preventing him from having a vagina, even then, Chris knows almost nothing about raising a child. Chris' learnings on how to become a parent comes from TV, (remember the part of Sonichu where Wild and Sandy are playing) Chris will at one point get bored of being a parent and will beg Cole or some other family member to take care of the child so Chris can continue his sweetheart search, Barb will finally croak and the Child will be sent to Foster Care while Chris spends the rest of his days in the rotting 14BC

 

[Anchuent Christory]

The circumstances required for Chris to become a father would involve Chris not being Chris.

 

[ZehnBoat]

(just check the page where Wild plays with Sandy, that's a good indicator of how he envisions childcare).

LIIIIINK

also i think chris would only want a child if he had a ground-up-heartsweet
so he can just have her take care of the kids

 

[blak mane]

ground-up-heartsweet

like... one that he can just sprinkle on the kid whenever it needs something? shhhiieeett lemme get soma that.

 

[PantsOfDesire]

The poor kid would have a terrible time. Leaving the basic care issues aside, Chris's social skills are absolutely abysmal. The kid could end-up having little to no contact with her extended family, and who would send their kids to play with her in a filthly hovel to be presided over by a crazy man in drag?

The only hope would be that the person who provides the uterus would stay with Chris and be a positive influence on him. More likely she'd either be mental or would give-up and take the kid with her on experiencing Chris's plan for her to work, clean the house, and provide hanky-panky, while Chris's contribution to the household will be to play Lego, shove things up his arse, and mind the child when it suits his busy schedule.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Apologies if this sounds A-loggish, but Chris' desire to have children kind of smacks of the same reason why animals want to reproduce - they don't really care why, they just want to do it - regardless of how good or bad the offspring would live.

Anyway, I think Chris sees Crystal as less of a daughter and more of a sister, hence how he wants Barb 1 and Barb 2 doing the actual work in raising her.

I wonder if Chris' desires regarding children would be different if he grew up with sibling(s), or if he didn't take that Crystal dream seriously (or didn't have it in the first place)?

 

[Zarkov]

LIIIIINK

http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_85

There you go. Caution is advised, reading these two pages might cause a sudden urge to punch someone.

 

[PantsOfDesire]

Apologies if this sounds A-loggish, but Chris' desire to have children kind of smacks of the same reason why animals want to reproduce - they don't really care why, they just want to do it - regardless of how good or bad the offspring would live.

Anyway, I think Chris sees Crystal as less of a daughter and more of a sister, hence how he wants Barb 1 and Barb 2 doing the actual work in raising her.

I wonder if Chris' desires regarding children would be different if he grew up with sibling(s), or if he didn't take that Crystal dream seriously (or didn't have it in the first place)?

I think there was speculation similar to this concerning Chris wanting a sweet heart. Not so much a natural desire – more wanting it because that's how he thought things are supposed to be. Kind of like a robot who had been programmed to cry but can't really understand why it is doing it.

 

[Marvin]

I think there was speculation similar to this concerning Chris wanting a sweet heart. Not so much a natural desire – more wanting it because that's how he thought things are supposed to be. Kind of like a robot who had been programmed to cry but can't really understand why it is doing it.

Eh, Chris wants companionship and Chris wants sex. Seems to be the standard reasons for finding a romantic partner.

 

[Somar]

Alright let's get back to what this thread is meant for.
What if Chris sold his soul to the devil?

 

[Betachu]

What if Chris gained more weight and thought he was pregnant?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

sold his soul to the devil?

There'd be no more blarms. But... at what cost?

 

[Ho Mo for Women]

Alright let's get back to what this thread is meant for.
What if Chris sold his soul to the devil?

For the devil's sake, I really hope he keeps the receipt.

 

[SonicBoom]

Alright let's get back to what this thread is meant for.
What if Chris sold his soul to the devil?

What if he gained the ability to play guitar like Robert Johnson?

 

[John Daker]

What if you tied someone up and gave them an ego-shattering dose of acid, then made them wear a Sonichu medallion and made them watch Chris videos for the next 12 hours? Could you reprogram them into a quasi-Chris?