Containment What If?

Foulmouth said:
I read this as geologist (lol) which made even less sense.
(although his education through porn could make him an obsessed amateur gynaecologist)
Click to expand...

Lol as a geology fan myself so did I.

But on topic, I've had an ancestry.com account myself for a couple of months. Genealogy as a hobby GETS EXPENSIVE, and the further you research back in time, the more difficult it is to find your correct relatives and their dox. Chris may just crash into slumber even if he only goes as far back as the late 1800s.
 
GrandNumberOfPounds said:
He'll be like this one guy I knew in high school who went hunting. He went deer hunting but didn't see any deer, so he took a shot at a raccoon that was near a squirrel. He missed the raccoon and killed the squirrel.

He may be like the idiot who shot swans instead of ducks. He'd get a license and then think he can kill as many animals as he wants. He'll think the forest rangers are dang dirty trolls when he gets arrested.
Click to expand...

Maybe it's because I've been watching a lot of "North Woods Law" while I've been on maternity leave, but I just pictured him trying to outrun a state game warden in the woods and it's the funniest fucking thing ever.
 
Dr. Cuddlebug said:
c-no said:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19497_6-terrifying-things-nobody-tells-you-about-donating-sperm.html
Click to expand...

As much as I like this article it's a little skewed in a lot of ways.

For one you can't be held legally for child support if you hand your sperm to a physician who performs in-vitro fertilization. I know this because I remember reading a story about a woman who attempted child support on a man because he handed it directly to the couple rather than through a physician because it was cheaper. You can also choose to be completely anonymous legally (which means despite them being able to do DNA testing on you to determine if you are the father, in the eyes of the law you're a complete stranger), be on file or be involved in the child's life. The latter being a popular choice for gay males who want to be involved in the child's life if it goes to a Lesbian couple.

Adding to that this sort of thing varies in terms of country. Like Sweden is extremely popular for sperm donations, as are other countries like Canada.

As well while it is a buyers market and Lesbians demand tall white blonde kids from what I remember reading not all buyers want those sorts of children. If the male is sterile they'll pick a doner that resembles the father in some regard so it doesn't look, you know weird.
Click to expand...
I only posted it since the title of the topic immediately made me think of the article. The only thing I felt applied to it was family history and personal history since those would probably be the things that would stop Chris from being a donor. Still, I heard that you would need a bachelors degree to be a sperm donor but I don't know if that is true.
 
Picklepower said:
They wouldn't let a retarded man donate sperm though. Would they?
Click to expand...
No, they're pretty picky, they want tall men, usually with blue eyes, and with at least a bachelors. The last part is irreverent I know, but no woman would be like "balding 31 year old who autistic who shits himself, lives with mommy and has an associates in a stupidly easy field, fire away!" Women do get to chose which sperm they get.
 
MrTroll said:
I read that as "gynecologist".
Click to expand...
You're not alone.

One of the mailbags (27) disproved his Anne Boleyn bullshit.
My interest is in genealogy, and I was very interested to hear that you were descended from Anne Boleyn. I've personally traced my own ancestry back to a family of 15th century innkeepers in Kyoto who served fancy tea and were charming.
My research over the past months and days has shown the following:
Anne Boleyn only had one daughter, Queen Elizabeth I, who was called "the Virgin Queen." Needless to say, she did not have any children you could have descended from.
Also, your ancestor Daniel Weston was not listed on any passenger lists for the Mayflower. Your parents were probably sadly mistaken about this.
I did find this interesting bit about your great-grandfather:
"10. Robert Pettis WYNN was born on 17 Nov 1877 in Mecklenburg County, Virginia. (1) He died in Jan 1952 in South Hill, VA. Family members say Robert P. Wynn was an only Child. Nellie Coleman describes Robert Pettis WYNN as a scoundral. According to her, he drank heavily and had girlfriend (Lonnie Harris) during the time he was married. Family stories say he failed to provide even the most basic support for his wife and children. And there are others who say he was a "moonshiner.""
His daughter, Carrie Edna Wynn, was your grandmother, who gave birth to your mother.
Isn't genealogy fascinating?
- Seka
Click to expand...

His response to this is one of my picks for best response ever
It was no mistake; Daniel Weston is my ancestor, and I am well aware that he was NOT a passenger on the Mayflower; he made his voyage later on. And I will hand it to you, you have successfully identified my grandmother (mother's mother), I applaud you for that.
Click to expand...
Totally ignoring the Boleyn argument...
My point: no matter how much info he got, he'd deny it and still cling to the Daniel Weston/Anne Boleyn claim.
 
champthom said:
He'd do some mental gymnastics to justify him smoking hookah being okay but not regular tobacco. I think Chris might like it because hookah smells pretty good, which would appeal to Chris, and you're not inhaling the smoke (either that or I did it wrong the one time I did) so it's not as bad for you.
Click to expand...

You inhale hookah smoke. The only smoke you don't generally inhale are cigars and pipe tobacco. It's a cleaner method because the smoke is created by coals and not direct. Shisha (the honeyed tobacco) also contains far less additives. Great headbuzz, a hookah *yawn*
 
I think Chris somehow getting into hunting would only have a set number of outcomes...

1.) Chris has been banned from most local Wal-Marts, and unless he's going to drive the distance to one that hasn't barred his entry he'd probably have to try purchasing a gun from a dedicated dealer. Every dealer reserves the right to bar a sale from someone they consider hazardous. And as much as I want to make a crack about the general hillbilly nature of Virginia/the south, Chris still lives in a more 'urban' area. I could only predict that within ten minutes of seeing a shambling, nervous looking man who's obviously unwashed and not able to even hold an intelligible conversation for longer than three minutes enter his store that dealer is probably going to tell him to get the hell out before he calls the cops. If the cops DO get involved in this situation... well, that might just be the mother of all sagas.

2.) On the off chance Chris DOES get a firearm, it's highly unlikely he would even know A] what the hell he's even supposed to do with it, B] how to properly handle it, or even C] what TYPE of gun it is. I can see him picking up a 16 or 20 gauge shotgun, because of its lighter weight, and thinking he's going to go deer hunting with it, or on the flip side a junior model .22 varmint rifle- probably even a pink one- with the intent of bird or quail hunting.

3.) Say he gets a gun and somehow lasts a long enough period of time where he doesn't discharge it into his wall or a television or ends up destroying something precious to him and Barb (or the cops) taking it away from him with various levels of repercussions, he's going to realize that to go deer hunting he'll have to drive WAY out to the middle of nowhere, before even eight o'clock in the morning. Or, you know, actually put on clothes that won't lead to him freezing to death. No matter what, he's going to realize it's too difficult before he even starts.
 
He would still drink his own semen and try to dress in teenage girls' clothes because he is Chris.
 
Picklepower said:
They wouldn't let a retarded man donate sperm though. Would they?
Click to expand...

They'd let him freeze his sperm if he fears becoming sterile later in life. But donating sperm is like a job, you need to be interviewed and have the right qualifications.
 
Lady Houligan said:
Which leads to the mental image of him trying to pull a hunting bow with those pathetic arms of his... :lol:
Click to expand...

I'd love to watch Chris try to draw a real hunting bow. It would probably go about as well as his attempts to do pull-ups. For that matter, I doubt he could even string one.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back