Containment What If?

GIve up on getting a girlfriend, and forget the trolls. Live out the rest of life relatively comfortable with no responsibilities.
 
End the tomgirl saga, learn personal hygiene, once Barb is dead clean up (or even hire some guys from this forum with hazmat suits in trade for the Autism Papers) 14BC (or move out and someone from this forum will likely buy the house for a symbolic $1 including everything in it), see a psychiatrist, forget the trolls and getting a girlfriend (she might just come along the way), and once the dust settles down, try to get a job (which is now almost impossible)
 
What if Chris was straight? Discuss.

While I don't think he would put dildos in his ass and semen in his mouth, I think he would still be a pretty virulent homophobe.

But I'm curious, would he still hang a Sailor Moon poster on his wall?
 
He is STRAIGHT, you DANG DIRTY TROLL! And he isn't a pedofork, YOU DORK!

OK, enough of that.

I'm going to answer this question as though Chris were trying to be a manly man.

He'd watch Bob's old John Wayne movies and emulate how the Duke behaved. I don't know what movies Bob liked, but there were other old-time manly men from Bob's time, so Chris would act like that. He'd overdue his masculinity.

He'd get slapped in the face or maced. Times have changed.
 
Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h

somejerk said:
Well any girl who would get with Chris as he is would almost certainly have some serious issues, so i don't think it's a matter of "if", but "when" she cheated on him. But it doesn't matter, because like some have already said, Chris is unbelievably naive, and has no spine. Both are perfect qualities to become a complete cuckold. Which is pretty much what would happen.

Repeatedly.
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And Chris will keep coming back.

Chris gets beaten up by the significant other of every female there.

I'd tell him to start by cleaning up himself and his house, then try working at a minimum wage job, so he can get some more work experience.
 
If Chris were straight he would have gone out and found himself a boyfriend-free girl instead of dressing like one.
 
What do you mean 'what if'? He likes Boobies! Vagina! He has a subscription to Playboy!
 
Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h

Marvin said:
Picklepower said:
Chris would probably just forgive her, cause he certainly wouldn't break up with a real sweetheart, he would need her too much. Also remember how he didn't seem to care when Panda Halo got raped by Clyde Cash? Also Chris is very stupid, any woman could cheat on him constantly, and he would never figure it out. But if he did find out his reaction probably wouldn't be anger like a regular person, he would start crying, "Please don't leave me!!!!!????"
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This, particularly if she was apologizing while she told him. You can fuck Chris over and over and over again online and you can bullshit him into forgiving you. It's trivial. IRL I almost can't imagine a situation where Chris would grow a pair and stand up to his sweetheart.
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He'd still give the guy one of his "evil intimidating glares" though.
 
Coldgrip said:
What do you mean 'what if'? He likes Boobies! Vagina! He has a subscription to Playboy!
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Even if we are to believe his unsubstantiated story about the meth-whore he claims to have had hanky-panky with, Chris has swallowed semen many times and touched boobies and china only once.
 
Sakamoto said:
Coldgrip said:
What do you mean 'what if'? He likes Boobies! Vagina! He has a subscription to Playboy!
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Even if we are to believe his unsubstantiated story about the meth-whore he claims to have had hanky-panky with, Chris has swallowed semen many times and touched boobies and china only once.
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You forgot that part about him not having to blow up the aforementioned boobies and china first.
 
Re: What if Chris gets a sweetheart and then she cheats on h

exball said:
Who the fuck asks for dating advice from an obvious train wreak>
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Have you read the rest of the Mailbags? My favorites were parents asking him for advice for their kids
 
Considering his difficulties in facial recognition, isn't it possible that he could confuse/get tricked into believing an epic ween stranger for any one of his high school associates?
 
That's definitely possible. In 15 years he certainly doesn't remember all of his classmates. If a ween stranger could come up with a convincing story that he was in one of Chris's classes and enjoyed his random access humor, they would trick him.
 
If he was straight, he wouldn't have intentionally sabotaged all his girlfriend relationships just before they were ready to move on to sex. He always seems to find some "convenient" way out of it, like getting in a shouting match with the girl's father.
 
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
That's definitely possible. In 15 years he certainly doesn't remember all of his classmates. If a ween stranger could come up with a convincing story that he was in one of Chris's classes and enjoyed his random access humor, they would trick him.
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I'm talking, like, if that could happen to the big ones, if someone could convince Chris she's Tiffany or Kellie or any of the other assorted gal-pals.

On one hand, Chris has kept his high school yearbooks within easy reach and has probably spent an uncomfortable amount of time looking over the pictures within. On the other hand, he's who he is: autistic (difficulty discerning facial differences); none-too-bright (wouldn't remember their faces); and desperate (self-explanatory).
 
Henry Bemis said:
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
That's definitely possible. In 15 years he certainly doesn't remember all of his classmates. If a ween stranger could come up with a convincing story that he was in one of Chris's classes and enjoyed his random access humor, they would trick him.
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I'm talking, like, if that could happen to the big ones, if someone could convince Chris she's Tiffany or Kellie or any of the other assorted gal-pals.

On one hand, Chris has kept his high school yearbooks within easy reach and has probably spent an uncomfortable amount of time looking over the pictures within. On the other hand, he's who he is: autistic (difficulty discerning facial differences); none-too-bright (wouldn't remember their faces); and desperate (self-explanatory).
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It wouldn't work with Kellie. She's on Facebook and I'm sure Chris has tried to make contact with her several times. (He's still not on her friends list.) Not sure about Tiffany.....

What your suggesting could work if the impostor was similar enough in features to fool Chris. They wouldn't have to be an exact look-alike. This worked when someone pretended to be Robert Simmons V. Chris was easily fooled that time.

somejerk said:
This all depends on how much control/influence/responsibility Chris is allowed to have by anyone else involved. The end result could range from Chris sitting in a corner of the room sulking like an asshole because nothing went how he'd imagined, all the way to an outright, full-on, epic CWC disaster on par with the "Grand Theft Auto: GAMe PLACe edition" shit that resulted in Chris going to jail.

it could go either way. We're just gonna have to wait and see. It's not like any of us are going anywhere.

:popcorn:

Edit: honestly, what i hope more than anything else, is that everyone who attends (if anyone does) has the time of their lives, and that Chris's completely self-absorbed plans unintentionally result in something very positive for others. But i doubt that'll happen, because even if that STARTS to happen, Chris will fuck it up by acting like a child and causing insane drama.
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I'm hoping that the reunion does happen..... and that someone's there to get that shit on video!
 
Would Barb even let him go to something like that now? A Q-sand run is one thing, but a reunion would be for a couple hours at night. Maybe she'd insist she go with him.
 
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